Book 5, Chapter 11: The Sword and the Pen
Title: The Sword and the Pen
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Billy, Cate, and Dominic
Word Count: 3717
Summary: An appreciation of many arts.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
The meeting in Billy's office has reached the point at which even the student sitting in front of him pouring out a full term's worth of troubles has noticed Billy's eyes and attention wandering. Billy has less than fifteen minutes before the arts presentations will begin, and even if he walks at his fastest clip, it will still take him five minutes to reach the ballroom, and he will not be late, he'd decided long before this meeting began. Not for this, not for what should be a rare moment of triumph for Dominic, and, if he's honest a smaller moment for Billy himself.
The student heaves a bit of a sigh, and Billy snaps back to reality with a curt laugh. "Forgive me," he says simply. "If you'd come to me three weeks ago, we could have sorted out most of your problems with Dr. Stinson. The only thing I can recommend you do now is to withdraw and suffer that on your marks. I'm not going to sugarcoat this and advise you to stick it out, Robert. You're going to fail, and while that's unfortunate, I'd rather not see it happen on my watch. Or yours," he says quickly. "Now you'll have to excuse me--we've overrun our time and I have another appointment."
Billy waits until the hallway outside his office is empty before he breaks into a half-sprint, making his way to the ballroom, buttoning his blazer as he walks before shoving his hands again inside his pockets. The bite in the air reminds him pleasantly of the evening only just a couple of weeks ago when Dominic had first told him about the award--a small bursary, another chance to be published, and this ceremony to be recognized. And of course, this honour will shine like a small treasure on Dominic's transcript, and later his CV, should he decide, indeed, to become a teacher. Billy is proud of him--incredibly, heatedly proud of him--and has demonstrated as such that several times since he'd first read the letter Dominic had handed him--once over a bottle of old, fantastic, expensive Scotch, and other times across Billy's old, fantastic, considerably less expensive bed. But now, to watch Dominic read the poems aloud before an audience of his peers, his professors, and the general public, well; Billy knows he's not going to be able to hide his pride, but as Dominic's advisor, he has every reason to be there watching and applauding. As someone with even more than that vested interest, wild horses couldn't keep him away.
The thought slides a smile across Billy's face, and he's still smiling as he dashes up the three flights of stairs to the ballroom and turns the corner leading to the room itself, nearly running over the amused Professor Blanchett. Cate barely has hello out of her mouth before Billy's knocked her back against the wall, and Billy catches her stumble instinctively, arms around her waist as he helps her steady her balance, apologies already spilling from him.
"It's all right, Bill. No harm done. Just warn a girl next time, hmm?"
"No, I am terribly sorry, Cate. I just didn't want to be late."
"Nothing's started yet," she says simply. "You should know these things never begin on time, no matter which school. I drew the short straw and had to handle a meet and greet this morning. They got a good laugh in my department about that." Cate opens the door to the ballroom and smiles as she motions Billy inside. "Come on. Let's find you a seat."
Billy's surprised by the irritation he feels at the touch of her hand on his arm. Not now, he thinks, and almost apologizes aloud for it. There's no reason to be rude, but now is not the time to indulge in even the most polite flirtation, the most politely teasing remarks he's become quickly used to around Cate. He is late--he can hear and see the settling of far too many people inside the ballroom, signaling only a few moments before the presentations begin--and knows they'll be stuck at the very back of the room, if Cate can indeed get them seats at all.
And of course Cate is so very present today, her eyes flickering and her scent light and fresh against Billy as she leans into him, her arm sliding deeper into his. Billy can feel the light sweat break out on his forehead as they walk into the room, and he runs his free hand through his hair as Cate guides them to two seats in the very back row. The professor on stage-Billy recognizes her as one of the heads of the languages department-speaks eloquently and with a certain urgency about the university’s need to better embrace the arts, and how this afternoon’s event is one of many she hopes to come in the future. Billy frowns, remembering what he's heard otherwise in passing and from other professors and administration, but he recovers enough to gesture Cate to sit first, pulling the chair out to make room for her long legs, and then he sits down himself, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, to flip through the program Cate hands him, searching for Dominic’s name. He stops himself just before touching the letters with his fingers, choosing instead to fold the paper closed and lean back, just as the professor finishes her speech. Cate and Billy clap politely, and Billy smiles at Cate, relaxing again now that he’s made it here before Dominic’s turn on the stage.
The first student speaks rather stridently, nervous but eager to impress, and Billy finds himself smiling and nodding in encouragement he’s certain the young man can’t see this far back. Billy opens the program again, rereading the titles of Dominic’s poems, which Billy already knows are lovely and lyrical, the stuff of heady joy to someone aware of their meanings. He’s not sure he’ll keep his composure while Dominic reads them aloud to this room full of strangers and friends, but for Dominic’s sake, he intends to try; now that Cate sits beside him, her eyes running over Billy so hard he can almost feel them on his back, he may have to do more than that. Billy tries to calm his mind, shifting in his seat, and his knee brushes against Cate’s.
“Sorry, sorry,” he whispers, rubbing Cate’s knee absently. She smiles back, and in the next moment, there is a round of applause for the student on stage. Billy leans in to Cate, curious but not nearly so nervous as before.
“You’re not staying on my account, are you, Cate? If you’ve had a day of it already, you should make a break for it while you can. I’m here to support my students, but-” Billy pauses, searching for a way to make this sound right. “I didn’t think you were so interested in the arts. You surprise me again. I like that, I do.”
"Chair's orders; no one leaves until after the program is over." Cate laughs quietly, the sound lost in the round of applause that occurs when the next student has finished reading her piece. Cate leans in close to peer at the program as well, her shoulder pressing against Billy's as she scans the page.
"Your Mr. Monaghan will be speaking today; I was happy to see him on the program. I have to tell you, he's beginning to do better in class." Cate pauses, ready to go on, but the next speaker is announced then, and she falls silent instead. Billy smiles, knowing Dominic has been doing better in biology; hours of studying in Billy’s house and at the library and even on long car rides have helped Dominic’s grades immensely-to say nothing of the relaxation Billy’s tried to teach him. Billy flushes as the thought crosses his mind, and he smiles harder before trying to focus on the next reading.
Though Cate’s been here all day, she still seems unruffled, calm, perhaps even enjoying the readings, though more likely enjoying not being on her feet. As if she’s read his mind, Cate turns to Billy with a softer smile, and he returns it unconsciously before leafing through the program again.
And then it is Dominic’s turn. Even if twenty of his peers were surrounding him, watching his every move, Billy could not suppress his pride and happiness. He sits up straighter, folding his arms across his chest as he listens to Dominic’s first poem. Dominic is nervous, and Billy grits his teeth a little, willing strength into him. By the second poem, Dominic's relaxed, and Billy follows that lead. The soft, idle chatter behind Billy and Cate-the sound of bored professors and younger siblings of presenters, both parties dragged here by their ears-fades away as Dominic’s voice carries around the room. Dominic has always read aloud well, despite initial hesitation, and he's slowly charming his audience now, just as he charms Billy in class discussions on occasion, when he's arguing a point in his gentle but firm way.
After the second poem, Billy turns to Cate and nods at her pleased expression. Having soothed the room into silence, Dominic begins the third poem-the one of which Dominic's most proud, and one of his best, in Billy's limited experience. Billy remembers trying to parse out the German phrases with no success, and simply asking Dominic to read it again and again, not so he could understand each word, but just to hear and feel the rhythm of Dominic’s warm, rough-hewn accent. It was only days later that Billy asked him for a translation, and the night that followed is one Billy's not likely to forget.
Dominic’s eyes search the room between stanzas, but Billy doesn't move, doesn't try to catch his stare for fear of distracting him. Instead he continues to listen, nearly holding his breath. Cate listens to Dominic's poetry as raptly as the rest of the audience, leaning forward, elbows resting on her lap.
Billy concentrates hard now, feeling as much as listening to words written for him, first scribbled on an empty page in one of Billy's ancient paperbacks. Dominic had told him about waking up in the middle of the night, the bedroom still dark and his body still holding on to happy exhaustion, and resting for a long time with his head cushioned on Billy's chest. When light had begun to finally seep under the curtains, Dominic had reached for his pen and that book and written out the poem that had taken shape all that long night. As Dominic finishes the poem, his eyes bright and colour high in his cheeks, Billy finally exhales. He closes his eyes for the last two lines before he remembers that Cate is beside him-and she sees everything.
There is complete silence in the ballroom immediately afterward, and then applause, ranging from polite to pleased and maybe something more. This is Dominic’s moment of truth and glory, Billy thinks, one for which Billy himself can take absolutely no credit, but one he'll celebrate nonetheless. The response takes Dominic by surprise, and he grins, turning toward the professor coming toward him--his German professor, Dr. Beher--who Billy knows had encouraged him to submit this very poem. As Dominic turns onstage to shake his professor’s hand, his grin creasing his face, Billy turns back to Cate, applauding with everyone else, sitting up in her seat and smiling.
“That, Cate,” Billy says, his voice just a little slurry with excitement, “that is why we’re here. To make sure that young people like him are not overlooked or forgotten. For moments like this, just now. That’s the work of years being realized, and we-get to see it happen.” Cate's smile grows very warm, and she tilts her head compassionately before Billy takes a breath and stares at the stage, his smile thin but firm.
"We can pop in if you'd like," Cate says then, pulling Billy's attention back to her and pointing to the side entrance to the back of the stage. "I'm sure he'd appreciate knowing his advisor took the time to come see him." Billy hesitates, but Cate stands, her smile turning mischievous, and eases past him, tugging on the fabric of Billy's blazer to get him to follow her. He's never enjoyed being pulled anywhere, least of all by his sleeve like a child, but it would be even more impolite to not go along with Cate now as she leads the way around the seated audience with a confident tilt to her chin. No one stops them as she pushes open the door that leads to the wings.
Dominic is there, blushing and smiling in the middle of a small group of faculty members and other students, and Cate and Billy stand off to the side a bit, waiting for an opening in the conversation to step forward. Cate leans closer to Billy while they wait, and lowers her voice just so he can hear.
"You're a good teacher, you know. Dedicated when most don't bother anymore. And you must see how fond he is of you." Billy turns sharply to face her, and Cate laughs, then nods back at Dominic. "Our attentions can make all the difference to someone like him who needs extra ... encouragement."
It would take a man even more churlish than Billy feels right now to remain irritated in the face of such a compliment, so he turns back to face Dominic and nods politely. “'s a good word, that. Encouragement. But I've got nothing to do with it, Cate; he's reached the goals he’s set for himself because he knew he could. I think you might be more of a help to him at this point, actually, and he needs that help to walk and get the hell out of this place.” Billy turns to watch Dominic, animated as usual, his eyes and smile very bright, and mirrors that smile when Dominic catches his eyes and begins to come their way. “That doesn't matter today, though, does it. He needs to not forget this.”
At the last possible moment, Dominic seems to recognize Billy's not alone here, and they cannot share the sort of greeting they might under better circumstances. Dominic's eyes flit between Billy and Cate and then settle somewhere in the middle for a moment before he extends his hand to Billy, holding on for a fraction longer than is strictly necessary, needing the contact to calm his nerves. "Professor Boyd. You made it. I was so scared up there."
"Wild horses, Dominic." It's Billy who breaks contact first, straightening his shoulders while working to hold his smile. “And you had no reason to be scared. That last poem went over brilliantly, didn’t it? I seem to recall telling you it would. You've done well, Dom; enjoy it."
Dominic blushes, looking down at his feet and nervously fingering his tie again before he looks up, his emotions as carefully concealed as he can manage now. "Professor Blanchett, I'm glad you could make it as well."
Cate steps forward at Billy's gentle insistence, and takes Dominic's hand in her own, shaking it warmly, offering him a genuine smile. "You were very good up there, Dominic. You spoke eloquently." Dominic's blush deepens, and he ducks his head tucks as he murmurs his thanks. Cate curls her fingers under his chin affectionately, raising his eyes to hers again.
"Mr. Monaghan, you should be proud of your gifts. Your talent. We all have something that sets us apart from the rest, and you very well may have found yours. Bill--" Cate glances behind her and waves Billy closer, resting a hand on his shoulder when he moves into their little circle once again. "Professor Boyd told me once that you were thinking of becoming a teacher yourself. Speaking in front of a crowd will certainly prepare you for that."
Looking to where Dominic is still holding his poetry in his hand, the paper folded and wrinkled from over-handling, Cate points to it in curiosity. "I wish my German were better. I would have loved to have understood what you were saying. I don't suppose you would mind translating it for us now?" Cate's smile is friendly but firm; she expects Dominic to comply with her request, and Billy meets Dominic's eyes hard, willing him not to break under this sweetest of pressure. Don’t do this to him, Billy thinks, too, feeling that strange wave of anger with Cate again. And then, just as loud in his thoughts comes the direction to Dominic; don’t let her do this to you. Keep your secrets. Keep ours.
Dominic barely seems to register Cate’s request, in any case; he thanks her again absently, and then he holds Billy's gaze, looking for help Billy can't give him. “I don't think--it doesn't translate well. Nothing does, really. That's why I write them in German; the words aren't there for me in the same way in English."
Dominic's pulling himself together, but still Billy hates the feeling of powerlessness that’s both paralyzing and sweeping over him, the inability to break the sudden tension in the middle of their small circle. Cate is waiting, her smile amused and thin, but Billy nods slowly, feeling a corner of his own lips rise now as Dominic lifts his chin a bit more, defiantly almost, and continues. “The last one I read is about love-about a need so great that you feel trapped and lost when the other person isn’t near you. It’s based on a lecture Professor Boyd gave once." Cate's eyes flit to Billy then back to Dominic, and Dominic's expression turns fierce for the barest moment, just long enough for Billy to notice it, before he settles into something calmer. "He’s quite brilliant. I was glad when he said that I seemed to understand his meaning.”
Cate murmurs her approval, and Billy's careful to make his relieved exhale a quiet one. When Dominic looks again to him, Billy lowers his voice to a gentler cadence. “And you did, Dominic. A lecture I don’t often give, and thank you.”
Dominic blushes fiercely, then, and they're all saved from any further explanations, any more of this at all, Billy hopes, when Dominic's professor arrives, urging him to come speak to her colleague. As he walks away, Dominic looks over his shoulder to where Billy and Cate stand, and Billy nods again, a world of promised electricity crackling between them until Cate places her hand on Billy's arm again.
Billy inhales sharply and turns to Cate, trying to smile but failing quite astonishingly. Every part of Billy’s body, his mind and soul wants to walk quickly back up to Dominic, remove him from the little academic web currently surrounding him, from this room and into the chilly afternoon air. The desire doesn't surprise him; he’s wanted nothing more than to speak to Dominic-alone-since he first entered the ballroom. The morning had been too rushed, and both of them too nervous and excited to say more than the platitudes that came easy. Now Billy wants more-has more and better to say, and it will be another few hours before they are alone again. What does surprise Billy, sickens him a bit if he's honest, is the surge of anger he feels for Cate. Part of it must stem from the fact that Billy rather enjoys being the only professor so allowed to rattle Dominic, to make his breath catch and his cheeks flush. But there is also the fact that Cate did this on purpose, Billy believes; her words, so kind, sounded hollow and slightly smug, and her touch to Dominic’s chin so gentle but sure-possessive-Billy wonders suddenly if Dominic has been rattled by Cate at other times-if her allure, one that Billy has felt all too often and has barely resisted with the strength of ten men, has proved too much for Dominic. It's highly unlikely Dominic would fall to that particular temptation, but nevertheless it's ugly enough to consider. Billy shoves the thought away with some effort, offering Cate a smile that's thin, his voice brittle.
“Thank you for staying, Cate. And for bringing me back here; I've never even seen this part of the room. I had no idea your influence was so great." Billy shocks himself again, this time with his own petulant rudeness, and he drops his shoulders as if in apology when Cate blinks and her own smile thins, too. "I should head back to my office. If you’ll excuse me-”
"Of course." Cate interrupts him, her composure suddenly returned as she squeezes her hand gently around Billy's forearm and then tilts her head charmingly. "Gather your thoughts before you're back at it, yes? I'll catch you later, Bill."
A wild thought suddenly crosses his mind and for just a moment, Billy thinks she knows. She must know. Billy steps backward and nods, shocked by the idea and by the bland expression on Cate’s face as she watches him. He nods again and pivots away before anything more than goodbye can leave his lips, moving quickly for the door, not daring to look back, and practically runs outside--out of her sight, out of her reach--before he stops to breathe. To laugh at himself. They’ve been careful, he tells himself. They’ve been discreet, and Cate can’t possibly know. No one can; no one will, until it's safe, until it's the right time. It's easy to tell himself that, and the certainty's more than comfort as he walks back to his office, more slowly now, to wait for Dominic to come to him.
Authors: kiltsandlollies and escribo
Characters: Billy, Cate, and Dominic
Word Count: 3717
Summary: An appreciation of many arts.
Index
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction; the recognizable people in the story belong to themselves and have never performed the actions portrayed here. I do not know the actors nor am I associated with them in any way. If you are underage, please do not read this story. I am not making any profit from these stories, nor do I mean any harm.
The meeting in Billy's office has reached the point at which even the student sitting in front of him pouring out a full term's worth of troubles has noticed Billy's eyes and attention wandering. Billy has less than fifteen minutes before the arts presentations will begin, and even if he walks at his fastest clip, it will still take him five minutes to reach the ballroom, and he will not be late, he'd decided long before this meeting began. Not for this, not for what should be a rare moment of triumph for Dominic, and, if he's honest a smaller moment for Billy himself.
The student heaves a bit of a sigh, and Billy snaps back to reality with a curt laugh. "Forgive me," he says simply. "If you'd come to me three weeks ago, we could have sorted out most of your problems with Dr. Stinson. The only thing I can recommend you do now is to withdraw and suffer that on your marks. I'm not going to sugarcoat this and advise you to stick it out, Robert. You're going to fail, and while that's unfortunate, I'd rather not see it happen on my watch. Or yours," he says quickly. "Now you'll have to excuse me--we've overrun our time and I have another appointment."
Billy waits until the hallway outside his office is empty before he breaks into a half-sprint, making his way to the ballroom, buttoning his blazer as he walks before shoving his hands again inside his pockets. The bite in the air reminds him pleasantly of the evening only just a couple of weeks ago when Dominic had first told him about the award--a small bursary, another chance to be published, and this ceremony to be recognized. And of course, this honour will shine like a small treasure on Dominic's transcript, and later his CV, should he decide, indeed, to become a teacher. Billy is proud of him--incredibly, heatedly proud of him--and has demonstrated as such that several times since he'd first read the letter Dominic had handed him--once over a bottle of old, fantastic, expensive Scotch, and other times across Billy's old, fantastic, considerably less expensive bed. But now, to watch Dominic read the poems aloud before an audience of his peers, his professors, and the general public, well; Billy knows he's not going to be able to hide his pride, but as Dominic's advisor, he has every reason to be there watching and applauding. As someone with even more than that vested interest, wild horses couldn't keep him away.
The thought slides a smile across Billy's face, and he's still smiling as he dashes up the three flights of stairs to the ballroom and turns the corner leading to the room itself, nearly running over the amused Professor Blanchett. Cate barely has hello out of her mouth before Billy's knocked her back against the wall, and Billy catches her stumble instinctively, arms around her waist as he helps her steady her balance, apologies already spilling from him.
"It's all right, Bill. No harm done. Just warn a girl next time, hmm?"
"No, I am terribly sorry, Cate. I just didn't want to be late."
"Nothing's started yet," she says simply. "You should know these things never begin on time, no matter which school. I drew the short straw and had to handle a meet and greet this morning. They got a good laugh in my department about that." Cate opens the door to the ballroom and smiles as she motions Billy inside. "Come on. Let's find you a seat."
Billy's surprised by the irritation he feels at the touch of her hand on his arm. Not now, he thinks, and almost apologizes aloud for it. There's no reason to be rude, but now is not the time to indulge in even the most polite flirtation, the most politely teasing remarks he's become quickly used to around Cate. He is late--he can hear and see the settling of far too many people inside the ballroom, signaling only a few moments before the presentations begin--and knows they'll be stuck at the very back of the room, if Cate can indeed get them seats at all.
And of course Cate is so very present today, her eyes flickering and her scent light and fresh against Billy as she leans into him, her arm sliding deeper into his. Billy can feel the light sweat break out on his forehead as they walk into the room, and he runs his free hand through his hair as Cate guides them to two seats in the very back row. The professor on stage-Billy recognizes her as one of the heads of the languages department-speaks eloquently and with a certain urgency about the university’s need to better embrace the arts, and how this afternoon’s event is one of many she hopes to come in the future. Billy frowns, remembering what he's heard otherwise in passing and from other professors and administration, but he recovers enough to gesture Cate to sit first, pulling the chair out to make room for her long legs, and then he sits down himself, leaning forward, elbows on his knees, to flip through the program Cate hands him, searching for Dominic’s name. He stops himself just before touching the letters with his fingers, choosing instead to fold the paper closed and lean back, just as the professor finishes her speech. Cate and Billy clap politely, and Billy smiles at Cate, relaxing again now that he’s made it here before Dominic’s turn on the stage.
The first student speaks rather stridently, nervous but eager to impress, and Billy finds himself smiling and nodding in encouragement he’s certain the young man can’t see this far back. Billy opens the program again, rereading the titles of Dominic’s poems, which Billy already knows are lovely and lyrical, the stuff of heady joy to someone aware of their meanings. He’s not sure he’ll keep his composure while Dominic reads them aloud to this room full of strangers and friends, but for Dominic’s sake, he intends to try; now that Cate sits beside him, her eyes running over Billy so hard he can almost feel them on his back, he may have to do more than that. Billy tries to calm his mind, shifting in his seat, and his knee brushes against Cate’s.
“Sorry, sorry,” he whispers, rubbing Cate’s knee absently. She smiles back, and in the next moment, there is a round of applause for the student on stage. Billy leans in to Cate, curious but not nearly so nervous as before.
“You’re not staying on my account, are you, Cate? If you’ve had a day of it already, you should make a break for it while you can. I’m here to support my students, but-” Billy pauses, searching for a way to make this sound right. “I didn’t think you were so interested in the arts. You surprise me again. I like that, I do.”
"Chair's orders; no one leaves until after the program is over." Cate laughs quietly, the sound lost in the round of applause that occurs when the next student has finished reading her piece. Cate leans in close to peer at the program as well, her shoulder pressing against Billy's as she scans the page.
"Your Mr. Monaghan will be speaking today; I was happy to see him on the program. I have to tell you, he's beginning to do better in class." Cate pauses, ready to go on, but the next speaker is announced then, and she falls silent instead. Billy smiles, knowing Dominic has been doing better in biology; hours of studying in Billy’s house and at the library and even on long car rides have helped Dominic’s grades immensely-to say nothing of the relaxation Billy’s tried to teach him. Billy flushes as the thought crosses his mind, and he smiles harder before trying to focus on the next reading.
Though Cate’s been here all day, she still seems unruffled, calm, perhaps even enjoying the readings, though more likely enjoying not being on her feet. As if she’s read his mind, Cate turns to Billy with a softer smile, and he returns it unconsciously before leafing through the program again.
And then it is Dominic’s turn. Even if twenty of his peers were surrounding him, watching his every move, Billy could not suppress his pride and happiness. He sits up straighter, folding his arms across his chest as he listens to Dominic’s first poem. Dominic is nervous, and Billy grits his teeth a little, willing strength into him. By the second poem, Dominic's relaxed, and Billy follows that lead. The soft, idle chatter behind Billy and Cate-the sound of bored professors and younger siblings of presenters, both parties dragged here by their ears-fades away as Dominic’s voice carries around the room. Dominic has always read aloud well, despite initial hesitation, and he's slowly charming his audience now, just as he charms Billy in class discussions on occasion, when he's arguing a point in his gentle but firm way.
After the second poem, Billy turns to Cate and nods at her pleased expression. Having soothed the room into silence, Dominic begins the third poem-the one of which Dominic's most proud, and one of his best, in Billy's limited experience. Billy remembers trying to parse out the German phrases with no success, and simply asking Dominic to read it again and again, not so he could understand each word, but just to hear and feel the rhythm of Dominic’s warm, rough-hewn accent. It was only days later that Billy asked him for a translation, and the night that followed is one Billy's not likely to forget.
Dominic’s eyes search the room between stanzas, but Billy doesn't move, doesn't try to catch his stare for fear of distracting him. Instead he continues to listen, nearly holding his breath. Cate listens to Dominic's poetry as raptly as the rest of the audience, leaning forward, elbows resting on her lap.
Billy concentrates hard now, feeling as much as listening to words written for him, first scribbled on an empty page in one of Billy's ancient paperbacks. Dominic had told him about waking up in the middle of the night, the bedroom still dark and his body still holding on to happy exhaustion, and resting for a long time with his head cushioned on Billy's chest. When light had begun to finally seep under the curtains, Dominic had reached for his pen and that book and written out the poem that had taken shape all that long night. As Dominic finishes the poem, his eyes bright and colour high in his cheeks, Billy finally exhales. He closes his eyes for the last two lines before he remembers that Cate is beside him-and she sees everything.
There is complete silence in the ballroom immediately afterward, and then applause, ranging from polite to pleased and maybe something more. This is Dominic’s moment of truth and glory, Billy thinks, one for which Billy himself can take absolutely no credit, but one he'll celebrate nonetheless. The response takes Dominic by surprise, and he grins, turning toward the professor coming toward him--his German professor, Dr. Beher--who Billy knows had encouraged him to submit this very poem. As Dominic turns onstage to shake his professor’s hand, his grin creasing his face, Billy turns back to Cate, applauding with everyone else, sitting up in her seat and smiling.
“That, Cate,” Billy says, his voice just a little slurry with excitement, “that is why we’re here. To make sure that young people like him are not overlooked or forgotten. For moments like this, just now. That’s the work of years being realized, and we-get to see it happen.” Cate's smile grows very warm, and she tilts her head compassionately before Billy takes a breath and stares at the stage, his smile thin but firm.
"We can pop in if you'd like," Cate says then, pulling Billy's attention back to her and pointing to the side entrance to the back of the stage. "I'm sure he'd appreciate knowing his advisor took the time to come see him." Billy hesitates, but Cate stands, her smile turning mischievous, and eases past him, tugging on the fabric of Billy's blazer to get him to follow her. He's never enjoyed being pulled anywhere, least of all by his sleeve like a child, but it would be even more impolite to not go along with Cate now as she leads the way around the seated audience with a confident tilt to her chin. No one stops them as she pushes open the door that leads to the wings.
Dominic is there, blushing and smiling in the middle of a small group of faculty members and other students, and Cate and Billy stand off to the side a bit, waiting for an opening in the conversation to step forward. Cate leans closer to Billy while they wait, and lowers her voice just so he can hear.
"You're a good teacher, you know. Dedicated when most don't bother anymore. And you must see how fond he is of you." Billy turns sharply to face her, and Cate laughs, then nods back at Dominic. "Our attentions can make all the difference to someone like him who needs extra ... encouragement."
It would take a man even more churlish than Billy feels right now to remain irritated in the face of such a compliment, so he turns back to face Dominic and nods politely. “'s a good word, that. Encouragement. But I've got nothing to do with it, Cate; he's reached the goals he’s set for himself because he knew he could. I think you might be more of a help to him at this point, actually, and he needs that help to walk and get the hell out of this place.” Billy turns to watch Dominic, animated as usual, his eyes and smile very bright, and mirrors that smile when Dominic catches his eyes and begins to come their way. “That doesn't matter today, though, does it. He needs to not forget this.”
At the last possible moment, Dominic seems to recognize Billy's not alone here, and they cannot share the sort of greeting they might under better circumstances. Dominic's eyes flit between Billy and Cate and then settle somewhere in the middle for a moment before he extends his hand to Billy, holding on for a fraction longer than is strictly necessary, needing the contact to calm his nerves. "Professor Boyd. You made it. I was so scared up there."
"Wild horses, Dominic." It's Billy who breaks contact first, straightening his shoulders while working to hold his smile. “And you had no reason to be scared. That last poem went over brilliantly, didn’t it? I seem to recall telling you it would. You've done well, Dom; enjoy it."
Dominic blushes, looking down at his feet and nervously fingering his tie again before he looks up, his emotions as carefully concealed as he can manage now. "Professor Blanchett, I'm glad you could make it as well."
Cate steps forward at Billy's gentle insistence, and takes Dominic's hand in her own, shaking it warmly, offering him a genuine smile. "You were very good up there, Dominic. You spoke eloquently." Dominic's blush deepens, and he ducks his head tucks as he murmurs his thanks. Cate curls her fingers under his chin affectionately, raising his eyes to hers again.
"Mr. Monaghan, you should be proud of your gifts. Your talent. We all have something that sets us apart from the rest, and you very well may have found yours. Bill--" Cate glances behind her and waves Billy closer, resting a hand on his shoulder when he moves into their little circle once again. "Professor Boyd told me once that you were thinking of becoming a teacher yourself. Speaking in front of a crowd will certainly prepare you for that."
Looking to where Dominic is still holding his poetry in his hand, the paper folded and wrinkled from over-handling, Cate points to it in curiosity. "I wish my German were better. I would have loved to have understood what you were saying. I don't suppose you would mind translating it for us now?" Cate's smile is friendly but firm; she expects Dominic to comply with her request, and Billy meets Dominic's eyes hard, willing him not to break under this sweetest of pressure. Don’t do this to him, Billy thinks, too, feeling that strange wave of anger with Cate again. And then, just as loud in his thoughts comes the direction to Dominic; don’t let her do this to you. Keep your secrets. Keep ours.
Dominic barely seems to register Cate’s request, in any case; he thanks her again absently, and then he holds Billy's gaze, looking for help Billy can't give him. “I don't think--it doesn't translate well. Nothing does, really. That's why I write them in German; the words aren't there for me in the same way in English."
Dominic's pulling himself together, but still Billy hates the feeling of powerlessness that’s both paralyzing and sweeping over him, the inability to break the sudden tension in the middle of their small circle. Cate is waiting, her smile amused and thin, but Billy nods slowly, feeling a corner of his own lips rise now as Dominic lifts his chin a bit more, defiantly almost, and continues. “The last one I read is about love-about a need so great that you feel trapped and lost when the other person isn’t near you. It’s based on a lecture Professor Boyd gave once." Cate's eyes flit to Billy then back to Dominic, and Dominic's expression turns fierce for the barest moment, just long enough for Billy to notice it, before he settles into something calmer. "He’s quite brilliant. I was glad when he said that I seemed to understand his meaning.”
Cate murmurs her approval, and Billy's careful to make his relieved exhale a quiet one. When Dominic looks again to him, Billy lowers his voice to a gentler cadence. “And you did, Dominic. A lecture I don’t often give, and thank you.”
Dominic blushes fiercely, then, and they're all saved from any further explanations, any more of this at all, Billy hopes, when Dominic's professor arrives, urging him to come speak to her colleague. As he walks away, Dominic looks over his shoulder to where Billy and Cate stand, and Billy nods again, a world of promised electricity crackling between them until Cate places her hand on Billy's arm again.
Billy inhales sharply and turns to Cate, trying to smile but failing quite astonishingly. Every part of Billy’s body, his mind and soul wants to walk quickly back up to Dominic, remove him from the little academic web currently surrounding him, from this room and into the chilly afternoon air. The desire doesn't surprise him; he’s wanted nothing more than to speak to Dominic-alone-since he first entered the ballroom. The morning had been too rushed, and both of them too nervous and excited to say more than the platitudes that came easy. Now Billy wants more-has more and better to say, and it will be another few hours before they are alone again. What does surprise Billy, sickens him a bit if he's honest, is the surge of anger he feels for Cate. Part of it must stem from the fact that Billy rather enjoys being the only professor so allowed to rattle Dominic, to make his breath catch and his cheeks flush. But there is also the fact that Cate did this on purpose, Billy believes; her words, so kind, sounded hollow and slightly smug, and her touch to Dominic’s chin so gentle but sure-possessive-Billy wonders suddenly if Dominic has been rattled by Cate at other times-if her allure, one that Billy has felt all too often and has barely resisted with the strength of ten men, has proved too much for Dominic. It's highly unlikely Dominic would fall to that particular temptation, but nevertheless it's ugly enough to consider. Billy shoves the thought away with some effort, offering Cate a smile that's thin, his voice brittle.
“Thank you for staying, Cate. And for bringing me back here; I've never even seen this part of the room. I had no idea your influence was so great." Billy shocks himself again, this time with his own petulant rudeness, and he drops his shoulders as if in apology when Cate blinks and her own smile thins, too. "I should head back to my office. If you’ll excuse me-”
"Of course." Cate interrupts him, her composure suddenly returned as she squeezes her hand gently around Billy's forearm and then tilts her head charmingly. "Gather your thoughts before you're back at it, yes? I'll catch you later, Bill."
A wild thought suddenly crosses his mind and for just a moment, Billy thinks she knows. She must know. Billy steps backward and nods, shocked by the idea and by the bland expression on Cate’s face as she watches him. He nods again and pivots away before anything more than goodbye can leave his lips, moving quickly for the door, not daring to look back, and practically runs outside--out of her sight, out of her reach--before he stops to breathe. To laugh at himself. They’ve been careful, he tells himself. They’ve been discreet, and Cate can’t possibly know. No one can; no one will, until it's safe, until it's the right time. It's easy to tell himself that, and the certainty's more than comfort as he walks back to his office, more slowly now, to wait for Dominic to come to him.