i wrote this in bio
Ben was probably mad about something. Stuff was always pissing him off. But right now he sat atop the cliff overwatching the beach on his Segway. He watched Sawyer and Hurley play ping pong. They had been playing for about an hour now. Jesus, thought Ben, what do they do all day? No wonder we are winning. Jack was running down the beach with an angered look on his face. He was just running like nobody's business. This was probably pissing Ben off. As Sawyer was hollering swears at the overjoyed comic relief fatman, Ben looked out at his vast ocean and saw an approaching helicopter. Dammit! What? Where did that come from? Ben was all sorts of pissed now. He didn't need this. Why were people always trying to exploit his island? First his turkey burnt and now this. Dammit. Maybe he should just take over Canada. Nobody tries to invade Canada. Ben removed from his pocket a pad of paper and a pen, and began to write. His lips mouthed "get Canada" as his pen wrote. When he was finished, he looked at the horizon with unfixed eyes. He stood still and looked, thinking. He struck a line through what he had written. It was stupid to take over Canada. What would he do with it? Ben started thinking about how people would make fun of him. What? Oh! The helicopter! Well, Ben had three days prior used his Time Traveling Parka to plant a bomb on the helicopter. So it was like... whatever. He pulled out this one device he uses to, I dunno, blow stuff up I guess. He was always pulling it out and hitting buttons and stuff blew up. Nobody really knows how he does it, I guess it's like a universal remote. He stared hard at the device, looking for the correct button. How the hell was he even supposed to know which to push? It was awful. Suddenly, he was tackled off his Segway by that retard Jack. Dammit Jack what the hell are you doing!! yelled Ben. Jack stood up, grinning. Jack had won! He tackled Ben! Jack was all happy that the helicopter was coming to rescue them. Yes!! Jack started hoping back and forth from one foot to another, clapping his hands. Locke emerged out of the jungle, following jack, an orange being peeled in his hands. Oh no. That can't be good. Ben stared furiously at Jack and his now tipped over Segway. Jesus, he looks like Adam Sandler taking himself really seriously. And autistic. What an asshole. Whoa. How did Ben not notice that before? He spent like 3 hours a day thinking about how Jack was a dick and he never noticed that he looked like Adam Sandler. Ben hated Adam Sandler too. It seemed like only a few days ago that Ben had been so in charge of the island that he was able to move a 3-course dinner down to the beach just to hatefully eat in front of the survivors. Let 'em know who's boss. They were a bunch of dicks anyway. And now Ben laid on the dirty floor of the island, far from the clean floors of his mansion. I... oh. I guess they're moving him through the jungle now.