the day's activities (idk, again)
i should be in bed, or laid out on the couch to fall asleep at very least. work tomorrow starts at 12pm, which is early compared to what i'm used to. Mom's coming for movie night after that, and i need to roughly plan the night to follow around starting at 3:30 the next day. but that doesn't matter right now. i should be in bed, but it's been kind of a decent day, and i want to at least make an effort to say something about it
this morning, i sat on the couch and looked at stuff on my laptop while thinking about time spent in Wingham, and pondering therianthropy, and life. put on ears and a tail which helped to ease the mood, worked on making Laurie / Lily's cheesecake, played Banjo-Tooie, watched a couple things on Youtube, and managed to get all the way 'til ~2pm before i started to feel hungry enough to want something to eat, after waking up just before 11. for context, i have for too long been in the habit of waking up, and immediately making a bowl of oatmeal. it was alright. i didn't think anything of it, because breakfast is breakfast, and it was food in my stomach ahead of going to work either way, but i kinda forgot how to wait, and actually feel hungry in the process
since the drive home yesterday, i'd been tossing around the idea in my mind to go to Maple City Bakery for snacks today, and after some back and forth throughout the morning / afternoon, managed to get over myself, and decide to just go. i still am, but to phrase it in the past tense for clarity, i'd been hanging onto the past too much, specifically in terms of walking in this case. "it's not enough to just walk out to Maple City Bakery and back." no. "especially not when i plan to buy snacks, which will come at the non-monetary cost of consuming i don't know how many calories worth of mostly sugar. if i'm going out to buy something indulgent, i at least need to walk out to Keil Drive, over to Riverview and back down to home from there". et cetera. but i place so much / many expectations on myself through thinking like that, that i just sit and stew in thoughts until the sun starts to go down, or it gets too late for the day to want / be able to go anywhere
so i went to Maple City Bakery. and bought snacks. a 6-pack of cheese croissants, a loaf of garlic bread, squares, and donuts. was pretty busy in there, but looking back now, Easter weekend just around the corner probably had alot to do with that. from there, i thought about just turning around and going home, but had enjoyed the walk out enough that i felt like at least continuing on to Dollarama, for a couple bottles of sugar-free Pepsi, and maybe an energy drink or two. ended up stopping by Canadian Tire, and mostly just browsed. i went in not hoping to find anything in particular, but figured it's close enough to Summertime that they could have pool stuff out, particularly inflatables, to at least look through. they did, although i couldn't see any that looked worth buying, but it was still worth it to look. today was the first time i felt any semblance of confidence browsing that section, knowing where my thinking, intent, and interest were at. past me was always super insecure and anxious being in that area in any store, even if there weren't any other customers around, because my interest was pretty pointedly based. it still is, to an extent, but my perception of that interest has grown and transformed from where it was in the past, and i find it really gratifying and fulfilling to be where i'm at now. i also bought a couple more mugs, and a two-pack of kids' placemats with five different anthropomorphized animal designs on them. no idea what purpose they'll serve, but they were $4.99, and along with the mugs, were the most appealing items out of everything i looked at
past that, i went to Dollarama and browsed some more. no sugar-free Pepsi, but i did find a couple sugar-free grape-flavored Rockstar energy drinks, some chocolate, a hideously sticky-rubbery sort-of balloon that's supposed to inflate up to 2 feet. okay. whoop. i was also looking at a 4-pack of 2-foot crystal clear latex balloons in Canadian Tire, but they were $6.99, i didn't want to pay that much, and a whole lot more that i'm not even going to try to unpack. the purchase at Dollarama was a way to at least acquire something of the sort on the outing. maybe. i guess. i'm probably going to just throw the thing away, but i digress. after Dollarama, i walked out to and browsed through Mercato Fresh, but left without buying anything because of prices. it was even busier there than Maple City Bakery. from there, i had the opportunity to turn around once again, but decided to walk up and around the corner to Baldoon, for a stroll up along a street i haven't walked in a good while. Baldoon was supposed to take me to McNaughton, then over to Food Basic, but i walked all the way up to Oxley instead, then over to St. Clair, down for a few more groceries, and back in the direction of home. i stopped at Mom's first though, and ended up chatting with her and Ericka, as well as spending some time with Abby
i'm not sure when i left here, but it was between 4:20 and 4:30 when i got to Maple City Bakery. it was 7:01 when i got home and walked through the door and... it's been a day. a really good day, which i know comes at the price of spending money i don't have when i'm in credit card debt, but to get out and go for the walk, to feel more connected / integrated with browse-shopping, and to have had the chance to spread out and feel more like myself has been really good
i want to say something about therianthropy / species, and where all of that is today, but it just... is what it is. i am having this experience. these feelings and thoughts that feel so relevant / true / uniquely me are all valid for the fact that they come from within, and that's super cool. could be that this is just the calm before the rough patch to end all rough patches, but... i'm going to remain cautiously optimistic? more than that i'll try to remember to just worry about right now
on which note, i should go to bed. 12pm is soon, and i'm hoping to sit on the couch for ten minutes or so before having breakfast...
this morning, i sat on the couch and looked at stuff on my laptop while thinking about time spent in Wingham, and pondering therianthropy, and life. put on ears and a tail which helped to ease the mood, worked on making Laurie / Lily's cheesecake, played Banjo-Tooie, watched a couple things on Youtube, and managed to get all the way 'til ~2pm before i started to feel hungry enough to want something to eat, after waking up just before 11. for context, i have for too long been in the habit of waking up, and immediately making a bowl of oatmeal. it was alright. i didn't think anything of it, because breakfast is breakfast, and it was food in my stomach ahead of going to work either way, but i kinda forgot how to wait, and actually feel hungry in the process
since the drive home yesterday, i'd been tossing around the idea in my mind to go to Maple City Bakery for snacks today, and after some back and forth throughout the morning / afternoon, managed to get over myself, and decide to just go. i still am, but to phrase it in the past tense for clarity, i'd been hanging onto the past too much, specifically in terms of walking in this case. "it's not enough to just walk out to Maple City Bakery and back." no. "especially not when i plan to buy snacks, which will come at the non-monetary cost of consuming i don't know how many calories worth of mostly sugar. if i'm going out to buy something indulgent, i at least need to walk out to Keil Drive, over to Riverview and back down to home from there". et cetera. but i place so much / many expectations on myself through thinking like that, that i just sit and stew in thoughts until the sun starts to go down, or it gets too late for the day to want / be able to go anywhere
so i went to Maple City Bakery. and bought snacks. a 6-pack of cheese croissants, a loaf of garlic bread, squares, and donuts. was pretty busy in there, but looking back now, Easter weekend just around the corner probably had alot to do with that. from there, i thought about just turning around and going home, but had enjoyed the walk out enough that i felt like at least continuing on to Dollarama, for a couple bottles of sugar-free Pepsi, and maybe an energy drink or two. ended up stopping by Canadian Tire, and mostly just browsed. i went in not hoping to find anything in particular, but figured it's close enough to Summertime that they could have pool stuff out, particularly inflatables, to at least look through. they did, although i couldn't see any that looked worth buying, but it was still worth it to look. today was the first time i felt any semblance of confidence browsing that section, knowing where my thinking, intent, and interest were at. past me was always super insecure and anxious being in that area in any store, even if there weren't any other customers around, because my interest was pretty pointedly based. it still is, to an extent, but my perception of that interest has grown and transformed from where it was in the past, and i find it really gratifying and fulfilling to be where i'm at now. i also bought a couple more mugs, and a two-pack of kids' placemats with five different anthropomorphized animal designs on them. no idea what purpose they'll serve, but they were $4.99, and along with the mugs, were the most appealing items out of everything i looked at
past that, i went to Dollarama and browsed some more. no sugar-free Pepsi, but i did find a couple sugar-free grape-flavored Rockstar energy drinks, some chocolate, a hideously sticky-rubbery sort-of balloon that's supposed to inflate up to 2 feet. okay. whoop. i was also looking at a 4-pack of 2-foot crystal clear latex balloons in Canadian Tire, but they were $6.99, i didn't want to pay that much, and a whole lot more that i'm not even going to try to unpack. the purchase at Dollarama was a way to at least acquire something of the sort on the outing. maybe. i guess. i'm probably going to just throw the thing away, but i digress. after Dollarama, i walked out to and browsed through Mercato Fresh, but left without buying anything because of prices. it was even busier there than Maple City Bakery. from there, i had the opportunity to turn around once again, but decided to walk up and around the corner to Baldoon, for a stroll up along a street i haven't walked in a good while. Baldoon was supposed to take me to McNaughton, then over to Food Basic, but i walked all the way up to Oxley instead, then over to St. Clair, down for a few more groceries, and back in the direction of home. i stopped at Mom's first though, and ended up chatting with her and Ericka, as well as spending some time with Abby
i'm not sure when i left here, but it was between 4:20 and 4:30 when i got to Maple City Bakery. it was 7:01 when i got home and walked through the door and... it's been a day. a really good day, which i know comes at the price of spending money i don't have when i'm in credit card debt, but to get out and go for the walk, to feel more connected / integrated with browse-shopping, and to have had the chance to spread out and feel more like myself has been really good
i want to say something about therianthropy / species, and where all of that is today, but it just... is what it is. i am having this experience. these feelings and thoughts that feel so relevant / true / uniquely me are all valid for the fact that they come from within, and that's super cool. could be that this is just the calm before the rough patch to end all rough patches, but... i'm going to remain cautiously optimistic? more than that i'll try to remember to just worry about right now
on which note, i should go to bed. 12pm is soon, and i'm hoping to sit on the couch for ten minutes or so before having breakfast...