Cross Posted Blog from Yesterday...
Jeepers Creepers
Current mood: distressed
Ok, I haven't the time nor the energy to post everything. Last night started off disappointing, then went to painfully boring, then a little bit entertaining, then really fucking strange, then somewhat enjoyable, then a total blast, then it just got weird, and by morning it got really really bad.
Something happened that I can not quite process. I'm not really sure what to call it, so I just wont give it a name. But yeah... it's messing with my head, and has me totally freaked out. Argh. Whatever. I'm alive, I'm over, and I just have to learn to quit making bad decisions that could lead to potentially bad things happening. I suppose it's a little bit of karmic payback for some things I did a while back that I knew were wrong at the time, but I just didn't give a shit. You ever get so tired of being screwed over that you just want to be the screwer-over for a change? I mean not intentionally, it's just like "Well fuck the outcome. I really dont care." So you do it, and then later you feel like shit. Well I knew that would come back to bite me in the place where such things prefer to bite, but I didn't think it would happen like this.
I'm exhausted and in pain. And whatever sort of friendship/relationship whatever I had been developing with someone is completely destroyed by the selfish actions of another. I don't mean like, not making time for me or seeing someone else or flaking out on me. This goes byeond all of that. I am really disappointed in this person, not to mention angry. And I'm angry at myself for letting it get to this point. Everything happens for a reason - maybe this was my reality check. I'm trippin' though. And very confused. And the only person I felt I could talk to about it is completely unresponsive. He's the only person I know that listens to me without judging. It would be weird telling him though, considering how I am starting to feel for him. I know he's got a lot going on too, but I wish he could take the time to talk to me. Oh well. I have a feeling that this is becoming a one way street, which is very disappointing. But I suppose that was a reality check to, so I could remember that these long distance things rarely work out. (Unless both people have flexible bank accounts and work schedules. That partially disqualifies me...)
Sorry for all the vague rhethoric. I am exausted. I've only slept for two hours and I couldn't even make it to a meeting I had scheduled today. God - yeah I really needed the reality check.
On the plus side, I died my hair black again. It looks really hot. I actually dressed up last night - short black dress, fishnets and heels. (Yes heels, I do own a pair.) Everyone was tripping, they've never seen me show leg before. (I haven't worn a short dress or skirt in several years. But now that my legs are looking so awesome again, I thought "What the hell?" I should have dressed up last weekend at the Killingbird/VOJ show. But it was waaaay too hot. I'll get pictures of soon.
And happy birthday to Freekshow and Scooter. Love ya guys!
Ok, I'm gonna cut out. I'm watching Jeepers Creepers. I figure it's creepy enough to take my mind off of the other thing that is creeping me out. (It's on the WB so it's edited all to hell though.) Something is up with my cable, I'm not getting any data on my dvr. They are supposed to come out today, but I wont hold my breath. Adelphia really could give a rat's ass about actually delivering what they are charging a king's ransom for, nor do they take the time to install their equipment installed (this will be the fourth time I've had to have them out since I got cable and broadband a couple months ago.) When I had to have them out before they made me wait 3 days in a row, and said they would come out as late as 11pm, so I did, and I talked to 19 people on the phone in those 3 days, and no one ever showed. I finally went across the street and found an Adelphia truck that was doing a troubleshoot on another call. Yeah, they best be crediting my damn account for the inconvenience(s).
Current mood: distressed
Ok, I haven't the time nor the energy to post everything. Last night started off disappointing, then went to painfully boring, then a little bit entertaining, then really fucking strange, then somewhat enjoyable, then a total blast, then it just got weird, and by morning it got really really bad.
Something happened that I can not quite process. I'm not really sure what to call it, so I just wont give it a name. But yeah... it's messing with my head, and has me totally freaked out. Argh. Whatever. I'm alive, I'm over, and I just have to learn to quit making bad decisions that could lead to potentially bad things happening. I suppose it's a little bit of karmic payback for some things I did a while back that I knew were wrong at the time, but I just didn't give a shit. You ever get so tired of being screwed over that you just want to be the screwer-over for a change? I mean not intentionally, it's just like "Well fuck the outcome. I really dont care." So you do it, and then later you feel like shit. Well I knew that would come back to bite me in the place where such things prefer to bite, but I didn't think it would happen like this.
I'm exhausted and in pain. And whatever sort of friendship/relationship whatever I had been developing with someone is completely destroyed by the selfish actions of another. I don't mean like, not making time for me or seeing someone else or flaking out on me. This goes byeond all of that. I am really disappointed in this person, not to mention angry. And I'm angry at myself for letting it get to this point. Everything happens for a reason - maybe this was my reality check. I'm trippin' though. And very confused. And the only person I felt I could talk to about it is completely unresponsive. He's the only person I know that listens to me without judging. It would be weird telling him though, considering how I am starting to feel for him. I know he's got a lot going on too, but I wish he could take the time to talk to me. Oh well. I have a feeling that this is becoming a one way street, which is very disappointing. But I suppose that was a reality check to, so I could remember that these long distance things rarely work out. (Unless both people have flexible bank accounts and work schedules. That partially disqualifies me...)
Sorry for all the vague rhethoric. I am exausted. I've only slept for two hours and I couldn't even make it to a meeting I had scheduled today. God - yeah I really needed the reality check.
On the plus side, I died my hair black again. It looks really hot. I actually dressed up last night - short black dress, fishnets and heels. (Yes heels, I do own a pair.) Everyone was tripping, they've never seen me show leg before. (I haven't worn a short dress or skirt in several years. But now that my legs are looking so awesome again, I thought "What the hell?" I should have dressed up last weekend at the Killingbird/VOJ show. But it was waaaay too hot. I'll get pictures of soon.
And happy birthday to Freekshow and Scooter. Love ya guys!
Ok, I'm gonna cut out. I'm watching Jeepers Creepers. I figure it's creepy enough to take my mind off of the other thing that is creeping me out. (It's on the WB so it's edited all to hell though.) Something is up with my cable, I'm not getting any data on my dvr. They are supposed to come out today, but I wont hold my breath. Adelphia really could give a rat's ass about actually delivering what they are charging a king's ransom for, nor do they take the time to install their equipment installed (this will be the fourth time I've had to have them out since I got cable and broadband a couple months ago.) When I had to have them out before they made me wait 3 days in a row, and said they would come out as late as 11pm, so I did, and I talked to 19 people on the phone in those 3 days, and no one ever showed. I finally went across the street and found an Adelphia truck that was doing a troubleshoot on another call. Yeah, they best be crediting my damn account for the inconvenience(s).