Mmmmmm happy sigh
Somehow it felt excellent to clean that car. Normally I'm not psyched about vacuums and buckets and Windex and hoses, but this time it was so productive and good. Maybe it was that delicious because it's MY car for the summer. A sense of ownership, a sense of getting-things-done, a sense of order and cleanliness... it was nice.
Not as nice as this weekend. I haven't had a weekend this good in a long time. Not that I actually did anything of import. Camped out one night, had lunch at a restaurant, ate leftover Chinese food for 3 days in a row, watched something like 4 movies (for someone who rarely gets around to watching movies, that's a lot), started a new knitting project. That's about it. I think it was just this invading sense of happiness that comes from being loved purely and wholly. I've tried long distance: that desperate longing to be together, living in my own imagination, assuming he's what I wanted him to be because the haziness of the miles allowed me to fill in the spaces. I've tried unrequited: pouring my soul into someone who didn't want me to love him, imagining he might be falling for me after all, sunlit mornings full of oh jesus the greatest feeling in the world only to be followed by friday nights alone and dying with doubt.
This right here is just... beautiful. After my split with Mr. Unrequited, I'm not feeling that terrible drive to find someone. I'd be perfectly alright on my own, at least at this stage in my existence. But Dan, being around you has always been genuine and fun, and it makes me feel so at ease with myself and the world. It's just great to be with you (to be with you), it fills me up and makes this life a nice big notch more worthwhile.
I think it was in The Princess Bride that they said "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." Word. Maybe I'm learning...
Not as nice as this weekend. I haven't had a weekend this good in a long time. Not that I actually did anything of import. Camped out one night, had lunch at a restaurant, ate leftover Chinese food for 3 days in a row, watched something like 4 movies (for someone who rarely gets around to watching movies, that's a lot), started a new knitting project. That's about it. I think it was just this invading sense of happiness that comes from being loved purely and wholly. I've tried long distance: that desperate longing to be together, living in my own imagination, assuming he's what I wanted him to be because the haziness of the miles allowed me to fill in the spaces. I've tried unrequited: pouring my soul into someone who didn't want me to love him, imagining he might be falling for me after all, sunlit mornings full of oh jesus the greatest feeling in the world only to be followed by friday nights alone and dying with doubt.
This right here is just... beautiful. After my split with Mr. Unrequited, I'm not feeling that terrible drive to find someone. I'd be perfectly alright on my own, at least at this stage in my existence. But Dan, being around you has always been genuine and fun, and it makes me feel so at ease with myself and the world. It's just great to be with you (to be with you), it fills me up and makes this life a nice big notch more worthwhile.
I think it was in The Princess Bride that they said "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return." Word. Maybe I'm learning...