(no subject)
Everything is about boys.
My dreams.
My life.
But it also isn't.
I swear.
Its about the women who hold me strong.
Its about my mom and the way she abuses alcohol and how much I take from her anyway.
Its about the expectations of the world and my stomach rumbling because im a vegetarian and i never feel fed.
Its about mounds of students loans and a job that makes me feel like i dont mean anything.
and a world where money is just a way to make people conform.
I am in love.
maybe not for the first time.
but for the first time i love myself enough to be ready.
his name is john again.
im scared of what nick would think.
he's like my conscience now. always there. always judging.
he smashed me up.
he made me forget what it was like to have happiness.
or maybe i did that to myself.
either way. he helped.
I hate my job. I think I will always hate my jobs until I am the one in charge. and in order for that to happen i need to go back to school and in order for that to happen i need to pay some money to some people. and in order for that to happen i need to make some money.
seems a bit unfair.
My dreams.
My life.
But it also isn't.
I swear.
Its about the women who hold me strong.
Its about my mom and the way she abuses alcohol and how much I take from her anyway.
Its about the expectations of the world and my stomach rumbling because im a vegetarian and i never feel fed.
Its about mounds of students loans and a job that makes me feel like i dont mean anything.
and a world where money is just a way to make people conform.
I am in love.
maybe not for the first time.
but for the first time i love myself enough to be ready.
his name is john again.
im scared of what nick would think.
he's like my conscience now. always there. always judging.
he smashed me up.
he made me forget what it was like to have happiness.
or maybe i did that to myself.
either way. he helped.
I hate my job. I think I will always hate my jobs until I am the one in charge. and in order for that to happen i need to go back to school and in order for that to happen i need to pay some money to some people. and in order for that to happen i need to make some money.
seems a bit unfair.