:: update
I know it's been awhile. I've been crunching the hours away, finishing up the last few assignments of my university career as well as trying to manage every aspect of my life that seems to be caving in on me (my job and of course, bills).
I'm sorry about not updating very often anymore. Hopefully, I'll eclipse all of this silence with a ton of updates both when I graduate school (and no longer have to worry about it) and also, when I get to South Korea. Assuming everything goes as planned. If I'm able to, I'll scrounge up enough money before the trip to buy a reliable digital camera that I can take with me, updating on the fly. If not, you'll at least have tonnes of pictures to look forward to after I've been in Korea for a bit.
Without a doubt, these have been the hardest six months of my life. Ever since I started that miserable job, combined with the stress of school, money, and being stretched every which way, I'm actually beginning to look forward to South Korea as the great "release" from all of this. Of course, any sane person would argue that travelling half way around the world to drop myself in a culture I've never even witnessed before would be way beyond stressful, though I really don't think so. For starters, I'll be rich (it pays good) and won't have to worry about money while I'm there. Secondly, I'll only be working thirty hours a week. Thirdly, I thrive in situations like that: I feel more comfortable when I don't know what's going on then when I do. As long as I have a private space to retreat to.
To another topic: I know I've spoken before about the loss of my spirituality that has occured in the last several months. Well, its not so much of a loss, more of a vacation. I find that since sometime last year, I've been so busy in the world that I've somehow managed to forget the world upstairs. Hopefully, this journey into the unknown will rekindle that spiritual life within me, as it seems to come on stronger when I'm in a situation where I am struggling to maintain control (or have no control at all).
My "spirituality" is weird; I don't even know whether to call it spirituality or not. It's a kind of sensation that creeps into my body, sometimes infrequently and sometimes for days at a time, when I'm specific situations where I don't quite grasp what's going on. This is an insight I came to the other day. Every "spiritual" instance of my life, by nature, involves a couple of personal circumstances: first, I have to be out of sync with culture, or simply with things that are going on around me. I think that allowing this disconnect to exist in a way allows me to fill in the blanks with my own internal state. Secondly, there has to be the presence of "tastes" or "smells", which I'm not even really going to try to explain. They come and go, as much as I wish I could control them I can't. They seem to be dependent on the first condition.
Whether or not this is spirituality, I don't know. I basically feel like I'm voided against the world around me and experiencing things under my terms, not those imposed on me by outside (like the rest of the human race). When I'm in these zones, I feel as if I believe an artist would feel, or at least someone who is in touch with that abstract side of themselves; the way Van Gogh probably saw the world in a cock-eyed sort of way. Anyway, I'm not nearly pretentious enough to claim to be on the same level as Van Gogh, I simply believe that I'm tapping in the same condition as him (which is where I must point out that I don't believe there is any metaphysical, religious significance to this: I believe it is chemical, which doesn't really effect my interpretation or use of it).
Aside from the loss of spirituality, since working at Teletech I've become very disconcerted with people in general. All of these factors make me want to leave this part of the world even more. I know I can't make any sweeping claims about Americans or Canadians, but given the amount of people I deal with in the course of a day in the US, and despite the nature of the job, I have been granted to me every reason in the world for having great disdain for the "average" person. I'll rant more on this later, for now, I'm going for a walk.
I'm sorry about not updating very often anymore. Hopefully, I'll eclipse all of this silence with a ton of updates both when I graduate school (and no longer have to worry about it) and also, when I get to South Korea. Assuming everything goes as planned. If I'm able to, I'll scrounge up enough money before the trip to buy a reliable digital camera that I can take with me, updating on the fly. If not, you'll at least have tonnes of pictures to look forward to after I've been in Korea for a bit.
Without a doubt, these have been the hardest six months of my life. Ever since I started that miserable job, combined with the stress of school, money, and being stretched every which way, I'm actually beginning to look forward to South Korea as the great "release" from all of this. Of course, any sane person would argue that travelling half way around the world to drop myself in a culture I've never even witnessed before would be way beyond stressful, though I really don't think so. For starters, I'll be rich (it pays good) and won't have to worry about money while I'm there. Secondly, I'll only be working thirty hours a week. Thirdly, I thrive in situations like that: I feel more comfortable when I don't know what's going on then when I do. As long as I have a private space to retreat to.
To another topic: I know I've spoken before about the loss of my spirituality that has occured in the last several months. Well, its not so much of a loss, more of a vacation. I find that since sometime last year, I've been so busy in the world that I've somehow managed to forget the world upstairs. Hopefully, this journey into the unknown will rekindle that spiritual life within me, as it seems to come on stronger when I'm in a situation where I am struggling to maintain control (or have no control at all).
My "spirituality" is weird; I don't even know whether to call it spirituality or not. It's a kind of sensation that creeps into my body, sometimes infrequently and sometimes for days at a time, when I'm specific situations where I don't quite grasp what's going on. This is an insight I came to the other day. Every "spiritual" instance of my life, by nature, involves a couple of personal circumstances: first, I have to be out of sync with culture, or simply with things that are going on around me. I think that allowing this disconnect to exist in a way allows me to fill in the blanks with my own internal state. Secondly, there has to be the presence of "tastes" or "smells", which I'm not even really going to try to explain. They come and go, as much as I wish I could control them I can't. They seem to be dependent on the first condition.
Whether or not this is spirituality, I don't know. I basically feel like I'm voided against the world around me and experiencing things under my terms, not those imposed on me by outside (like the rest of the human race). When I'm in these zones, I feel as if I believe an artist would feel, or at least someone who is in touch with that abstract side of themselves; the way Van Gogh probably saw the world in a cock-eyed sort of way. Anyway, I'm not nearly pretentious enough to claim to be on the same level as Van Gogh, I simply believe that I'm tapping in the same condition as him (which is where I must point out that I don't believe there is any metaphysical, religious significance to this: I believe it is chemical, which doesn't really effect my interpretation or use of it).
Aside from the loss of spirituality, since working at Teletech I've become very disconcerted with people in general. All of these factors make me want to leave this part of the world even more. I know I can't make any sweeping claims about Americans or Canadians, but given the amount of people I deal with in the course of a day in the US, and despite the nature of the job, I have been granted to me every reason in the world for having great disdain for the "average" person. I'll rant more on this later, for now, I'm going for a walk.