And so it goes
On Falling
Sometimes, when I fall
My heart leaps for joy
The rough gravel rips through
My nylon casing
And I can see
That there is still life
Behind that red peephole
So newly placed
In this rented lodging
******************
For all the things I've known, there are ten times as many that I don't know anymore.
I've been thinking alot about the future lately. I don't really know what to do with my life anymore. The only thing I can actually see myself doing is writting poetry. It doesn't seem like a sustainable lifestyle, but I don't really have the concentration for anything else. I feel like I've reached a point where I can't communicate without speaking in metaphor or with lyric diction. I don't think anyone really understands me anymore, and this probably has something to do with it. I'm excited to go to Vassar, but I'm not really ready to meet anyone new. At the same time, I can feel myself drifting away from everyone here. I'm afraid that I'll end up stranded between the two, not wanting to move on, but not having anything to go back to.
I'm both living in the past and living in the future. Somehow, I've skipped the present entirely. I find myself reliving junior year or planning for next year and life after college. I'm ready to leave my nest, but no one ever taught me how to make a new one.
For anyone who has been hearing snippets of news, things are getting better now. My father is out of the hospital after over two weeks with the IVs and doctors. My phone's data was transfered onto a new phone, and my initial panic when it broke has been more than soothed. My mother's car...well, I'll never see it again...but it's not so bad to drive my father's. I don't know anymore...I feel like these things should make me happy. Instead I find myself resisting the change. I got used to being home alone all the time. The silence felt natural after two weeks. I have my contact data again, but the "un-retrievable" numbers just sit there in disuse. The car isn't really that bad, for all I complain. But I feel like my memories were sold with it. I don't quite feel I have a right to it yet. It's not set to my stations, it doesn't have my cds, and it's covered in my father's magazines. It's strange to think that they've been there since before vacation. It's like the unwanted clutter in my mind. I don't really feel equipted to move it.
Things are strange these days. The AP tests keep getting closer, but I just float along and watch them with dissinterested eyes. The rest of this year means nothing to my future. I'm ready for school to be over, for the prom to have passed. I'm waiting for those days when I can sit in Cape Cod and pretend that it's the distance that's keeping me from interaction.
Sometimes, when I fall
My heart leaps for joy
The rough gravel rips through
My nylon casing
And I can see
That there is still life
Behind that red peephole
So newly placed
In this rented lodging
******************
For all the things I've known, there are ten times as many that I don't know anymore.
I've been thinking alot about the future lately. I don't really know what to do with my life anymore. The only thing I can actually see myself doing is writting poetry. It doesn't seem like a sustainable lifestyle, but I don't really have the concentration for anything else. I feel like I've reached a point where I can't communicate without speaking in metaphor or with lyric diction. I don't think anyone really understands me anymore, and this probably has something to do with it. I'm excited to go to Vassar, but I'm not really ready to meet anyone new. At the same time, I can feel myself drifting away from everyone here. I'm afraid that I'll end up stranded between the two, not wanting to move on, but not having anything to go back to.
I'm both living in the past and living in the future. Somehow, I've skipped the present entirely. I find myself reliving junior year or planning for next year and life after college. I'm ready to leave my nest, but no one ever taught me how to make a new one.
For anyone who has been hearing snippets of news, things are getting better now. My father is out of the hospital after over two weeks with the IVs and doctors. My phone's data was transfered onto a new phone, and my initial panic when it broke has been more than soothed. My mother's car...well, I'll never see it again...but it's not so bad to drive my father's. I don't know anymore...I feel like these things should make me happy. Instead I find myself resisting the change. I got used to being home alone all the time. The silence felt natural after two weeks. I have my contact data again, but the "un-retrievable" numbers just sit there in disuse. The car isn't really that bad, for all I complain. But I feel like my memories were sold with it. I don't quite feel I have a right to it yet. It's not set to my stations, it doesn't have my cds, and it's covered in my father's magazines. It's strange to think that they've been there since before vacation. It's like the unwanted clutter in my mind. I don't really feel equipted to move it.
Things are strange these days. The AP tests keep getting closer, but I just float along and watch them with dissinterested eyes. The rest of this year means nothing to my future. I'm ready for school to be over, for the prom to have passed. I'm waiting for those days when I can sit in Cape Cod and pretend that it's the distance that's keeping me from interaction.