Prompt Post No. 13
Welcome to Round 13 of the Inception Kink Meme. This post will be closed to new prompts once it reaches five thousand comments.
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Arthur’s wardrobe is comprised mostly of ridiculously priced, exquisitely tailored suits, but there is the odd pair of jeans or well worn sweats mixed in as well, along with an amusingly diverse collection of “my wiener” graphic T-shirts. To Eames’ knowledge, Arthur does not, nor has he ever owned a dachshund.
Other points-of-interest that come to Eames’ attention during his reconnaissance mission are Arthur’s music collection, which consists entirely of classic jazz singers and one five disc set of Tibetan Buddhist Monk Chants; and his kitchen, which contains a dozen bottles of expensive wine and not one single food item or condiment.
~*~
The third time they see each other is only in passing. Arthur has finished gathering intelligence for a job Günter is running, but isn’t sticking around to complete the mission for one reason or another. Eames is just getting in after a six hour flight from Cairo as Arthur is packing up his things, presumably to head back to the States and the Cobbs. On his way out, the point man smiles at him almost sweetly, saying, “I had a great time last night,” before kissing him softly on the neck and slipping out the door. It’s been almost three months since the last time Eames saw Arthur, and he has no idea what’s going on or if Arthur even knows who he is, but his heart gives a little flip anyway.
~*~
The thing about Arthur is that he doesn't look crazy. Eames has known a great number of crazy people and slept with a fair portion of them (it is a documented fact that crazy people are good in bed), and there’s a certain something about all of them that broadcasted ‘wack-job.’ He didn’t mean the obvious things either, like crazy hobo beards or pants made out of hair, because those were the nutters even Eames stayed away from. But there was something that shined in their eyes and smiles that made it easy for him to pick out a fellow. Arthur doesn’t have that. Arthur looks...well Arthur looks about nineteen to be honest, but also he looks stable. He looks stoic, and sharp-edged, and above all reasonable. His lips don’t crack into manic grins but quirk in private smiles; his eyes don't burn with crazy, off-kilter genius, but glint with methodical brilliance, and on occasion, dark humor. Arthur in fact, looks completely, disgustingly normal.
Until you see him hurl an imaginary dead rat across the room like a grenade. Eames only knows that's what it was because he’d asked and Arthur had nonchalantly replied, “dead rat.” (The imaginary designation was Eames’ own addition.) It’s unfortunate that the rest of the team are momentarily distracted by the PASIV malfunctioning.
~*~
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Several hours later, when Arthur is taking a break to drink an entire carafe of coffee, Eames takes a peek at Arthur’s work. It contains an extensive list of weapons he thinks they should have on hand for the job and detailed descriptions of what they might need to use them for, as well as copious notes on their mark, the mark’s family going three generations back, and every friend the mark has had since kindergarten up. There might also be a history of the Russian Imperial families in there or something, because seriously, this thing is wordy. All of this is interspersed with a multitude of completely unrelated physics equations and what appear to be doodles of Cobb eating a human leg. Eames is disturbed and a little turned on. Maybe not in that order.
He mentions the notes to Cobb, but Cobb only grunts and says that Arthur is very thorough in his research. Mal says that Arthur is a darling boy and threatens to remove Eames’ manhood should he speak one word out of turn about him, so he doesn't ask her anything else. Arthur pins him to the wall and sticks his hand down Eames’ pants about a half and hour after that, so he pretty much stops thinking about it then.
~*~
Arthur is by turns neurotic to the point of being twitchy, and coolly composed to the point of making others twitchy. One minute he is visibly bristling, one eye kind of spasming, and Eames wants to step to the side just in case it turns out he actually can set things on fire with his glare; and the next he is so smooth and detached that Eames feels compelled to check that he still has a pulse.
Eames is not sure which behavior concerns him more, but the thing is, he kind of likes them both. They are endearing.
By the time they get to the Inception job Eames is really no longer surprised by anything Arthur does. Mostly he alternates between fondly amused and weirdly aroused, as well as being pretty constantly exasperated, because he still seems to be the only person who knows that Arthur is off his nut. Ariadne sets up in Camp Arthur-Can-Do-No-Wrong almost immediately after joining the team, and Yusuf, upon finally meeting Arthur after months of hearing Eames wax poetic about the marvelous crazy boy that he is in love with, is now looking at Eames like he’s the one that belongs in the straight jacket. It's a little vexing.
~*~
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There’s no one else within hearing range, which is usually when Arthur’s crazy seems to make itself most known; Eames is quite sure Arthur does this purposefully in an effort to drive Eames to levels of insanity approaching Arthur’s own. So when he asks, “what are we doing here, darling?” he's half afraid that Arthur’s going to answer something truly off the wall, like “offering sacrifice to the great Mauna Loa” or “baking,” and then Eames will have to stop sucking on Arthur’s neck on the grounds that Arthur is not capable of giving consent.
When Arthur quite blithely says, “fucking,” it is not as much of a relief as Eames had thought it would be.
And so he’s maybe a little bit of a woman, because the next thing that pops out of his mouth is, “I mean to say, where is this going, love?” In his defense though, he spent a lot of time on their last job pretending to be a rather weepy redhead, and that shit takes a while to wear off, okay?
Arthur, for his part, mostly just looks kind of adorably confused, shrugs his shoulders, and says, “Morocco is nice this time of year.”
Eames decides to take this as confirmation that Arthur returns his everlasting love. After all, Tangier is one of Eames favorite cities.
~*~
Arthur takes an unwarranted amount of glee in blowing up their temporary headquarters when they have to make a quick escape in Prague, and no one notices.
Arthur puts three bullets though his alarm clock when it goes off in the morning, and no one notices.
Arthur uses the PASIV in his off hours for the purpose fighting dinosaurs, and no one notices.
Eames is pretty used to the standard operating procedure by now, so it comes as a bit of a surprise when they are visiting Cobb about 6 months after the Inception gig and he pulls Eames aside and asks, “Is everything all right with Arthur?”
“Yes, splendid,” Eames replies. “Why do you ask?”
“It’s probably nothing,” Cobb says. “Just…well, he just thanked me for getting him a subscription to the Jam of the Month Club.”
Cobb does not need to explain that the reason this is odd is because he did not purchase Arthur a subscription to the Jam of the Month Club. It is pretty well implied seeing as how neither Eames nor Arthur receive mail or even have a permanent addresses listed in their real names to which they could receive mail if they wanted.
It’s true that Arthur has been consuming an almost extreme amount of jam lately, eating it on everything from his morning toast to his evening pasta, and most notably, lapping it up from between Eames’ shoulder blades during their afternoon fuck; but Eames is fairly sure he’s actually been purchasing that from that roadside fruit stand down the street from the place he likes to buy his machine guns from, and Christ, Eames is going to marry that little psycho.
“So he’s okay?” Cobb asks again, “Nothing off with him lately?”
“No,” Eames says. “Everything is perfectly normal.”
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Arthur is a motherfucking psycho and I love it. I LOVE IT. I didn't think I would love it, but I do and now I'm wondering why no one's done it before. There are so many hilarious moments in this, from Eames' half-baked ice-cream metaphor to Arthur's jam fixation to fighting dinosaurs under sedation (INCREDIBLE), but I think the best part really is that no one but Eames seems to notice.
Oh, Arthur. You wear crazy just as well as you wear Armani.
This is such an awesome fill. It had me practically falling out of my seat with laughter. The ways in which Arthur's crazy manifests are hilarious and yet manage not to seem so out there as to make Arthur wildly OOC. I can dig it, nonnie. The narration style is fabulous as well.
TL;DR: I LOVE YOU, NEVER STOP PLEASE.
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Arthur wins at everything, even crazy.
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Dinosaur fighting! His clothing system! Doodles of Cobb eating people! Jam! THE FACT HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE CONDIMENTS!!! Your Arthur is bug-fuck insane and utterly adorable :D <3
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*__* WHAT?!? This is the best line like EVER. I was already a tiny bit in love with cracked out Arthur but this made me fall that much harder.
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But really, can we have more? Because if there were more, that would be good, since I could read it.
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I will say that a) I'm pretty sure Arthur TOTALLY seduced Eames from the start, b) I'd be thanking random people for anything and everything if I got to lick jam off Eames while I was fucking him, and c) if I had a PASIV, I'd sooooo use it to fight dinosaurs. xD
Thank you, Anon, most enjoyable. :D
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OMG and Arthur fighting dinosaurs! ♥
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