Footsteps (Part Two)

Jun 15, 2009 22:29

Title: Footsteps
Characters: Kurogane, Fye
Notes: The idea for this came from claudaine but I gave writing it a shot. It was originally written as a one-shot but, seeing as it was a little lengthy (~ 5000 words), I split it into two parts.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: They lead separate lives in different worlds but the souls are the same and although they would ( Read more... )

fanfiction, fye, kurogane

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Comments 16

ficninja June 15 2009, 22:30:11 UTC
May I beta this for you?

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inafrozenworld June 15 2009, 22:39:17 UTC
Isn't it a bit late if I've posted it?
I usually check over my writing thoroughly and if I couldn't understand grammar then I'd consider myself to be a pretty lousy writer =) so I tend not to use betas but if you see anything desperately wrong with it then please give me a shout!

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ficninja June 16 2009, 09:31:20 UTC
Nothing wrong with your spelling or grammar, but if that was all writing was about then word processors would be good writers. I just wanted to offer some suggestions for improvement vis-a-vis awkward word choices and sentence structures, but if you feel that I'm being presumptuous then I do apologize.

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inafrozenworld June 16 2009, 19:56:03 UTC
Sorry, I think I got the wrong message ^^'

I can't see myself changing this story now that it's finished and posted (I'm just a little touchy that way) but if you have any general tips for improving my writing then I'd be happy to hear them =)

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kenarbes June 15 2009, 23:50:59 UTC
This was really good, so don't be nervous.

Makes me wonder, though. Did Ashura not bother saving Fai from Kurogane's attempt to assassinate the magician because he knew Fai's defenses would've protected him? But if Kurogane had been allowed to go in there the second time, he would've succeeded in seducing Fai? I kept expecting Kurogane to commit sepukku rather than kill Fai, so that was a nice twist on the ending, having Ashura kill him, instead.

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inafrozenworld June 16 2009, 19:51:50 UTC
I feel Ashura has never been especially concerned with Fye's personal safety, partly because he wouldn't allow anything to happen in the first place and partly because he trusts Fye to be able to look after himself in any case. That's mostly an opinion though ( ... )

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This is why children don't run with scissors dgm_loves_brawl June 16 2009, 05:02:36 UTC
How odd that no one got a big speaking role. I find a silent Fye...rather intresting...^_^

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Re: This is why children don't run with scissors inafrozenworld June 16 2009, 19:39:05 UTC
You know I never noticed that until you mentioned it... Tbh even in the manga I find a silent Fye fascinating, he has such a variety of deep and meaningful looks and they're very lovely and silently expressive ^^ ....... oh dear I think I might have an obsession with Fye's facial expressions...the icon included

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Re: This is why children don't run with scissors may_unleashed June 17 2009, 06:05:09 UTC
*nodsnods*

Agree with this so much. My favorite manga scenes are the ones focused in Fai's eyes or his bittersweet expressions.

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Re: This is why children don't run with scissors inafrozenworld June 18 2009, 10:43:31 UTC
You'd think there'd be less in recent (well maybe not immediately recent) chapters since his past has been revealed but actually I think there are more. It's like now all of the fear, sorrow and fake elements have been cleared away, it only reveals something even more deep and complicated, it's great =)

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may_unleashed June 17 2009, 06:03:13 UTC
Perfect, beautiful and powerful ( ... )

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inafrozenworld June 18 2009, 10:38:06 UTC
I'm basically speechless reading this review o.o In fact I don't think I can thank you enough, I'm over the moon! Thank you!!! =D

I'm so happy, it sounds like you were pretty much drawn into it ^^ I'm so pleased that you enjoyed it this much!

Once started, once you found the flow of it, you couldn't stop, right?
Right =) To begin with, I was rushing to finish it but it was really nice to write after I got into it, one of those 'concentrating so hard you sort of tune out' moments. It's funny you could tell while reading it =)

I think I'm just repeating myself now but I'm thrilled it had that kind of effect on you and you loved reading it that much, it's one of the best things I could hope to achieve with my writing! I also appreciate the detail, I've probably said this before but I really do. Thanks so much!

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quantumdoll June 18 2009, 17:34:06 UTC
You certainly have a way with words! This was so beautful...I shed a tear at the end of it. The ending was so sad (but believable. Tsubasa can be so damn angsty!) though I really was wishing Kurogane would just grab Fai and run off with him. Im definately faving this!

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inafrozenworld June 18 2009, 23:21:01 UTC
Thank you so much =D Lol I think I sympathised with Kurogane too much while I was writing it, I was tempted to write that instead! I'm so glad you thought it was beautiful ^^

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