I'm a hedgehog and this is my fog, nice to meet you! (The entry on the holy fear)
To begin with, I am in the fog. The fog surrounds me everywhere - both physically and mentally. My fog was getting almost liquid by the end of the second week in Pacifica. By that time I realized how very strange and hilarious my situation is - I stay in the mountainous house within driving distance of all big cities where I have no need neither ( Read more... )
It is wise, though, to "accumulate the ground" and be ready to fight for someone you love. It is wise not be afraid to be lost. We are in no position to decide who will stay with us in a decade. Neither are we able to be 100% prepared for the future.
Thinking that we can do nothing makes us feeble and frustrates people around us. Yet being single-minded is no better: embracing the whole universe, moving the Earth from a place where you stand and turning your life into an adventurous novel with wars and exiles is such a contagious game (yet only a game) that I wonder if we should take it too seriously.
You have always seemed "bigger" and "faster" than me and I thought I was terribly wrong on my own path where almost no decisions and happenings could turn my life upside down and where a mere chance was far more likely to change everything than all my efforts. I doubt if I have ever accumulated any ground consciously. I doubt whether I have done anything on purpose to meet those people I really needed. All has happened as if I haven't been physically involved.
A thing we share is love of games and imagining that good players are better prepared for the future. Should we abstain from games, we will never get a life, in other words. And to be frank, you yourself are a subject of future for me. You are always heading for something I'm not even aware of. I love playing at the present and in those circumstances when I have a single day, a single evening and a single man who I will never see again. Such games are not about fighting, opening horizons or having a rest from both these activities. They are about a childish dream to grasp the moment and think it momentous. Sometimes it really is.
I am only afraid that people in the future will get so accustomed to watching from all the possible angles and to adapting to everything rapidly changing that they will have no time and chance to hold views and to see something as rudimentary and eternal. Distance will not be considered as distance. Communication without it as such will be normal. For some people it already is. The Internet is a room for intimacy, insincerity is no longer disguised. You can contact anyone but can't touch them on the raw because all your emotional depths are diluted and lost in wars and exiles, in living up to the Future's expectations and not even imaginining that you can possibly do without that Future. At least for a while.
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