HOME (part 2) chapters 60 - 62
60.
Sam and Dean arrived, rather breathless, outside of Austin's dorm room. They'd seen Mary parked outside, so they knew Ben had probably found Austin. They communicated without speaking and silently nodded in agreement as they drew their weapons. Sam counted down under his breath, "three...two...one" and Dean kicked the door in.
Austin, sitting at his desk, jumped when the door banged into the wall. His eyes went wide when he saw Dean's gun trained directly on him while Sam swept the rest of the room. Sam's weapon came to rest on Nick, sitting in the room's only chair.
Ben was sitting on the bed. "Jesus Christ, Dean," he exclaimed, "you coulda knocked."
Dean ignored him, "Ben, you okay?" he asked, eyes never leaving Austin.
"Yeah, I'm okay," Ben responded. Dean looked quickly to Ben to make sure he wasn't putting on a brave face while he sat there bleeding to death or something, but Ben looked completely unscathed.
"We were just talking," said Austin.
"What about?" inquired Sam cautiously.
"About Kansas," Austin said, "and how you lied," he looked directly at Sam. "You don't know how to make me normal," Austin said, accusingly.
"I don't have a spell, or anything like that if that's what you mean," Sam said, giving Ben an obvious 'thanks a lot' look. Ben gazed steadily back at Sam, not willing to back down an inch. "But I do have some ideas about how to make some of what makes you different go away."
"Could you put the guns down?" Ben asked from his place on the bed.
"On him, sure," Dean said, lowering his gun. Austin sighed, relieved. "But him?" Dean said, looking at Nick who was still firmly in Sam's crosshairs, "not a chance."
"You know a gun isn't going to hurt me," Nick taunted.
"Nick," hissed Austin, "we talked about this."
Nick averted his eyes, looking almost guilty, "We did," he confirmed, looking over at Austin, "but I'm only doing this for you and if they hurt you at all, so help me, I'll take them apart."
"They aren't going to hurt him," Ben said calmly.
"So, what exactly have you all been talking about?" Dean asked, coldly.
"You don't have to hint around it," Austin said directly. "I'm still going to help you."
"Why?" asked Sam warily.
"Because Ben told me how you guys screwed up his life too, and the life of this guy you want to save." Austin looked out the window. "I don't give a shit about you guys, but I want to help someone who needs help." Austin looked directly at Dean. "It's what Jesus would do."
Dean almost choked, hearing Austin say those words. Nick's reaction wasn't much different. Nick and Dean actually exchanged skeptical looks.
"I told you," said Austin, "Jesus is my Savior. I don't care what you think I can do or how bad or unwanted you think I am. Jesus judges us on our actions and I want to do something good. Something that means more than winning a stupid football game or getting a 4.0 in school. I want my life to count for something."
"I told him you don't deserve his help," comment Ben dryly, "but Adam does; Adam didn't do anything to deserve what happened to him."
"And you're not looking for anything in return?" Sam asked, still wary.
"If YOU want to do the right thing, you could help me stop these, these stupid powers I have that make me a freak," Austin said, voice wavering. "But that's up to you," he finished. "I've prayed that you'll help me," he finished, looking down.
You could have knocked Sam over with a feather. Sam gave Dean a questioning look and Dean gave a subtle "I have no fucking idea" shoulder shrug.
"It's not a trick," Austin offered. "I mean it."
Suddenly, a voice came from the other side of the room, "Don't do this, Austin," Nick pleaded. "These guys don't give a shit about you. It's my job to protect you -" as Nick trailed off, several heavy objects lifted from their shelves and began to fly through the air towards Sam and Dean. Sam threw an arm over his face and Dean hit the ground.
"Nick!" yelled Austin and he threw up his hand. The books and game consoles seemed to hit an invisible wall at high velocity, exploding into small pieces about a foot away from coming into contact with Sam and Dean. Ben was sprayed with plastic shrapnel from the blow-back as the debris rained down.
"I. Said. No." Austin said to Nick in a menacing voice that Ben hadn't thought the kid was capable of. He practically growled it. Austin stayed where he was, but Nick suddenly brought his hands up to his throat. He looked like he was clutching at an invisible rope for a few seconds before he began gasping for air, the unseen stranglehold suddenly released.
"I'm s s s sorry," Nick gasped out. "I just have to, have to protect you," he choked.
"Oh my God," Austin said, seeming to snap back to his normal self, "Oh my God, Nick, I'm so sorry," Austin ran over to him, "are you okay? You know I'd never hurt you, right, you know that?!” Austin still saw Nick as his best friend, in spite of what Sam had told him and what Nick had basically admitted to him in private.
He was embarrassed that he'd let his temper get the best of him. Honestly, if Nick WAS what they said he was, Austin was determined to help him too.
"I know," said Nick, but he looked shaken. Sam took note. The demon looked shaken. The high muckity-muck Marquis demon (whatever the hell that was) looked shaken. Dean noticed too.
"Awesome," said Dean, trying to sound casual, "No one's going to hurt anyone else, so can we just talk?" he asked, looking around at everyone in the room after picking himself up from the floor. "We all want to help Adam," Dean continued, "Well, everyone but you," he said, giving Nick a derisive stare. Nick glared back at him. "So can we please just focus the fuck on that?"
"Good idea," said Ben, continuing to shoot Sam rather pointed looks.
"Let's hear it then, genius," Dean said, looking over to Sam. "What's the plan?"
"Okay," began Sam, "but he has to go," he said, looking over at Nick.
"No way am I leaving you alone with Austin," Nick responded, eyes narrowing.
"It's okay," said Austin.
"Look," said Dean, "Just down the hall to another room...you'll be close enough for Austin to borrow some of your mojo if he needs to. But I'm pretty sure Austin can take care of himself."
Nick looked to Austin for direction and Austin nodded. Nick left without incident, closing the door behind him and telling Austin to call for him if he needed him.
When it was just the four of them left in the room, Dean turned back to Sam, "Okay Sammy, please fill us in on just how the hell we're supposed to do this thing." Dean couldn't entirely hide the skepticism. He walked over and sat down heavily on the bed next to Ben. All eyes were on Sam.
Sam cleared his throat nervously and laid out what he knew. Or hoped he knew after all the hours of research and study with Walker and what he'd surmised in the years of sleepless nights as he concentrated to the point of giving himself regular migraines on how best to get Adam out of the hell that he and Dean had created for him.
When Sam finished, Dean looked a bit ashen. He hadn't quite heard Sam spell it out in that much detail up to this point and damn, it sounded like suicide to him. There were so many chances, in this plan, for something to go horribly wrong. And Dean was sure as hell of one thing. No one could die on this mission. No one. But from what Sam had described, the odds seemed stacked in favor of casualties.
Austin sat there, deep in thought, for a minute or so. He looked at Sam, as if trying to work through a calculus problem. "So you think that you can use this incantation, or whatever, to open the portal and you want me to call out to Lucifer. Like, the DEVIL, Lucifer, so that he'll be distracted. Dean's supposed to offer himself up as a new vessel to Michael...and if Michael falls for that and if I can get Lucifer's attention, then you'll save Adam once Michael is no longer using his body and you’ll do all of this before the portal closes again on its own. Oh, and somehow you’ll also make sure that Lucifer and Michael are locked up again when it does close."
"That's the basic idea," confirmed Sam. It was so much more complicated than that. "Look, I know it's scary, but - "
"I'll do it," said Austin with conviction.
"Austin," said Ben with kindness in his voice, "You know they can't guarantee you'll be safe...I mean, you'll be face-to-face with Lucifer."
"I know," said Austin, "but I also know that Jesus will protect me." Austin stated it as if it were a fact; like stating the sky is blue.
"Look, I know you believe that," said Ben, "but I don't know if this is the situation where you want to test your faith. It's dangerous."
"If it's dangerous, then this is the only situation where I SHOULD be testing my faith," Austin said calmly.
Sam and Dean looked at each other. Dean couldn't believe that this kid had bought into his Christian school's "Jesus loves you" mantra hook, line, and sinker. What were the odds. The Antichrist devoted to Christ.
"Are you sure?" asked Sam. He looked up to meet Austin's steady gaze.
"Yes," responded Austin simply. "I need to prove it. I know who I am and what I believe and I need to show you that I am not what you think I am. I'm not Lucifer's chosen one or anything like that. I'll prove it to you."
"The only one you have to prove anything to is yourself," said Ben quietly. Austin nodded. Ben and Austin exchanged small, nervous smiles.
"So how, exactly, am I supposed to run off to Kansas with you guys in the middle of school?" Austin asked. "The team might miss me."
"Don't worry about that," Dean responded. "I think Cas, uh, he's the angel you didn't like much last time, can do a temporary memory cleanse...they won't know you're gone because they won't know they ever knew you."
Austin's face fell. "But he'll fix it, you know, when we get back, right?" he asked, his voice sounded pained.
"Yeah, of course," Dean responded with more confidence than he felt.
"I have a life here," Austin continued. "I can't lose that again," he said, looking down.
Sam felt a pang of sympathy. Poor kid. He just wanted to be normal and Sam knew exactly what that felt like. They had taken Austin's family from him once before. Sam knew that Austin was the Antichrist, but damn, at this moment, he was really just a lonely kid. Ben was right. They couldn't fuck it up for him again. "You'll be able to come back and it will be, at least to everyone else, like you never left," Sam confirmed. "I know you don't trust me, but I'm not bullshitting you."
Austin gave Sam a hard look. Sighed. Then nodded. "Okay then," he said. "But Nick's coming with me."
Sam and Dean exchanged looks.
"That's the only way I'll go," Austin said. "You two are wrong about him too. And even if you're not, he's got my back. You said yourselves that it's his job to protect me."
"We think so," responded Sam. "Okay."
Dean rolled his eyes, "Great....a demon, the Antichrist, and two Winchesters walk into a bar..." he mumbled under his breath. "This is going to be a fucking picnic."
Sam huffed out a humorless laugh.
“Don’t call me that,” said Austin forcefully.
61.
That night, Dean was out on the bench on the front porch of the cabin, watching the sun set over the Texas hills and slowly nursing a beer. It was his third and he thought he should probably slow down a bit.
The screen door slapped closed on its springs as Lisa walked across the porch, settling on the bench next to him. He pulled her close and she laid her head on his shoulder. They watched the sun go down in silence for several minutes.
"You didn't say much at dinner tonight," Lisa pointed out, still looking straight ahead. Dean usually ate like it was his last meal. Tonight he left half of his food on his plate, then left saying he had to get some air. The only thing exchanged during dinner were glances between him and Sam.
"Um, yeah, sorry," Dean said absentmindedly. "Just got a lot on my mind, I guess."
"Wanna talk?" Lisa asked earnestly, looking up at Dean.
Dean squeezed her a bit harder. "I'm scared, Lis'," he said quietly. "I'm honest to God scared shitless."
"Well, you'll be glad to know that that feeling is proof that you're an actual human being," Lisa responded. "You're not a machine, you're not a soldier...it's normal."
"It's fuckin' dangerous is what it is," Dean replied. "I can't go into this thing feelin' like this."
"With all you've been through," Lisa said, "why is this so different?"
Dean drew in a deep breath. "Because of you, and Ben, and the fact that I get to see Sam happy with Blue every day. I've actually got a whole hell of a lot to live for. It's just felt...different -better...these past few months. It's felt, I dunno; right. But now our past is coming back to bite us in the ass just like it always does. We've fucked up so much..." Dean trailed off.
"The only thing you can do when you fuck up is try to make it right. That's what this is about, isn't it?" Lisa reasoned.
"Yeah," Dean responded. But Lisa wasn't sure he was really hearing her.
Lisa got up and straddled Dean's legs. Sitting down and facing him so he couldn't look away. "Listen to me, Dean Winchester," she began, "you know it scares the crap out of me to watch you go off and do this thing too, but if you want that shit from your past to stop following you, you have to face it and get it done, and then we, our whole family, me, you, Ben, Sam, Walker...we can all move on. You want to be free of this crap, right?"
"More than anything," Dean admitted, looking Lisa in the eye. Lisa was the only one he could be this open with and he didn't know how he had survived all of those years without her. "And I want Sam to be free. He's had to carry so much crap,“ Dean swallowed hard.
Lisa felt like she could feel Dean's gaze, all the way down to her soul.
"Then there's no way past but through," Lisa said. "You keep your head on straight and come home to me in one piece," she had no illusions that Dean would ever let her come along on this mission. He had assured her that Ben would be nowhere near any of this either.
Dean managed a small smile, "Just be sure you've got Cas on speed-dial, okay?" Dean asked nervously.
Lisa nodded. She knew that meant that bodily harm was likely. It made her stomach drop. She couldn't think of a way she could possibly tell Dean how he was everything to her. How deep it went. So she leaned in and pressed her lips to his.
Dean brought a hand up and twined his fingers through Lisa's hair and kissed her back like his life depended on it. As it always had been with them, the smolder ignited in no time and Lisa could feel Dean pressing against the crotch of her jeans as she straddled him. When they breathlessly broke the kiss, she saw so much in his face. Love and lust and need and raw emotion. He was open. Way open.
"Come on," she whispered.
Dean got up with some difficultly and she pulled him to the Impala, parked behind the garage. (Ben had raced Dean home from the school and he had won, so Mary occupied the garage at the moment.) For the first time all night, a smile crossed Dean's face. Lisa and his car. Just about his two favorite things. He held the back door open for her and she slid in.
As soon as the door closed behind him, he was on her like a man who was starving. Dean pulled her shirt off over her head as she smiled seductively and he deftly released the clasp of her bra with one hand. He threw it to the floor and took in the view as he kneeled over her. He'd never ever get sick of this. Lisa's perfect breasts swaying as he put a denim-clad thigh between Lisa's legs and she ground down onto him.
They kissed hungrily as she worked at his belt buckle and then the button. Dean thought he might explode out of his zipper.
There was usually a fair amount of talking during sex with Dean and Lisa. They both got off on it. But this time was different. When Dean began fucking into Lisa in earnest, she pulled away from the kiss. Nothing had been said so far. All she said was, "I want to look at you while you’re inside me," which just about drove Dean out of his mind.
He braced himself over her and fucked her like he meant it. Consistent and hard. She wrapped her legs around him, pressing him to go deeper. The whole time she had her deep brown eyes locked onto his bright green ones. There really weren't any words for this. This went past fun. It wasn't gentle by any means, but they both needed it like this. They both needed the other one to know how much, after all they'd been through, they trusted each other and were as important to each other as air.
Lisa dug her nails into Dean's back. She could feel him getting longer, harder and then - "God, Lis', I can't, I'm gonna, oh fuck." And she could feel Dean jerk inside of her as things suddenly became a lot wetter. Never breaking eye contact, Lisa gasped and shook and came hard. The next thing she was aware of was Dean kissing her softly and she arched to kiss him back. They held each other, breathing hard. Dean felt like he'd just let go of more than just some bodily fluids. It's like he'd felt the release down to his soul. The stress and anxiety over the upcoming trip had temporarily dissolved into nothing but heat and trust and love. He felt as if Lisa would willingly take all he ever hoped to offer her.
62.
Sam and Dean quickly agreed that Cas wasn't going to go anywhere near Austin. Not after what happened last time. But Cas immediately offered to help in whatever way they wanted him to and he methodically set about erasing Austin from the memories of everyone who loved him (Cas threw in the memories of Nick for good measure...Sam had told him he was pretty sure he wasn't going to have to restore any of those).
While Cas made the rounds, Austin waited nervously with their bags at the cabin. Nick was in the second bedroom in the warded handcuffs; a humiliating situation he'd only agreed to because Austin asked him to go along. With everyone in the family sufficiently inked with anti-possession tattoos, Sam and Dean had reluctantly agreed that it was okay for Ben, Lisa and Walker to stay until Sam and Dean left for Kansas with their new charges. Actually, they were all going to Kansas. All but Ben. Ben said he wanted to stay behind in Texas and see this tutoring job through. Lisa and Walker planned to drive home to the bunker after parting company with the others who were going to make their way back to Stull Cemetery.
Stull Cemetery. The site of the single worst day of Dean's life (and that was saying something). Dean wasn't looking forward to being there again and wasn't at all sure that he wouldn't go into a full-blown PTSD panic attack when he saw the place. Dean was expending an awful lot of energy just trying to NOT think about where they were headed.
Sam and Dean had filled Walker and Lisa in on what was said back in the dorm room. Lisa was spooked by the whole thing (and was staying as far away from Austin and Nick as possible) but Walker was fascinated. Here was, as far as Sam and Dean knew, the actual living embodiment of something she thought was always just a myth. The Antichrist. Sitting here on their rented and slightly threadbare couch. More to the point, an Antichrist who loved Christ. He looked just like any other scared, nervous, uncertain teenage kid. He looked so much like the students she had sometimes tutored. She knew what he was, but she felt a little sympathy for him. More than just a little, actually.
She had been watching Austin from the kitchen but couldn't help herself. She walked into the room and towards him.
Suddenly, Sam's huge frame was in front of her in an instant, blocking her way. He slowly shook his head "no".
"I just want to talk to him," Walker said, her voice low.
"No, Blue," Sam had taken to calling her by Dean's nickname for her. When it came from Sam, it felt like a term of endearment. Actually, she was used to it now and it felt like that coming from Dean too, "I know he doesn't look like it, but he's dangerous,” Sam reminded her.
Walker kept her voice down, "You said he's dangerous when he gets upset. I'm not going to upset him," she insisted.
"I don't want to hurt anyone," Austin said, slowly turning his head in their direction. Apparently, the kid had supersonic hearing.
"I know you don't want to," Sam began cautiously.
"I'm telling you I won't hurt anyone," Austin said, getting more exasperated. "Could you give me the benefit of the doubt here?" he asked, "I mean, I'm willingly helping you and if we have to wait for the go-ahead from your angel before we leave, I'd love to be able to do something other than sit here and stare at these damn walls if it's okay with you."
Sam held his hands up, "Okay, Austin," he said, trying to add weight to every word. "I'm trusting you here," he said as he stepped aside and let Walker pass.
Walker sat down next to Austin on the couch. "So, what do you want to talk about?" she asked.
"Ben says you're nice," Austin began cautiously. "He says you're really smart too. Can you speak Aramaic?" he asked, hopefully.
"Fluent," Walker responded.
Austin smiled, "I can never find anyone who can discuss the Bible in its original language." Austin perked up. "This might be a good time to go over what it says about Lucifer." Walker could hear the stress in his voice.
"I'd be glad to," Walker put a hand on Austin's shoulder. He smiled shyly.
next - HOME (part 2) chapters 63 - 68
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Sam and Dean arrived, rather breathless, outside of Austin's dorm room. They'd seen Mary parked outside, so they knew Ben had probably found Austin. They communicated without speaking and silently nodded in agreement as they drew their weapons. Sam counted down under his breath, "three...two...one" and Dean kicked the door in.
Austin, sitting at his desk, jumped when the door banged into the wall. His eyes went wide when he saw Dean's gun trained directly on him while Sam swept the rest of the room. Sam's weapon came to rest on Nick, sitting in the room's only chair.
Ben was sitting on the bed. "Jesus Christ, Dean," he exclaimed, "you coulda knocked."
Dean ignored him, "Ben, you okay?" he asked, eyes never leaving Austin.
"Yeah, I'm okay," Ben responded. Dean looked quickly to Ben to make sure he wasn't putting on a brave face while he sat there bleeding to death or something, but Ben looked completely unscathed.
"We were just talking," said Austin.
"What about?" inquired Sam cautiously.
"About Kansas," Austin said, "and how you lied," he looked directly at Sam. "You don't know how to make me normal," Austin said, accusingly.
"I don't have a spell, or anything like that if that's what you mean," Sam said, giving Ben an obvious 'thanks a lot' look. Ben gazed steadily back at Sam, not willing to back down an inch. "But I do have some ideas about how to make some of what makes you different go away."
"Could you put the guns down?" Ben asked from his place on the bed.
"On him, sure," Dean said, lowering his gun. Austin sighed, relieved. "But him?" Dean said, looking at Nick who was still firmly in Sam's crosshairs, "not a chance."
"You know a gun isn't going to hurt me," Nick taunted.
"Nick," hissed Austin, "we talked about this."
Nick averted his eyes, looking almost guilty, "We did," he confirmed, looking over at Austin, "but I'm only doing this for you and if they hurt you at all, so help me, I'll take them apart."
"They aren't going to hurt him," Ben said calmly.
"So, what exactly have you all been talking about?" Dean asked, coldly.
"You don't have to hint around it," Austin said directly. "I'm still going to help you."
"Why?" asked Sam warily.
"Because Ben told me how you guys screwed up his life too, and the life of this guy you want to save." Austin looked out the window. "I don't give a shit about you guys, but I want to help someone who needs help." Austin looked directly at Dean. "It's what Jesus would do."
Dean almost choked, hearing Austin say those words. Nick's reaction wasn't much different. Nick and Dean actually exchanged skeptical looks.
"I told you," said Austin, "Jesus is my Savior. I don't care what you think I can do or how bad or unwanted you think I am. Jesus judges us on our actions and I want to do something good. Something that means more than winning a stupid football game or getting a 4.0 in school. I want my life to count for something."
"I told him you don't deserve his help," comment Ben dryly, "but Adam does; Adam didn't do anything to deserve what happened to him."
"And you're not looking for anything in return?" Sam asked, still wary.
"If YOU want to do the right thing, you could help me stop these, these stupid powers I have that make me a freak," Austin said, voice wavering. "But that's up to you," he finished. "I've prayed that you'll help me," he finished, looking down.
You could have knocked Sam over with a feather. Sam gave Dean a questioning look and Dean gave a subtle "I have no fucking idea" shoulder shrug.
"It's not a trick," Austin offered. "I mean it."
Suddenly, a voice came from the other side of the room, "Don't do this, Austin," Nick pleaded. "These guys don't give a shit about you. It's my job to protect you -" as Nick trailed off, several heavy objects lifted from their shelves and began to fly through the air towards Sam and Dean. Sam threw an arm over his face and Dean hit the ground.
"Nick!" yelled Austin and he threw up his hand. The books and game consoles seemed to hit an invisible wall at high velocity, exploding into small pieces about a foot away from coming into contact with Sam and Dean. Ben was sprayed with plastic shrapnel from the blow-back as the debris rained down.
"I. Said. No." Austin said to Nick in a menacing voice that Ben hadn't thought the kid was capable of. He practically growled it. Austin stayed where he was, but Nick suddenly brought his hands up to his throat. He looked like he was clutching at an invisible rope for a few seconds before he began gasping for air, the unseen stranglehold suddenly released.
"I'm s s s sorry," Nick gasped out. "I just have to, have to protect you," he choked.
"Oh my God," Austin said, seeming to snap back to his normal self, "Oh my God, Nick, I'm so sorry," Austin ran over to him, "are you okay? You know I'd never hurt you, right, you know that?!” Austin still saw Nick as his best friend, in spite of what Sam had told him and what Nick had basically admitted to him in private.
He was embarrassed that he'd let his temper get the best of him. Honestly, if Nick WAS what they said he was, Austin was determined to help him too.
"I know," said Nick, but he looked shaken. Sam took note. The demon looked shaken. The high muckity-muck Marquis demon (whatever the hell that was) looked shaken. Dean noticed too.
"Awesome," said Dean, trying to sound casual, "No one's going to hurt anyone else, so can we just talk?" he asked, looking around at everyone in the room after picking himself up from the floor. "We all want to help Adam," Dean continued, "Well, everyone but you," he said, giving Nick a derisive stare. Nick glared back at him. "So can we please just focus the fuck on that?"
"Good idea," said Ben, continuing to shoot Sam rather pointed looks.
"Let's hear it then, genius," Dean said, looking over to Sam. "What's the plan?"
"Okay," began Sam, "but he has to go," he said, looking over at Nick.
"No way am I leaving you alone with Austin," Nick responded, eyes narrowing.
"It's okay," said Austin.
"Look," said Dean, "Just down the hall to another room...you'll be close enough for Austin to borrow some of your mojo if he needs to. But I'm pretty sure Austin can take care of himself."
Nick looked to Austin for direction and Austin nodded. Nick left without incident, closing the door behind him and telling Austin to call for him if he needed him.
When it was just the four of them left in the room, Dean turned back to Sam, "Okay Sammy, please fill us in on just how the hell we're supposed to do this thing." Dean couldn't entirely hide the skepticism. He walked over and sat down heavily on the bed next to Ben. All eyes were on Sam.
Sam cleared his throat nervously and laid out what he knew. Or hoped he knew after all the hours of research and study with Walker and what he'd surmised in the years of sleepless nights as he concentrated to the point of giving himself regular migraines on how best to get Adam out of the hell that he and Dean had created for him.
When Sam finished, Dean looked a bit ashen. He hadn't quite heard Sam spell it out in that much detail up to this point and damn, it sounded like suicide to him. There were so many chances, in this plan, for something to go horribly wrong. And Dean was sure as hell of one thing. No one could die on this mission. No one. But from what Sam had described, the odds seemed stacked in favor of casualties.
Austin sat there, deep in thought, for a minute or so. He looked at Sam, as if trying to work through a calculus problem. "So you think that you can use this incantation, or whatever, to open the portal and you want me to call out to Lucifer. Like, the DEVIL, Lucifer, so that he'll be distracted. Dean's supposed to offer himself up as a new vessel to Michael...and if Michael falls for that and if I can get Lucifer's attention, then you'll save Adam once Michael is no longer using his body and you’ll do all of this before the portal closes again on its own. Oh, and somehow you’ll also make sure that Lucifer and Michael are locked up again when it does close."
"That's the basic idea," confirmed Sam. It was so much more complicated than that. "Look, I know it's scary, but - "
"I'll do it," said Austin with conviction.
"Austin," said Ben with kindness in his voice, "You know they can't guarantee you'll be safe...I mean, you'll be face-to-face with Lucifer."
"I know," said Austin, "but I also know that Jesus will protect me." Austin stated it as if it were a fact; like stating the sky is blue.
"Look, I know you believe that," said Ben, "but I don't know if this is the situation where you want to test your faith. It's dangerous."
"If it's dangerous, then this is the only situation where I SHOULD be testing my faith," Austin said calmly.
Sam and Dean looked at each other. Dean couldn't believe that this kid had bought into his Christian school's "Jesus loves you" mantra hook, line, and sinker. What were the odds. The Antichrist devoted to Christ.
"Are you sure?" asked Sam. He looked up to meet Austin's steady gaze.
"Yes," responded Austin simply. "I need to prove it. I know who I am and what I believe and I need to show you that I am not what you think I am. I'm not Lucifer's chosen one or anything like that. I'll prove it to you."
"The only one you have to prove anything to is yourself," said Ben quietly. Austin nodded. Ben and Austin exchanged small, nervous smiles.
"So how, exactly, am I supposed to run off to Kansas with you guys in the middle of school?" Austin asked. "The team might miss me."
"Don't worry about that," Dean responded. "I think Cas, uh, he's the angel you didn't like much last time, can do a temporary memory cleanse...they won't know you're gone because they won't know they ever knew you."
Austin's face fell. "But he'll fix it, you know, when we get back, right?" he asked, his voice sounded pained.
"Yeah, of course," Dean responded with more confidence than he felt.
"I have a life here," Austin continued. "I can't lose that again," he said, looking down.
Sam felt a pang of sympathy. Poor kid. He just wanted to be normal and Sam knew exactly what that felt like. They had taken Austin's family from him once before. Sam knew that Austin was the Antichrist, but damn, at this moment, he was really just a lonely kid. Ben was right. They couldn't fuck it up for him again. "You'll be able to come back and it will be, at least to everyone else, like you never left," Sam confirmed. "I know you don't trust me, but I'm not bullshitting you."
Austin gave Sam a hard look. Sighed. Then nodded. "Okay then," he said. "But Nick's coming with me."
Sam and Dean exchanged looks.
"That's the only way I'll go," Austin said. "You two are wrong about him too. And even if you're not, he's got my back. You said yourselves that it's his job to protect me."
"We think so," responded Sam. "Okay."
Dean rolled his eyes, "Great....a demon, the Antichrist, and two Winchesters walk into a bar..." he mumbled under his breath. "This is going to be a fucking picnic."
Sam huffed out a humorless laugh.
“Don’t call me that,” said Austin forcefully.
61.
That night, Dean was out on the bench on the front porch of the cabin, watching the sun set over the Texas hills and slowly nursing a beer. It was his third and he thought he should probably slow down a bit.
The screen door slapped closed on its springs as Lisa walked across the porch, settling on the bench next to him. He pulled her close and she laid her head on his shoulder. They watched the sun go down in silence for several minutes.
"You didn't say much at dinner tonight," Lisa pointed out, still looking straight ahead. Dean usually ate like it was his last meal. Tonight he left half of his food on his plate, then left saying he had to get some air. The only thing exchanged during dinner were glances between him and Sam.
"Um, yeah, sorry," Dean said absentmindedly. "Just got a lot on my mind, I guess."
"Wanna talk?" Lisa asked earnestly, looking up at Dean.
Dean squeezed her a bit harder. "I'm scared, Lis'," he said quietly. "I'm honest to God scared shitless."
"Well, you'll be glad to know that that feeling is proof that you're an actual human being," Lisa responded. "You're not a machine, you're not a soldier...it's normal."
"It's fuckin' dangerous is what it is," Dean replied. "I can't go into this thing feelin' like this."
"With all you've been through," Lisa said, "why is this so different?"
Dean drew in a deep breath. "Because of you, and Ben, and the fact that I get to see Sam happy with Blue every day. I've actually got a whole hell of a lot to live for. It's just felt...different -better...these past few months. It's felt, I dunno; right. But now our past is coming back to bite us in the ass just like it always does. We've fucked up so much..." Dean trailed off.
"The only thing you can do when you fuck up is try to make it right. That's what this is about, isn't it?" Lisa reasoned.
"Yeah," Dean responded. But Lisa wasn't sure he was really hearing her.
Lisa got up and straddled Dean's legs. Sitting down and facing him so he couldn't look away. "Listen to me, Dean Winchester," she began, "you know it scares the crap out of me to watch you go off and do this thing too, but if you want that shit from your past to stop following you, you have to face it and get it done, and then we, our whole family, me, you, Ben, Sam, Walker...we can all move on. You want to be free of this crap, right?"
"More than anything," Dean admitted, looking Lisa in the eye. Lisa was the only one he could be this open with and he didn't know how he had survived all of those years without her. "And I want Sam to be free. He's had to carry so much crap,“ Dean swallowed hard.
Lisa felt like she could feel Dean's gaze, all the way down to her soul.
"Then there's no way past but through," Lisa said. "You keep your head on straight and come home to me in one piece," she had no illusions that Dean would ever let her come along on this mission. He had assured her that Ben would be nowhere near any of this either.
Dean managed a small smile, "Just be sure you've got Cas on speed-dial, okay?" Dean asked nervously.
Lisa nodded. She knew that meant that bodily harm was likely. It made her stomach drop. She couldn't think of a way she could possibly tell Dean how he was everything to her. How deep it went. So she leaned in and pressed her lips to his.
Dean brought a hand up and twined his fingers through Lisa's hair and kissed her back like his life depended on it. As it always had been with them, the smolder ignited in no time and Lisa could feel Dean pressing against the crotch of her jeans as she straddled him. When they breathlessly broke the kiss, she saw so much in his face. Love and lust and need and raw emotion. He was open. Way open.
"Come on," she whispered.
Dean got up with some difficultly and she pulled him to the Impala, parked behind the garage. (Ben had raced Dean home from the school and he had won, so Mary occupied the garage at the moment.) For the first time all night, a smile crossed Dean's face. Lisa and his car. Just about his two favorite things. He held the back door open for her and she slid in.
As soon as the door closed behind him, he was on her like a man who was starving. Dean pulled her shirt off over her head as she smiled seductively and he deftly released the clasp of her bra with one hand. He threw it to the floor and took in the view as he kneeled over her. He'd never ever get sick of this. Lisa's perfect breasts swaying as he put a denim-clad thigh between Lisa's legs and she ground down onto him.
They kissed hungrily as she worked at his belt buckle and then the button. Dean thought he might explode out of his zipper.
There was usually a fair amount of talking during sex with Dean and Lisa. They both got off on it. But this time was different. When Dean began fucking into Lisa in earnest, she pulled away from the kiss. Nothing had been said so far. All she said was, "I want to look at you while you’re inside me," which just about drove Dean out of his mind.
He braced himself over her and fucked her like he meant it. Consistent and hard. She wrapped her legs around him, pressing him to go deeper. The whole time she had her deep brown eyes locked onto his bright green ones. There really weren't any words for this. This went past fun. It wasn't gentle by any means, but they both needed it like this. They both needed the other one to know how much, after all they'd been through, they trusted each other and were as important to each other as air.
Lisa dug her nails into Dean's back. She could feel him getting longer, harder and then - "God, Lis', I can't, I'm gonna, oh fuck." And she could feel Dean jerk inside of her as things suddenly became a lot wetter. Never breaking eye contact, Lisa gasped and shook and came hard. The next thing she was aware of was Dean kissing her softly and she arched to kiss him back. They held each other, breathing hard. Dean felt like he'd just let go of more than just some bodily fluids. It's like he'd felt the release down to his soul. The stress and anxiety over the upcoming trip had temporarily dissolved into nothing but heat and trust and love. He felt as if Lisa would willingly take all he ever hoped to offer her.
62.
Sam and Dean quickly agreed that Cas wasn't going to go anywhere near Austin. Not after what happened last time. But Cas immediately offered to help in whatever way they wanted him to and he methodically set about erasing Austin from the memories of everyone who loved him (Cas threw in the memories of Nick for good measure...Sam had told him he was pretty sure he wasn't going to have to restore any of those).
While Cas made the rounds, Austin waited nervously with their bags at the cabin. Nick was in the second bedroom in the warded handcuffs; a humiliating situation he'd only agreed to because Austin asked him to go along. With everyone in the family sufficiently inked with anti-possession tattoos, Sam and Dean had reluctantly agreed that it was okay for Ben, Lisa and Walker to stay until Sam and Dean left for Kansas with their new charges. Actually, they were all going to Kansas. All but Ben. Ben said he wanted to stay behind in Texas and see this tutoring job through. Lisa and Walker planned to drive home to the bunker after parting company with the others who were going to make their way back to Stull Cemetery.
Stull Cemetery. The site of the single worst day of Dean's life (and that was saying something). Dean wasn't looking forward to being there again and wasn't at all sure that he wouldn't go into a full-blown PTSD panic attack when he saw the place. Dean was expending an awful lot of energy just trying to NOT think about where they were headed.
Sam and Dean had filled Walker and Lisa in on what was said back in the dorm room. Lisa was spooked by the whole thing (and was staying as far away from Austin and Nick as possible) but Walker was fascinated. Here was, as far as Sam and Dean knew, the actual living embodiment of something she thought was always just a myth. The Antichrist. Sitting here on their rented and slightly threadbare couch. More to the point, an Antichrist who loved Christ. He looked just like any other scared, nervous, uncertain teenage kid. He looked so much like the students she had sometimes tutored. She knew what he was, but she felt a little sympathy for him. More than just a little, actually.
She had been watching Austin from the kitchen but couldn't help herself. She walked into the room and towards him.
Suddenly, Sam's huge frame was in front of her in an instant, blocking her way. He slowly shook his head "no".
"I just want to talk to him," Walker said, her voice low.
"No, Blue," Sam had taken to calling her by Dean's nickname for her. When it came from Sam, it felt like a term of endearment. Actually, she was used to it now and it felt like that coming from Dean too, "I know he doesn't look like it, but he's dangerous,” Sam reminded her.
Walker kept her voice down, "You said he's dangerous when he gets upset. I'm not going to upset him," she insisted.
"I don't want to hurt anyone," Austin said, slowly turning his head in their direction. Apparently, the kid had supersonic hearing.
"I know you don't want to," Sam began cautiously.
"I'm telling you I won't hurt anyone," Austin said, getting more exasperated. "Could you give me the benefit of the doubt here?" he asked, "I mean, I'm willingly helping you and if we have to wait for the go-ahead from your angel before we leave, I'd love to be able to do something other than sit here and stare at these damn walls if it's okay with you."
Sam held his hands up, "Okay, Austin," he said, trying to add weight to every word. "I'm trusting you here," he said as he stepped aside and let Walker pass.
Walker sat down next to Austin on the couch. "So, what do you want to talk about?" she asked.
"Ben says you're nice," Austin began cautiously. "He says you're really smart too. Can you speak Aramaic?" he asked, hopefully.
"Fluent," Walker responded.
Austin smiled, "I can never find anyone who can discuss the Bible in its original language." Austin perked up. "This might be a good time to go over what it says about Lucifer." Walker could hear the stress in his voice.
"I'd be glad to," Walker put a hand on Austin's shoulder. He smiled shyly.
next - HOME (part 2) chapters 63 - 68
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