Being born is like being kidnapped. And then sold into slavery (-is Shakespeare really Andy Warhol?)
Alyonka came over yesterday and we were going to watch three sheets (anyone? I didn't think so), but I asked her about a show in her library called "Search for the Next Elvira" (...anyone? I will be very very impressed), which she then insisted on turning on. I can't... I can't even describe it. The best-worse puns ever. American Idol, except instead of trying to be pop stars, everyone is trying to be a kind of slutty horror film star who cannot act. Her two co-judges are drag queens picked from the potential contestants who are more like her than she is (they're called her "menions"). In the vein of Elvira's bad puns: If you think reality shows are scary, tune in for something horrifying. What's funny about all of this is that if you imagine this whole episode as a scripted satire of reality shows, it would be the most genius thing ever created.
Candace's lesbian (non-)roadtrip story is the most beautiful thing ever. Candace, what I was and am going to say in your feedback (which is triple-layered, because it is now posted on facebook and livejournal and later will be emailed to you) is that I love that the characters took over what was a totally plot-driven or at least message-driven idea, and that that reflects exactly what is needed in the politics of the issue itself- a focus on the actual people involved in love. Lena's reaction (and Kate's, which is pretty much a lack of reaction in anticipation of Lena's reaction) is perfect, to the point of being painful- it makes me remember how upset I was; so mad, and I hated it because I hated people for it, no matter how hard I tried not to. And Kate's reaction to being proposed to is completely realistic also. Gah. I love your characters.
Rafiki: Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana.
Simba: Come on, will you cut it out?
Rafiki: Can't cut it out. It will grow right back. Hehehe.
Simba: Creepy little monkey. Would you stop following me! Who are you?
Rafiki: The question is, who... are *you*?
Simba: [sighs] I thought I knew, but now I'm not so sure.
Rafiki: Well, I know who you are! Shh. Come here, it's a secret... Asante sana Squash banana, Wiwi nugu Mi mi apana!
Simba: Enough already! What's that supposed to mean anyway?
Rafiki: It means you're a baboon... and I'm not.
Simba: I think you're a little confused.
Rafiki: Wrong! I'm not the one who's confused. You don't even know who you are!
Simba: Oh, and I suppose you know?
Rafiki: Sure do. You're Mufasa's boy!
Simba: internally: omg wtf?!?!?!
Rafiki: Bye!
It's Shakespeare people. The fool always knows his shit (and Simba's uncle, scar, planning to kill him and his father to take the throne? So Shakespeare. The Lion King is Hamlet retold, how have I never realized this?).
On that note, here are all of the Shakespeare quotes I liked that I had never read before. Because I decided that this whole thing should be crazily disjointed and random, but still be all about different stories:
"Love all, trust few, do wrong to none."
" Everyone ought to bear patiently the results of his own conduct."
"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another."
"Life's but a walking show, a poor player, that struts and frets it's hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."
"Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale..."
"The lunatic, the lover, and the poet are of imagination all compact."
"The object of art is to give life a shape."
"Where every something, bing blent together turns into a wild of nothing."