I hate being alone anymore, I'm always negative when I'm alone...
It sucks I tell you. Being left alone with nothing but your thoughts. Now normally, that wouldn't be so bad. However, when nothing in your life is going anyway near the way you want it to. And somethings are going the exact OPPOSITE way you want them to, then your thoughts tend to dwell on those facts. Well at least mine does.
So I get home today after a fairly successful run in with Smiley at the 'office' fairly hoping to see Miss Jenn online and un-away. Alas, the first name I see pooped up on my screen, my biological mother. (I call her this, for those of you playing the home game, because if I could have it my way, she wouldn't be anything to me.) So poop poop poop it puts me in a fairly bad mood. Well, not bad exactly, more so "........mmmMMMMMAHHHHHRRGGHH......." kind of a mood. For those of you that have been that way, you know. Thankfully though, Jen was online and I quickly turned my attention to her.
So I talked to "Her" this morning, and things were said that made me kind of chuckle, then other things were said that threw me down amongst my depression again. So I hope she doesn't call me anymore. Perhaps it is just better for everyone concerned. I mean, I'm not getting better, but at least I don't have to deal with it directly, and that, at least for now, is all fucking right with me.
So I was thinking about my film endevours that never ever get started. Short films on relationships have been at the center of that focus. Well that and two rather large scale projects I no where NEAR dare enough to proceed further on. I need Jess around to through my ideas at. And I'm going to hold Erik to his promises, and I hope to god he keeps them. If not I'm going to be righteously pissed at him. But he did tell me he was working on it, so I have high hopes.
I went DVD buying-in-crazy-ness-and-stuff mode today. 5....That's a lot for one day. Suspect Zero (weird, but good) Ocean's Twelve (horrible, but I love it) Hotel Rwanda (two from Cheadle in one day, freaking great), Face/Off and The Untouchables (lets here if for the oldies I've wanted but for some reason never got around to getting. WOOT) This puts the total up to 562 I think. Possibly like 2-4 more due to me forgetting to update. Which reminds me, hold on. . . . . okay, done updating. And on that note, I hope I see Jen tonight, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. She doesn't have anything to do tomorrow, I wonder if I can convince her to crash here tonight. hmmmm.....
"And tell me there is no time in your life you swim faster than when a fucking shark lets you go." -Dane Cook
So I get home today after a fairly successful run in with Smiley at the 'office' fairly hoping to see Miss Jenn online and un-away. Alas, the first name I see pooped up on my screen, my biological mother. (I call her this, for those of you playing the home game, because if I could have it my way, she wouldn't be anything to me.) So poop poop poop it puts me in a fairly bad mood. Well, not bad exactly, more so "........mmmMMMMMAHHHHHRRGGHH......." kind of a mood. For those of you that have been that way, you know. Thankfully though, Jen was online and I quickly turned my attention to her.
So I talked to "Her" this morning, and things were said that made me kind of chuckle, then other things were said that threw me down amongst my depression again. So I hope she doesn't call me anymore. Perhaps it is just better for everyone concerned. I mean, I'm not getting better, but at least I don't have to deal with it directly, and that, at least for now, is all fucking right with me.
So I was thinking about my film endevours that never ever get started. Short films on relationships have been at the center of that focus. Well that and two rather large scale projects I no where NEAR dare enough to proceed further on. I need Jess around to through my ideas at. And I'm going to hold Erik to his promises, and I hope to god he keeps them. If not I'm going to be righteously pissed at him. But he did tell me he was working on it, so I have high hopes.
I went DVD buying-in-crazy-ness-and-stuff mode today. 5....That's a lot for one day. Suspect Zero (weird, but good) Ocean's Twelve (horrible, but I love it) Hotel Rwanda (two from Cheadle in one day, freaking great), Face/Off and The Untouchables (lets here if for the oldies I've wanted but for some reason never got around to getting. WOOT) This puts the total up to 562 I think. Possibly like 2-4 more due to me forgetting to update. Which reminds me, hold on. . . . . okay, done updating. And on that note, I hope I see Jen tonight, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. She doesn't have anything to do tomorrow, I wonder if I can convince her to crash here tonight. hmmmm.....
"And tell me there is no time in your life you swim faster than when a fucking shark lets you go." -Dane Cook