HelterSkelter
Everything is completely different yet totally the same. I am:
-Emily (a breakup I performed on Valentines Day, something I'm not proud of)
+Loneliness
+Anxiety
+Fear
-Self-Confidence (goes hand in hand with -Emily)
I finally watched Borat. Decent, better than I thought it would be, but not worth going to the movies for, so I feel justified in waiting. Other good movies I've seen recently include Fast Food Nation, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and Fifty Pills. I also saw Little Miss Sunshine and The Departed, but who hasn't?
This entry is just me reverting to my old habits of bitching about my life when the cool blue parts of it fade away and I'm left with nothing to think about but myself. Why am I so deeply satisfied with mediocrity? Why, despite my laziness, my selfishness, my terribleness, am I so innately comfortable with myself that I feel no need to change? Is it just easier to be a bad person?
And on a sidenote, is it a coincidence that I always get these feelings flooding back to me when I start to play WoW again? Maybe it's just that there's nothing like fake socializing for hours a day in front of a computer screen to make you feel shallow and unworthy of love.
I think I've made a pretty big backslide this year. I stopped changing for gym during our annual swim session (which unfortunately was 6 weeks long this year) and it's going to leave me with like a 45 for the 3rd MP, IF I'm lucky. My parents won't like that. I missed a quiz in Government that I just never cared enough to make up before time ran out. They won't like that either. They don't like the fact that the immaturity at Tim Horton's finally got to me and I finally quit. Or maybe they just don't like the fact that I did it by failing to show up, calling in "sick" 20 minutes before my shift started, and never showing up again. I still have my uniform...I think I should keep it forever as a lesson to myself: Work really fucking hard in college so you can do what you WANT to do and not what's convenient to your schedule and your comfort level. Fuck that place and their donuts, I'm done.
Is there anything else I want to say? I think that my level of inactivity has by now scared away my already slim readership so I'm probably just typing into a vast black expanse of cyber-stasis, but still, it's comforting to have an outlet to rag on oneself. I might use the free time to go back to working on Harvest. It was a shitty piece of work in literary terms but I thought it was at the very least a damn good story. And at least a few people (not least of all myself) enjoyed reading it. Seems a shame to let such a giant head start go to waste. So maybe I won't. Maybe.
Despite all this venting I think I'm doing okay. I feel as comfortable as ever with my friends and in the end that's all that really matters to me. I realize that now. They're all that's ever really mattered.
-Emily (a breakup I performed on Valentines Day, something I'm not proud of)
+Loneliness
+Anxiety
+Fear
-Self-Confidence (goes hand in hand with -Emily)
I finally watched Borat. Decent, better than I thought it would be, but not worth going to the movies for, so I feel justified in waiting. Other good movies I've seen recently include Fast Food Nation, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, and Fifty Pills. I also saw Little Miss Sunshine and The Departed, but who hasn't?
This entry is just me reverting to my old habits of bitching about my life when the cool blue parts of it fade away and I'm left with nothing to think about but myself. Why am I so deeply satisfied with mediocrity? Why, despite my laziness, my selfishness, my terribleness, am I so innately comfortable with myself that I feel no need to change? Is it just easier to be a bad person?
And on a sidenote, is it a coincidence that I always get these feelings flooding back to me when I start to play WoW again? Maybe it's just that there's nothing like fake socializing for hours a day in front of a computer screen to make you feel shallow and unworthy of love.
I think I've made a pretty big backslide this year. I stopped changing for gym during our annual swim session (which unfortunately was 6 weeks long this year) and it's going to leave me with like a 45 for the 3rd MP, IF I'm lucky. My parents won't like that. I missed a quiz in Government that I just never cared enough to make up before time ran out. They won't like that either. They don't like the fact that the immaturity at Tim Horton's finally got to me and I finally quit. Or maybe they just don't like the fact that I did it by failing to show up, calling in "sick" 20 minutes before my shift started, and never showing up again. I still have my uniform...I think I should keep it forever as a lesson to myself: Work really fucking hard in college so you can do what you WANT to do and not what's convenient to your schedule and your comfort level. Fuck that place and their donuts, I'm done.
Is there anything else I want to say? I think that my level of inactivity has by now scared away my already slim readership so I'm probably just typing into a vast black expanse of cyber-stasis, but still, it's comforting to have an outlet to rag on oneself. I might use the free time to go back to working on Harvest. It was a shitty piece of work in literary terms but I thought it was at the very least a damn good story. And at least a few people (not least of all myself) enjoyed reading it. Seems a shame to let such a giant head start go to waste. So maybe I won't. Maybe.
Despite all this venting I think I'm doing okay. I feel as comfortable as ever with my friends and in the end that's all that really matters to me. I realize that now. They're all that's ever really mattered.