Silly Realities
For just one day I wish I could take the weight of hate off of my chest and put it up on a heavy duty shelf. I promise I would return to it after 24 hours and harness it back on for the rest of my life as intended. If only it were that easy, right? For all the beautiful things this world has to offer - sunsets and sunrises, wildflowers, symmetry in seashells and babies discovering the world for the first time with their big blue gray eyes - still the average person is left with all the negative realisms of the world and I don't think its fair.
There is supposed to be this heaven and hell that we all strive to achieve and avoid all at once. Even the people who don't believe in Christianity still live their life for the good to obtain some kind of reward in the afterlife. Its like we're all working so hard to achieve that greater good in the end while missing out of the now. I'm 26, have a 401k that takes out way too much and have this pressure from my Investment company to get in on a roth IRA. INVEST INVEST INVEST they tell you. NOW IS THE TIME TO INVEST FOR YOUR FUTURE!
No, I don't want to worry when I'm old and useless about money or silly things like where my next meal is going to come from or am I really too old to be driving still. I don't want to be that old man calling up every bill he owes asking for an extension to pay with a promise of social security check that is way too small and is way too rationed. So I INVEST and pour money into this account that is growing rapidly and in the mean time my pitiful salary is siphoned 4 ways for the future and I am making a quarter less than I was as a temp. Work harder and you'll be rewarded in the afterlife! But what about the mean time when every fucking check I goes entirely to my portion of the bills?
I really don't have to invest in anything at this point. But, its the fear that if this place I serve my time to is really the place where I'm going to finish out my days doing useless tasks for useless people and I'm not investing into a savings of some sort is what is scaring me. I spent the first 20 years worrying about heaven and now I'm worrying about retirement. All the while people this process is putting me through hell and makes me feel like I should just pack it all up and start living out my dreams of living city to city.
But pump those brakes!
Student loan debt? Yeah I got that! And quite a bit too. I have so much in fact I'm not even sure I can tell you exactly how much I have. When you live paycheck to paycheck and most of the time less than that the student loan sharks make their case pretty clear and boy oh boy do they know they got game. They are the herpes infection on my dreams and the responsible me is saying the only fucking you'll ever get is the one that you do to yourself with all these student loans. What the HELL was I thinking? Thats the point - I wasn't. The credit industry knows it and now I'm trapped in a job, making $14 an hour with a great savings plan and no where else to go but adulthood.
I've always had this dream of living in San Francisco. Yes, its one of those silly boyhood type dreams that probably won't come into fruition because life happens and you find yourself stuck somewhere you never thought you would be. I, on the other hand have no children, no real commitments, just bad debt. And lots of it. With real estate prices in the troposphere the American dream is and will probably always be just that - a dream. Although its easy to say "You'll get out of debt if you really work at it," its not all that simple. And I think everyone realizes that when you have a place to pay for, along with food, gas, bills, and all kinds of other things that we "need" in our lives.
For just one day I would like to wake up and not have that feeling of anguish turning my stomach at the thought of having to go to a job that I absolutely hate so I can scrape by and pay the least on the things that bond me to a grim reality that I throw a blanket over with my blessed optimism. The two worlds are fighting against me, both heaven and hell. Its a shame that my sins (or immaturity) thrust me into a world that I can no longer afford to live comfortably. My birthday is a month away and for approximately four seconds before I blow my candles out I will imagine all of the things that my heart is crying for and I will transport to this place, bursting with bright white and everything will feel so good. And with the force of a breath and a burst of a bubble this crazy reality backdrop will fall around me and the world will become once again sepia toned and tough.
If only life could be fixed with the click of some ruby mary janes and the help of some singing dancing metaphores.
There is supposed to be this heaven and hell that we all strive to achieve and avoid all at once. Even the people who don't believe in Christianity still live their life for the good to obtain some kind of reward in the afterlife. Its like we're all working so hard to achieve that greater good in the end while missing out of the now. I'm 26, have a 401k that takes out way too much and have this pressure from my Investment company to get in on a roth IRA. INVEST INVEST INVEST they tell you. NOW IS THE TIME TO INVEST FOR YOUR FUTURE!
No, I don't want to worry when I'm old and useless about money or silly things like where my next meal is going to come from or am I really too old to be driving still. I don't want to be that old man calling up every bill he owes asking for an extension to pay with a promise of social security check that is way too small and is way too rationed. So I INVEST and pour money into this account that is growing rapidly and in the mean time my pitiful salary is siphoned 4 ways for the future and I am making a quarter less than I was as a temp. Work harder and you'll be rewarded in the afterlife! But what about the mean time when every fucking check I goes entirely to my portion of the bills?
I really don't have to invest in anything at this point. But, its the fear that if this place I serve my time to is really the place where I'm going to finish out my days doing useless tasks for useless people and I'm not investing into a savings of some sort is what is scaring me. I spent the first 20 years worrying about heaven and now I'm worrying about retirement. All the while people this process is putting me through hell and makes me feel like I should just pack it all up and start living out my dreams of living city to city.
But pump those brakes!
Student loan debt? Yeah I got that! And quite a bit too. I have so much in fact I'm not even sure I can tell you exactly how much I have. When you live paycheck to paycheck and most of the time less than that the student loan sharks make their case pretty clear and boy oh boy do they know they got game. They are the herpes infection on my dreams and the responsible me is saying the only fucking you'll ever get is the one that you do to yourself with all these student loans. What the HELL was I thinking? Thats the point - I wasn't. The credit industry knows it and now I'm trapped in a job, making $14 an hour with a great savings plan and no where else to go but adulthood.
I've always had this dream of living in San Francisco. Yes, its one of those silly boyhood type dreams that probably won't come into fruition because life happens and you find yourself stuck somewhere you never thought you would be. I, on the other hand have no children, no real commitments, just bad debt. And lots of it. With real estate prices in the troposphere the American dream is and will probably always be just that - a dream. Although its easy to say "You'll get out of debt if you really work at it," its not all that simple. And I think everyone realizes that when you have a place to pay for, along with food, gas, bills, and all kinds of other things that we "need" in our lives.
For just one day I would like to wake up and not have that feeling of anguish turning my stomach at the thought of having to go to a job that I absolutely hate so I can scrape by and pay the least on the things that bond me to a grim reality that I throw a blanket over with my blessed optimism. The two worlds are fighting against me, both heaven and hell. Its a shame that my sins (or immaturity) thrust me into a world that I can no longer afford to live comfortably. My birthday is a month away and for approximately four seconds before I blow my candles out I will imagine all of the things that my heart is crying for and I will transport to this place, bursting with bright white and everything will feel so good. And with the force of a breath and a burst of a bubble this crazy reality backdrop will fall around me and the world will become once again sepia toned and tough.
If only life could be fixed with the click of some ruby mary janes and the help of some singing dancing metaphores.