Please Never Leave (1/2)
Pairing: Jun/Sho, tiny Ohmiya, and even tinier Aimiya.
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Length/Word Count: One-shot/14k++ words
Beta: gurajiorasu
Summary: Sho left even though he promised he would stay. Leaving Jun alone and confused since Sho left no trace behind him. When Sho finally returned, he confused Jun even more with his new identity.
Notes: Originally written for jade-lil for the arashi-exchange 2015 on here (part 1) and here (part 2)! :D
August 30th, 2012. At midnight.
Matsumoto Jun was always someone who embraces his feelings to the fullest. He wasn’t afraid to show, or at least to just let himself be overwhelmed by his own feelings. And that night was one of those moments in which Jun let himself feel and just drown himself in it. That night, as he caressed the face of the person who was sleeping soundly in front of him, he let himself to just feel.
“I love you,” he kissed the words to Sho’s lips, making him stir in his sleep and pulled Jun closer by the waist.
“Please never leave,” Jun pushed his face to Sho’s chest, inhaling the scent and snuggling to the soft skin.
“I won’t,” somewhere in his sleep, Sho murmured his answer.
“Thank you, Sho san,” he whispered before closing his eyes, letting the feelings seep into his bones as he felt his consciousness fading.
---
August 31st, 2012.
Jun rolled on his bed, stretching himself before trying to reach his alarm on the other side. His hand reached it and hit the button to turn it off. He rolled back to his side of the bed and steadied his breathing before getting up.
He opened his eyes, blinked once, twice, three times, before turning his head to the other side to see the face of his beloved Sho kun. And that’s when he saw it. Sho was not there on the bed. Of course, Jun beat himself inside his head. If Sho was there, he would have been the one turning the alarm off.
Like how he always did every other day.
Jun flinched on that thought. He closed his eyes again, trying to listen for anything that happened inside the house. The sound of coffee machine, the sound of water running, footsteps, anything. Because it was so unlike Sho to wake up without turning the alarm off and leaving Jun alone on the bed without even the slightest of “good morning”. He tried and concentrated, but he heard nothing.
He opened his eyes and finally pulled himself to sit. He looked around. Something felt off but he couldn’t pinpoint what. It was morning and Jun wasn’t a morning person and Sho wasn’t there to give him his usual morning kiss to make it at least more bearable so he didn’t bother to try and think about what it was. Thinking of something that hard in the morning would give him headache that could last the whole day.
Jun got up and walked out of the bedroom to the kitchen. He decided that he needed a cup of coffee before dealing with anything that morning. He pushed the button of the coffee maker and turned to take his mug from the dish rack. That’s when he realized what was off. Sho’s mug wasn’t there, along with Sho’s favorite plate. He reached for the cupboard, thinking that maybe the tableware was there. He checked every shelf, and he didn’t find it. Panic started to creep on his spine. He left the kitchen and walked back to the bedroom.
“Sho kun?” he called to the empty bedroom.
“Sho?” he opened the bathroom door and called.
“Sho san?” he walked to the other bedroom and searched the whole room.
“Sakurai Sho?” he went to the living room, head turning frantically to every direction.
“Sho?!” he finally reached the front door, and saw that Sho’s coat wasn’t on the rack.
Jun retreated and went back to his bedroom, looking for his phone. This wasn’t funny, he thought, this wasn’t funny at all. Did Sho just decide, overnight, that he was moving out? Without even had the initiative to talk about it to Jun? Was there a problem that Jun had no idea about? Something that required Sho to leave without telling Jun anything about it?
He finally got his phone and he quickly called Sho’s number with just one click - he had Sho’s number on speed dial. He put the phone beside his ear, then he waited for the dialing tone, but there was nothing. He pulled his phone and looked at the screen, but it was black. He squinted at the screen before turning it on again. He tried to push the number again, but this time he waited for the calling to happen before putting his phone on his ear. The screen flashed and there was a small notification message, saying, “No speed dial assigned.”
Jun frowned at his phone. He tried to type Sho’s name, but his number wouldn’t show up. He then keyed in Sho’s number, which even the tips of his fingers had memorized very well, and pressed the dial button.
“The number you are calling is not registered,” an automated voice machine greeted him.
Jun froze. There’s no way he had put the wrong number. He tried again anyway, pushing the button on the screen angrily. He called, and the same automated voice machine greeted him. He groaned in frustration before opening the mail app and typed a quick message to Nino, asking for Sho’s contact detail. He also composed a short e-mail to Sho, asking about his whereabouts and what the hell he meant with any of this.
Jun walked back to the kitchen to fetch his coffee. He was pouring the coffee to the mug when his phone beeped. He quickly unlocked the phone and opened the notification tray. It was Nino.
⌈Who is this Sho you’re talking about? Another guy from the gay bar? I don’t know him. How could I have his number?⌋
If Jun didn’t know better, he would have thought that Nino was serious. But it was Nino, they had been friends longer than Jun’s relationship with anyone else, so he typed a reply.
⌈I’m serious, Nino, he’s missing, his stuffs are missing, his number disappeared from my phone, I tried to call the number that I remembered but it’s said to be not registered. Please just don’t make it harder for me.⌋
He put the phone aside, ignoring the new e-mail notification that happened to be a bounce, saying that he was trying to send an e-mail to a non-existent e-mail address, and took his mug to the table. He just sat down and had the first sip of his coffee when Nino’s reply came.
⌈Whoa. Wait a minute. His stuffs are missing? What is it? You’re bringing your one-night stand partner’s stuffs to your house, J? Seriously.⌋
By then, even Jun wasn’t able to hold it anymore.
⌈Nino, stop kidding. This is a serious issue.⌋
⌈I’m not joking! I have no idea who is this ‘Sho’ you keep talking about!⌋
Jun lost his temper. He switched the mail app to the dial pad and pushed Nino’s number. It didn’t take him five seconds to hear Nino’s voice from the other line.
“Stop messing with me and just give me Sho’s number,” Jun barked immediately at Nino’s greeting.
“J, I seriously have no idea who is this person you’re talking about! What the hell?! It’s seven am for god’s sake! You’re disturbing my morning cuddle time with Oh chan!” Nino retorted.
“Shit, Nino, Sho kun is missing and I have no idea what happened and you’re blaming me because I ruined your morning? I woke up this morning and Sho kun wasn’t here already! I have no idea what happened!” Jun paused to take a deep breath, then, “Please, just, give me his number and you can go on and cuddle all you want.”
“Matsumoto Jun,” Nino replied, his tone still firm but not as angry as it was before. “I’m not lying, okay? I’m not messing with you. I have no idea who is this Sho kun you’ve been talking about.”
“Nino, stop talking like that about my boyfriend!” Jun replied, feeling the combination of anger and panic.
“But J you don’t have a boyfriend! Come on, you’re wasting my time!” there was a rustling sound and a whine, followed by Nino’s voice, “Ah. Oh chan, did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”
“Listen, I have no idea who is this Sho kun you’re talking about. I don’t remember you ever told me that you have a boyfriend. Not even last night when we celebrated your birthday at that fancy Italian restaurant - thank you for that, tho, Oh chan loves it. So seriously, I don’t know, I don’t have his number, and you sound mental for me right now, seriously,” there was another whine, “I have to hang up, Oh chan is awake already and he doesn’t like it when I’m occupied this time in the morning.”
Then all Jun heard after that was a flat tone. Nino had cut the connection, leaving Jun alone and confused. What the hell was Nino talking about? He knew that Jun had been in that relationship with Sho for the last year. He was the first person Jun told about his growing crush to Sho that happened to be not one-sided. He was the one Jun ran into when he needed advice on the relationship. How could he say that? Jun groaned in frustration.
Jun decided to go look for Sho’s stuffs in that house. There was no way he could disappear along with his stuffs overnight without Jun even realizing it. He went to the closet to look for Sho’s clothes, and not only Sho’s stuffs weren’t there, it was like his stuffs were never there. His own clothes filled the closet, and on the space where there was supposed to be Sho’s clothes, there was his instead.
Feeling the frustration started to overwhelm him, he went to the book shelf on the living room. There was supposed to be one hell of a tall and huge book shelf, which Sho brought with him when they moved together. Instead of a book shelf, he found himself staring at an empty wall. The book shelf wasn’t there, along with Sho’s books. As replacement, there was a small shelf with his small amount of books inside it.
Jun was barely getting himself together when he decided to go to Sho’s office to look for the man. He didn’t even bother to check his clothes when he went, he just grabbed what was available. Something he usually despised from Sho. He bolted to the basement parking to get his car, and drove straight to Sho’s office.
What he got from the receptionist wasn’t a good news either.
“I’m sorry, Sir, but there is no one with the name of Sakurai Sho in this building,” the receptionist replied when he explained his purpose of coming.
“You must be kidding,” Jun said nervously, “there must be a mistake,” Jun added with a dry laugh.
“No, Sir, there is no Sakurai Sho in this company. Do you need anything else? Because if you don’t then you can take your leave, the exit is that way,” the receptionist pointed the door.
Jun started to feel anger on top of the mixture of panic and worry that he felt at that time. He wanted to ask more about Sho to the receptionist, but she seemed serious about her answer and Jun didn’t want to cause trouble to himself. So he bowed and mumbled his thank you before walking out of the building.
Jun decided that he needed to check to the Sakurai residence. Sho rarely talked about his family, and he didn’t come home often, but Jun had run out of place to go. Besides, asking his family about his whereabouts sounded the most logical for him at that moment.
Sakurai residence wasn’t like any other normal family house. The house was huge, for one, but it wasn’t the size that intimidated Jun. It was the tall gate that separated it from the neighborhood and the amount of guards greeting him. Playing safe this time, worried that he would immediately get a ‘there’s no Sakurai Sho’ answer from the guard, Jun opted to tell them that he was looking for Sakurai Mai. He told them his name and they told them to wait.
“Our young master said that she has no idea who Matsumoto Jun is,” one of the guards told him when he finished talking to the intercom.
The hair on Jun’s back stood up against his will. There was no way Mai didn’t remember him. They don’t talk often, true, but Jun had at least had a dinner with her - and Sho - every month. He tried to calm himself down before talking to the guards again.
“Actually, I’m a friend of his brother, could you mention that to her?” Jun politely told the guards.
The guard who was talking to him raised one of his eyebrows, starting to look at Jun with suspicion, but he did as Jun said.
“She said that she doesn’t know any friend of his brother with that name either,” he said to Jun after talking to the intercom once again.
Jun couldn’t hide the surprised look on his face and apparently the guard saw it too.
“Tell me, young man,” the guard put the intercom phone down, “who are you looking for, actually?”
Jun took a deep breath, then exhaled, then replied with a small voice, “I’m looking for Sakurai Sho.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear it,” the guard came closer, “Can you repeat it again?”
Jun lifted his face and cleared his throat, “I’m looking for Sakurai Sho.”
“Do you mean Sakurai Shu? Because there is no Sakurai Sho in this house, young man,” the guard replied, still trying to be polite although he already put a ‘you’re suspicious, kid’ face.
“No, I mean,” Jun stammered, then inhaled, “I’m sorry, I think I get the wrong address,” he retreated. He smiled, as politely as he could by the moment, and returned to his car to go home.
What the hell is going on actually?
The thought was haunting Jun and didn’t leave even when he had reached his apartment building. He parked his car back on the basement and returned to his unit. There was something wrong and he had this feeling that even if he tried to look for Sho outside the house, he wouldn’t find it.
Jun opened the door of his unit and quickly went in. He took his shoes and coat off then set them accordingly before he got in. He walked straight to the kitchen to fetch himself water and he saw the coffee he had abandoned from the morning. He poured the content to the sink and set the mug on the dishwasher. He took a bottle of water from the fridge and drink it in one gulp.
There was something he hadn’t checked, actually. Something even Sho himself didn’t know. So if he really left and taking care of everything behind him to not leave any trace, he shouldn’t be able to clean that one thing away.
Jun took another deep breath. He wanted to go and check it but he was afraid. Afraid that it wouldn’t be where it was supposed to be. Afraid that it would somehow disappear. Afraid that he would lose the only token he had about Sho at that moment. Afraid that he, along with other people of the world, at least the people he knew, would also think that Sakurai Sho didn’t exist and never had been.
All the worry was eating Jun and he felt suffocated by his own thought. He finally made up his mind and decided to go look for his planner. That one planner he kept for himself to keep memories about Sho. He walked to the bedroom and opened his closet. Carefully, he crouched down in front of it, patting the bottom wooden of his closet. He tap once, twice, and finally pulled it forward and up.
It was there. The planner was there.
Hands trembling, Jun reached for the small book by the far corner of the hidden shelf. He took it carefully before he stood up and brought it with himself to the bed. He climbed the bed and sat in the middle of it, putting the planner down in front of him.
He inhaled as he opened the first page, and exhaled when he saw his own handwriting striking at him. The first page was only the information about himself, his name and contact information, just in case someone else got a hold of it. Not that he was going to bring it anywhere so anyone else could find it, really.
He flipped the pages with only his handwriting on it to look for the photographs he had put inside it. He didn’t have the patience to peruse and read his handwriting of every entry to find out if Sakurai Sho was indeed a real person. He kept flipping the pages quickly but carefully. It took him flipping almost half of it when he finally found it.
It was the first photograph they took together. It was a purikura - silly as it might sound, he indeed did it with Sho every once in a while. The one he found was the first they had ever made. It was from their first date. The first real date after running around in circles on each other, each didn’t want to say out loud what they felt toward the other for the fear that the other didn’t feel the same.
Jun chuckled on that memory. If he had known it would be that good - his relationship with Sho - he wouldn’t have wasted the whole five months worrying and pondering and talking to Nino about it - which Nino had always answered with, “just go fuck already! I’m tired of listening to you!”.
He put the purikura back on the page where it was supposed to be and closed the planner. At least he had figured out that it was all true. All the thing he had with Sho wasn’t just happening inside his head. He lay on the bed, clutching the planner tight to his chest.
Then what has happened? Where is Sho? Why everyone else said they had no idea about who he is?
He rolled to his side, already found it automatic to face Sho’s side on that king-sized bed. He felt pain in his chest remembering that it was just last night that he ran his fingers on Sho’s beautiful sleeping face. That it was just last night he felt overwhelmingly calm and content and peaceful. And how just over one night all those feelings had changed into insecurity, worry, and mostly desperation.
Jun sighed as he closed his eyes, letting a drop of tear rolled on his cheek as he recalled Sho’s scent that was usually filling his nostrils when he lay on his bed. That time, he could only smell the faint scent of the softener of the sheets and blanket. And his own.
---
January 25th, 2013. In the afternoon.
Jun was just tidying his desk up, ready to go home, when Nino barged in his room with some papers on his hand. Jun frowned at the intrusion, and at the work that seemed to be on Nino’s hand. He had told that colleague of his that he was going to home early that day, not that early, actually, just exactly when the clock hit five, because there was something he needed to deal with.
That day was Sho’s birthday.
“I’ve told you I have something to do after work,” Jun grumbled as Nino sat in front of his desk, hands spreading the paper for both of them to see.
“I’m sorry, alright? This is something urgent. The head of the tech team just told me about a functionality that went broken after it was fixed - I had no idea how it could happen too but apparently the new guy messed it up, that Aiba san or something,” Nino said apologetically.
Jun sighed in defeat and sat back down. “And what is the problem exactly?”
“We had to reschedule for this event, I suppose,” Nino pointed to somewhere at the paper, then looked up to see Jun’s face, “Are you alright? It’s not a family matter, right, this ‘after work’ thing?”
Jun shook his head reluctantly. It was the only answer he could give, given the situation. Nino still swore he didn’t know who is this Sho kun he kept talking about so it would just be illogical if Jun told him about his actual plan.
“Good. So it’s nothing urgent,” Nino had known him for too long that he understood very well that the only important matter in Jun’s life besides his work was his family.
And Sho, actually, but Nino seemed to have forgotten about it already. Somehow.
“So here, it won’t be possible to have this marketing event on next week if the tech guys haven’t solved whatever problem they have,” Nino pointed to the paper again, already focused on the task they had at hand, “And knowing our tech guys - I’m not saying they’re incapable, but don’t you think they always take too long time to solve problems? So we need to reschedule.”
Jun massaged his temple. This was going to be another headache to be nursed. He took his planner from the corner of his desk and opened it.
“Tell me what stuffs are necessary for rescheduling that event,” he started to jot down his notes.
---
January 25th, 2013. Some time before midnight.
It took Jun and Nino some more hours before they could go home. Nino looked apologetic when he finally left Jun’s room. Although Jun wasn’t sure if he was really sorry because he had kept him at the office until late or because Jun seemed so desperate throughout the time they spent to solve the problem.
Jun sighed as he pushed his unit’s door open. He didn’t bother to turn the lamps on and walked straight to his bedroom after putting his shoes and coat aside. It was an hour before midnight, and he figured that he better went straight to sleep unless he wanted to be a zombie the next morning.
At least Sho wouldn’t sulk for a week because he came home very late on his birthday, Jun thought bitterly as he pulled the blanket to his head.
---
August 30th, 2013. After work.
All Jun wanted that day was a quiet and peace evening by himself, but there he was, on a karaoke bar with loud song and even louder voices singing along to it. Jun sighed and took the cheap beer. At least the taste was somehow decent, even though it was nothing compared to his usual favorite. He gulped while watching the group of idiots in front of him.
It was his birthday. And Nino had pushed, actually, pulled him to the nearest karaoke bar when the clock hit five. Along with some fellow colleagues who made him a small surprise party at the office before - Nino’s idea too. Jun leaned further on his seat, hoping for the song to end soon so he could at least got his ears to rest. Nino and Aiba were singing energetically at that moment, yelling the song’s lyrics from the top of their lungs. Jun had no idea how Nino could got that close to the ‘new tech guy who messed it up’, but both of them seemed like they’re best of friends, singing some crappy girl idol-group song.
Jun scanned the room, finding that most of his colleagues were still as cheerful as the two guys on the center of the room. Some of them just watched in amusement as Aiba imitated the dance move for the song. He sighed and checked his watch; they still had another hour before he could go home in peace.
If it happened a year before, or even earlier, Jun would probably at least laugh at Aiba’s failed attempt of winking. But it was that day. The next day would be exactly one year since Sho disappeared without a trace from his life. One year since everyone in his life seemed to have forgotten Sho at all. If he had been a mean person, he would have gone leaving all this mess that Nino called as fun and let that exact guy deal with all the problems.
But he couldn’t do it. Not to his forever best friend - who, by then, just threw him a sly wink and a flirty smirk. He glanced to his side, where Nino’s boyfriend, Ohno Satoshi, had managed to completely fall asleep in the middle of all the riot. Well, if he thought about it again, it was still better to be there, in the middle of all the noises, than all alone and desperate and sad on his bed, that even after when one year has passed, still felt too big and empty for him.
When Nino threw a glance at his direction again, he mouthed, “Thank you.”
It was probably the most sincere gratitude he had said for the past year.
---
August 30th, 2015. In the evening.
Jun leaned on the kitchen counter while watching the view from the window. He sipped the wine and gazed to the distance. It was raining. It had been the whole day and it didn’t seem to stop anytime soon. A soft pat on his back made him turn his head.
“Dinner is ready,” her sister said, smiling.
Jun nodded and smiled. He followed her sister all the way to the dining room, where their father and mother had waited. Along with his sister’s husband. It was a full family gathering that day, celebrating Jun who was finally thirty two that year. It was also a good coincidence that his birthday that year fell on a Saturday. The dinner wouldn’t be possible any other day, for both Jun and his sister’s husband were working. It wasn’t like his parents’ house was out of town or really far from where he lived, it was because it wouldn’t be convenient to have a celebration on a weekday after a tiring day at work. His parents understood very well about it though, so they never pushed him. Although he usually visited them on the weekend of his birthday, just so they could have the celebratory dinner together.
It was her sister who started the conversation about him still being single despite his good career and his impossibly attractive features. It started as a joke, his sister did her usual teasing of him being unwilling to settle for a family. He returned the teasing with his usual defend of ‘I’m too good to settle’, but his parents, apparently, took it a little bit too seriously.
“Don’t you think it’s time for you to start a family already, Jun?” his mother replied when he laughingly threw his reasoning.
Jun exchanged glances with his sister briefly before answering his mother. “Mom, you know it’s hard for guys like me to actually start a family, I mean, my taste isn’t exactly normal, to begin with.”
“I understand that you prefer men, Jun. But isn’t it lonely to live just by yourself in your thirties?” his mother replied, her expression was even more serious than before, “if you would like to, I have some acquaintances who have great and single daughter. Maybe we could try Omiai.”
Jun shot another glance to his sister, this time deadly. His sister pretended to not see him and focused on her plate. She couldn’t completely hide the amused smile on her face, though.
“Mother,” Jun replied, trying to sound as composed and polite as he could, “please don’t worry about me. I’m really doing fine. In fact, I’m doing great. I have a lot of friends so I don’t feel lonely at all,” Jun put down his cutlery. “Besides, I can always go home to you guys when I need more than just a company to have fun.”
His mother seemed to be moved by his speech, but she tried hard not to show it. With a low voice, she replied, “Well if that’s what you say so, then.”
Jun smiled at his mother, then turned his face to his sister and smirked at her. She snorted when she saw it. Murmuring something that sounded like ‘flatterer’. Jun didn’t care, though. He had successfully dodged his mother’s Omiai proposal, it made him feel so accomplished.
But then, his father decided to join the conversation.
“Maybe she meant that you don’t look as happy as you did when you were younger,” his dad said, “You were beaming three years ago but since then we hadn’t been able to see you that happy anymore.”
Jun almost choked even though he wasn’t currently consuming anything. His birthday three years ago, well, the weekend after that, was the first time he introduced Sho as his boyfriend to his family. Of course he was beaming. He took a deep breath and leered at his sister, who just nodded in agreement.
“My job is getting tougher, Father, that’s all the reason to it,” Jun replied, trying his best to not break down in front of his family, because, hell, even they had forgotten about Sho. They didn’t mention anything when he went home at the weekend of his birthday two years ago, merely days from the day Sho went missing. They didn’t ask about Sho when he did his routine phone calls. His mother even went straightly to offer him Omiai. He purposefully didn’t ask them about Sho ever since he disappeared because he didn’t want to sound mental and worry his parents even more.
“I’m just saying, it’s alright if you don’t want the Omiai now. We could always set it up for you later when you’re ready,” his father replied, “And don’t you want someone who would take care of you when you’re too busy with work?”
Jun sighed and glanced at her sister. She threw him an apologetic look which confused him a bit. Since when did his sister give him apologetic look when he’s in this kind of trouble?
---
September 3rd, 2017. On a nice afternoon.
The weather of autumn was always the nicest throughout the year. That’s why Jun decided to spend the whole Sunday being out of the house. He had spent the earlier time of the day running errands, grocery shopping, and taking his suits to the laundry, so he figured that it would be nice to spend the afternoon by walking on a park nearby.
It had been a rough week for him at work. Nino didn’t stop bugging him about the schedule of the marketing team. After working together for almost seven years, Jun thought he would stop panicking about schedules, but he was wrong. Nino continuously came to his room at the office to reschedule an event because the app ‘behaves weirdly’, according to him. Then the next day he returned to reschedule the rescheduled event because ‘the weird behavior has disappeared. So weird’.
For Jun, though, Nino was the one who was being weird that week. It was finally getting to him, how Nino would always be the most annoying on that time of the year; some time around his birthday, and some days after. Jun was not a stupid guy, so he understood how Nino was actually trying to do something. It wasn’t a coincidence that the time he started to do all those stunts were four years ago, one year since Sho disappeared from his life.
Jun sighed as he reached the park. There was no use to think about Nino at times like this, wasn’t it? He probably just figured out how his birthday five years ago had been horrible for Jun. Jun became lost at work, he refused to go out on after-work activities, he even refused to go out on weekends, even though they used to do it together. Nino probably just saw how Jun suddenly became sad and lifeless just days before his birthday ever since. And Nino probably had seen how days after that Jun would be in constant bad mood.
Yes, he probably just took note on those, Jun concluded. Although he was torn between feeling happy because his friend had been that considerate or sad because if so then his friend had completely forgotten about Sho.
Suddenly there was a swinging sound beside Jun’s head, followed by a shout from somewhere in front of him. Jun watched as the man who shouted walked closer to him.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to throw the ball that way! My hand slipped! I’m sorry,” the man apologized, bowing several times while doing so.
Jun froze on his place, couldn’t believe what he saw. He nodded, timidly, unable to form any word to answer the stranger. The stranger flashed him a sheepish smile when he saw Jun nodding and went to behind Jun to take the ball he just threw that way.
It took Jun ten seconds before he could finally snap out of his stunned state and he turned around to make sure of what he had seen. It couldn’t be, he thought. It’s not possible at all, he thought. But then the stranger turned back to him after he managed to retrieve his ball and smiled at him again.
“Sh-”
“Tago kun!” a woman’s voice cut Jun from calling the name for that too familiar face.
The stranger, who was called as Tago, craned his neck to where the voice came from, smiled at the person, and waved the ball.
“I got this! Sorry! I was too excited!” the stranger, Tago, shouted to the woman.
The guy walked to the woman who was calling him, bowed slightly and smiled as he passed Jun. He then walked faster, skipped his steps, toward the voice which was behind Jun.
“Sho kun,” Jun whispered, finally managed to finish his word. Then he jerked up and turned back, “Wait-”, he tried to call the guy.
But that guy, along with whomever the female voice belonged to, was nowhere to be seen.
---
September 4th, 2017. Some time before noon.
The following week was even more horrible for Jun. The meeting with the stranger in the park had left him utterly malfunctioned. He had tried to forget and focus on his work, but he was unable to. The thought of a stranger looking and behaving much like his lost lover had made him fail to do anything correctly.
Jun kept pondering to go to the park to meet the guy again, but he had work on every weekday and by the time he finished working, the day would have been dark and the park would mostly be empty. For probably the first time in his life, Matsumoto Jun wished for the weekend to come faster just so he could go to the park and probably meet the stranger again.
But then again, what would he do if he met the stranger again? He wasn’t even Sho. The voice calling him said ‘Tago’, not ‘Sakurai’ or ‘Sho’ or even ‘Sakurai Sho’. They might have looked alike, but so what? It was still just a stranger.
Jun hit himself on his head, trying to get his focus back to his work. That was not something to think while working, Matsumoto Jun. He got back to the task in front of him, trying his best to focus on that.
But even if it wasn’t Sho, I get to at least be sure about it.
Jun flipped the papers on his hand, thinking. Probably, when he met the stranger again, he would see that he was wrong. He would see that it wasn’t Sho and it would stop bugging him like it was by then.
The rest of the day, and week, felt like it was the longest time span in his life.
---
September 10th, 2017. In the afternoon.
Jun shifted the cap he wore on his head slightly to the side. He moved uncomfortably on the park bench, holding a book on his hand which he had been pretending to read for at least half an hour. He tried to look around without attracting unwanted attention from his surroundings. He waited for a certain someone to pop up on his sight. He ducked his head back to the book he was holding when he didn’t see what he wanted.
It was around fifteen minutes later when a man tapped his shoulder. Jun was startled, he didn’t realize that he had been too bored so he read what’s on the book for real and got lost on it. He lifted his head to see the stranger tapping his head, and when he saw him, he had to struggle so hard to not jump out on his feet.
“May I sit here?” the stranger asked.
Jun felt a lump on his throat, preventing him to voice his answer, so he nodded quickly before he returned his gaze to his book.
What do I do now? Jun started to feel panic building inside him. There, sitting beside him, the man - well, at least someone who looked like him - who held a place in his heart no one would ever replace. Jun tried to concentrate on his book, but he found it hard to do with his heart beating madly. He took a several deep breaths, trying to brush off the issue completely, but he wasn’t able to. Meeting that person was the purpose of his being there, yet he still found himself loss for words when he was actually faced with the man. Or not, he was wearing a cap that covered almost half of his face anyway.
“Hey,” the man beside him suddenly talked, “Aren’t you the person I met here last weekend?”
Jun froze. How could he notice?
“I noticed your bracelet,” he said, like he was able to hear what Jun was thinking.
Jun eyed his bracelet and figured that he couldn’t hide it anymore so he pulled his cap off and set his book aside. He turned his head to the side, looking at the person beside him. That person had his eyes locked in Jun’s direction and Jun wondered how long he had stayed like that.
“My name is Tago Yuudai,” the man offered his hand out.
“Matsumoto Jun.” Jun shook the hand briefly. He was too dazed to be able to think about why would an introduction was needed.
Tago, as how he introduced himself, started to talk about the weather. Jun found himself only able to hum and say short responses. He tried to rack his brain, but he was unable to find how would someone could totally look like Sho and wasn’t actually Sho. The conversation kept flowing, and Jun eventually found himself start relaxing. He started to be able to reply with more than just a fragment of word, but an actual word. Then he found himself really responding to what Tago said, even laughing for some part that was funny.
Jun found it all somehow too easy, though. He wasn’t the type of person who could easily talk about a lot of things to a lot of people, so he liked Tago almost instantly. Not to mention that he looked nothing unlike Sho. The realization snapped Jun out of his bubble. He then started to think what will happen when he really asked the question.
“Tago san!” a woman’s voice was heard once again, making both Jun and Tago had to look at the source of the voice’s direction. There stood a woman, waving his hand happily at Tago while her other hand holding a hand of a boy.
Jun stiffened on his seat. He had talked with Tago like he was talking with Sho and it made him forget completely that this one person was a completely different person. He glanced to his side, and he saw Tago waved as excitedly to the woman and the kid.
“Well then, Matsumoto san, it was nice talking with you,” Tago stood up and smiled at Jun, “I have to go now, see you again later.”
“Do you know Sakurai Sho?” Jun blurted out before he could stop himself. He instantly beat himself in his head for saying such a stupid thing.
Tago’s forehead creased a bit when he heard that question.
“Do you mean the Sakurai family? Yeah, they’re pretty famous,” Tago nodded absentmindedly, seemed like his brain was thinking about something else, “I never heard of any Sho, though. Maybe you mean Shu?”
“Never mind. I’m sorry. Just, please forget it,” Jun chuckled nervously. Moron.
Tago raised his eyebrows in confusion, but only for a while, “Until then, Matsumoto san.”
Jun waved his hand to reply and he watched as Tago approached the woman and kid happily. He sighed. What exactly am I doing here?
---
Mid September to Mid October, 2017.
The next weekend, Jun found himself going to the same park. Sitting at the same bench. Waiting for the same person. He didn’t actually know what he was looking for, or what he wanted to get from the meeting. All he knew was he felt at ease when he met Tago and even though it sounded so wrong on so many levels, he decided to keep trying to meet him.
They met again that weekend, and it went exactly the same as before. Tago showed up out of nowhere, asked permission to sit beside Jun, and Jun had agreed. Then he realized that it was Jun and they got caught up in conversations again. It ended the same way too, with the woman and child calling Tago from afar and he jumped from his seat to run toward them. That time, Jun didn’t say anything about Sakurai Sho and opted to wave his hand while smiling.
It happened again the next weekend, and the weekend that followed. Without Jun even realized it, one month had passed since the first time they talked. Yet Jun still didn’t manage to find out who exactly the woman and kid were. He had tried to ask Tago about it, as casual as he possibly could, but Tago always dodged his question. It left Jun curious sometimes, but he was actually glad that Tago refused to talk about them. Because Jun wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear if they were actually Tago’s wife and son. Although Jun wasn’t really sure why he didn’t want to hear about it if it was the fact.
The conversation between them always went on something casual. Nothing personal, just a talk about a movie that was hip in town, a TV show that they both liked to watch - it still surprised Jun that a man as serious as Tago would like a comedy show Jun also liked. Jun did mention his job once when Tago asked about it, but that was all the most personal thing they had talked about.
Jun had never, ever tried to talk about the Sakurai Sho issue anymore. In his defense, Tago wasn’t actually someone who he would mistook for Sho. They looked alike, true. But Jun found out that the more they talked, whatever they talked about together wasn’t things that he would find himself talking with Sho.
However, that particular day, even Jun had to admit that something was really suspicious with Tago. Suspicious in a way that he reminded him so much of Sho.
After a lot of meetings and casual talks, it was a given that they would run out of casual topic to discuss and so they had to start talking about their personal lives. Tago was the first one to ask about what Jun was doing for a living and Jun gladly answered. Although, he chose to spare Tago the technical details and went to talk about people on his office. Jun told them about how people in his office tended to go partying as they please, with or without special occasion. Jun told him about how they were so easily distracted although they were really serious when it comes to their job.
That day, Jun told him about a little accident that happened in his office. It wasn’t anything big, really, but that day, Aiba had been on high, poking everyone he met on his way and flashing a smile to them when they looked at him. On the other hand, Nino was really not in a good mood. He had been mumbling all his thoughts all day and he did his work huffing and puffing. He snapped when Jun tried to ask whether he’s okay, and he slammed Jun’s room’s door afterward.
Not even half an hour after the slamming door incident, Jun heard a commotion outside so he went to check. Apparently, Aiba had tried to poke Nino on his effort to cheer him up but then Nino slapped his hand away. Aiba, being the not very balanced person that he was, tripped, and he poured a cup of coffee, which he was holding with his other hand, to Nino’s pants. Jun went out in time to see how the whole room turned into silence, waiting for Nino’s reaction. But then, of all other things, Nino burst out laughing. The laughter was affecting Aiba and so he laughed along with him. It didn’t need any longer for the whole room to laugh together at that.
“Aiba san, I’m really sorry for snapping at you earlier,” Nino talked between his laugh, “And I’m sorry you spilled that expensive coffee on me.”
Aiba stopped laughing when Nino said that, then he looked at the empty cup on his hand. Then he was back to laughing his heart out.
“I’m so stupid,” he mumbled between his loud laughter.
Jun smiled and retreated when he saw that. At least there wouldn’t be any more bad-mood Nino. He had to thank Aiba later for that accident.
“Wait, so the coffee spilled over his pants?” Tago asked when Jun finished with his story. Jun only nodded, answering.
“And it happened to be a fancy coffee?” Tago added, he started to not be able to hold back his laughter.
“Yes, with whip cream and all, Aiba san’s favorite, actually,” Jun explained further.
At that time, for a reason Jun didn’t really understand, Tago burst out laughing. His loud guffaw filled the air around them. That was when Jun realized something: Tago’s laughter was exactly the same with the one Sho has.
Sho had this thing that he did when he laughed, that Jun was sure he himself didn’t even realize. He would throw his head back and closed his eyes and showed everything in his mouth as he laughed. He made a particular wheezing sound when he did, and he also moved his hand to hit on his knee.
Like a chipmunk, Jun immediately thought when he saw it.
What was weird was Tago had never laughed like that along the time they talked together at that park. It was only that day that he did so. Unconsciously, Jun found himself watching intently as Tago finished his laugh.
“What, Jun? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Tago said when he watched the expression on Jun’s face.
Jun froze. It was the first time Tago called him that way. They weren’t that close yet, to have them call each other on first-name basis, so he jerked back a bit, trying to gather his thought as a whole.
Then, Jun asked the question he realized should have asked since the first time Tago Yuudai chose to sit on the bench beside him. “Tago san, can I add you on Facebook?”
---
October 19th, 2017.
Jun scrolled the opened page on his computer slowly. He read every entry and made sure that he didn’t miss any post. After some while, he finally reached the bottom of the page. He frowned a bit and scrolled back to the top of the page.
“Tago Yuudai. New boyfriend?” suddenly Nino’s mocking voice was heard from behind him.
“Nino what are you-?!” Jun was startled and panicked, and in his attempt to hide the opened browser tab on his computer, he shut the browser down completely.
“I waved my hand in front of you for some times but you didn’t respond, so I went to check what’s in your computer that’s so interesting,” Nino explained while retreating, circling Jun’s desk and taking the chair in front of it.
“I’m sorry, I was... occupied,” Jun answered with a low voice.
“I saw that,” Nino replied nonchalantly, “So, here’s why I’m coming here.”
Nino laid out sheets of papers in front of Jun and talked about a lot of things. Jun tried to listen properly, but he couldn’t help the thought that was lingering on the back of his mind. There were some fishy things on Tago san’s Facebook page, how he never posted a photo of himself but posted photos of his relatives. How it was said to be made exactly at August 31st, 2008, the day when Sho disappeared. How he didn’t show his birthday but Jun found some congratulatory post on every January 25th.
There was something not right about this Tago Yuudai guy and Jun needed to know what. His guts told him there was something about Tago that would help him find out Sho’s whereabouts.
---
October 21th, 2017. In the afternoon.
Jun was not so surprised when he found himself going back to the park that afternoon. He knew that there was something weird with this Tago guy, but he just felt that he had to come and ask him about that. He walked faster when he saw the gate of the park. But what he saw after that was breaking down all his resolutions.
On the gate of the park, there was Nino, and there was Tago san also. Tago looked surprised that Nino suddenly greeted him. Then, they went to the shady part of the park, Nino turning his head around multiple times to make sure that nobody had followed them. Jun didn’t dare to come closer by then, he watched from where he was standing, trying to make out what was happening.
Not even two minutes later, the two men were already having a heated conversation. Jun saw from afar how Tago started to show Nino his angry face while Nino looked even angrier. His curiosity won that time, and Jun found himself walking closer and closer to where they were standing.
“Nino, seriously. I don’t mean any harm, okay. But it’s been five years. And I’m not lying, I need to see him. I need to see him so bad,” Tago said.
Jun shivered. What the hell was that about?
“For God’s sake, Sho. I’ve told you that even seeing him had put you both into the old mess I was trying to get you out from!” Nino hissed his words.
“Nino, I mean it. I miss him, okay? I just need some more time to talk with him, casually, just nothing important, before I can actually leave,” Tago - or did Nino call him Sho? - replied, one hand running over his face, exasperated.
Jun froze at his place. What was going on?
“Sho san, I planned your leaving for England because I need you to get out of this country so they won’t ever get to see you guys together again! You’re just screwing it up!” Nino almost yelled by then.
“Nino, please, I can’t. I mean, I promise I will leave, okay? But I need to see him at least before I leave. I mean, don’t you understand?” Sho pleaded, his voice sounded desperate.
“Sho kun,” Jun was already so close to them without even him realizing. Hearing those words after what happened for the last five years almost broke him. But he had to demand for an explanation.
The two men in front of Jun looked at him with surprise. That conversation was not something they wanted Jun to overhear.
“Sho kun,” Jun repeated his words. He wanted to say a lot. He wanted to ask a lot. Dammit, just what the hell did his best friend doing there with a guy he thought was a stranger but not really but a stranger but actually not?!
“Jun,” Sho walked toward Jun slowly, hand reaching out.
“Sho san,” Nino called him, reminding him with as few words as possible that he was going to do something dangerous.
Sho ignored him and walked closer toward Jun. He stopped when they were only separated by mere inches between them. “Well, this is awkward,” Sho tried to force a chuckle.
“Are you, are you Sho kun? For real?” Jun stuttered, he was at loss of what to do. He was at loss of what to feel, too. There was a bubbling hot sensation on the pit of his stomach, but there was also a warm fuzzy feeling enfolding his chest.
“I am. I,” Sho reached his hand out, “May I touch your face?”
Jun didn’t answer to that. Actually, he didn’t know what or how to answer that. The question was really simple, but Jun couldn’t bring himself to comprehend and choose the appropriate respond to that. Actually, he couldn’t decide for himself what he wanted about that request. He knew what he had always wanted, but having the man he had been longing for so long suddenly appeared in front of his face, he couldn’t explain the anger he currently felt.
They stood awkwardly then, in silence, Sho was still waiting for Jun’s answer, and Jun still couldn’t decide what he wanted. They just stared at each other like each one of them was a weird species they both had never seen before. Both were eager and curious, but both were afraid that it wouldn’t be as good as it seemed.
Then, a ring tone was breaking the silence. It was Nino’s phone.
“Yeah, Aiba san? What’s up? I’ve told you, don’t drink that fancy beverage too often. It’ll hurt your stoma- What?! Are you for real? Here? Now? Alright, thank you. Yes. Of course I’d do that. Thank you. Alright.” Nino ended the call on his phone and lifted his face to see the two men in front of them. He wasn’t really sure of what to say, but then, “Sho san, I don’t know how this happened, but they are coming here. We have to leave.”
“They... you mean they?” Sho asked, his face pale.
“Yes. Them. You need to leave, and separated,” Nino stressed on his last word.
“No we can’t. I’ll run with him,” Sho replied, his hand suddenly gripping Jun’s wrist firmly.
“Sakurai Sho,” Nino tried to remind him.
“He knows nothing about this, Nino. And it’s partially your fault. I need to take him to a safe place and explain,” Sho insisted.
“For fuck’s sake, Sakurai san, he can run with me!” Nino insisted, “And we have to be hurry!”
“You go look for help. I’ll bring him with me,” Sho said with a finality and started moving, hand still gripping Jun firmly. “Come on, Jun. We need to run!”
Jun was still bedazzled with what just happened in front of him, but he knew Nino, and he could see how that man was genuinely worried. He couldn’t just stand there because Sho was already running, dragging him behind, so he could only do as hard as pushing all other thoughts to the back of his head and run along with him.
They ran through the neighborhood, Sho purposefully avoided the roadway. The smaller the alley, the more Sho would take it. Jun kept his mouth shut at that time, desperately wanting to know what the hell was going on but he didn’t dare to ask to Sho. The man was so serious in mapping their runaway, Jun didn’t know where he was heading, but he was sure that there was a place he had in mind. Probably some safe hiding place that he and Nino had agreed on before.
“We’re almost there,” as if it was on the cue, Sho turned his head back to tell Jun.
Jun just nodded in response and kept following Sho. He ran and ran with all his might, following Sho’s just steps. Sho no longer had his grip on him, but Jun understood that the only way he could survive, from whatever it was, was to follow Sho along.
“We’re here,” Sho said finally.
Jun stopped and looked around. They were in other part of the city. It was an empty alley with tall walls around. The place looked so like it was chosen by Sho himself. Nino would never prefer a place like that one. Too obvious, we shouldn’t show people that we intended to hide, Jun could almost hear Nino’s voice saying that.
“Where the hell Nino is...” Sho mumbled and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Jun looked around the place, tried to look for Nino. He observed the place more closely as he did that. He started to realize that the walls were actually just out of his apartment building. He didn’t know why, but he started to feel worried. Whatever they’re running from, it wasn’t so wise to actually run back to his apartment, was it? He turned his head to talk about it with Sho, but what he saw was surprising him like nothing else.
“Sho! Watch out!” Jun tried to warn Sho. Unfortunately, his yell also startled the mysterious guy that was pointing his knife to Sho and it made him automatically stab Sho’s stomach with it.
Then the sound of a gunshot was heard, and Jun closed his eyes, he was in the verge of crying because it had to mean something bad too. Then he felt a small pat on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Nino beside him, his left hand still holding the revolver.
“Ambulance is just out there. You go accompany him to the hospital, okay? I’ll deal with this for a while and I’ll see you there,” Nino said, voice stern and commanding.
Jun watched in worry as the medical team was taking Sho to the ambulance. He glanced at Nino who looked like he was ready to go to another chase.
“Nino,” Jun called out, and Nino turned his head to see him, “Please be safe.”
Nino nodded and fled away from the scene. Jun climbed to the ambulance and the door was closed beside him. That time, he found it natural to hold Sho’s hand in his.
“Please don’t leave me alone, Sho kun,” he whispered, his voice croaking.
---
Part 2
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Genre: Romance
Length/Word Count: One-shot/14k++ words
Beta: gurajiorasu
Summary: Sho left even though he promised he would stay. Leaving Jun alone and confused since Sho left no trace behind him. When Sho finally returned, he confused Jun even more with his new identity.
Notes: Originally written for jade-lil for the arashi-exchange 2015 on here (part 1) and here (part 2)! :D
August 30th, 2012. At midnight.
Matsumoto Jun was always someone who embraces his feelings to the fullest. He wasn’t afraid to show, or at least to just let himself be overwhelmed by his own feelings. And that night was one of those moments in which Jun let himself feel and just drown himself in it. That night, as he caressed the face of the person who was sleeping soundly in front of him, he let himself to just feel.
“I love you,” he kissed the words to Sho’s lips, making him stir in his sleep and pulled Jun closer by the waist.
“Please never leave,” Jun pushed his face to Sho’s chest, inhaling the scent and snuggling to the soft skin.
“I won’t,” somewhere in his sleep, Sho murmured his answer.
“Thank you, Sho san,” he whispered before closing his eyes, letting the feelings seep into his bones as he felt his consciousness fading.
---
August 31st, 2012.
Jun rolled on his bed, stretching himself before trying to reach his alarm on the other side. His hand reached it and hit the button to turn it off. He rolled back to his side of the bed and steadied his breathing before getting up.
He opened his eyes, blinked once, twice, three times, before turning his head to the other side to see the face of his beloved Sho kun. And that’s when he saw it. Sho was not there on the bed. Of course, Jun beat himself inside his head. If Sho was there, he would have been the one turning the alarm off.
Like how he always did every other day.
Jun flinched on that thought. He closed his eyes again, trying to listen for anything that happened inside the house. The sound of coffee machine, the sound of water running, footsteps, anything. Because it was so unlike Sho to wake up without turning the alarm off and leaving Jun alone on the bed without even the slightest of “good morning”. He tried and concentrated, but he heard nothing.
He opened his eyes and finally pulled himself to sit. He looked around. Something felt off but he couldn’t pinpoint what. It was morning and Jun wasn’t a morning person and Sho wasn’t there to give him his usual morning kiss to make it at least more bearable so he didn’t bother to try and think about what it was. Thinking of something that hard in the morning would give him headache that could last the whole day.
Jun got up and walked out of the bedroom to the kitchen. He decided that he needed a cup of coffee before dealing with anything that morning. He pushed the button of the coffee maker and turned to take his mug from the dish rack. That’s when he realized what was off. Sho’s mug wasn’t there, along with Sho’s favorite plate. He reached for the cupboard, thinking that maybe the tableware was there. He checked every shelf, and he didn’t find it. Panic started to creep on his spine. He left the kitchen and walked back to the bedroom.
“Sho kun?” he called to the empty bedroom.
“Sho?” he opened the bathroom door and called.
“Sho san?” he walked to the other bedroom and searched the whole room.
“Sakurai Sho?” he went to the living room, head turning frantically to every direction.
“Sho?!” he finally reached the front door, and saw that Sho’s coat wasn’t on the rack.
Jun retreated and went back to his bedroom, looking for his phone. This wasn’t funny, he thought, this wasn’t funny at all. Did Sho just decide, overnight, that he was moving out? Without even had the initiative to talk about it to Jun? Was there a problem that Jun had no idea about? Something that required Sho to leave without telling Jun anything about it?
He finally got his phone and he quickly called Sho’s number with just one click - he had Sho’s number on speed dial. He put the phone beside his ear, then he waited for the dialing tone, but there was nothing. He pulled his phone and looked at the screen, but it was black. He squinted at the screen before turning it on again. He tried to push the number again, but this time he waited for the calling to happen before putting his phone on his ear. The screen flashed and there was a small notification message, saying, “No speed dial assigned.”
Jun frowned at his phone. He tried to type Sho’s name, but his number wouldn’t show up. He then keyed in Sho’s number, which even the tips of his fingers had memorized very well, and pressed the dial button.
“The number you are calling is not registered,” an automated voice machine greeted him.
Jun froze. There’s no way he had put the wrong number. He tried again anyway, pushing the button on the screen angrily. He called, and the same automated voice machine greeted him. He groaned in frustration before opening the mail app and typed a quick message to Nino, asking for Sho’s contact detail. He also composed a short e-mail to Sho, asking about his whereabouts and what the hell he meant with any of this.
Jun walked back to the kitchen to fetch his coffee. He was pouring the coffee to the mug when his phone beeped. He quickly unlocked the phone and opened the notification tray. It was Nino.
⌈Who is this Sho you’re talking about? Another guy from the gay bar? I don’t know him. How could I have his number?⌋
If Jun didn’t know better, he would have thought that Nino was serious. But it was Nino, they had been friends longer than Jun’s relationship with anyone else, so he typed a reply.
⌈I’m serious, Nino, he’s missing, his stuffs are missing, his number disappeared from my phone, I tried to call the number that I remembered but it’s said to be not registered. Please just don’t make it harder for me.⌋
He put the phone aside, ignoring the new e-mail notification that happened to be a bounce, saying that he was trying to send an e-mail to a non-existent e-mail address, and took his mug to the table. He just sat down and had the first sip of his coffee when Nino’s reply came.
⌈Whoa. Wait a minute. His stuffs are missing? What is it? You’re bringing your one-night stand partner’s stuffs to your house, J? Seriously.⌋
By then, even Jun wasn’t able to hold it anymore.
⌈Nino, stop kidding. This is a serious issue.⌋
⌈I’m not joking! I have no idea who is this ‘Sho’ you keep talking about!⌋
Jun lost his temper. He switched the mail app to the dial pad and pushed Nino’s number. It didn’t take him five seconds to hear Nino’s voice from the other line.
“Stop messing with me and just give me Sho’s number,” Jun barked immediately at Nino’s greeting.
“J, I seriously have no idea who is this person you’re talking about! What the hell?! It’s seven am for god’s sake! You’re disturbing my morning cuddle time with Oh chan!” Nino retorted.
“Shit, Nino, Sho kun is missing and I have no idea what happened and you’re blaming me because I ruined your morning? I woke up this morning and Sho kun wasn’t here already! I have no idea what happened!” Jun paused to take a deep breath, then, “Please, just, give me his number and you can go on and cuddle all you want.”
“Matsumoto Jun,” Nino replied, his tone still firm but not as angry as it was before. “I’m not lying, okay? I’m not messing with you. I have no idea who is this Sho kun you’ve been talking about.”
“Nino, stop talking like that about my boyfriend!” Jun replied, feeling the combination of anger and panic.
“But J you don’t have a boyfriend! Come on, you’re wasting my time!” there was a rustling sound and a whine, followed by Nino’s voice, “Ah. Oh chan, did I wake you up? I’m sorry.”
“Listen, I have no idea who is this Sho kun you’re talking about. I don’t remember you ever told me that you have a boyfriend. Not even last night when we celebrated your birthday at that fancy Italian restaurant - thank you for that, tho, Oh chan loves it. So seriously, I don’t know, I don’t have his number, and you sound mental for me right now, seriously,” there was another whine, “I have to hang up, Oh chan is awake already and he doesn’t like it when I’m occupied this time in the morning.”
Then all Jun heard after that was a flat tone. Nino had cut the connection, leaving Jun alone and confused. What the hell was Nino talking about? He knew that Jun had been in that relationship with Sho for the last year. He was the first person Jun told about his growing crush to Sho that happened to be not one-sided. He was the one Jun ran into when he needed advice on the relationship. How could he say that? Jun groaned in frustration.
Jun decided to go look for Sho’s stuffs in that house. There was no way he could disappear along with his stuffs overnight without Jun even realizing it. He went to the closet to look for Sho’s clothes, and not only Sho’s stuffs weren’t there, it was like his stuffs were never there. His own clothes filled the closet, and on the space where there was supposed to be Sho’s clothes, there was his instead.
Feeling the frustration started to overwhelm him, he went to the book shelf on the living room. There was supposed to be one hell of a tall and huge book shelf, which Sho brought with him when they moved together. Instead of a book shelf, he found himself staring at an empty wall. The book shelf wasn’t there, along with Sho’s books. As replacement, there was a small shelf with his small amount of books inside it.
Jun was barely getting himself together when he decided to go to Sho’s office to look for the man. He didn’t even bother to check his clothes when he went, he just grabbed what was available. Something he usually despised from Sho. He bolted to the basement parking to get his car, and drove straight to Sho’s office.
What he got from the receptionist wasn’t a good news either.
“I’m sorry, Sir, but there is no one with the name of Sakurai Sho in this building,” the receptionist replied when he explained his purpose of coming.
“You must be kidding,” Jun said nervously, “there must be a mistake,” Jun added with a dry laugh.
“No, Sir, there is no Sakurai Sho in this company. Do you need anything else? Because if you don’t then you can take your leave, the exit is that way,” the receptionist pointed the door.
Jun started to feel anger on top of the mixture of panic and worry that he felt at that time. He wanted to ask more about Sho to the receptionist, but she seemed serious about her answer and Jun didn’t want to cause trouble to himself. So he bowed and mumbled his thank you before walking out of the building.
Jun decided that he needed to check to the Sakurai residence. Sho rarely talked about his family, and he didn’t come home often, but Jun had run out of place to go. Besides, asking his family about his whereabouts sounded the most logical for him at that moment.
Sakurai residence wasn’t like any other normal family house. The house was huge, for one, but it wasn’t the size that intimidated Jun. It was the tall gate that separated it from the neighborhood and the amount of guards greeting him. Playing safe this time, worried that he would immediately get a ‘there’s no Sakurai Sho’ answer from the guard, Jun opted to tell them that he was looking for Sakurai Mai. He told them his name and they told them to wait.
“Our young master said that she has no idea who Matsumoto Jun is,” one of the guards told him when he finished talking to the intercom.
The hair on Jun’s back stood up against his will. There was no way Mai didn’t remember him. They don’t talk often, true, but Jun had at least had a dinner with her - and Sho - every month. He tried to calm himself down before talking to the guards again.
“Actually, I’m a friend of his brother, could you mention that to her?” Jun politely told the guards.
The guard who was talking to him raised one of his eyebrows, starting to look at Jun with suspicion, but he did as Jun said.
“She said that she doesn’t know any friend of his brother with that name either,” he said to Jun after talking to the intercom once again.
Jun couldn’t hide the surprised look on his face and apparently the guard saw it too.
“Tell me, young man,” the guard put the intercom phone down, “who are you looking for, actually?”
Jun took a deep breath, then exhaled, then replied with a small voice, “I’m looking for Sakurai Sho.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear it,” the guard came closer, “Can you repeat it again?”
Jun lifted his face and cleared his throat, “I’m looking for Sakurai Sho.”
“Do you mean Sakurai Shu? Because there is no Sakurai Sho in this house, young man,” the guard replied, still trying to be polite although he already put a ‘you’re suspicious, kid’ face.
“No, I mean,” Jun stammered, then inhaled, “I’m sorry, I think I get the wrong address,” he retreated. He smiled, as politely as he could by the moment, and returned to his car to go home.
What the hell is going on actually?
The thought was haunting Jun and didn’t leave even when he had reached his apartment building. He parked his car back on the basement and returned to his unit. There was something wrong and he had this feeling that even if he tried to look for Sho outside the house, he wouldn’t find it.
Jun opened the door of his unit and quickly went in. He took his shoes and coat off then set them accordingly before he got in. He walked straight to the kitchen to fetch himself water and he saw the coffee he had abandoned from the morning. He poured the content to the sink and set the mug on the dishwasher. He took a bottle of water from the fridge and drink it in one gulp.
There was something he hadn’t checked, actually. Something even Sho himself didn’t know. So if he really left and taking care of everything behind him to not leave any trace, he shouldn’t be able to clean that one thing away.
Jun took another deep breath. He wanted to go and check it but he was afraid. Afraid that it wouldn’t be where it was supposed to be. Afraid that it would somehow disappear. Afraid that he would lose the only token he had about Sho at that moment. Afraid that he, along with other people of the world, at least the people he knew, would also think that Sakurai Sho didn’t exist and never had been.
All the worry was eating Jun and he felt suffocated by his own thought. He finally made up his mind and decided to go look for his planner. That one planner he kept for himself to keep memories about Sho. He walked to the bedroom and opened his closet. Carefully, he crouched down in front of it, patting the bottom wooden of his closet. He tap once, twice, and finally pulled it forward and up.
It was there. The planner was there.
Hands trembling, Jun reached for the small book by the far corner of the hidden shelf. He took it carefully before he stood up and brought it with himself to the bed. He climbed the bed and sat in the middle of it, putting the planner down in front of him.
He inhaled as he opened the first page, and exhaled when he saw his own handwriting striking at him. The first page was only the information about himself, his name and contact information, just in case someone else got a hold of it. Not that he was going to bring it anywhere so anyone else could find it, really.
He flipped the pages with only his handwriting on it to look for the photographs he had put inside it. He didn’t have the patience to peruse and read his handwriting of every entry to find out if Sakurai Sho was indeed a real person. He kept flipping the pages quickly but carefully. It took him flipping almost half of it when he finally found it.
It was the first photograph they took together. It was a purikura - silly as it might sound, he indeed did it with Sho every once in a while. The one he found was the first they had ever made. It was from their first date. The first real date after running around in circles on each other, each didn’t want to say out loud what they felt toward the other for the fear that the other didn’t feel the same.
Jun chuckled on that memory. If he had known it would be that good - his relationship with Sho - he wouldn’t have wasted the whole five months worrying and pondering and talking to Nino about it - which Nino had always answered with, “just go fuck already! I’m tired of listening to you!”.
He put the purikura back on the page where it was supposed to be and closed the planner. At least he had figured out that it was all true. All the thing he had with Sho wasn’t just happening inside his head. He lay on the bed, clutching the planner tight to his chest.
Then what has happened? Where is Sho? Why everyone else said they had no idea about who he is?
He rolled to his side, already found it automatic to face Sho’s side on that king-sized bed. He felt pain in his chest remembering that it was just last night that he ran his fingers on Sho’s beautiful sleeping face. That it was just last night he felt overwhelmingly calm and content and peaceful. And how just over one night all those feelings had changed into insecurity, worry, and mostly desperation.
Jun sighed as he closed his eyes, letting a drop of tear rolled on his cheek as he recalled Sho’s scent that was usually filling his nostrils when he lay on his bed. That time, he could only smell the faint scent of the softener of the sheets and blanket. And his own.
---
January 25th, 2013. In the afternoon.
Jun was just tidying his desk up, ready to go home, when Nino barged in his room with some papers on his hand. Jun frowned at the intrusion, and at the work that seemed to be on Nino’s hand. He had told that colleague of his that he was going to home early that day, not that early, actually, just exactly when the clock hit five, because there was something he needed to deal with.
That day was Sho’s birthday.
“I’ve told you I have something to do after work,” Jun grumbled as Nino sat in front of his desk, hands spreading the paper for both of them to see.
“I’m sorry, alright? This is something urgent. The head of the tech team just told me about a functionality that went broken after it was fixed - I had no idea how it could happen too but apparently the new guy messed it up, that Aiba san or something,” Nino said apologetically.
Jun sighed in defeat and sat back down. “And what is the problem exactly?”
“We had to reschedule for this event, I suppose,” Nino pointed to somewhere at the paper, then looked up to see Jun’s face, “Are you alright? It’s not a family matter, right, this ‘after work’ thing?”
Jun shook his head reluctantly. It was the only answer he could give, given the situation. Nino still swore he didn’t know who is this Sho kun he kept talking about so it would just be illogical if Jun told him about his actual plan.
“Good. So it’s nothing urgent,” Nino had known him for too long that he understood very well that the only important matter in Jun’s life besides his work was his family.
And Sho, actually, but Nino seemed to have forgotten about it already. Somehow.
“So here, it won’t be possible to have this marketing event on next week if the tech guys haven’t solved whatever problem they have,” Nino pointed to the paper again, already focused on the task they had at hand, “And knowing our tech guys - I’m not saying they’re incapable, but don’t you think they always take too long time to solve problems? So we need to reschedule.”
Jun massaged his temple. This was going to be another headache to be nursed. He took his planner from the corner of his desk and opened it.
“Tell me what stuffs are necessary for rescheduling that event,” he started to jot down his notes.
---
January 25th, 2013. Some time before midnight.
It took Jun and Nino some more hours before they could go home. Nino looked apologetic when he finally left Jun’s room. Although Jun wasn’t sure if he was really sorry because he had kept him at the office until late or because Jun seemed so desperate throughout the time they spent to solve the problem.
Jun sighed as he pushed his unit’s door open. He didn’t bother to turn the lamps on and walked straight to his bedroom after putting his shoes and coat aside. It was an hour before midnight, and he figured that he better went straight to sleep unless he wanted to be a zombie the next morning.
At least Sho wouldn’t sulk for a week because he came home very late on his birthday, Jun thought bitterly as he pulled the blanket to his head.
---
August 30th, 2013. After work.
All Jun wanted that day was a quiet and peace evening by himself, but there he was, on a karaoke bar with loud song and even louder voices singing along to it. Jun sighed and took the cheap beer. At least the taste was somehow decent, even though it was nothing compared to his usual favorite. He gulped while watching the group of idiots in front of him.
It was his birthday. And Nino had pushed, actually, pulled him to the nearest karaoke bar when the clock hit five. Along with some fellow colleagues who made him a small surprise party at the office before - Nino’s idea too. Jun leaned further on his seat, hoping for the song to end soon so he could at least got his ears to rest. Nino and Aiba were singing energetically at that moment, yelling the song’s lyrics from the top of their lungs. Jun had no idea how Nino could got that close to the ‘new tech guy who messed it up’, but both of them seemed like they’re best of friends, singing some crappy girl idol-group song.
Jun scanned the room, finding that most of his colleagues were still as cheerful as the two guys on the center of the room. Some of them just watched in amusement as Aiba imitated the dance move for the song. He sighed and checked his watch; they still had another hour before he could go home in peace.
If it happened a year before, or even earlier, Jun would probably at least laugh at Aiba’s failed attempt of winking. But it was that day. The next day would be exactly one year since Sho disappeared without a trace from his life. One year since everyone in his life seemed to have forgotten Sho at all. If he had been a mean person, he would have gone leaving all this mess that Nino called as fun and let that exact guy deal with all the problems.
But he couldn’t do it. Not to his forever best friend - who, by then, just threw him a sly wink and a flirty smirk. He glanced to his side, where Nino’s boyfriend, Ohno Satoshi, had managed to completely fall asleep in the middle of all the riot. Well, if he thought about it again, it was still better to be there, in the middle of all the noises, than all alone and desperate and sad on his bed, that even after when one year has passed, still felt too big and empty for him.
When Nino threw a glance at his direction again, he mouthed, “Thank you.”
It was probably the most sincere gratitude he had said for the past year.
---
August 30th, 2015. In the evening.
Jun leaned on the kitchen counter while watching the view from the window. He sipped the wine and gazed to the distance. It was raining. It had been the whole day and it didn’t seem to stop anytime soon. A soft pat on his back made him turn his head.
“Dinner is ready,” her sister said, smiling.
Jun nodded and smiled. He followed her sister all the way to the dining room, where their father and mother had waited. Along with his sister’s husband. It was a full family gathering that day, celebrating Jun who was finally thirty two that year. It was also a good coincidence that his birthday that year fell on a Saturday. The dinner wouldn’t be possible any other day, for both Jun and his sister’s husband were working. It wasn’t like his parents’ house was out of town or really far from where he lived, it was because it wouldn’t be convenient to have a celebration on a weekday after a tiring day at work. His parents understood very well about it though, so they never pushed him. Although he usually visited them on the weekend of his birthday, just so they could have the celebratory dinner together.
It was her sister who started the conversation about him still being single despite his good career and his impossibly attractive features. It started as a joke, his sister did her usual teasing of him being unwilling to settle for a family. He returned the teasing with his usual defend of ‘I’m too good to settle’, but his parents, apparently, took it a little bit too seriously.
“Don’t you think it’s time for you to start a family already, Jun?” his mother replied when he laughingly threw his reasoning.
Jun exchanged glances with his sister briefly before answering his mother. “Mom, you know it’s hard for guys like me to actually start a family, I mean, my taste isn’t exactly normal, to begin with.”
“I understand that you prefer men, Jun. But isn’t it lonely to live just by yourself in your thirties?” his mother replied, her expression was even more serious than before, “if you would like to, I have some acquaintances who have great and single daughter. Maybe we could try Omiai.”
Jun shot another glance to his sister, this time deadly. His sister pretended to not see him and focused on her plate. She couldn’t completely hide the amused smile on her face, though.
“Mother,” Jun replied, trying to sound as composed and polite as he could, “please don’t worry about me. I’m really doing fine. In fact, I’m doing great. I have a lot of friends so I don’t feel lonely at all,” Jun put down his cutlery. “Besides, I can always go home to you guys when I need more than just a company to have fun.”
His mother seemed to be moved by his speech, but she tried hard not to show it. With a low voice, she replied, “Well if that’s what you say so, then.”
Jun smiled at his mother, then turned his face to his sister and smirked at her. She snorted when she saw it. Murmuring something that sounded like ‘flatterer’. Jun didn’t care, though. He had successfully dodged his mother’s Omiai proposal, it made him feel so accomplished.
But then, his father decided to join the conversation.
“Maybe she meant that you don’t look as happy as you did when you were younger,” his dad said, “You were beaming three years ago but since then we hadn’t been able to see you that happy anymore.”
Jun almost choked even though he wasn’t currently consuming anything. His birthday three years ago, well, the weekend after that, was the first time he introduced Sho as his boyfriend to his family. Of course he was beaming. He took a deep breath and leered at his sister, who just nodded in agreement.
“My job is getting tougher, Father, that’s all the reason to it,” Jun replied, trying his best to not break down in front of his family, because, hell, even they had forgotten about Sho. They didn’t mention anything when he went home at the weekend of his birthday two years ago, merely days from the day Sho went missing. They didn’t ask about Sho when he did his routine phone calls. His mother even went straightly to offer him Omiai. He purposefully didn’t ask them about Sho ever since he disappeared because he didn’t want to sound mental and worry his parents even more.
“I’m just saying, it’s alright if you don’t want the Omiai now. We could always set it up for you later when you’re ready,” his father replied, “And don’t you want someone who would take care of you when you’re too busy with work?”
Jun sighed and glanced at her sister. She threw him an apologetic look which confused him a bit. Since when did his sister give him apologetic look when he’s in this kind of trouble?
---
September 3rd, 2017. On a nice afternoon.
The weather of autumn was always the nicest throughout the year. That’s why Jun decided to spend the whole Sunday being out of the house. He had spent the earlier time of the day running errands, grocery shopping, and taking his suits to the laundry, so he figured that it would be nice to spend the afternoon by walking on a park nearby.
It had been a rough week for him at work. Nino didn’t stop bugging him about the schedule of the marketing team. After working together for almost seven years, Jun thought he would stop panicking about schedules, but he was wrong. Nino continuously came to his room at the office to reschedule an event because the app ‘behaves weirdly’, according to him. Then the next day he returned to reschedule the rescheduled event because ‘the weird behavior has disappeared. So weird’.
For Jun, though, Nino was the one who was being weird that week. It was finally getting to him, how Nino would always be the most annoying on that time of the year; some time around his birthday, and some days after. Jun was not a stupid guy, so he understood how Nino was actually trying to do something. It wasn’t a coincidence that the time he started to do all those stunts were four years ago, one year since Sho disappeared from his life.
Jun sighed as he reached the park. There was no use to think about Nino at times like this, wasn’t it? He probably just figured out how his birthday five years ago had been horrible for Jun. Jun became lost at work, he refused to go out on after-work activities, he even refused to go out on weekends, even though they used to do it together. Nino probably just saw how Jun suddenly became sad and lifeless just days before his birthday ever since. And Nino probably had seen how days after that Jun would be in constant bad mood.
Yes, he probably just took note on those, Jun concluded. Although he was torn between feeling happy because his friend had been that considerate or sad because if so then his friend had completely forgotten about Sho.
Suddenly there was a swinging sound beside Jun’s head, followed by a shout from somewhere in front of him. Jun watched as the man who shouted walked closer to him.
“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to throw the ball that way! My hand slipped! I’m sorry,” the man apologized, bowing several times while doing so.
Jun froze on his place, couldn’t believe what he saw. He nodded, timidly, unable to form any word to answer the stranger. The stranger flashed him a sheepish smile when he saw Jun nodding and went to behind Jun to take the ball he just threw that way.
It took Jun ten seconds before he could finally snap out of his stunned state and he turned around to make sure of what he had seen. It couldn’t be, he thought. It’s not possible at all, he thought. But then the stranger turned back to him after he managed to retrieve his ball and smiled at him again.
“Sh-”
“Tago kun!” a woman’s voice cut Jun from calling the name for that too familiar face.
The stranger, who was called as Tago, craned his neck to where the voice came from, smiled at the person, and waved the ball.
“I got this! Sorry! I was too excited!” the stranger, Tago, shouted to the woman.
The guy walked to the woman who was calling him, bowed slightly and smiled as he passed Jun. He then walked faster, skipped his steps, toward the voice which was behind Jun.
“Sho kun,” Jun whispered, finally managed to finish his word. Then he jerked up and turned back, “Wait-”, he tried to call the guy.
But that guy, along with whomever the female voice belonged to, was nowhere to be seen.
---
September 4th, 2017. Some time before noon.
The following week was even more horrible for Jun. The meeting with the stranger in the park had left him utterly malfunctioned. He had tried to forget and focus on his work, but he was unable to. The thought of a stranger looking and behaving much like his lost lover had made him fail to do anything correctly.
Jun kept pondering to go to the park to meet the guy again, but he had work on every weekday and by the time he finished working, the day would have been dark and the park would mostly be empty. For probably the first time in his life, Matsumoto Jun wished for the weekend to come faster just so he could go to the park and probably meet the stranger again.
But then again, what would he do if he met the stranger again? He wasn’t even Sho. The voice calling him said ‘Tago’, not ‘Sakurai’ or ‘Sho’ or even ‘Sakurai Sho’. They might have looked alike, but so what? It was still just a stranger.
Jun hit himself on his head, trying to get his focus back to his work. That was not something to think while working, Matsumoto Jun. He got back to the task in front of him, trying his best to focus on that.
But even if it wasn’t Sho, I get to at least be sure about it.
Jun flipped the papers on his hand, thinking. Probably, when he met the stranger again, he would see that he was wrong. He would see that it wasn’t Sho and it would stop bugging him like it was by then.
The rest of the day, and week, felt like it was the longest time span in his life.
---
September 10th, 2017. In the afternoon.
Jun shifted the cap he wore on his head slightly to the side. He moved uncomfortably on the park bench, holding a book on his hand which he had been pretending to read for at least half an hour. He tried to look around without attracting unwanted attention from his surroundings. He waited for a certain someone to pop up on his sight. He ducked his head back to the book he was holding when he didn’t see what he wanted.
It was around fifteen minutes later when a man tapped his shoulder. Jun was startled, he didn’t realize that he had been too bored so he read what’s on the book for real and got lost on it. He lifted his head to see the stranger tapping his head, and when he saw him, he had to struggle so hard to not jump out on his feet.
“May I sit here?” the stranger asked.
Jun felt a lump on his throat, preventing him to voice his answer, so he nodded quickly before he returned his gaze to his book.
What do I do now? Jun started to feel panic building inside him. There, sitting beside him, the man - well, at least someone who looked like him - who held a place in his heart no one would ever replace. Jun tried to concentrate on his book, but he found it hard to do with his heart beating madly. He took a several deep breaths, trying to brush off the issue completely, but he wasn’t able to. Meeting that person was the purpose of his being there, yet he still found himself loss for words when he was actually faced with the man. Or not, he was wearing a cap that covered almost half of his face anyway.
“Hey,” the man beside him suddenly talked, “Aren’t you the person I met here last weekend?”
Jun froze. How could he notice?
“I noticed your bracelet,” he said, like he was able to hear what Jun was thinking.
Jun eyed his bracelet and figured that he couldn’t hide it anymore so he pulled his cap off and set his book aside. He turned his head to the side, looking at the person beside him. That person had his eyes locked in Jun’s direction and Jun wondered how long he had stayed like that.
“My name is Tago Yuudai,” the man offered his hand out.
“Matsumoto Jun.” Jun shook the hand briefly. He was too dazed to be able to think about why would an introduction was needed.
Tago, as how he introduced himself, started to talk about the weather. Jun found himself only able to hum and say short responses. He tried to rack his brain, but he was unable to find how would someone could totally look like Sho and wasn’t actually Sho. The conversation kept flowing, and Jun eventually found himself start relaxing. He started to be able to reply with more than just a fragment of word, but an actual word. Then he found himself really responding to what Tago said, even laughing for some part that was funny.
Jun found it all somehow too easy, though. He wasn’t the type of person who could easily talk about a lot of things to a lot of people, so he liked Tago almost instantly. Not to mention that he looked nothing unlike Sho. The realization snapped Jun out of his bubble. He then started to think what will happen when he really asked the question.
“Tago san!” a woman’s voice was heard once again, making both Jun and Tago had to look at the source of the voice’s direction. There stood a woman, waving his hand happily at Tago while her other hand holding a hand of a boy.
Jun stiffened on his seat. He had talked with Tago like he was talking with Sho and it made him forget completely that this one person was a completely different person. He glanced to his side, and he saw Tago waved as excitedly to the woman and the kid.
“Well then, Matsumoto san, it was nice talking with you,” Tago stood up and smiled at Jun, “I have to go now, see you again later.”
“Do you know Sakurai Sho?” Jun blurted out before he could stop himself. He instantly beat himself in his head for saying such a stupid thing.
Tago’s forehead creased a bit when he heard that question.
“Do you mean the Sakurai family? Yeah, they’re pretty famous,” Tago nodded absentmindedly, seemed like his brain was thinking about something else, “I never heard of any Sho, though. Maybe you mean Shu?”
“Never mind. I’m sorry. Just, please forget it,” Jun chuckled nervously. Moron.
Tago raised his eyebrows in confusion, but only for a while, “Until then, Matsumoto san.”
Jun waved his hand to reply and he watched as Tago approached the woman and kid happily. He sighed. What exactly am I doing here?
---
Mid September to Mid October, 2017.
The next weekend, Jun found himself going to the same park. Sitting at the same bench. Waiting for the same person. He didn’t actually know what he was looking for, or what he wanted to get from the meeting. All he knew was he felt at ease when he met Tago and even though it sounded so wrong on so many levels, he decided to keep trying to meet him.
They met again that weekend, and it went exactly the same as before. Tago showed up out of nowhere, asked permission to sit beside Jun, and Jun had agreed. Then he realized that it was Jun and they got caught up in conversations again. It ended the same way too, with the woman and child calling Tago from afar and he jumped from his seat to run toward them. That time, Jun didn’t say anything about Sakurai Sho and opted to wave his hand while smiling.
It happened again the next weekend, and the weekend that followed. Without Jun even realized it, one month had passed since the first time they talked. Yet Jun still didn’t manage to find out who exactly the woman and kid were. He had tried to ask Tago about it, as casual as he possibly could, but Tago always dodged his question. It left Jun curious sometimes, but he was actually glad that Tago refused to talk about them. Because Jun wasn’t sure if he wanted to hear if they were actually Tago’s wife and son. Although Jun wasn’t really sure why he didn’t want to hear about it if it was the fact.
The conversation between them always went on something casual. Nothing personal, just a talk about a movie that was hip in town, a TV show that they both liked to watch - it still surprised Jun that a man as serious as Tago would like a comedy show Jun also liked. Jun did mention his job once when Tago asked about it, but that was all the most personal thing they had talked about.
Jun had never, ever tried to talk about the Sakurai Sho issue anymore. In his defense, Tago wasn’t actually someone who he would mistook for Sho. They looked alike, true. But Jun found out that the more they talked, whatever they talked about together wasn’t things that he would find himself talking with Sho.
However, that particular day, even Jun had to admit that something was really suspicious with Tago. Suspicious in a way that he reminded him so much of Sho.
After a lot of meetings and casual talks, it was a given that they would run out of casual topic to discuss and so they had to start talking about their personal lives. Tago was the first one to ask about what Jun was doing for a living and Jun gladly answered. Although, he chose to spare Tago the technical details and went to talk about people on his office. Jun told them about how people in his office tended to go partying as they please, with or without special occasion. Jun told him about how they were so easily distracted although they were really serious when it comes to their job.
That day, Jun told him about a little accident that happened in his office. It wasn’t anything big, really, but that day, Aiba had been on high, poking everyone he met on his way and flashing a smile to them when they looked at him. On the other hand, Nino was really not in a good mood. He had been mumbling all his thoughts all day and he did his work huffing and puffing. He snapped when Jun tried to ask whether he’s okay, and he slammed Jun’s room’s door afterward.
Not even half an hour after the slamming door incident, Jun heard a commotion outside so he went to check. Apparently, Aiba had tried to poke Nino on his effort to cheer him up but then Nino slapped his hand away. Aiba, being the not very balanced person that he was, tripped, and he poured a cup of coffee, which he was holding with his other hand, to Nino’s pants. Jun went out in time to see how the whole room turned into silence, waiting for Nino’s reaction. But then, of all other things, Nino burst out laughing. The laughter was affecting Aiba and so he laughed along with him. It didn’t need any longer for the whole room to laugh together at that.
“Aiba san, I’m really sorry for snapping at you earlier,” Nino talked between his laugh, “And I’m sorry you spilled that expensive coffee on me.”
Aiba stopped laughing when Nino said that, then he looked at the empty cup on his hand. Then he was back to laughing his heart out.
“I’m so stupid,” he mumbled between his loud laughter.
Jun smiled and retreated when he saw that. At least there wouldn’t be any more bad-mood Nino. He had to thank Aiba later for that accident.
“Wait, so the coffee spilled over his pants?” Tago asked when Jun finished with his story. Jun only nodded, answering.
“And it happened to be a fancy coffee?” Tago added, he started to not be able to hold back his laughter.
“Yes, with whip cream and all, Aiba san’s favorite, actually,” Jun explained further.
At that time, for a reason Jun didn’t really understand, Tago burst out laughing. His loud guffaw filled the air around them. That was when Jun realized something: Tago’s laughter was exactly the same with the one Sho has.
Sho had this thing that he did when he laughed, that Jun was sure he himself didn’t even realize. He would throw his head back and closed his eyes and showed everything in his mouth as he laughed. He made a particular wheezing sound when he did, and he also moved his hand to hit on his knee.
Like a chipmunk, Jun immediately thought when he saw it.
What was weird was Tago had never laughed like that along the time they talked together at that park. It was only that day that he did so. Unconsciously, Jun found himself watching intently as Tago finished his laugh.
“What, Jun? You look like you’ve seen a ghost!” Tago said when he watched the expression on Jun’s face.
Jun froze. It was the first time Tago called him that way. They weren’t that close yet, to have them call each other on first-name basis, so he jerked back a bit, trying to gather his thought as a whole.
Then, Jun asked the question he realized should have asked since the first time Tago Yuudai chose to sit on the bench beside him. “Tago san, can I add you on Facebook?”
---
October 19th, 2017.
Jun scrolled the opened page on his computer slowly. He read every entry and made sure that he didn’t miss any post. After some while, he finally reached the bottom of the page. He frowned a bit and scrolled back to the top of the page.
“Tago Yuudai. New boyfriend?” suddenly Nino’s mocking voice was heard from behind him.
“Nino what are you-?!” Jun was startled and panicked, and in his attempt to hide the opened browser tab on his computer, he shut the browser down completely.
“I waved my hand in front of you for some times but you didn’t respond, so I went to check what’s in your computer that’s so interesting,” Nino explained while retreating, circling Jun’s desk and taking the chair in front of it.
“I’m sorry, I was... occupied,” Jun answered with a low voice.
“I saw that,” Nino replied nonchalantly, “So, here’s why I’m coming here.”
Nino laid out sheets of papers in front of Jun and talked about a lot of things. Jun tried to listen properly, but he couldn’t help the thought that was lingering on the back of his mind. There were some fishy things on Tago san’s Facebook page, how he never posted a photo of himself but posted photos of his relatives. How it was said to be made exactly at August 31st, 2008, the day when Sho disappeared. How he didn’t show his birthday but Jun found some congratulatory post on every January 25th.
There was something not right about this Tago Yuudai guy and Jun needed to know what. His guts told him there was something about Tago that would help him find out Sho’s whereabouts.
---
October 21th, 2017. In the afternoon.
Jun was not so surprised when he found himself going back to the park that afternoon. He knew that there was something weird with this Tago guy, but he just felt that he had to come and ask him about that. He walked faster when he saw the gate of the park. But what he saw after that was breaking down all his resolutions.
On the gate of the park, there was Nino, and there was Tago san also. Tago looked surprised that Nino suddenly greeted him. Then, they went to the shady part of the park, Nino turning his head around multiple times to make sure that nobody had followed them. Jun didn’t dare to come closer by then, he watched from where he was standing, trying to make out what was happening.
Not even two minutes later, the two men were already having a heated conversation. Jun saw from afar how Tago started to show Nino his angry face while Nino looked even angrier. His curiosity won that time, and Jun found himself walking closer and closer to where they were standing.
“Nino, seriously. I don’t mean any harm, okay. But it’s been five years. And I’m not lying, I need to see him. I need to see him so bad,” Tago said.
Jun shivered. What the hell was that about?
“For God’s sake, Sho. I’ve told you that even seeing him had put you both into the old mess I was trying to get you out from!” Nino hissed his words.
“Nino, I mean it. I miss him, okay? I just need some more time to talk with him, casually, just nothing important, before I can actually leave,” Tago - or did Nino call him Sho? - replied, one hand running over his face, exasperated.
Jun froze at his place. What was going on?
“Sho san, I planned your leaving for England because I need you to get out of this country so they won’t ever get to see you guys together again! You’re just screwing it up!” Nino almost yelled by then.
“Nino, please, I can’t. I mean, I promise I will leave, okay? But I need to see him at least before I leave. I mean, don’t you understand?” Sho pleaded, his voice sounded desperate.
“Sho kun,” Jun was already so close to them without even him realizing. Hearing those words after what happened for the last five years almost broke him. But he had to demand for an explanation.
The two men in front of Jun looked at him with surprise. That conversation was not something they wanted Jun to overhear.
“Sho kun,” Jun repeated his words. He wanted to say a lot. He wanted to ask a lot. Dammit, just what the hell did his best friend doing there with a guy he thought was a stranger but not really but a stranger but actually not?!
“Jun,” Sho walked toward Jun slowly, hand reaching out.
“Sho san,” Nino called him, reminding him with as few words as possible that he was going to do something dangerous.
Sho ignored him and walked closer toward Jun. He stopped when they were only separated by mere inches between them. “Well, this is awkward,” Sho tried to force a chuckle.
“Are you, are you Sho kun? For real?” Jun stuttered, he was at loss of what to do. He was at loss of what to feel, too. There was a bubbling hot sensation on the pit of his stomach, but there was also a warm fuzzy feeling enfolding his chest.
“I am. I,” Sho reached his hand out, “May I touch your face?”
Jun didn’t answer to that. Actually, he didn’t know what or how to answer that. The question was really simple, but Jun couldn’t bring himself to comprehend and choose the appropriate respond to that. Actually, he couldn’t decide for himself what he wanted about that request. He knew what he had always wanted, but having the man he had been longing for so long suddenly appeared in front of his face, he couldn’t explain the anger he currently felt.
They stood awkwardly then, in silence, Sho was still waiting for Jun’s answer, and Jun still couldn’t decide what he wanted. They just stared at each other like each one of them was a weird species they both had never seen before. Both were eager and curious, but both were afraid that it wouldn’t be as good as it seemed.
Then, a ring tone was breaking the silence. It was Nino’s phone.
“Yeah, Aiba san? What’s up? I’ve told you, don’t drink that fancy beverage too often. It’ll hurt your stoma- What?! Are you for real? Here? Now? Alright, thank you. Yes. Of course I’d do that. Thank you. Alright.” Nino ended the call on his phone and lifted his face to see the two men in front of them. He wasn’t really sure of what to say, but then, “Sho san, I don’t know how this happened, but they are coming here. We have to leave.”
“They... you mean they?” Sho asked, his face pale.
“Yes. Them. You need to leave, and separated,” Nino stressed on his last word.
“No we can’t. I’ll run with him,” Sho replied, his hand suddenly gripping Jun’s wrist firmly.
“Sakurai Sho,” Nino tried to remind him.
“He knows nothing about this, Nino. And it’s partially your fault. I need to take him to a safe place and explain,” Sho insisted.
“For fuck’s sake, Sakurai san, he can run with me!” Nino insisted, “And we have to be hurry!”
“You go look for help. I’ll bring him with me,” Sho said with a finality and started moving, hand still gripping Jun firmly. “Come on, Jun. We need to run!”
Jun was still bedazzled with what just happened in front of him, but he knew Nino, and he could see how that man was genuinely worried. He couldn’t just stand there because Sho was already running, dragging him behind, so he could only do as hard as pushing all other thoughts to the back of his head and run along with him.
They ran through the neighborhood, Sho purposefully avoided the roadway. The smaller the alley, the more Sho would take it. Jun kept his mouth shut at that time, desperately wanting to know what the hell was going on but he didn’t dare to ask to Sho. The man was so serious in mapping their runaway, Jun didn’t know where he was heading, but he was sure that there was a place he had in mind. Probably some safe hiding place that he and Nino had agreed on before.
“We’re almost there,” as if it was on the cue, Sho turned his head back to tell Jun.
Jun just nodded in response and kept following Sho. He ran and ran with all his might, following Sho’s just steps. Sho no longer had his grip on him, but Jun understood that the only way he could survive, from whatever it was, was to follow Sho along.
“We’re here,” Sho said finally.
Jun stopped and looked around. They were in other part of the city. It was an empty alley with tall walls around. The place looked so like it was chosen by Sho himself. Nino would never prefer a place like that one. Too obvious, we shouldn’t show people that we intended to hide, Jun could almost hear Nino’s voice saying that.
“Where the hell Nino is...” Sho mumbled and pulled his phone out of his pocket.
Jun looked around the place, tried to look for Nino. He observed the place more closely as he did that. He started to realize that the walls were actually just out of his apartment building. He didn’t know why, but he started to feel worried. Whatever they’re running from, it wasn’t so wise to actually run back to his apartment, was it? He turned his head to talk about it with Sho, but what he saw was surprising him like nothing else.
“Sho! Watch out!” Jun tried to warn Sho. Unfortunately, his yell also startled the mysterious guy that was pointing his knife to Sho and it made him automatically stab Sho’s stomach with it.
Then the sound of a gunshot was heard, and Jun closed his eyes, he was in the verge of crying because it had to mean something bad too. Then he felt a small pat on his shoulder and opened his eyes to see Nino beside him, his left hand still holding the revolver.
“Ambulance is just out there. You go accompany him to the hospital, okay? I’ll deal with this for a while and I’ll see you there,” Nino said, voice stern and commanding.
Jun watched in worry as the medical team was taking Sho to the ambulance. He glanced at Nino who looked like he was ready to go to another chase.
“Nino,” Jun called out, and Nino turned his head to see him, “Please be safe.”
Nino nodded and fled away from the scene. Jun climbed to the ambulance and the door was closed beside him. That time, he found it natural to hold Sho’s hand in his.
“Please don’t leave me alone, Sho kun,” he whispered, his voice croaking.
---
Part 2