What do I do?
LIONEL IS DEAD. I didn't kill him this time either....it was just good, old fashioned death. Damn aquatics.
I am ready for school to be over and done with. I realized tonight exactly how much stuff I have to do before Thursday. Essays and speeches and reports and gah. Schwatev. I am so stressed out and there is no way that I can get away from it. School, for one thing is a large stressor with trying to go to class, do homework, and bring up my GPA to get into nursing school all before the start of school next year. Then on the weekends, when the burden of stress usually goes away, even more stress comes bombarding into my life. I go home to the place where I am supposed to be able to have fun and relax, and while I can do that at two separate places, it all just clashes. The boy that makes me extremely happy just also happens to be the boy that my parents can't stand and think is just horrible for me. Then, when I go back home to hang out with the family, I think that he thinks they try to get me to stay home as long as possible just so I won't be able to see him. Then, when I want to go to his house I feel as though I have to explain myself to my parents and I just shouldn't have to do that. When I go back to school, I hate being away, but at the same time I like being away from the drama at home because I don't have to explain myself or my reasonings for being with Tony. I didn't see it coming, but it happened, and I am glad that it did. And it really sucks when my sisters tell me that my own mother talks crap about it behind my back and says how sick it is that we are together and how she can't even stand to look at pictures of us or hear about it or anything like that. Seriously, she knows how the girls feel about it, but yet she keeps telling them her opinions and they don't care, because they are okay with the fact that Tony and I have been together. Though I don't want to even hear what she has to say about him or me or our relationship, I wish that she would be forward with me and not bring the girls into this.
DAMNIT THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND HERE. I fucking hate this, but I'm not bowing out of this relationship any time soon. I've truly never been this happy, and I know that my parents aren't intentionally doing this to hurt me. They just care, but it's to the point of being unreasonable judgemental and they just have to let me do what I want with this. And what I want is to be with Tony and just live my own life and be happy.
There is so much more in my head, but I think that if I leak any more of my personal life onto LJ, then I may burst into tears.
I am ready for school to be over and done with. I realized tonight exactly how much stuff I have to do before Thursday. Essays and speeches and reports and gah. Schwatev. I am so stressed out and there is no way that I can get away from it. School, for one thing is a large stressor with trying to go to class, do homework, and bring up my GPA to get into nursing school all before the start of school next year. Then on the weekends, when the burden of stress usually goes away, even more stress comes bombarding into my life. I go home to the place where I am supposed to be able to have fun and relax, and while I can do that at two separate places, it all just clashes. The boy that makes me extremely happy just also happens to be the boy that my parents can't stand and think is just horrible for me. Then, when I go back home to hang out with the family, I think that he thinks they try to get me to stay home as long as possible just so I won't be able to see him. Then, when I want to go to his house I feel as though I have to explain myself to my parents and I just shouldn't have to do that. When I go back to school, I hate being away, but at the same time I like being away from the drama at home because I don't have to explain myself or my reasonings for being with Tony. I didn't see it coming, but it happened, and I am glad that it did. And it really sucks when my sisters tell me that my own mother talks crap about it behind my back and says how sick it is that we are together and how she can't even stand to look at pictures of us or hear about it or anything like that. Seriously, she knows how the girls feel about it, but yet she keeps telling them her opinions and they don't care, because they are okay with the fact that Tony and I have been together. Though I don't want to even hear what she has to say about him or me or our relationship, I wish that she would be forward with me and not bring the girls into this.
DAMNIT THERE IS NO MIDDLE GROUND HERE. I fucking hate this, but I'm not bowing out of this relationship any time soon. I've truly never been this happy, and I know that my parents aren't intentionally doing this to hurt me. They just care, but it's to the point of being unreasonable judgemental and they just have to let me do what I want with this. And what I want is to be with Tony and just live my own life and be happy.
There is so much more in my head, but I think that if I leak any more of my personal life onto LJ, then I may burst into tears.