nick/miley - i'm a modern girl, but i fold in half so easily (4/4)
Title: I’m A Modern Girl, But I Fold in Half so Easily
Character/Pairing: Nick/Miley, Miley/Justin
Rating: PG-13 (language- not really in this part though)
Summary: Nick and Miley reconnecting
Word Count: ~8,700 (total: ~33,600)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The title comes from Rilo Kiley’s Pictures of Success
Other: I wasn't originally going to post this until I had it all finished, but what can I say, I'm impatient. This started because when Nick and Miley performed Before the Storm live I was all "remember when they hated each other? Look how far they've come" and was curious as to how they got there. So. I started this.
She can feel it falling apart, ripping at the seams, crumbling, her relationship with Justin is heading towards something she doesn’t want to think about. But she can feel it in her bones. Nothing is working anymore, and she can’t make herself change, do things different to try and fix it.
It’s strange, Miley thinks, being able to see the demise of your relationship rushing at you like a torpedo; yet, it seems to be coming slowly. Neither one willing to speak up and say something to push it over the edge, end things. Miley’s scared of what that would bring, the heartache, surely, wouldn’t be fun. But also the truth spilling out as everything cracks, her mistakes being put on display for her entire family to see. She doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want any of it, not really.
As they sit next to each other, eating dinner with her family, no one seems to notice the change in the air between Miley and Justin, the lack of communication, the tension there. Justin keeps reaching out and touching her arm, shoulder, or hand, lightly, as if he’s trying to make sure she’s still real, still there. It probably looks like something else to her family, but Miley can feel it in the way his fingers brush over her. It’s not love or affection, its jealousy and hurt. Things she never meant to cause, but did.
She realizes she hasn’t really talked to Justin much since she broke off her friendship with Nick. He’ll ask her about her day and she’ll give him a sentence or two in response, and then they’ll drive in silence, eat lunch in silence, watch a movie, sitting close enough so if anyone were to walk by it would look normal and comfortable, but the inch of space between them is like a hot zone that neither is willing to bridge; almost as if they’re scared, thinking if they accidentally touch each other in the dark with some Disney movie playing in the background they’ll end up screaming and it’ll be over. As if everything will come to a screeching halt, just like that.
It’s weird, how different this is from her only other real break-up. Because, god, her and Nick were never quiet. They were always yelling and screaming at it each other. On the tour bus, on the back lot, in the dressing room. They were loud and noisy and arguing over stupid things that really didn’t matter at all. But it always felt like code for something that mattered more. Everything was more turbulent.
There was more touching too, because really, besides Justin reaching out to her occasionally, they don’t make any physical contact until they part. Standing awkwardly around, looking at each other, Justin or Miley will go in for a hug, sometimes he’ll peck her on the lips or she’ll kiss him on the cheek. That’s all. But with Nick they’d argue until it felt like they were losing their voices and somehow end up kissing each other hard and rough. Almost as though willing the other to need air first. Like it was some final battle they could win.
The differences in the final days of the relationships probably have to do with the boys, since they’re complete opposites. Justin encompassing qualities so much like Miley, Nick being the antithesis of her in so many ways. But her reaction is the same, her stomach is knotted so tight sometimes it feels like she can’t breath, sleeping has become almost impossible; she tosses and turns all night, waking up too early. And she really isn’t very hungry anymore.
And god, Miley just loves them both so much that she’s missing them both, all the time. Justin’s really not there anymore, or maybe she’s the one that’s not there. Yeah, that’s probably more like it, since she’s sure Justin would be willing to try if only she were to put forth some kind of effort. She just doesn’t know how to do that anymore, is all. She can’t figure out what he really wants from her now.
“Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation” Justin says, breaking Miley from her thoughts as she hears his words and feels his fingers run lightly down her arm.
“Ah.” Her mom nods as if she completely understands how that’s relevant to whatever it was they were talking about before sipping her water and scrunching up her eyebrows. She tilts her head and looks at Miley, a slight smile playing on her lips.
Miley tries her best to return it, she feels like she doesn’t really succeed though- she hears her dad talking to Justin about the Bible quote in the background- when her mom purses her lips and looks at her, clearly concerned.
“Exactly, that’s exactly it,” Justin states, shoving a forkful of potatoes into his mouth, nodding at Billy Ray the whole time, obviously pleased to have someone who is willing to discuss these things with him. He used to talk to Miley about it, and she used to try and make sense out of these things, come up with insights when she really didn’t have any. He’d smile and tuck her hair behind her ear, knowing she was making stuff up, but telling her that’s how you had to start.
A brief silence falls over the table and Miley sees her mom elbow her dad lightly, causing some chicken to fall off his fork and for him to look at Miley, seeming to study her for a minute. “How are you, Miles?”
“Good.”
“What’d you do today?” Her mother chimes in, exchanging a weird look with Billy Ray.
“Nothing too exciting.” Miley pushes around some food on her plate, well, apparently they noticed something wrong with her after all.
“No one wants to hear about it anyway,” Braison laughs, causing Noah to punch him in the arm.
Miley sees her dad sigh, pick up his napkin and wipe his mouth, “I haven’t heard much about Nick lately, how’s he?”
“How should I know,” Miley mumbles under her breath, glancing over at Justin who rolls his shoulders back and shoves more potatoes in his mouth.
“Huh?” Her mom asks, eyeing her daughter carefully.
“Good.”
“I know he’s been very busy lately, but maybe we can find a time for him to come visit,” Tish smiles, looking at her husband for support.
“That sounds like a great idea, don’t you think so Miley?” Her dad comes through, just like he always does for her mom.
Miley turns her head slowly, and looks at Justin, who is staring at her now, his face completely blank. She feels her heart sink. “Yeah, um, a great idea. But he’s really busy, getting ready for the tour and all, so I don’t know if it can happen anytime soon.” Justin smiles at her then, and she just wants to slap him.
“Well, we’ll figure it out,” Tish says resolutely before getting up and starting to clear off her plate. “Braison, it’s your turn to do the dishes.”
“Ugh,” her brother groans loudly.
Miley just stands up, takes her plate and cup to the kitchen and goes up to her room, not bothering to look at Justin or say anything to him at all.
It’s easier to act like everything’s alright in public, harder in private, even harder when her family is so ecstatic about being able to see the Jonases. Sometimes she’s just tired of pretending.
*
The first time Miley gets a text from Joe she’s not sure what to do. She wonders is maybe that’s illegal too. Like it’s not just Nick who is off limits, but his whole family. She’s not really sure, but she’s just so tired of it all, and it’s not like Joe won’t know what happened, Nick tells him everything. So Miley thinks it’ll be nice to talk to someone who knows, even if Joe’s just going to be angry.
But when she opens the text Miley sees that he’s not angry at all. He’s just being friendly. So texting with Joe becomes a regular thing. Their conversations never last more than fifteen minutes and they never say goodbye. One of them will just reply with something that seems like the natural end of whatever conversation they were having. It’s really nice, how easy it is.
It’s really weird though, when Miley thinks about it. How she probably tells Joe more about her day and her life than Justin. But, then again, she tells pretty much everyone more about all of that than Justin, so, there’s that. And she can’t help but wonder if maybe Nick’s getting all this information. She can’t decide if she hopes that’s true or not.
She’s sitting with Justin, watching Pinocchio, when her phone rings and she looks at it, seeing that Joe’s calling and gets up, mumbling something about having to take the call.
“Hey,” she says, shutting her bedroom door behind her.
“Hey,” Joe whispers across the line.
“What’s up?” Miley feels really good, hearing his voice. She’s really missed Joe, his teasing, his jokes, how protective he is of everyone he loves. She wonders if she falls under that category again because she still likes to think of him as an older brother.
Joe takes a deep breath and then speaks quickly, “I know you’re not supposed to talk to Nick because your boyfriend is an ass or whatever but this is important.”
“Um, okay.” Miley feels like she might just throw up, or possibly start crying. She wants to hang up on him, but also stay on the line forever. It’s ridiculous, how she can’t decide what to do in this situation; she knows what the boy sitting in her room would want.
“Now, you have two minutes to convince him that Furbys were better toys than regular stuffed animals.”
“Joe-“ Miley beings to protest, because that is the kind of thing Joe would think of as an emergency, but really isn’t.
“Go!” He laughs, and Miley hears it fade as he passes the phone on.
“Hey,” Nick says softly, causing Miley to shut her eyes tightly and walk a little further away from her bedroom.
“Furbys were awesome because they could talk.”
“I sent you the final version of Before the Storm in the mail the other day,” Nick whispers, “you should get it soon.”
“And they could repeat stuff you say.”
“Miley.”
“Yeah?”
“They were annoying, you had to put them, no, you had to lock them in a dark bathroom to get them to stop talking.”
“I know,” Miley breathes down the line, she feels like her heart is racing and she doesn’t even know she’s crying until a tear hits a knuckle on the hand holding her phone. She presses the cell closer to her ear, as though it makes up for not speaking to him for what seems like forever all over again.
“I miss you,” he says, his voice cracking a little.
“Me too.”
“And I’m not giving up.”
Miley honestly has no idea what that means, she thinks she probably does, on some level, but god, she just can’t make sense of it. His voice hits her ear and radiates throughout her body and she concentrates on breathing steadily. That’s really she can do. “Okay.”
Miley hears rustling on the other end, Joe’s voice coming in, a brief argument between the brothers and then Joe speaks, “did we win?” And it sounds like he’s probably not quite talking about Furbys.
“Sorry.” Miley laughs as Joe curses and yells something about how normal stuffed animals are lame, obviously holding his hand over the phone.
“Well, I’m calling Demi next to convince him”
“Good luck with that,” Miley smiles, wiping at her tear-stained face, “bye Joe.”
“Bye little sis,” he says.
And then Miley’s crying again. It’s just that she suddenly feels like she won’t lose him, no matter what happens between her and Nick. It won’t be like last time. She bites her lip and stops herself from crying. She tries her best to dry her face before walking back into her room.
“Miley, are you alright?” Justin asks.
She looks at the screen, seeing that he paused the movie and turned on the lights since she left. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Who was on the phone?” He stands up and looks at her closely, not like he’s accusing her of anything, but like he’s genuinely worried about her.
“Joe.”
Justin looks down at the floor briefly, and he looks a little tense now. “Joe who?”
“Jonas.” Miley speaks softly, forcing herself to not look at the ground. She gulps and purses her lips; he’s not taking Joe away from her too.
“Oh. What’d he say?”
“That they sent me the final version of Before the Storm and that furbys are better than normal stuffed animals.” She can’t help but smile a bit as she finishes. Justin scrunches up his eyebrows and looks a little confused.
“Um, okay.” Justin stares at her for a moment before sitting down. “Want to finish the movie?”
“Sure.” God, Miley’s just so happy now. Like, she suddenly has this urge to tell Justin all about her day, about the last week. She feels like he’s missed out on so much of her life, like maybe he’ll actually listen and not judge her. But she just turns off the light, sits down next to him and grabs his hand, squeezing it lightly. She smiles when he squeezes hers back.
*
Joe reverts back to texting, so Miley follows suit. Occasionally he’ll still call though, and at first Miley got all nervous, thinking he’d probably put Nick on the line again. He never did though, and she didn’t really know what that meant. However, Joe made her talk to everyone else, from Kevin to Frankie to Mama and Papa Jonas to Garbo and JT, everyone. Seriously.
The Jonas family and Demi were all in South America and Miley thought she could really feel the distance between all of them. It was strange, feeling so disconnected, even though she really wasn’t. But it was still nice when Joe called.
“Hey, Miley.”
“Hi.” She smiled into the phone, the distance she felt seemed to compact the moment she heard his voice. She just felt closer to everyone, almost as if they were all standing around the phone, listening to her. Even if they probably weren’t.
“How’s it going?” He asks and Miley can hear him take a sip of something.
“Pretty good. I miss you.”
“Yeah, miss you too.” He pauses for a moment and Miley can hear someone yelling at him, it sounds a lot like Papa Jonas, she thinks. “Okay, I gotta go tune my tambourine or some shit. I swear to god people are idiots,” Joe mumbles down the line, clearly exasperated. “I’m gonna give you Demi so this call isn’t pointless. Make sure she tells you about how awesome I am.”
“Will do,” Miley giggles, she can’t help it. She waits for what seems like forever while Joe tries to track down her best friend somewhere. Miley makes her way into her kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee- thank god her mother decided to make some.
“Hey, girl. I miss you!” Demi’s voice breaks through the silence, louder than Miley expected.
“Hey. I miss you too.” Miley takes a sip of her drink and grimaces, grabbing some milk and sugar to dump into the black coffee.
“I love South America though, it’s just the best. I swear. All the people have been great.” Miley can picture Demi grinning widely, she just sounds like she’s having the time of her life.
“I’m glad.” Miley can feel her own smile increasing, it’s like Demi’s mood is contagious. “So, I’m told you’re going to tell me how awesome Joe is.”
“That’s not gonna happen.”
“Didn’t think so,” Miley says, even she can tell her accent sounds thicker than usual when the words come out.
“He keeps trying to steal my phone though. You’d think he’d be smarter than to just hand me his. I could totally like, flush it down the toilet or something.”
Miley sits down at the kitchen table, taking a big gulp of her coffee, now diluted a very pleasurable amount. “You could delete all the numbers in it.”
“And then I wouldn’t have to buy him a new one!” Demi shrieks, clearly delighted by the idea, even though both girls know she’s not actually going to do anything with it, except maybe hide it from him.
“Exactly.” Miley nods her head a little to make her point, even though Demi can’t actually see her. “Just don’t delete mine.” Which, is a really stupid thing to say. Because Demi won’t do it anyway, but she still kind of worries about losing contact with Joe.
“It wouldn’t matter he could just get it from Nick or me,” Demi says nonchalantly and Miley swears she can hear air moving back and forth, like Demi’s waving her hand, dismissing Miley’s worry.
“Alright, alright, you’re an evil genius.”
“Why thank you.”
“No problem.”
There is a brief silence and Miley hears Demi take a deep breath before breaking it. “So do I have to ask what’s going on with you or are you just going to tell me about all the drama in your life?”
“Nothing exciting,” Miley says, taking another sip of her coffee. She knows Demi’s not going to buy that or let it slide, but it gives her a second or two to just think.
“Oh, Miley,” Demi sighs, “Miley, Miley, Miley. There’s always something going on in your life. Need I remind you of the time you yammered for ten minutes about trying to decide what to order at Koi?”
Miley laughs a little at the memory, because yeah, she does always have something to say. “How about you just ask about what you really want to know?”
“How’s Justin?” The darker-haired girl says softly into the phone and Miley can’t really discern what emotion exactly she hears in Demi’s tone.
“Um…” Miley’s stomach knots quickly and she pours the last bit of her coffee down the sink, putting her mug in the dishwasher. “He’s alright. I think things are getting better.”
“Good, good,” Demi mumbles, sounding a little distracted and bored. Which, really? Miley rolls her eyes. “And you still can’t talk to Nick without being murdered?”
And god, it just sounds so bad when Demi says it like that, all uninterested and like it’s just normal, but with a bit of disappointment mixed in. “Well, yeah…I just….”
“Just checking,” Demi says softly. “Are you okay with it now though?”
“Of course not!” Miley speaks louder than she meant to, indignation coloring her words. She begins to march up the stairs to her room, feeling a slight yawn come over her. Talking about this just makes her really sleepy, which is weird.
“Well…” Demi pauses for a minute and Miley swears she can hear the girl thinking, “If things are getting better with Justin, how will he know you’re still upset about the Nick thing?”
“I’m not upset,” Miley huffs over the phone.
“Blah, Blah, you’d feel the same way in his place, blah, blah, totally understand where he’s coming from, blah de blah. Miley, you’re still upset no matter if you feel like a hypocrite for being mad at Justin when you’d want to do the same thing if the situation were reversed.”
Miley opens the door to her room and flops down on her bed immediately, rolling over and covering her face with a pillow. “I’ll get over it.”
“You should stop lying and start telling the truth. It’d make things easier.”
“Oh, really?” Miley raises her eyebrows. And anyway, it’s not like she’s lying, per se, but more like stretching or not telling the whole truth. There’s a difference. Really.
“Really.”
She’s not so sure she actually believes that.
*
Pushing around some rice on her dinner plate, Miley tries her best to smile and participate and ease the tension, because apparently her parents are kind of worried about her. Which, really, they shouldn’t be. And maybe she hasn’t been sleeping so well lately, but she knows she needs to summon enough energy to be Miley again, at least for one night.
“So, Miley,” her mom begins hesitantly, “do you know when Nick can come over?”
And despite the fact that her family seems to only want to invite over her ex-boyfriend and not the entire Jonas clan, which is just really odd, Miley kind of likes that her parents love Nick so much. “I don’t know.” She tries to smile, really, but she’s sure it looks fake.
“Maybe I could call Denise tonight and set it up,” Tish says to her husband, nodding her head like that’s a good idea. Miley thinks it’s really not.
“No, please, you don’t have to do that.”
“Well, honey,” her mom says soothingly, “it’s no problem. You have a lot on your plate.” Her mom’s eyes are warm and concerned and joking because Miley hasn’t touched most of her food, and she has this urge to get up and hug her.
“Did you two have a fight? You haven’t said much about him lately?” Her dad asks, shoving some beef into his mouth and shaking his head slightly to move some hair out of his face.
“No, not really.”
“Oh, okay.”
And suddenly Miley feels bad for not saying anything about what happened. She doesn’t want anyone to be angry with Justin, or her, or whatever, she doesn’t want anyone to be upset, period. But she’s thinking about what Demi said, about telling the truth, so she takes a sip of water before looking past her parents at the wall. “Justin told me that me and Nick can’t be friends.”
A pregnant silence fills the air as Noah and Braison stop arguing over something and her parents both look at her, shocked and confused. Miley feels herself start to blush because this is about as uncomfortable and she thought it would be. And really, Demi is an idiot.
“Oh, okay then.” Her dad is still looking at her as he begins to nod his head in understanding. Which, is so weird, he doesn’t even seem upset. He gives her mom this look that appears to put them both on the same page instantly.
“Alright, Miley, I guess it’s your call.” Her mom looks at her plate as she speaks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Um, okay.” Miley doesn’t know what else to say.
And seriously? Miley wishes they’d have more to offer. They should have all the answers, be able to solve the problem. She hates it when they don’t. It makes her feel unsteady.
*
She’s sitting on her bed, strumming her guitar lightly, not particularly in the mood to try and write anything. But when the chords progress and hit her eardrums, it feels calming and everything seems a bit better, a bit more manageable. Miley slides her toes underneath the covers and leans back against the headboard, changing the chord and playing it a few times.
When someone knocks lightly on her door Miley thinks she may have imagined it, so she stops playing and listens. But, no, it was real. Her dad opens the door and smiles at her. “Mind if I come in?”
“Nope.”
Billy Ray sits on the edge of her bed and looks at her for a little while before speaking. “Now, I’m going to give you a little of my fatherly advice.”
Miley rolls her eyes and laughs a little, but the room feels really quiet and altogether too serious. “Would I not know that if you didn’t tell me?”
“I don’t know, maybe you’d think I was trying to rehearse a scene from Hannah.”
Miley would have expected to hear his booming laugh, but when it doesn’t come she nods a little. “Oh, okay.” Miley bites her lip, worried now. She doesn’t have these serious moments with her dad, the rare times they ever happen, it’s always her mom.
“Miley,” her takes a deep breath, speaking slowly and softly, his accent coming out really thick, “if someone loves you, really loves you, they want you to be happy no matter what. Even if it means they’re not. Even if they don’t get things exactly the way they want them.”
“Dad…”
“No, no.” He shakes his head a little to stop her from interrupting. “It’s true. And do with it whatever you’d like.” He stands up and begins walking out of her room, starting to shut the door.
“Hey, dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.” Miley smiles at him, hearing the soft thud of her door closing. She strums a few more chords on her guitar, thinking. She closes her eyes for a moment and just, she knows what she has to do. It’s a really nice feeling, actually. She missed it, confidence in her own actions.
*
She’s so excited when she sees the disk lying on the counter, on top of all the other mail that just arrived, that she’s practically jumping up and down. It’s blank with no art printed on it yet, which is fine by her because the tracklist is written on a notecard in Nick’s familiar chicken scratch. Which just makes it even better, really.
Grabbing the case, Miley takes a deep breath to calm herself down. She walks into the living room and can’t help but grin, even as Justin raises his eyebrows at her. “Where’s your water?”
“Oh, right.” Miley shakes her head back and forth a little, having forgotten the reason she went into the kitchen to begin with. “Guess what I found?”
“Um…”
“The CD came!” She fights the urge to wave it around and scream. It’s ridiculous that she’s so happy about it. But, no, she has no desire to listen to the whole record and dissect each lyric trying to figure out if it’s about her or they have a double meaning. It’s just really cool that they’d send the finished product to her first, is all. Or you know, she’s not quite sure if it’s really the “finished project” since it doesn’t have the artwork or anything, but close enough.
“What CD?” Justin knits his eyebrows together, leaning forward slightly, trying to see the case and what’s written on the notecard tucked neatly inside it.
“The, um, the Jonas Brothers new album,” Miley says, biting her lip, saying the Jonas Brothers sounds really weird, like, they’re just Kevin, Joe and Nick to her.
“Oh, cool.”
Miley shifts her weight from foot to foot, tapping her fingers gently against the plastic case for a moment. “Mind if we listen to Before the Storm?”
“Oh, yeah, sure…go ahead,” Justin says softly, looking at the wall while he speaks. He seems slightly uncomfortable, but he’s trying not to freak out. This makes Miley feel better and like maybe she should tell him now.
“Great.” Miley concentrates on walking at a normal pace to the stereo and not fumbling as she puts the disk in, trying carefully not to scratch it. She looks at the notecard, finding the track she wants and skipping to it quickly before any other sound comes echoing from the speakers.
She takes a deep breath as the faint rumblings of a distant storm mold quickly into the music and Nick’s voice hits her ears, followed by her own. She gets up and walks back to Justin, concentrating on the melody and the notes and everything technical about the song.
It would strike her as strange as she sits down on the couch and rubs Justin’s leg lightly that she’s not really listening to the song right now, like she probably would have under other circumstances, but she’s not focusing on normality either. She’s trying to keep her heart steady and her voice stable and just reminds herself of any advice she’s been given: don’t take his shit, tell the truth, someone who loves you wants you to be happy.
It all just makes sense all of the sudden, simple and clear, like pieces of a puzzle coming together. “I’m going to be friends with Nick.” The statement sounds absolutely absurd for a thousand different reasons, but she needed to say it aloud.
“Yeah.” Justin reaches out and squeezes Miley’s hand lightly.
“Yeah?” She faintly hears her voice mixed with Nick’s, asking, begging not to be alone. It breaks her heart in this really new way, like maybe singing that line together was a promise that she broke, and she inhales sharply.
“To be honest, I’m surprised you lasted this long…you must really love me.” And it makes Miley feel uncomfortable because none of what he says sounds particularly happy. But he smiles at her a little and she puts her head on his shoulder.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t,” he whispers, smoothing her hair with his hand, his heart beating steadily and slowly, Miley thinks. She’s not sure if she can hear it or not as she expects Before the Storm to morph into something completely foreign, but apparently the stereo is on repeat.
“I’m really sorry.” Miley’s words are muffled as she lifts her head up and looks Justin in the eyes, the melancholy in his orbs as he tries to smile at her makes her feel really fragile.
“For what?”
She’s not really sure, so she puts her head on his shoulder again and wraps her arms around him.
*
Miley’s heart is beating erratically as she methodically goes through her nightly routines, and when she flops on her bed, finished with them, she’s disappointed that her heart hasn’t calmed down any like she had hoped it would. She pulls the covers over the legs and picks up her cell and calls Joe before she can even think too much about it.
“Miley?” He asks, clearly confused as to what she could be calling about now.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Not much.”
Miley takes a deep breath and slides down on her bed a little. “Could I talk to Nick?”
“Really?” The shock in Joe’s tone is not really a surprise to Miley, but she detects some hope and giddiness in it too, which is not exactly what she would have thought he’d be feeling.
“Oh, yeah, I’m kidding,” Miley says sarcastically, even though she’s not feeling sarcastic at all.
“One minute.” His voice is already muffled as he says this and she hears him yell for his brother. Then she can hear, almost clearly, as Nick asks what the hell Joe’s screaming for when he’s just in the next room and Joe tells him she’s on the phone and Nick says “Oh” really softly.
“Miley? Is something wrong?” He asks, whispering as though maybe Joe’s still there, listening in.
“Nope.” Hearing him makes her feel more at ease, like it always does. And she kind of wants to make him sweat a little.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.” She feels a smile take over her features.
“Okay.” He sighs, exasperated. Miley can picture him pacing around, wondering what the hell is going on right now. And it makes her want to giggle a little, but also like she wants to be there so she can hug him.
“I told Justin that we’re friends.”
“Really?” His voice is kind of skeptical, which makes Miley feel really shitty, like does he actually think she’d lie to him about something like that? She can’t remember ever really lying to him at all, and she wonders if maybe he doesn’t see it that way.
“Really,” Miley says softly, tucking some stray hair behind her ear. “I missed you too much.”
“I missed you too,” he whispers lowly.
“Good.” Miley feels her breath catch in her chest as a silence falls over them. She wonders if maybe they don’t have anything to talk about anymore, if maybe he had gotten used to not talking to her. “So…” She bites her lip hesitantly.
Nick still doesn’t say anything, but she can hear him breathing, which is good enough for her, at least he’s still there. Miley lets her eyes drift shut, the phone still pressed against her ear. She feels herself slip down so she’s lying on her pillows, and her heartbeat is slowing down in a very steady way.
“I love you,” Nick murmurs into the phone.
“What?” Miley’s eyes snap open and she feels like all the air has been sucked out of her body. Maybe she imagined that, she was falling asleep after all. Which, even if she did, what does that say about her?
“Goodnight, Miles.” He sounds really distant all of the sudden, which makes her press the phone closer to her ear and she feels very awake now.
“Night,” she says calmly. But god, how the hell does he expect her to fall asleep now?
It turns out its must easier than she expected because her dreams are colored in shades of deep brown and plaid. They also seem very familiar, like maybe she had the same ones when she was a fourteen year old girl.
*
Miley can’t emphasize enough how excited she is about the Send It On video shoot. It’s like, almost all of her favorite people in one place all day getting to hang out and joke and run around. So what if they have to do some work?
She sits down in a chair, watching as the director and lightening people huddle together, pointing at a light giving off a greenish glow, concern etched over their faces like maybe it’ll cause everyone to look like Kermit. She brings her coffee to her lips, hoping it won’t mess up her gloss or stain her teeth. It’s warm and frothy and tastes like vanilla.
“Miley!” Demi shrieks at her, grinning widely, holding her own Starbucks cup. “I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever. Seriously.” The darker-haired girl grabs another chair and drags it over, placing it next to Miley’s and sits down.
“I know.” Miley reaches out, grabbing Demi’s hand and squeezing it for a second. “God, you must have been really ugly today, they really caked the make-up on you.”
“Hey!” Demi smacks Miley’s arm, “you’re one to talk.”
“You think I’m ugly?” The younger girl laughs, feeling her coffee cooling through her cup as she taps her pointer finger against it a little.
“Oh, definitely.”
“That’s good for my self-esteem,” Miley says, raising her eyebrows at Demi, reaching around her to put her cup on the snack table.
Demi shakes her head, tilting it slightly and looking at Miley like she has no idea what she’s talking about at all. “Oh, please,” she says dramatically, “you have two guys who are completely in love with you, that’s got to give you a few points.”
“Who’s in love with Miley?” Selena asks, walking over fresh from hair and make-up. She shoves Demi a little and they try to share the chair, both looking completely squished on top of each other, but somehow comfortable, like it’s something they’ve done all their lives.
“Me and you.” Demi hands Selena her cup and Selena takes a long sip, emptying it and tossing it into the trash can behind her.
“Oh, cool.” Selena smiles at Miley a little, looking about a thousand times less tired than Miley feels.
“You two are hilarious.” Miley rolls her eyes at the two best friends and rubs her lips together, feeling them slide back and forth easily with the massive amounts of lipgloss applied to them.
“Oh, we’re sharing chairs now? I call dibs on sharing with Demi and Selena!” Joe calls in a high-pitched voice, breaking away from Kevin, trying to sit on top of the girls who giggle and push him off harder with each new attempt.
“I’ll get my own.” Kevin shakes his head, grabbing two chairs from across the room and bringing them over.
“God, I thought we were like, sharing,” Joe pops his hip out dramatically, still speaking in a girly voice.
“Where’s Nick?” Miley asks as Kevin plops the chairs he retrieved in front of the girls and takes a seat, pulling Joe down to sit in the other one.
“They needed extra make-up to cover up his ugly,” Joe deadpans, letting his head lull back and closing his eyes. “God, I’m so tired.”
“Maybe you should refrain from texting girls until 3 in the morning then,” Demi snickers, resting her head on Selena’s shoulder, which makes them look a little more normal, crammed on their chair.
“Hey! Who was texting back, Demetria?”
“Whatever.” Demi rolls her eyes and lifts her head up, smoothing out the fabric on Selena’s shoulder with her hand lightly. “Look, Kevin’s bored with us already.”
Kevin smiles sheepishly from his phone, clearly texting Danielle. “Can’t help it.”
:”I can’t decide if that was mean or not,” Demi tilts her head a little at the oldest Jonas, pursing her lips.
“Definitely was,” Joe says, his eyes sparkling and shining.
“Miley, is that yours?” Selena points to her cooling coffee cup on the table.
“Yeah, you can have it if you want.”
“Thank you so much.” Selena quickly snatches it up before Joe can and gulps it down. She throws is in the trash can expertly, and wipes at the corners of her mouth with her fingers, trying to make sure no residue is left.
Nick walks up to the group, hands stuffed in his pockets. “Hey guys.”
“Hey,” Miley says softly, feeling her smile grow wider.
“Sorry to break up the party, but we need to get started.” The director interrupts and Miley feels her grin falter a little. It’s just that she hasn’t talked to Nick in person since April and she was looking forward to it. Plus, doing it in a group would make it easier. Not because of things that may or may not have been said over the phone, just, it would be easier, is all.
*
Selena hops on Joe’s back easily, laughing loudly. He gallops off in search of Demi, Selena bouncing up and down slightly with her arms wrapped firmly around his neck. This leaves Nick and Miley alone, and for some reason the theater seems much darker to her now. Which is odd and ridiculous.
“So…” Miley bites her lip. They haven’t been alone all day. And suddenly all the piggyback rides he’d given her and how she kept hugging him seem like too much too soon, even though it all seemed so normal and natural when Joe was running, his legs tied to Demi and Selena’s as they did a six legged race against no one and Kevin kept ruffling Selena’s hair and tickling Demi until she almost cried.
“Yeah.” Nick scoffs the ground with his shoe before looking at Miley and smiling a little. “Did you like the CD?”
“I didn’t know I was going to get the whole thing!” Miley grins and in the blink of an eye everything is good again. “I loved it,” she gushes, emotion filling her voice.
“I’m glad. And Before the Storm met your expectations?”
“You know if it was good enough for you it was good enough for me,” Miley says softly feeling her cheeks blushing a little because Nick is looking her in that way of his that just makes her want to kiss him, which she won’t, because god, she has self-control. Or she thinks she does, which is good enough. “I thought it was perfect.”
Nick’s standing really close to her now, and Miley feels like she should probably take a step back, but she doesn’t. “Want to write something now?”
“Sure.” It comes out as more air than actual noise.
*
Miley’s written their names at the top of a napkin and Nick’s made a joke about how that’s so very Indy of them and now she’s just staring at him, lips pressed together tightly as he looks back at her. She finally breaks eye contact and takes out her phone quickly to twitter something, anything, and Nick leans over her shoulder to read it.
“You like the shirt?” He asks, his eyes sparkling.
Miley feels flirting bubbling up in her throat, but she tries to push it down and just nods. “Yes.”
“Thanks. Picked it out myself.”
“You did not!” Miley protests, her voice sounding very loud in the empty theater, echoing off the walls for a moment before the room grows silent again.
“Well, they picked out a different one that was gross looking, so I had them get this one.”
“Aren’t you just the little diva?” Miley raises her eyebrows at him.
“I’m just awesome.” He retorts, his voice low and quiet. His eyes are burning as Miley looks at him, just like the day that they kissed, which feels like forever ago.
“Did you mean it?” She asks softly as she tries to keep her breathing steady, but it’s getting all out of whack anyway, she can feel it.
“Yes.” Nick’s breath his hot against her cheek as he cups her face in his hand, running her thumb over her cheekbone Miley’s not sure if he even know what she’s talking about, she think he probably doesn’t, but whatever he is talking about is close enough.
“I’m going to break up with Justin,” she says the words before she even knows it. A tear trickles down her cheek and Nick wipes it away with his thumb, and it feels right, even as part of her heart breaks. And Nick just kisses her forehead and pulls her into him and he smells really nice, so Miley smiles.
And maybe this is what doing the right thing really feels like, what her heart’s been telling her, maybe love is sitting in a dark theater and realizing what you’ve wanted for a long time.
*
Justin shakes his head back and forth a little, his face quickly flashing anger and then lingering on sadness for a moment before settling on a blank expression. “Oh, right.”
“I’m really sorry.” Miley presses her lips together and looks at his eyes, hoping he’ll be okay, that he isn’t really too crushed. Tears are pooling in the corners of her eyes and she looks over his shoulder.
“Well, I hope you’re really happy together,” he says bitterly, his eyes still void of emotion.
“Justin…” Miley sighs, she thought she’d explained this to him already, “we’re not together. We’re just friends.”
“Right. That’s why I’m being dumped. Because you’re just friends who have reconnected,” he spits out the last word, almost laughing hoarsely. “It’s okay, I saw this coming.”
“I really do love you Justin, just-“
“I know. I love you too.” He forces a small smile on his face before stepping forward and hugging her and they stay like that for what seems like a really long time before breaking apart. “I just wish you didn’t love him too.”
“I know.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Justin.” Miley bites her lip, hard, trying not to cry just yet. “I hope we can be friends.”
“Yeah. Bye.” Justin shuts the door softly behind him and Miley lets the tears fall freely.
Letting them stream down her face feels really cathartic and she smiles a little. It’s really strange how her heart can be hurting and so happy simultaneously. She can taste the salt as the wetness hits her lips and only then does she bother wiping the tears away. She lets her mind drift to other things, like how she is going to Georgia and filming her new movie and how that’ll really help her get over this. Distance is good. Time is good.
This break-up feels much better than the one with Nick. She wonders if maybe she wanted it to end, but no, that’s not particularly right. It’s more that she didn’t want it to continue the way it was. And maybe they actually will be friends; maybe they can make that work, she wasn’t just saying it out of obligation. It’s what she wants, the simple truth.
Demi would be so proud of her.
*
Georgia’s really nice, really. Miley just misses home and her own bed and the idea of being here for three months is hard to grasp at first. Especially since they aren’t doing much for the movie yet and it sort of feels like vacation and they’ll be going home in a week. And god, part of her wishes that were true. Because she misses Justin so much.
More than she thought she would, since she was the one who broke up with him. Like, isn’t that supposed to make it easier? Well, clearly, it hasn’t.
She’s just showered and is wearing an old pair of sweatpants rolled up her calves and a T-shirt when she walks down the stairs and swears she hears her mom talking to Nick. And when she gets into the kitchen, there is he, sipping a can of diet coke, and Miley blinks a few times to make sure she isn’t imagining this.
“Oh, hey.” Nick smirks at her and her mother is grinning widely like she knows she’s a genius.
“Hi,” Miley breathes out, she feels like she may be in shock. But as his familiar scent assaults her nose a smile becomes plastered on her face and she leans over and gives him a big hug before sitting down at the wooden table. “How did this…?”
“Well,” her mom says, clearly pleased with herself, “I called Denise and told her we really wanted to have Nick visit,” and Tish’s eyes are sparkling so much and her accent is really thick and Miley thinks her mom probably wants to wink at her, “and his schedule’s been crazy, right?”
“Yeah,” Nick contributes, clearly amused as Tish’s hand gestures become bigger and more spastic.
“And we talked about it, and he had a day or so, well, now,” Tish giggles a little and brushes some hair off her forehead, “and I told her he could easily stay with us here until he had to go to New York. So we planned the whole thing to surprise you.” When her mom finishes she takes a deep breath and looks at Miley eagerly.
“Oh my god, mom, thank you so much.” Miley gets up quickly and so does her mom, allowing them to embrace tightly. “Really, thank you,” she whispers, beyond elated that her mother would do so much for her.
“You’re welcome.”
“Nick!” Miley turns to him and tugs on his arm, trying to get him to stand up, but he resists, trying to finish his can of diet coke. She groans a little, but finally he abides by her wishes and she gives him a proper hug, except their bodies are pressed together tightly, probably too tightly, and they stay that way for a long time. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Miley whacks his arm.
“Hey! It was a surprise,” Nick protests, his eyes shining at her and she feels like maybe he thinks she is some sort of princess, which is stupid, because Miley knows Nick doesn’t think lame things like that. “Why didn’t you hit your mom?”
“Because she gave birth to me.” Miley rolls her eyes and laces her fingers through Nick’s and she doesn’t really know what message that sends to him, but she doesn’t really want to think too much about it either.
“Don’t be gross.” But he squeezes her hand and she can hear the smile in his voice.
”Shut up,” Miley says as they sits down on a couch in the living room.
“Good come back.”
“Like ‘don’t be gross’ is witty,” Miley smirks at him and sits on the opposite end of the couch and stretches her feet out, hitting his leg lightly with her foot.
“Whatever. So what’s up?”
“Nothing much. Just chilling with my best friend.”
“You know what I meant.” Nick says softly, looking at her seriously. He reaches out and grabs her legs, pulling her a little closer to him. A curl falls, obscuring his vision a little and he quickly pushes it away.
“I’m good. Promise.”
“Good.”
“Hey,” Miley tilts her head, smirking devilishly, “Have you ever thought of straightening your hair?” She bites her lip a little and kicks his leg again before sitting up straighter, scooting next to him and tucking her feet under her. She rests one elbow on the back on the couch and uses her other hand to pull one of his curls out.
“No.” He says seriously, swatting her hand away.
Miley nods, thinking a little, and then grabs another curl, pulling it out straight. “But don’t you think you’d look good?” Nick swats her hand away again and she goes back to pulling his pieces of hair as he says no. Eventually he wraps his hand around her wrist and pulls it away, so Miley reaches out with her other hand to continue trying to picture him with flat ironed hair. Nick easily grabs onto it and Miley struggles for a little while before stopping and looking at him.
His eyes are shining in that way that says he knows he won and it makes her feel kind of lightheaded as he loosens his grip on her wrists a little. And then she can see him searching her face and she’s not sure what he’s looking for until he leans in and she does too, unconsciously or not, Miley isn’t sure which. And when he kisses her it’s soft and deep and he places one hand on her neck and the other tangles in her hair.
And it’s strange how Miley knows this doesn’t really mean they’re back together. She has no idea what to label them, this, everything. They’re friends, but they’re more than that, in more ways than one. And she hates the phrase friends with benefits, but she thinks that doesn’t quite fit them anyway. Since she knows he loves her and he knows she loves him. Which, this is more than something physical. And Miley feels like she’s single, but also like she’s not.
And she’s alright with that, like this is what they need right now.
*
The idea of performing Before the Storm live isn’t really any of theirs. It’s the fans who spread the rumor a while ago. And after Savannah and the Larry King thing- which Nick yelled at Joe about, while Miley told Joe he was hilarious and it was okay- it seemed like the best idea. Like it wouldn’t really solve any problem, it wouldn’t stop anyone from talking, but they knew no one was going to stop talking anytime soon anyway. So. Whatever. It just seemed like the right thing to do, like it fit.
And now that they’re out there, singing, fans screaming, Miley feels so light and airy. Because god, she was so nervous, more nervous than she’d been in such a long time and it was kind of nice, that feeling. Some general blocking had been laid out for the song, which Miley follows. Seriously, she totally does.
Except for sometimes she feels like her heart may burst into tiny little shreds of what it used to be and she’ll just fall over from being so happy and she’ll have a clean heart, a new, fresh one. So she has to look at Nick and go over to him and brush his shoulder or touch him or just make eye contact, because he keeps her grounded. He keeps her singing.
And the song seems to drag on, almost as though they stopped in this moment, but it also feels like it’s over sooner than it should be. Like maybe they accidentally forgot a whole cluster of verses. Miley smiles at the crowd and she really feels like maybe she’ll collapse, but then Nick hugs her lightly and she’s okay again and she’s being lowered under the stage.
And its okay, she realizes that there isn’t really a definite, definable label for whatever it is they are. They just need to be them, Nick and Miley. That’s what they are. That’s the only label that really suits them. And it’s good enough.
For now.
*
Character/Pairing: Nick/Miley, Miley/Justin
Rating: PG-13 (language- not really in this part though)
Summary: Nick and Miley reconnecting
Word Count: ~8,700 (total: ~33,600)
Disclaimer: I own nothing. The title comes from Rilo Kiley’s Pictures of Success
Other: I wasn't originally going to post this until I had it all finished, but what can I say, I'm impatient. This started because when Nick and Miley performed Before the Storm live I was all "remember when they hated each other? Look how far they've come" and was curious as to how they got there. So. I started this.
She can feel it falling apart, ripping at the seams, crumbling, her relationship with Justin is heading towards something she doesn’t want to think about. But she can feel it in her bones. Nothing is working anymore, and she can’t make herself change, do things different to try and fix it.
It’s strange, Miley thinks, being able to see the demise of your relationship rushing at you like a torpedo; yet, it seems to be coming slowly. Neither one willing to speak up and say something to push it over the edge, end things. Miley’s scared of what that would bring, the heartache, surely, wouldn’t be fun. But also the truth spilling out as everything cracks, her mistakes being put on display for her entire family to see. She doesn’t want that, she doesn’t want any of it, not really.
As they sit next to each other, eating dinner with her family, no one seems to notice the change in the air between Miley and Justin, the lack of communication, the tension there. Justin keeps reaching out and touching her arm, shoulder, or hand, lightly, as if he’s trying to make sure she’s still real, still there. It probably looks like something else to her family, but Miley can feel it in the way his fingers brush over her. It’s not love or affection, its jealousy and hurt. Things she never meant to cause, but did.
She realizes she hasn’t really talked to Justin much since she broke off her friendship with Nick. He’ll ask her about her day and she’ll give him a sentence or two in response, and then they’ll drive in silence, eat lunch in silence, watch a movie, sitting close enough so if anyone were to walk by it would look normal and comfortable, but the inch of space between them is like a hot zone that neither is willing to bridge; almost as if they’re scared, thinking if they accidentally touch each other in the dark with some Disney movie playing in the background they’ll end up screaming and it’ll be over. As if everything will come to a screeching halt, just like that.
It’s weird, how different this is from her only other real break-up. Because, god, her and Nick were never quiet. They were always yelling and screaming at it each other. On the tour bus, on the back lot, in the dressing room. They were loud and noisy and arguing over stupid things that really didn’t matter at all. But it always felt like code for something that mattered more. Everything was more turbulent.
There was more touching too, because really, besides Justin reaching out to her occasionally, they don’t make any physical contact until they part. Standing awkwardly around, looking at each other, Justin or Miley will go in for a hug, sometimes he’ll peck her on the lips or she’ll kiss him on the cheek. That’s all. But with Nick they’d argue until it felt like they were losing their voices and somehow end up kissing each other hard and rough. Almost as though willing the other to need air first. Like it was some final battle they could win.
The differences in the final days of the relationships probably have to do with the boys, since they’re complete opposites. Justin encompassing qualities so much like Miley, Nick being the antithesis of her in so many ways. But her reaction is the same, her stomach is knotted so tight sometimes it feels like she can’t breath, sleeping has become almost impossible; she tosses and turns all night, waking up too early. And she really isn’t very hungry anymore.
And god, Miley just loves them both so much that she’s missing them both, all the time. Justin’s really not there anymore, or maybe she’s the one that’s not there. Yeah, that’s probably more like it, since she’s sure Justin would be willing to try if only she were to put forth some kind of effort. She just doesn’t know how to do that anymore, is all. She can’t figure out what he really wants from her now.
“Put not your trust in princes, in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation” Justin says, breaking Miley from her thoughts as she hears his words and feels his fingers run lightly down her arm.
“Ah.” Her mom nods as if she completely understands how that’s relevant to whatever it was they were talking about before sipping her water and scrunching up her eyebrows. She tilts her head and looks at Miley, a slight smile playing on her lips.
Miley tries her best to return it, she feels like she doesn’t really succeed though- she hears her dad talking to Justin about the Bible quote in the background- when her mom purses her lips and looks at her, clearly concerned.
“Exactly, that’s exactly it,” Justin states, shoving a forkful of potatoes into his mouth, nodding at Billy Ray the whole time, obviously pleased to have someone who is willing to discuss these things with him. He used to talk to Miley about it, and she used to try and make sense out of these things, come up with insights when she really didn’t have any. He’d smile and tuck her hair behind her ear, knowing she was making stuff up, but telling her that’s how you had to start.
A brief silence falls over the table and Miley sees her mom elbow her dad lightly, causing some chicken to fall off his fork and for him to look at Miley, seeming to study her for a minute. “How are you, Miles?”
“Good.”
“What’d you do today?” Her mother chimes in, exchanging a weird look with Billy Ray.
“Nothing too exciting.” Miley pushes around some food on her plate, well, apparently they noticed something wrong with her after all.
“No one wants to hear about it anyway,” Braison laughs, causing Noah to punch him in the arm.
Miley sees her dad sigh, pick up his napkin and wipe his mouth, “I haven’t heard much about Nick lately, how’s he?”
“How should I know,” Miley mumbles under her breath, glancing over at Justin who rolls his shoulders back and shoves more potatoes in his mouth.
“Huh?” Her mom asks, eyeing her daughter carefully.
“Good.”
“I know he’s been very busy lately, but maybe we can find a time for him to come visit,” Tish smiles, looking at her husband for support.
“That sounds like a great idea, don’t you think so Miley?” Her dad comes through, just like he always does for her mom.
Miley turns her head slowly, and looks at Justin, who is staring at her now, his face completely blank. She feels her heart sink. “Yeah, um, a great idea. But he’s really busy, getting ready for the tour and all, so I don’t know if it can happen anytime soon.” Justin smiles at her then, and she just wants to slap him.
“Well, we’ll figure it out,” Tish says resolutely before getting up and starting to clear off her plate. “Braison, it’s your turn to do the dishes.”
“Ugh,” her brother groans loudly.
Miley just stands up, takes her plate and cup to the kitchen and goes up to her room, not bothering to look at Justin or say anything to him at all.
It’s easier to act like everything’s alright in public, harder in private, even harder when her family is so ecstatic about being able to see the Jonases. Sometimes she’s just tired of pretending.
*
The first time Miley gets a text from Joe she’s not sure what to do. She wonders is maybe that’s illegal too. Like it’s not just Nick who is off limits, but his whole family. She’s not really sure, but she’s just so tired of it all, and it’s not like Joe won’t know what happened, Nick tells him everything. So Miley thinks it’ll be nice to talk to someone who knows, even if Joe’s just going to be angry.
But when she opens the text Miley sees that he’s not angry at all. He’s just being friendly. So texting with Joe becomes a regular thing. Their conversations never last more than fifteen minutes and they never say goodbye. One of them will just reply with something that seems like the natural end of whatever conversation they were having. It’s really nice, how easy it is.
It’s really weird though, when Miley thinks about it. How she probably tells Joe more about her day and her life than Justin. But, then again, she tells pretty much everyone more about all of that than Justin, so, there’s that. And she can’t help but wonder if maybe Nick’s getting all this information. She can’t decide if she hopes that’s true or not.
She’s sitting with Justin, watching Pinocchio, when her phone rings and she looks at it, seeing that Joe’s calling and gets up, mumbling something about having to take the call.
“Hey,” she says, shutting her bedroom door behind her.
“Hey,” Joe whispers across the line.
“What’s up?” Miley feels really good, hearing his voice. She’s really missed Joe, his teasing, his jokes, how protective he is of everyone he loves. She wonders if she falls under that category again because she still likes to think of him as an older brother.
Joe takes a deep breath and then speaks quickly, “I know you’re not supposed to talk to Nick because your boyfriend is an ass or whatever but this is important.”
“Um, okay.” Miley feels like she might just throw up, or possibly start crying. She wants to hang up on him, but also stay on the line forever. It’s ridiculous, how she can’t decide what to do in this situation; she knows what the boy sitting in her room would want.
“Now, you have two minutes to convince him that Furbys were better toys than regular stuffed animals.”
“Joe-“ Miley beings to protest, because that is the kind of thing Joe would think of as an emergency, but really isn’t.
“Go!” He laughs, and Miley hears it fade as he passes the phone on.
“Hey,” Nick says softly, causing Miley to shut her eyes tightly and walk a little further away from her bedroom.
“Furbys were awesome because they could talk.”
“I sent you the final version of Before the Storm in the mail the other day,” Nick whispers, “you should get it soon.”
“And they could repeat stuff you say.”
“Miley.”
“Yeah?”
“They were annoying, you had to put them, no, you had to lock them in a dark bathroom to get them to stop talking.”
“I know,” Miley breathes down the line, she feels like her heart is racing and she doesn’t even know she’s crying until a tear hits a knuckle on the hand holding her phone. She presses the cell closer to her ear, as though it makes up for not speaking to him for what seems like forever all over again.
“I miss you,” he says, his voice cracking a little.
“Me too.”
“And I’m not giving up.”
Miley honestly has no idea what that means, she thinks she probably does, on some level, but god, she just can’t make sense of it. His voice hits her ear and radiates throughout her body and she concentrates on breathing steadily. That’s really she can do. “Okay.”
Miley hears rustling on the other end, Joe’s voice coming in, a brief argument between the brothers and then Joe speaks, “did we win?” And it sounds like he’s probably not quite talking about Furbys.
“Sorry.” Miley laughs as Joe curses and yells something about how normal stuffed animals are lame, obviously holding his hand over the phone.
“Well, I’m calling Demi next to convince him”
“Good luck with that,” Miley smiles, wiping at her tear-stained face, “bye Joe.”
“Bye little sis,” he says.
And then Miley’s crying again. It’s just that she suddenly feels like she won’t lose him, no matter what happens between her and Nick. It won’t be like last time. She bites her lip and stops herself from crying. She tries her best to dry her face before walking back into her room.
“Miley, are you alright?” Justin asks.
She looks at the screen, seeing that he paused the movie and turned on the lights since she left. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
“Who was on the phone?” He stands up and looks at her closely, not like he’s accusing her of anything, but like he’s genuinely worried about her.
“Joe.”
Justin looks down at the floor briefly, and he looks a little tense now. “Joe who?”
“Jonas.” Miley speaks softly, forcing herself to not look at the ground. She gulps and purses her lips; he’s not taking Joe away from her too.
“Oh. What’d he say?”
“That they sent me the final version of Before the Storm and that furbys are better than normal stuffed animals.” She can’t help but smile a bit as she finishes. Justin scrunches up his eyebrows and looks a little confused.
“Um, okay.” Justin stares at her for a moment before sitting down. “Want to finish the movie?”
“Sure.” God, Miley’s just so happy now. Like, she suddenly has this urge to tell Justin all about her day, about the last week. She feels like he’s missed out on so much of her life, like maybe he’ll actually listen and not judge her. But she just turns off the light, sits down next to him and grabs his hand, squeezing it lightly. She smiles when he squeezes hers back.
*
Joe reverts back to texting, so Miley follows suit. Occasionally he’ll still call though, and at first Miley got all nervous, thinking he’d probably put Nick on the line again. He never did though, and she didn’t really know what that meant. However, Joe made her talk to everyone else, from Kevin to Frankie to Mama and Papa Jonas to Garbo and JT, everyone. Seriously.
The Jonas family and Demi were all in South America and Miley thought she could really feel the distance between all of them. It was strange, feeling so disconnected, even though she really wasn’t. But it was still nice when Joe called.
“Hey, Miley.”
“Hi.” She smiled into the phone, the distance she felt seemed to compact the moment she heard his voice. She just felt closer to everyone, almost as if they were all standing around the phone, listening to her. Even if they probably weren’t.
“How’s it going?” He asks and Miley can hear him take a sip of something.
“Pretty good. I miss you.”
“Yeah, miss you too.” He pauses for a moment and Miley can hear someone yelling at him, it sounds a lot like Papa Jonas, she thinks. “Okay, I gotta go tune my tambourine or some shit. I swear to god people are idiots,” Joe mumbles down the line, clearly exasperated. “I’m gonna give you Demi so this call isn’t pointless. Make sure she tells you about how awesome I am.”
“Will do,” Miley giggles, she can’t help it. She waits for what seems like forever while Joe tries to track down her best friend somewhere. Miley makes her way into her kitchen, pouring herself a cup of coffee- thank god her mother decided to make some.
“Hey, girl. I miss you!” Demi’s voice breaks through the silence, louder than Miley expected.
“Hey. I miss you too.” Miley takes a sip of her drink and grimaces, grabbing some milk and sugar to dump into the black coffee.
“I love South America though, it’s just the best. I swear. All the people have been great.” Miley can picture Demi grinning widely, she just sounds like she’s having the time of her life.
“I’m glad.” Miley can feel her own smile increasing, it’s like Demi’s mood is contagious. “So, I’m told you’re going to tell me how awesome Joe is.”
“That’s not gonna happen.”
“Didn’t think so,” Miley says, even she can tell her accent sounds thicker than usual when the words come out.
“He keeps trying to steal my phone though. You’d think he’d be smarter than to just hand me his. I could totally like, flush it down the toilet or something.”
Miley sits down at the kitchen table, taking a big gulp of her coffee, now diluted a very pleasurable amount. “You could delete all the numbers in it.”
“And then I wouldn’t have to buy him a new one!” Demi shrieks, clearly delighted by the idea, even though both girls know she’s not actually going to do anything with it, except maybe hide it from him.
“Exactly.” Miley nods her head a little to make her point, even though Demi can’t actually see her. “Just don’t delete mine.” Which, is a really stupid thing to say. Because Demi won’t do it anyway, but she still kind of worries about losing contact with Joe.
“It wouldn’t matter he could just get it from Nick or me,” Demi says nonchalantly and Miley swears she can hear air moving back and forth, like Demi’s waving her hand, dismissing Miley’s worry.
“Alright, alright, you’re an evil genius.”
“Why thank you.”
“No problem.”
There is a brief silence and Miley hears Demi take a deep breath before breaking it. “So do I have to ask what’s going on with you or are you just going to tell me about all the drama in your life?”
“Nothing exciting,” Miley says, taking another sip of her coffee. She knows Demi’s not going to buy that or let it slide, but it gives her a second or two to just think.
“Oh, Miley,” Demi sighs, “Miley, Miley, Miley. There’s always something going on in your life. Need I remind you of the time you yammered for ten minutes about trying to decide what to order at Koi?”
Miley laughs a little at the memory, because yeah, she does always have something to say. “How about you just ask about what you really want to know?”
“How’s Justin?” The darker-haired girl says softly into the phone and Miley can’t really discern what emotion exactly she hears in Demi’s tone.
“Um…” Miley’s stomach knots quickly and she pours the last bit of her coffee down the sink, putting her mug in the dishwasher. “He’s alright. I think things are getting better.”
“Good, good,” Demi mumbles, sounding a little distracted and bored. Which, really? Miley rolls her eyes. “And you still can’t talk to Nick without being murdered?”
And god, it just sounds so bad when Demi says it like that, all uninterested and like it’s just normal, but with a bit of disappointment mixed in. “Well, yeah…I just….”
“Just checking,” Demi says softly. “Are you okay with it now though?”
“Of course not!” Miley speaks louder than she meant to, indignation coloring her words. She begins to march up the stairs to her room, feeling a slight yawn come over her. Talking about this just makes her really sleepy, which is weird.
“Well…” Demi pauses for a minute and Miley swears she can hear the girl thinking, “If things are getting better with Justin, how will he know you’re still upset about the Nick thing?”
“I’m not upset,” Miley huffs over the phone.
“Blah, Blah, you’d feel the same way in his place, blah, blah, totally understand where he’s coming from, blah de blah. Miley, you’re still upset no matter if you feel like a hypocrite for being mad at Justin when you’d want to do the same thing if the situation were reversed.”
Miley opens the door to her room and flops down on her bed immediately, rolling over and covering her face with a pillow. “I’ll get over it.”
“You should stop lying and start telling the truth. It’d make things easier.”
“Oh, really?” Miley raises her eyebrows. And anyway, it’s not like she’s lying, per se, but more like stretching or not telling the whole truth. There’s a difference. Really.
“Really.”
She’s not so sure she actually believes that.
*
Pushing around some rice on her dinner plate, Miley tries her best to smile and participate and ease the tension, because apparently her parents are kind of worried about her. Which, really, they shouldn’t be. And maybe she hasn’t been sleeping so well lately, but she knows she needs to summon enough energy to be Miley again, at least for one night.
“So, Miley,” her mom begins hesitantly, “do you know when Nick can come over?”
And despite the fact that her family seems to only want to invite over her ex-boyfriend and not the entire Jonas clan, which is just really odd, Miley kind of likes that her parents love Nick so much. “I don’t know.” She tries to smile, really, but she’s sure it looks fake.
“Maybe I could call Denise tonight and set it up,” Tish says to her husband, nodding her head like that’s a good idea. Miley thinks it’s really not.
“No, please, you don’t have to do that.”
“Well, honey,” her mom says soothingly, “it’s no problem. You have a lot on your plate.” Her mom’s eyes are warm and concerned and joking because Miley hasn’t touched most of her food, and she has this urge to get up and hug her.
“Did you two have a fight? You haven’t said much about him lately?” Her dad asks, shoving some beef into his mouth and shaking his head slightly to move some hair out of his face.
“No, not really.”
“Oh, okay.”
And suddenly Miley feels bad for not saying anything about what happened. She doesn’t want anyone to be angry with Justin, or her, or whatever, she doesn’t want anyone to be upset, period. But she’s thinking about what Demi said, about telling the truth, so she takes a sip of water before looking past her parents at the wall. “Justin told me that me and Nick can’t be friends.”
A pregnant silence fills the air as Noah and Braison stop arguing over something and her parents both look at her, shocked and confused. Miley feels herself start to blush because this is about as uncomfortable and she thought it would be. And really, Demi is an idiot.
“Oh, okay then.” Her dad is still looking at her as he begins to nod his head in understanding. Which, is so weird, he doesn’t even seem upset. He gives her mom this look that appears to put them both on the same page instantly.
“Alright, Miley, I guess it’s your call.” Her mom looks at her plate as she speaks, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Um, okay.” Miley doesn’t know what else to say.
And seriously? Miley wishes they’d have more to offer. They should have all the answers, be able to solve the problem. She hates it when they don’t. It makes her feel unsteady.
*
She’s sitting on her bed, strumming her guitar lightly, not particularly in the mood to try and write anything. But when the chords progress and hit her eardrums, it feels calming and everything seems a bit better, a bit more manageable. Miley slides her toes underneath the covers and leans back against the headboard, changing the chord and playing it a few times.
When someone knocks lightly on her door Miley thinks she may have imagined it, so she stops playing and listens. But, no, it was real. Her dad opens the door and smiles at her. “Mind if I come in?”
“Nope.”
Billy Ray sits on the edge of her bed and looks at her for a little while before speaking. “Now, I’m going to give you a little of my fatherly advice.”
Miley rolls her eyes and laughs a little, but the room feels really quiet and altogether too serious. “Would I not know that if you didn’t tell me?”
“I don’t know, maybe you’d think I was trying to rehearse a scene from Hannah.”
Miley would have expected to hear his booming laugh, but when it doesn’t come she nods a little. “Oh, okay.” Miley bites her lip, worried now. She doesn’t have these serious moments with her dad, the rare times they ever happen, it’s always her mom.
“Miley,” her takes a deep breath, speaking slowly and softly, his accent coming out really thick, “if someone loves you, really loves you, they want you to be happy no matter what. Even if it means they’re not. Even if they don’t get things exactly the way they want them.”
“Dad…”
“No, no.” He shakes his head a little to stop her from interrupting. “It’s true. And do with it whatever you’d like.” He stands up and begins walking out of her room, starting to shut the door.
“Hey, dad?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.” Miley smiles at him, hearing the soft thud of her door closing. She strums a few more chords on her guitar, thinking. She closes her eyes for a moment and just, she knows what she has to do. It’s a really nice feeling, actually. She missed it, confidence in her own actions.
*
She’s so excited when she sees the disk lying on the counter, on top of all the other mail that just arrived, that she’s practically jumping up and down. It’s blank with no art printed on it yet, which is fine by her because the tracklist is written on a notecard in Nick’s familiar chicken scratch. Which just makes it even better, really.
Grabbing the case, Miley takes a deep breath to calm herself down. She walks into the living room and can’t help but grin, even as Justin raises his eyebrows at her. “Where’s your water?”
“Oh, right.” Miley shakes her head back and forth a little, having forgotten the reason she went into the kitchen to begin with. “Guess what I found?”
“Um…”
“The CD came!” She fights the urge to wave it around and scream. It’s ridiculous that she’s so happy about it. But, no, she has no desire to listen to the whole record and dissect each lyric trying to figure out if it’s about her or they have a double meaning. It’s just really cool that they’d send the finished product to her first, is all. Or you know, she’s not quite sure if it’s really the “finished project” since it doesn’t have the artwork or anything, but close enough.
“What CD?” Justin knits his eyebrows together, leaning forward slightly, trying to see the case and what’s written on the notecard tucked neatly inside it.
“The, um, the Jonas Brothers new album,” Miley says, biting her lip, saying the Jonas Brothers sounds really weird, like, they’re just Kevin, Joe and Nick to her.
“Oh, cool.”
Miley shifts her weight from foot to foot, tapping her fingers gently against the plastic case for a moment. “Mind if we listen to Before the Storm?”
“Oh, yeah, sure…go ahead,” Justin says softly, looking at the wall while he speaks. He seems slightly uncomfortable, but he’s trying not to freak out. This makes Miley feel better and like maybe she should tell him now.
“Great.” Miley concentrates on walking at a normal pace to the stereo and not fumbling as she puts the disk in, trying carefully not to scratch it. She looks at the notecard, finding the track she wants and skipping to it quickly before any other sound comes echoing from the speakers.
She takes a deep breath as the faint rumblings of a distant storm mold quickly into the music and Nick’s voice hits her ears, followed by her own. She gets up and walks back to Justin, concentrating on the melody and the notes and everything technical about the song.
It would strike her as strange as she sits down on the couch and rubs Justin’s leg lightly that she’s not really listening to the song right now, like she probably would have under other circumstances, but she’s not focusing on normality either. She’s trying to keep her heart steady and her voice stable and just reminds herself of any advice she’s been given: don’t take his shit, tell the truth, someone who loves you wants you to be happy.
It all just makes sense all of the sudden, simple and clear, like pieces of a puzzle coming together. “I’m going to be friends with Nick.” The statement sounds absolutely absurd for a thousand different reasons, but she needed to say it aloud.
“Yeah.” Justin reaches out and squeezes Miley’s hand lightly.
“Yeah?” She faintly hears her voice mixed with Nick’s, asking, begging not to be alone. It breaks her heart in this really new way, like maybe singing that line together was a promise that she broke, and she inhales sharply.
“To be honest, I’m surprised you lasted this long…you must really love me.” And it makes Miley feel uncomfortable because none of what he says sounds particularly happy. But he smiles at her a little and she puts her head on his shoulder.
“Thank you.”
“Don’t,” he whispers, smoothing her hair with his hand, his heart beating steadily and slowly, Miley thinks. She’s not sure if she can hear it or not as she expects Before the Storm to morph into something completely foreign, but apparently the stereo is on repeat.
“I’m really sorry.” Miley’s words are muffled as she lifts her head up and looks Justin in the eyes, the melancholy in his orbs as he tries to smile at her makes her feel really fragile.
“For what?”
She’s not really sure, so she puts her head on his shoulder again and wraps her arms around him.
*
Miley’s heart is beating erratically as she methodically goes through her nightly routines, and when she flops on her bed, finished with them, she’s disappointed that her heart hasn’t calmed down any like she had hoped it would. She pulls the covers over the legs and picks up her cell and calls Joe before she can even think too much about it.
“Miley?” He asks, clearly confused as to what she could be calling about now.
“Hey, what’s up?”
“Not much.”
Miley takes a deep breath and slides down on her bed a little. “Could I talk to Nick?”
“Really?” The shock in Joe’s tone is not really a surprise to Miley, but she detects some hope and giddiness in it too, which is not exactly what she would have thought he’d be feeling.
“Oh, yeah, I’m kidding,” Miley says sarcastically, even though she’s not feeling sarcastic at all.
“One minute.” His voice is already muffled as he says this and she hears him yell for his brother. Then she can hear, almost clearly, as Nick asks what the hell Joe’s screaming for when he’s just in the next room and Joe tells him she’s on the phone and Nick says “Oh” really softly.
“Miley? Is something wrong?” He asks, whispering as though maybe Joe’s still there, listening in.
“Nope.” Hearing him makes her feel more at ease, like it always does. And she kind of wants to make him sweat a little.
“What is it?”
“Nothing.” She feels a smile take over her features.
“Okay.” He sighs, exasperated. Miley can picture him pacing around, wondering what the hell is going on right now. And it makes her want to giggle a little, but also like she wants to be there so she can hug him.
“I told Justin that we’re friends.”
“Really?” His voice is kind of skeptical, which makes Miley feel really shitty, like does he actually think she’d lie to him about something like that? She can’t remember ever really lying to him at all, and she wonders if maybe he doesn’t see it that way.
“Really,” Miley says softly, tucking some stray hair behind her ear. “I missed you too much.”
“I missed you too,” he whispers lowly.
“Good.” Miley feels her breath catch in her chest as a silence falls over them. She wonders if maybe they don’t have anything to talk about anymore, if maybe he had gotten used to not talking to her. “So…” She bites her lip hesitantly.
Nick still doesn’t say anything, but she can hear him breathing, which is good enough for her, at least he’s still there. Miley lets her eyes drift shut, the phone still pressed against her ear. She feels herself slip down so she’s lying on her pillows, and her heartbeat is slowing down in a very steady way.
“I love you,” Nick murmurs into the phone.
“What?” Miley’s eyes snap open and she feels like all the air has been sucked out of her body. Maybe she imagined that, she was falling asleep after all. Which, even if she did, what does that say about her?
“Goodnight, Miles.” He sounds really distant all of the sudden, which makes her press the phone closer to her ear and she feels very awake now.
“Night,” she says calmly. But god, how the hell does he expect her to fall asleep now?
It turns out its must easier than she expected because her dreams are colored in shades of deep brown and plaid. They also seem very familiar, like maybe she had the same ones when she was a fourteen year old girl.
*
Miley can’t emphasize enough how excited she is about the Send It On video shoot. It’s like, almost all of her favorite people in one place all day getting to hang out and joke and run around. So what if they have to do some work?
She sits down in a chair, watching as the director and lightening people huddle together, pointing at a light giving off a greenish glow, concern etched over their faces like maybe it’ll cause everyone to look like Kermit. She brings her coffee to her lips, hoping it won’t mess up her gloss or stain her teeth. It’s warm and frothy and tastes like vanilla.
“Miley!” Demi shrieks at her, grinning widely, holding her own Starbucks cup. “I feel like we haven’t seen each other in forever. Seriously.” The darker-haired girl grabs another chair and drags it over, placing it next to Miley’s and sits down.
“I know.” Miley reaches out, grabbing Demi’s hand and squeezing it for a second. “God, you must have been really ugly today, they really caked the make-up on you.”
“Hey!” Demi smacks Miley’s arm, “you’re one to talk.”
“You think I’m ugly?” The younger girl laughs, feeling her coffee cooling through her cup as she taps her pointer finger against it a little.
“Oh, definitely.”
“That’s good for my self-esteem,” Miley says, raising her eyebrows at Demi, reaching around her to put her cup on the snack table.
Demi shakes her head, tilting it slightly and looking at Miley like she has no idea what she’s talking about at all. “Oh, please,” she says dramatically, “you have two guys who are completely in love with you, that’s got to give you a few points.”
“Who’s in love with Miley?” Selena asks, walking over fresh from hair and make-up. She shoves Demi a little and they try to share the chair, both looking completely squished on top of each other, but somehow comfortable, like it’s something they’ve done all their lives.
“Me and you.” Demi hands Selena her cup and Selena takes a long sip, emptying it and tossing it into the trash can behind her.
“Oh, cool.” Selena smiles at Miley a little, looking about a thousand times less tired than Miley feels.
“You two are hilarious.” Miley rolls her eyes at the two best friends and rubs her lips together, feeling them slide back and forth easily with the massive amounts of lipgloss applied to them.
“Oh, we’re sharing chairs now? I call dibs on sharing with Demi and Selena!” Joe calls in a high-pitched voice, breaking away from Kevin, trying to sit on top of the girls who giggle and push him off harder with each new attempt.
“I’ll get my own.” Kevin shakes his head, grabbing two chairs from across the room and bringing them over.
“God, I thought we were like, sharing,” Joe pops his hip out dramatically, still speaking in a girly voice.
“Where’s Nick?” Miley asks as Kevin plops the chairs he retrieved in front of the girls and takes a seat, pulling Joe down to sit in the other one.
“They needed extra make-up to cover up his ugly,” Joe deadpans, letting his head lull back and closing his eyes. “God, I’m so tired.”
“Maybe you should refrain from texting girls until 3 in the morning then,” Demi snickers, resting her head on Selena’s shoulder, which makes them look a little more normal, crammed on their chair.
“Hey! Who was texting back, Demetria?”
“Whatever.” Demi rolls her eyes and lifts her head up, smoothing out the fabric on Selena’s shoulder with her hand lightly. “Look, Kevin’s bored with us already.”
Kevin smiles sheepishly from his phone, clearly texting Danielle. “Can’t help it.”
:”I can’t decide if that was mean or not,” Demi tilts her head a little at the oldest Jonas, pursing her lips.
“Definitely was,” Joe says, his eyes sparkling and shining.
“Miley, is that yours?” Selena points to her cooling coffee cup on the table.
“Yeah, you can have it if you want.”
“Thank you so much.” Selena quickly snatches it up before Joe can and gulps it down. She throws is in the trash can expertly, and wipes at the corners of her mouth with her fingers, trying to make sure no residue is left.
Nick walks up to the group, hands stuffed in his pockets. “Hey guys.”
“Hey,” Miley says softly, feeling her smile grow wider.
“Sorry to break up the party, but we need to get started.” The director interrupts and Miley feels her grin falter a little. It’s just that she hasn’t talked to Nick in person since April and she was looking forward to it. Plus, doing it in a group would make it easier. Not because of things that may or may not have been said over the phone, just, it would be easier, is all.
*
Selena hops on Joe’s back easily, laughing loudly. He gallops off in search of Demi, Selena bouncing up and down slightly with her arms wrapped firmly around his neck. This leaves Nick and Miley alone, and for some reason the theater seems much darker to her now. Which is odd and ridiculous.
“So…” Miley bites her lip. They haven’t been alone all day. And suddenly all the piggyback rides he’d given her and how she kept hugging him seem like too much too soon, even though it all seemed so normal and natural when Joe was running, his legs tied to Demi and Selena’s as they did a six legged race against no one and Kevin kept ruffling Selena’s hair and tickling Demi until she almost cried.
“Yeah.” Nick scoffs the ground with his shoe before looking at Miley and smiling a little. “Did you like the CD?”
“I didn’t know I was going to get the whole thing!” Miley grins and in the blink of an eye everything is good again. “I loved it,” she gushes, emotion filling her voice.
“I’m glad. And Before the Storm met your expectations?”
“You know if it was good enough for you it was good enough for me,” Miley says softly feeling her cheeks blushing a little because Nick is looking her in that way of his that just makes her want to kiss him, which she won’t, because god, she has self-control. Or she thinks she does, which is good enough. “I thought it was perfect.”
Nick’s standing really close to her now, and Miley feels like she should probably take a step back, but she doesn’t. “Want to write something now?”
“Sure.” It comes out as more air than actual noise.
*
Miley’s written their names at the top of a napkin and Nick’s made a joke about how that’s so very Indy of them and now she’s just staring at him, lips pressed together tightly as he looks back at her. She finally breaks eye contact and takes out her phone quickly to twitter something, anything, and Nick leans over her shoulder to read it.
“You like the shirt?” He asks, his eyes sparkling.
Miley feels flirting bubbling up in her throat, but she tries to push it down and just nods. “Yes.”
“Thanks. Picked it out myself.”
“You did not!” Miley protests, her voice sounding very loud in the empty theater, echoing off the walls for a moment before the room grows silent again.
“Well, they picked out a different one that was gross looking, so I had them get this one.”
“Aren’t you just the little diva?” Miley raises her eyebrows at him.
“I’m just awesome.” He retorts, his voice low and quiet. His eyes are burning as Miley looks at him, just like the day that they kissed, which feels like forever ago.
“Did you mean it?” She asks softly as she tries to keep her breathing steady, but it’s getting all out of whack anyway, she can feel it.
“Yes.” Nick’s breath his hot against her cheek as he cups her face in his hand, running her thumb over her cheekbone Miley’s not sure if he even know what she’s talking about, she think he probably doesn’t, but whatever he is talking about is close enough.
“I’m going to break up with Justin,” she says the words before she even knows it. A tear trickles down her cheek and Nick wipes it away with his thumb, and it feels right, even as part of her heart breaks. And Nick just kisses her forehead and pulls her into him and he smells really nice, so Miley smiles.
And maybe this is what doing the right thing really feels like, what her heart’s been telling her, maybe love is sitting in a dark theater and realizing what you’ve wanted for a long time.
*
Justin shakes his head back and forth a little, his face quickly flashing anger and then lingering on sadness for a moment before settling on a blank expression. “Oh, right.”
“I’m really sorry.” Miley presses her lips together and looks at his eyes, hoping he’ll be okay, that he isn’t really too crushed. Tears are pooling in the corners of her eyes and she looks over his shoulder.
“Well, I hope you’re really happy together,” he says bitterly, his eyes still void of emotion.
“Justin…” Miley sighs, she thought she’d explained this to him already, “we’re not together. We’re just friends.”
“Right. That’s why I’m being dumped. Because you’re just friends who have reconnected,” he spits out the last word, almost laughing hoarsely. “It’s okay, I saw this coming.”
“I really do love you Justin, just-“
“I know. I love you too.” He forces a small smile on his face before stepping forward and hugging her and they stay like that for what seems like a really long time before breaking apart. “I just wish you didn’t love him too.”
“I know.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Justin.” Miley bites her lip, hard, trying not to cry just yet. “I hope we can be friends.”
“Yeah. Bye.” Justin shuts the door softly behind him and Miley lets the tears fall freely.
Letting them stream down her face feels really cathartic and she smiles a little. It’s really strange how her heart can be hurting and so happy simultaneously. She can taste the salt as the wetness hits her lips and only then does she bother wiping the tears away. She lets her mind drift to other things, like how she is going to Georgia and filming her new movie and how that’ll really help her get over this. Distance is good. Time is good.
This break-up feels much better than the one with Nick. She wonders if maybe she wanted it to end, but no, that’s not particularly right. It’s more that she didn’t want it to continue the way it was. And maybe they actually will be friends; maybe they can make that work, she wasn’t just saying it out of obligation. It’s what she wants, the simple truth.
Demi would be so proud of her.
*
Georgia’s really nice, really. Miley just misses home and her own bed and the idea of being here for three months is hard to grasp at first. Especially since they aren’t doing much for the movie yet and it sort of feels like vacation and they’ll be going home in a week. And god, part of her wishes that were true. Because she misses Justin so much.
More than she thought she would, since she was the one who broke up with him. Like, isn’t that supposed to make it easier? Well, clearly, it hasn’t.
She’s just showered and is wearing an old pair of sweatpants rolled up her calves and a T-shirt when she walks down the stairs and swears she hears her mom talking to Nick. And when she gets into the kitchen, there is he, sipping a can of diet coke, and Miley blinks a few times to make sure she isn’t imagining this.
“Oh, hey.” Nick smirks at her and her mother is grinning widely like she knows she’s a genius.
“Hi,” Miley breathes out, she feels like she may be in shock. But as his familiar scent assaults her nose a smile becomes plastered on her face and she leans over and gives him a big hug before sitting down at the wooden table. “How did this…?”
“Well,” her mom says, clearly pleased with herself, “I called Denise and told her we really wanted to have Nick visit,” and Tish’s eyes are sparkling so much and her accent is really thick and Miley thinks her mom probably wants to wink at her, “and his schedule’s been crazy, right?”
“Yeah,” Nick contributes, clearly amused as Tish’s hand gestures become bigger and more spastic.
“And we talked about it, and he had a day or so, well, now,” Tish giggles a little and brushes some hair off her forehead, “and I told her he could easily stay with us here until he had to go to New York. So we planned the whole thing to surprise you.” When her mom finishes she takes a deep breath and looks at Miley eagerly.
“Oh my god, mom, thank you so much.” Miley gets up quickly and so does her mom, allowing them to embrace tightly. “Really, thank you,” she whispers, beyond elated that her mother would do so much for her.
“You’re welcome.”
“Nick!” Miley turns to him and tugs on his arm, trying to get him to stand up, but he resists, trying to finish his can of diet coke. She groans a little, but finally he abides by her wishes and she gives him a proper hug, except their bodies are pressed together tightly, probably too tightly, and they stay that way for a long time. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!” Miley whacks his arm.
“Hey! It was a surprise,” Nick protests, his eyes shining at her and she feels like maybe he thinks she is some sort of princess, which is stupid, because Miley knows Nick doesn’t think lame things like that. “Why didn’t you hit your mom?”
“Because she gave birth to me.” Miley rolls her eyes and laces her fingers through Nick’s and she doesn’t really know what message that sends to him, but she doesn’t really want to think too much about it either.
“Don’t be gross.” But he squeezes her hand and she can hear the smile in his voice.
”Shut up,” Miley says as they sits down on a couch in the living room.
“Good come back.”
“Like ‘don’t be gross’ is witty,” Miley smirks at him and sits on the opposite end of the couch and stretches her feet out, hitting his leg lightly with her foot.
“Whatever. So what’s up?”
“Nothing much. Just chilling with my best friend.”
“You know what I meant.” Nick says softly, looking at her seriously. He reaches out and grabs her legs, pulling her a little closer to him. A curl falls, obscuring his vision a little and he quickly pushes it away.
“I’m good. Promise.”
“Good.”
“Hey,” Miley tilts her head, smirking devilishly, “Have you ever thought of straightening your hair?” She bites her lip a little and kicks his leg again before sitting up straighter, scooting next to him and tucking her feet under her. She rests one elbow on the back on the couch and uses her other hand to pull one of his curls out.
“No.” He says seriously, swatting her hand away.
Miley nods, thinking a little, and then grabs another curl, pulling it out straight. “But don’t you think you’d look good?” Nick swats her hand away again and she goes back to pulling his pieces of hair as he says no. Eventually he wraps his hand around her wrist and pulls it away, so Miley reaches out with her other hand to continue trying to picture him with flat ironed hair. Nick easily grabs onto it and Miley struggles for a little while before stopping and looking at him.
His eyes are shining in that way that says he knows he won and it makes her feel kind of lightheaded as he loosens his grip on her wrists a little. And then she can see him searching her face and she’s not sure what he’s looking for until he leans in and she does too, unconsciously or not, Miley isn’t sure which. And when he kisses her it’s soft and deep and he places one hand on her neck and the other tangles in her hair.
And it’s strange how Miley knows this doesn’t really mean they’re back together. She has no idea what to label them, this, everything. They’re friends, but they’re more than that, in more ways than one. And she hates the phrase friends with benefits, but she thinks that doesn’t quite fit them anyway. Since she knows he loves her and he knows she loves him. Which, this is more than something physical. And Miley feels like she’s single, but also like she’s not.
And she’s alright with that, like this is what they need right now.
*
The idea of performing Before the Storm live isn’t really any of theirs. It’s the fans who spread the rumor a while ago. And after Savannah and the Larry King thing- which Nick yelled at Joe about, while Miley told Joe he was hilarious and it was okay- it seemed like the best idea. Like it wouldn’t really solve any problem, it wouldn’t stop anyone from talking, but they knew no one was going to stop talking anytime soon anyway. So. Whatever. It just seemed like the right thing to do, like it fit.
And now that they’re out there, singing, fans screaming, Miley feels so light and airy. Because god, she was so nervous, more nervous than she’d been in such a long time and it was kind of nice, that feeling. Some general blocking had been laid out for the song, which Miley follows. Seriously, she totally does.
Except for sometimes she feels like her heart may burst into tiny little shreds of what it used to be and she’ll just fall over from being so happy and she’ll have a clean heart, a new, fresh one. So she has to look at Nick and go over to him and brush his shoulder or touch him or just make eye contact, because he keeps her grounded. He keeps her singing.
And the song seems to drag on, almost as though they stopped in this moment, but it also feels like it’s over sooner than it should be. Like maybe they accidentally forgot a whole cluster of verses. Miley smiles at the crowd and she really feels like maybe she’ll collapse, but then Nick hugs her lightly and she’s okay again and she’s being lowered under the stage.
And its okay, she realizes that there isn’t really a definite, definable label for whatever it is they are. They just need to be them, Nick and Miley. That’s what they are. That’s the only label that really suits them. And it’s good enough.
For now.
*