HOME (part 1) chapters 43-45
43.
Dean pulled the Impala off the road under the shade of some trees. An hour ago he thought he might die from an "erection lasting more than 4 hours" as the ads said.
Now, what he'd been obsessed with ever since he left Kansas was nothing but a distant memory. Dean rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. What the fuck was going on? "Cas!" he yelled into thin air.
Nothing.
With the sexual adrenaline all but gone, Dean realized how exhausted he was from the long drive. He felt adrift. Nothing was really making sense right now. He closed his eyes, leaned back in the driver's seat, and tried to let the sound of the wind in the trees quiet his mind.
Dean woke with a start. The sun was sinking towards dusk and Cas was in the passenger seat with his hand on Dean's arm. "You called for me?" asked Cas, staring at Dean in that way-too-intense way of his. Dean sensed some concern and even a little sympathy. Cas must be getting a bit soft after all these years.
Dean sighed heavily and looked straight ahead out the front window "What the fuck, Cas?" he asked.
"You're going to have to be more specific," said Cas.
"Lisa got her memory back, thanks to you," Dean said, "and before I left for Tulsa, we were in it, together. Me & Lis’." Dean's voice caught a bit. Cas squeezed his arm slightly and Dean was surprised at the comforting gesture, but he let Cas do it. He was desperate for a little comfort right now.
"Me & Lisa..." Dean trailed off, sounding like that label for what he had was something in the past.
"Go on," said Cas.
"I come back today, sure she's going to be all over me. I mean, we won. Charlotte's dead. The demon deal is off. We're in the clear and she acts like I'm someone she can't trust," Dean finished, looking at Cas in hopes of some kind of explanation.
"Interesting," said Cas thoughtfully.
"Well, I though 'craptastic' was a better description, personally," sulked Dean.
When Cas didn't say anything right away, Dean broke the silence, "I can hear you thinking man, what do you think is going on?"
"You can hear me thinking?" said Cas, wide-eyed.
"It's a figure of speech, Cas," said Dean with a little irritation.
"Oh" said Cas. "Okay, think about it, Dean...when Lisa made her deal with Charlotte, even though she didn't know she was making a deal, the deal was for her soulmate. That's you."
"Thanks for the newsflash," said Dean sarcastically.
Cas gave Dean a stern look and continued, "When you killed Charlotte, that broke the deal. The deal was to find her soulmate and you fulfilled that promise and Lisa thought everything was perfect. That's the way people feel when they have made a deal with a demon."
Dean thought a minute and said, "So you're saying it's not me? I'm not the one she's supposed to be with? It was all just some sort of love spell because of the demon deal?" Dean really couldn't hide the desperation in his voice any longer.
"No Dean," said Cas. "If you weren't actually her soulmate, then you would not have been the reward for her entering into the deal with the demon. You and Lisa; you are meant to be. I meant it when I said you were her destiny and she is yours."'
"Then why is she acting like I'm some sort of asshole?" asked Dean.
"Have you not been an asshole at times in your relationship with Lisa?" questioned Cas.
Dean snapped his head around, "I love her, Cas!" he said. "Do you fucking understand that?"
"That is beside the point," said Cas. "Have you not, at times, been an asshole?" he repeated with sincerity.
Dean looked down at his hands, then back out the windshield. "Yes, okay YES! I've been an asshole."
"Lisa remembers everything. The good and the bad. Without the benefit of the deal, she is not able to look past the bad," Cas reasoned.
"So I'm screwed then. Is that it, Cas? No forgiveness and no clean slate for a Winchester ever, is that it?" Dean said angrily. "I should probably just hit the road. Stop fucking up her life."
"What did she say the last time you talked to her?" asked Cas.
"She told me not to run," said Dean.
"You should listen to her Dean," said Cas. "When two people are meant to be together, even if they must spend time apart, they will always find each other in the end. That is how is has to be. That is how it is. Listen to her."
"What do I do now?" Dean asked, looking Cas directly in the eye finally, almost pleading.
"You don't run," replied Cas and in a rush of wind, he was gone.
44.
Dean was stretched out on the motel bed, staring up at the ceiling. He desperately hoped for more sleep, but his mind would not stop running on overdrive. He had no clue where to start. The things Lisa knew about him, this was really him...all the for-shit history and mistakes and people around him dying. She knew it all. Dean could not come up with a single scenario in which what Cas had said could actually come to pass. With all she knew now, there's no way in hell she'd ever choose him. He was far too fucked-up and she deserved better and -
Dean's phone rang.
"Hello Dean," came Lisa's voice on the other end of the line.
"Hello Lisa," he said feeling so uncomfortably formal when all he wanted to do was call her Lis' and make her laugh and fuck her into next week.
"I'd like to see you. I want to talk," she said.
"Sure; you call it; you want me to come over?" Dean asked trying to say it with as much patience and caring as he could muster even though he was terrified that he was walking into a "it's not you, it's me" conversation where the other shoe would drop and crush him like an anvil.
"No, let's meet somewhere neutral; maybe the coffee shop downtown. It's quiet there," Lisa suggested.
"I'll be there in five minutes," said Dean.
"Good," replied Lisa. Dean hoped he had detected a slight smile in her voice. Shit, he actually had butterflies.
Even though he was sure that Lisa, knowing all about the real him and what he'd done and what his life was about would never in a million fucking years choose to stay with him, he couldn't help but try to dress up the exterior a bit. He stuck his head under the faucet and got his hair to lay right, he shaved as quickly as possible and put on a shirt with actual buttons along with a dark pair of jeans that he knew fit is ass so well there wasn't a single gay guyfor 100 miles around that wouldn't stare as he walked by. He threw on his least-scuffed pair of boots and headed out the door.
45.
Lisa looked up when the cafe doorbell jingled as Dean walked in. She felt her face get hot. Damn, he looked so...damn...good. 'Upstairs brain, Lisa,' she admonished herself.
Dean saw her and smiled like he'd won the damn lottery as he walked over to her. Inside, his confidence was a solid zero, but he was doing everything he could not to show it.
As a result of them both trying to keep everything under control, neither really knew how to start the conversation.
Lisa reached out a hand to Dean across the table as he sat down. He gratefully took it.
"I don't know where to start," she admitted.
"I think you should start wherever you want to start," Dean said. Though his conversation with Cas had at least given him a clue, he had no idea where this was going or how it was going to get there.
"Dean, you're the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me, all at the same time," Lisa confessed. He had saved her life more than once and he had also been the one who had almost gotten her killed more than once. "I don't feel right when you're not around...and when you are around, everything feels right but I can't stop thinking about the fact that there will always be a time when you leave." She finally looked up and straight into his eyes.
Dean swallowed hard but didn't break her gaze. "Not this time," he said with conviction.
Lisa raised an eyebrow. "So you're going to give up hunting again? We tried that. It didn't work. It's part of who you are."
"You're right," Dean said, "You're absolutely right Lis'," Lisa didn't correct him on her name this time. "But I don't feel right when I’m away from you either. I need you Lisa," he was almost pleading. He was completely sincere and open for once in his life. If ever there was a time to lay it all out there, it was now.
Lisa smiled just a tiny bit. Dean smiled back. "And about Sam," Lisa continued.
'Sam?' thought Dean, 'what does Sam have to do with any of this?' He gave Lisa a perplexed look.
"Look, I know that you and Sam, you have a thing," she said. Dean started shaking his head in denial and Lisa continued, "no, not like that," she laughed quietly. "I know that Sam is part of who you are too. I know it's not possible for you to choose between me and Sam and I just want you to know that I would never ask you to do that. You can't keep leaving me for Sam and you can't keep leaving Sam for me. Sam's happiness makes you happy. I want you to be happy. I want you to know that I care about Sam too."
Dean's heart kind of twisted in his chest. He SO didn't deserve this. Dean bit down on his lip in an effort to keep it together and squeezed her hand tightly.
"So if this is going to work, this...'us'," Lisa continued, "it has to be all of us. We have to figure out how to make some sort of family out of this."
Dean could hardly believe what she was saying, "Have you been talking to Sam?" he asked.
"Why?," asked Lisa with a wary smile, "did Sam say the same thing?"
"Bascially, yeah," confirmed Dean.
Lisa shook her head slightly, "No, I haven't talked to Sam, but I'm glad we're on the same page."
Dean's heart felt like it might explode, so he had to change the topic slightly.
"I gotta ask," Dean said, "what was with the shotgun? I mean, it was ME, Lis'."
Lisa sighed heavily. "I don't know how to explain it," she said. "While you were gone, it felt like a switch flipped. One day I was ready to do anything and everything for you; completely lose myself and who I was and do whatever you asked just to keep you. Then the next day I was scared. "
'The day I killed that Charlotte bitch,' thought Dean to himself. Cas had been right on the money. "Scared of me?" asked Dean.
"Scared of how much I feel for you and realizing that, so far, whenever I try to hold onto this amazing thing, no matter what I do, it always ends up hurting," she finished, not looking at him. "I think the shotgun was, I don't know, some fucked-up way of me trying to protect myself from any more hurting."
Dean reached across the small table and touched her face. She looked up at him.
"Listen to me, Lis'," he said firmly, "we've been through it all, I've PUT YOU through it all. I know we've tried this before, but I'm done just trying."
To hell with planning, thought Dean.
He got up and circled around to Lisa's side of the table and got down on one knee. He had no clue what he was going to say.
"Lisa Braeden, I know I am a completely fucked-up mess, believe me, I know, but if you'll have me I'll never stop working to be better for you. You are incredible and I cannot imagine my life without you in it any more. I want you. I want us...if you'll have me," he pulled the box out of his coat pocket and opened it, offering it, and himself, up to her. "Marry me?"
Lisa was blindsided. Not in a million years had she thought that Dean Winchester would ever offer her this kind of commitment, and maybe she should take some time to think about it, weigh the pros and cons…there were probably a million reasons why she shouldn’t say -
"Yes."
To hell with planning.
Dean had to hold onto the ring box to keep it from flying out of his hand as he stood up and pulled Lisa with him and now she was wrapping herself around him, just the way he'd imagined. He dropped his head to kiss her and she actually backed him up against the wall she was kissing him so hard. He loved it.
When they came up for air she was laughing and Dean fumbled with the box a little, getting the ring out. He slipped it onto her ring finger and it was a bit large so she happily shifted it to her middle finger and laced her fingers through his.
"Sorry it doesn't fit," Dean apologized. He had no idea what size Lisa was and had just taken a gamble.
"It's perfect," Lisa said.
"It was my grandmother's," Dean told her. Lisa knew how family was everything to Dean. That he had given her this ring, from his family... she knew how deep that went for him and that was infinitely more meaningful than something that had a larger stone or was more expensive or fit perfectly. Since when was her life ever a perfect fit anyway?
"What was her name?" Lisa asked.
"Elizabeth," Dean replied. “But my grandfather called her Millie.”
"I'll make Elizabeth proud," declared Lisa, "I'm going to take amazing care of you, Dean Winchester."
Dean kissed her.
"We should call Ben," Lisa suddenly remembered Ben.
"Already did," said Dean with some pride in his voice.
"Wait, you ASKED BEN if you could marry me?! You asked him after I had a shotgun pointed at you?" Lisa asked incredulously.
"Yeah, he's part of this too," said Dean. "Actually I asked him on the drive over here, before you pointed the shotgun at me. He said good luck getting you to take my sorry ass....actually Sam said pretty much the same thing."
Lisa laughed, then buried her head in his button-down-shirt-clad chest, hugging him.
Lisa looked up at him, suddenly serious. "There's something I need to tell you," she said, "about Ben."
"What about Ben?" asked Dean
Lisa took a deep breath. If they were really going to do this, she had to lay it all out on the table. She desperately wanted to find a way to make this less stark, but she couldn't think of a better way to say, “He’s yours. He's your son." She waited for the bad reaction she'd imagined all these years. None came.
When Dean's arms only tightened around her, she looked up, clearly surprised. She searched Dean's face for any sign of anger, or hurt, or anything else he had feared finding there...she found him looking down at her with a slight smile.
"You already knew," she said.
"I've always felt he was my son, Lis’," said Dean. "Biological or not, I've always felt that way. Why didn't you ever feel like you could tell me?" he asked with genuine concern.
"I never wanted you to stay because you had to. I only wanted you to stay with us if you actually wanted us to be your family," she finished.
"I never wanted anything more," sighed Dean, not letting her go. "Does Ben know?" Dean asked.
"We talked right after you left for Tulsa," she said.
Dean thought back to his phone call with Ben. 'Bastard,' thought Dean, 'he never let on throughout the whole call'.
"And how'd that go?" asked Dean.
"He said he'd need some time to get used to the idea, but he was proud to be your son," she finished, eyes shining.
"God, I love you, Lis'." Dean suddenly blurted out.
"I love you too," she replied.
"And we can still take it slow, okay? I want to do this right," Dean offered though he knew taking it slow might kill him. “You lead, I’ll follow.”
Lisa smirked, “There are a few ways I’d love to lead you right now; astray for one…,” she said suggestively as she slowly ran her hand down the front of his jeans. She paused when she found what she was looking for which caused Dean to gasp a little. She looked up at him, enjoying watching how hot and bothered she was making him.
“Let’s get out of here,” Dean said with some difficulty.
Dean looked down at her and saw in her eyes more than he could describe; love and hope and expectation and the ever-present, all-important forgiveness.
Dean couldn't know that she was seeing those same things when she looked up at him, mirrored right back at her.
"Let's go home," she said.
End of part 1
Return to Masterpost
Dean pulled the Impala off the road under the shade of some trees. An hour ago he thought he might die from an "erection lasting more than 4 hours" as the ads said.
Now, what he'd been obsessed with ever since he left Kansas was nothing but a distant memory. Dean rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. What the fuck was going on? "Cas!" he yelled into thin air.
Nothing.
With the sexual adrenaline all but gone, Dean realized how exhausted he was from the long drive. He felt adrift. Nothing was really making sense right now. He closed his eyes, leaned back in the driver's seat, and tried to let the sound of the wind in the trees quiet his mind.
Dean woke with a start. The sun was sinking towards dusk and Cas was in the passenger seat with his hand on Dean's arm. "You called for me?" asked Cas, staring at Dean in that way-too-intense way of his. Dean sensed some concern and even a little sympathy. Cas must be getting a bit soft after all these years.
Dean sighed heavily and looked straight ahead out the front window "What the fuck, Cas?" he asked.
"You're going to have to be more specific," said Cas.
"Lisa got her memory back, thanks to you," Dean said, "and before I left for Tulsa, we were in it, together. Me & Lis’." Dean's voice caught a bit. Cas squeezed his arm slightly and Dean was surprised at the comforting gesture, but he let Cas do it. He was desperate for a little comfort right now.
"Me & Lisa..." Dean trailed off, sounding like that label for what he had was something in the past.
"Go on," said Cas.
"I come back today, sure she's going to be all over me. I mean, we won. Charlotte's dead. The demon deal is off. We're in the clear and she acts like I'm someone she can't trust," Dean finished, looking at Cas in hopes of some kind of explanation.
"Interesting," said Cas thoughtfully.
"Well, I though 'craptastic' was a better description, personally," sulked Dean.
When Cas didn't say anything right away, Dean broke the silence, "I can hear you thinking man, what do you think is going on?"
"You can hear me thinking?" said Cas, wide-eyed.
"It's a figure of speech, Cas," said Dean with a little irritation.
"Oh" said Cas. "Okay, think about it, Dean...when Lisa made her deal with Charlotte, even though she didn't know she was making a deal, the deal was for her soulmate. That's you."
"Thanks for the newsflash," said Dean sarcastically.
Cas gave Dean a stern look and continued, "When you killed Charlotte, that broke the deal. The deal was to find her soulmate and you fulfilled that promise and Lisa thought everything was perfect. That's the way people feel when they have made a deal with a demon."
Dean thought a minute and said, "So you're saying it's not me? I'm not the one she's supposed to be with? It was all just some sort of love spell because of the demon deal?" Dean really couldn't hide the desperation in his voice any longer.
"No Dean," said Cas. "If you weren't actually her soulmate, then you would not have been the reward for her entering into the deal with the demon. You and Lisa; you are meant to be. I meant it when I said you were her destiny and she is yours."'
"Then why is she acting like I'm some sort of asshole?" asked Dean.
"Have you not been an asshole at times in your relationship with Lisa?" questioned Cas.
Dean snapped his head around, "I love her, Cas!" he said. "Do you fucking understand that?"
"That is beside the point," said Cas. "Have you not, at times, been an asshole?" he repeated with sincerity.
Dean looked down at his hands, then back out the windshield. "Yes, okay YES! I've been an asshole."
"Lisa remembers everything. The good and the bad. Without the benefit of the deal, she is not able to look past the bad," Cas reasoned.
"So I'm screwed then. Is that it, Cas? No forgiveness and no clean slate for a Winchester ever, is that it?" Dean said angrily. "I should probably just hit the road. Stop fucking up her life."
"What did she say the last time you talked to her?" asked Cas.
"She told me not to run," said Dean.
"You should listen to her Dean," said Cas. "When two people are meant to be together, even if they must spend time apart, they will always find each other in the end. That is how is has to be. That is how it is. Listen to her."
"What do I do now?" Dean asked, looking Cas directly in the eye finally, almost pleading.
"You don't run," replied Cas and in a rush of wind, he was gone.
44.
Dean was stretched out on the motel bed, staring up at the ceiling. He desperately hoped for more sleep, but his mind would not stop running on overdrive. He had no clue where to start. The things Lisa knew about him, this was really him...all the for-shit history and mistakes and people around him dying. She knew it all. Dean could not come up with a single scenario in which what Cas had said could actually come to pass. With all she knew now, there's no way in hell she'd ever choose him. He was far too fucked-up and she deserved better and -
Dean's phone rang.
"Hello Dean," came Lisa's voice on the other end of the line.
"Hello Lisa," he said feeling so uncomfortably formal when all he wanted to do was call her Lis' and make her laugh and fuck her into next week.
"I'd like to see you. I want to talk," she said.
"Sure; you call it; you want me to come over?" Dean asked trying to say it with as much patience and caring as he could muster even though he was terrified that he was walking into a "it's not you, it's me" conversation where the other shoe would drop and crush him like an anvil.
"No, let's meet somewhere neutral; maybe the coffee shop downtown. It's quiet there," Lisa suggested.
"I'll be there in five minutes," said Dean.
"Good," replied Lisa. Dean hoped he had detected a slight smile in her voice. Shit, he actually had butterflies.
Even though he was sure that Lisa, knowing all about the real him and what he'd done and what his life was about would never in a million fucking years choose to stay with him, he couldn't help but try to dress up the exterior a bit. He stuck his head under the faucet and got his hair to lay right, he shaved as quickly as possible and put on a shirt with actual buttons along with a dark pair of jeans that he knew fit is ass so well there wasn't a single gay guyfor 100 miles around that wouldn't stare as he walked by. He threw on his least-scuffed pair of boots and headed out the door.
45.
Lisa looked up when the cafe doorbell jingled as Dean walked in. She felt her face get hot. Damn, he looked so...damn...good. 'Upstairs brain, Lisa,' she admonished herself.
Dean saw her and smiled like he'd won the damn lottery as he walked over to her. Inside, his confidence was a solid zero, but he was doing everything he could not to show it.
As a result of them both trying to keep everything under control, neither really knew how to start the conversation.
Lisa reached out a hand to Dean across the table as he sat down. He gratefully took it.
"I don't know where to start," she admitted.
"I think you should start wherever you want to start," Dean said. Though his conversation with Cas had at least given him a clue, he had no idea where this was going or how it was going to get there.
"Dean, you're the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me, all at the same time," Lisa confessed. He had saved her life more than once and he had also been the one who had almost gotten her killed more than once. "I don't feel right when you're not around...and when you are around, everything feels right but I can't stop thinking about the fact that there will always be a time when you leave." She finally looked up and straight into his eyes.
Dean swallowed hard but didn't break her gaze. "Not this time," he said with conviction.
Lisa raised an eyebrow. "So you're going to give up hunting again? We tried that. It didn't work. It's part of who you are."
"You're right," Dean said, "You're absolutely right Lis'," Lisa didn't correct him on her name this time. "But I don't feel right when I’m away from you either. I need you Lisa," he was almost pleading. He was completely sincere and open for once in his life. If ever there was a time to lay it all out there, it was now.
Lisa smiled just a tiny bit. Dean smiled back. "And about Sam," Lisa continued.
'Sam?' thought Dean, 'what does Sam have to do with any of this?' He gave Lisa a perplexed look.
"Look, I know that you and Sam, you have a thing," she said. Dean started shaking his head in denial and Lisa continued, "no, not like that," she laughed quietly. "I know that Sam is part of who you are too. I know it's not possible for you to choose between me and Sam and I just want you to know that I would never ask you to do that. You can't keep leaving me for Sam and you can't keep leaving Sam for me. Sam's happiness makes you happy. I want you to be happy. I want you to know that I care about Sam too."
Dean's heart kind of twisted in his chest. He SO didn't deserve this. Dean bit down on his lip in an effort to keep it together and squeezed her hand tightly.
"So if this is going to work, this...'us'," Lisa continued, "it has to be all of us. We have to figure out how to make some sort of family out of this."
Dean could hardly believe what she was saying, "Have you been talking to Sam?" he asked.
"Why?," asked Lisa with a wary smile, "did Sam say the same thing?"
"Bascially, yeah," confirmed Dean.
Lisa shook her head slightly, "No, I haven't talked to Sam, but I'm glad we're on the same page."
Dean's heart felt like it might explode, so he had to change the topic slightly.
"I gotta ask," Dean said, "what was with the shotgun? I mean, it was ME, Lis'."
Lisa sighed heavily. "I don't know how to explain it," she said. "While you were gone, it felt like a switch flipped. One day I was ready to do anything and everything for you; completely lose myself and who I was and do whatever you asked just to keep you. Then the next day I was scared. "
'The day I killed that Charlotte bitch,' thought Dean to himself. Cas had been right on the money. "Scared of me?" asked Dean.
"Scared of how much I feel for you and realizing that, so far, whenever I try to hold onto this amazing thing, no matter what I do, it always ends up hurting," she finished, not looking at him. "I think the shotgun was, I don't know, some fucked-up way of me trying to protect myself from any more hurting."
Dean reached across the small table and touched her face. She looked up at him.
"Listen to me, Lis'," he said firmly, "we've been through it all, I've PUT YOU through it all. I know we've tried this before, but I'm done just trying."
To hell with planning, thought Dean.
He got up and circled around to Lisa's side of the table and got down on one knee. He had no clue what he was going to say.
"Lisa Braeden, I know I am a completely fucked-up mess, believe me, I know, but if you'll have me I'll never stop working to be better for you. You are incredible and I cannot imagine my life without you in it any more. I want you. I want us...if you'll have me," he pulled the box out of his coat pocket and opened it, offering it, and himself, up to her. "Marry me?"
Lisa was blindsided. Not in a million years had she thought that Dean Winchester would ever offer her this kind of commitment, and maybe she should take some time to think about it, weigh the pros and cons…there were probably a million reasons why she shouldn’t say -
"Yes."
To hell with planning.
Dean had to hold onto the ring box to keep it from flying out of his hand as he stood up and pulled Lisa with him and now she was wrapping herself around him, just the way he'd imagined. He dropped his head to kiss her and she actually backed him up against the wall she was kissing him so hard. He loved it.
When they came up for air she was laughing and Dean fumbled with the box a little, getting the ring out. He slipped it onto her ring finger and it was a bit large so she happily shifted it to her middle finger and laced her fingers through his.
"Sorry it doesn't fit," Dean apologized. He had no idea what size Lisa was and had just taken a gamble.
"It's perfect," Lisa said.
"It was my grandmother's," Dean told her. Lisa knew how family was everything to Dean. That he had given her this ring, from his family... she knew how deep that went for him and that was infinitely more meaningful than something that had a larger stone or was more expensive or fit perfectly. Since when was her life ever a perfect fit anyway?
"What was her name?" Lisa asked.
"Elizabeth," Dean replied. “But my grandfather called her Millie.”
"I'll make Elizabeth proud," declared Lisa, "I'm going to take amazing care of you, Dean Winchester."
Dean kissed her.
"We should call Ben," Lisa suddenly remembered Ben.
"Already did," said Dean with some pride in his voice.
"Wait, you ASKED BEN if you could marry me?! You asked him after I had a shotgun pointed at you?" Lisa asked incredulously.
"Yeah, he's part of this too," said Dean. "Actually I asked him on the drive over here, before you pointed the shotgun at me. He said good luck getting you to take my sorry ass....actually Sam said pretty much the same thing."
Lisa laughed, then buried her head in his button-down-shirt-clad chest, hugging him.
Lisa looked up at him, suddenly serious. "There's something I need to tell you," she said, "about Ben."
"What about Ben?" asked Dean
Lisa took a deep breath. If they were really going to do this, she had to lay it all out on the table. She desperately wanted to find a way to make this less stark, but she couldn't think of a better way to say, “He’s yours. He's your son." She waited for the bad reaction she'd imagined all these years. None came.
When Dean's arms only tightened around her, she looked up, clearly surprised. She searched Dean's face for any sign of anger, or hurt, or anything else he had feared finding there...she found him looking down at her with a slight smile.
"You already knew," she said.
"I've always felt he was my son, Lis’," said Dean. "Biological or not, I've always felt that way. Why didn't you ever feel like you could tell me?" he asked with genuine concern.
"I never wanted you to stay because you had to. I only wanted you to stay with us if you actually wanted us to be your family," she finished.
"I never wanted anything more," sighed Dean, not letting her go. "Does Ben know?" Dean asked.
"We talked right after you left for Tulsa," she said.
Dean thought back to his phone call with Ben. 'Bastard,' thought Dean, 'he never let on throughout the whole call'.
"And how'd that go?" asked Dean.
"He said he'd need some time to get used to the idea, but he was proud to be your son," she finished, eyes shining.
"God, I love you, Lis'." Dean suddenly blurted out.
"I love you too," she replied.
"And we can still take it slow, okay? I want to do this right," Dean offered though he knew taking it slow might kill him. “You lead, I’ll follow.”
Lisa smirked, “There are a few ways I’d love to lead you right now; astray for one…,” she said suggestively as she slowly ran her hand down the front of his jeans. She paused when she found what she was looking for which caused Dean to gasp a little. She looked up at him, enjoying watching how hot and bothered she was making him.
“Let’s get out of here,” Dean said with some difficulty.
Dean looked down at her and saw in her eyes more than he could describe; love and hope and expectation and the ever-present, all-important forgiveness.
Dean couldn't know that she was seeing those same things when she looked up at him, mirrored right back at her.
"Let's go home," she said.
End of part 1
Return to Masterpost