365 ~ Not a Good Past Few Days
It is not bad enough that I am pretty much confined to bed because I can't walk. Now my blood sugars are out of control and I am having to give myself insulin four times a day. My fingers look like I had a fight with a cactus and lost. This is not doing well for my emotional state. I haven't even been in the mood to draw. I refuse to let depression take over. I have not been depressed throughout this entire ordeal and I am not about to succumb to it now. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to see what we can do about the out of control blood sugars. I am also going to get into counseling.
I cried several times yesterday. My mom is such an angel. She came and sat with me. I know she is scared and I am too. I waved the white flag a long time ago. God must have mistook it for something else. If there is one thing I cannot stand is having to read the label on everything I want to eat. I don't mind the diabetic diet because I think it is the best diet out there for losing weight. I do mind it when I am forced to do it.
I think this entire time I have had this quiet kind of resolve and just accepted what has become of my life. I have been doing the things necessary in order to better it like taking Benlysta. Once I started having to pump myself with insulin again, that quiet resolve went out the window. I am pissed now. I realized yesterday that I have a lot of anger that has been festering inside me. I thought I was doing so good. It is definitely time to go to counseling so that I can find the tools to deal with the anger constructively. I do not want my daughter's to see me fall. I want them to see that I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt and that I fought harder then anyone has fought before. In the mean time, I sure hope God sees my white flag soon.
I cried several times yesterday. My mom is such an angel. She came and sat with me. I know she is scared and I am too. I waved the white flag a long time ago. God must have mistook it for something else. If there is one thing I cannot stand is having to read the label on everything I want to eat. I don't mind the diabetic diet because I think it is the best diet out there for losing weight. I do mind it when I am forced to do it.
I think this entire time I have had this quiet kind of resolve and just accepted what has become of my life. I have been doing the things necessary in order to better it like taking Benlysta. Once I started having to pump myself with insulin again, that quiet resolve went out the window. I am pissed now. I realized yesterday that I have a lot of anger that has been festering inside me. I thought I was doing so good. It is definitely time to go to counseling so that I can find the tools to deal with the anger constructively. I do not want my daughter's to see me fall. I want them to see that I did the best I could with the hand I was dealt and that I fought harder then anyone has fought before. In the mean time, I sure hope God sees my white flag soon.