O kay tagal din kitang minahal (In English: I've loved you for so long you are a friend of mine)
Nostalgia trip: Going to 70's Bistro last Tuesday night with Ninin and Jerry. To see Sandwich and Sugarfree. The Sandwich part wasn't so blast from the pastish. For one, they don't sound like they did in the heyday of my groupiehood. That night, they were very mellow. Their sound reminded me of Cambio. None of the mosh-inspiring songs I've always associated them with. Except for Sugod Mga Kapatid, which even this version didn't make you feel like jumping. More like nodding. A little foot tapping. I loved it. Loved the new songs, especially Betamax, loved the 80s new age cover (Which they recently recorded with Eula Valdez. So Raims said. Hope the album comes out. Each band performs with an original member of the Bagets! How cool is that?!), and Eheads inserted in Sandwich songs. Love the sight of Raymund sitting at a keyboard while singing Shake Yer Head. This was a new experience. Not nostalgic at all.
And then Sugarfree came on. Time warp to the year 2000. When Ebe started with Burnout, Ninin said, "Naaalala ko si Tatit sa kantang ito." I said, "Marami akong naaalala sa kantang ito." MARAMI. I saw Burnout before I heard it. In a little notebook Ebe used to carry around. And then over the phone when he was suffering from insomnia (hence the other song). At the time he didn't think Sugarfree would last more than two years. Here we are, six? Nearly 7 years later. They are one of the biggest acts in the country. "What the hell are you doing here?" He said to me, "I haven't seen you in ages!" "I know!" I said, "I'm here to see you."
Strictly speaking, I was there to be with Ninin and Jerry. If they asked me to go anywhere else that night, I probably would have gone. Which is oh so different from how it had been years before. Gigskeds of Sugarfree, Itchyworms, Ciudad and Imago all memorized in my head. Weekly gigs, nevermind if I didn't have anyone to go with me, if I had an exam the next day, I craved the music, songs that were the anthem of my life, the atmosphere, the feeling special when these awesome talented people acknowledged and appreciated my presence. Now I don't even miss it. I don't particularly like the latest album (if you read this, Ebe, you will take it personally and hate me. But I said it anyway. Because if your fans aren't critical, what's the point of trying?), the songs all sound the same, and the lyrics are unmemorable. The cigarette smoke made me gag and gave me a tummy ache. Sure, it was nice to see old friends. Even Mitch was there. He played the drums for Prom. And I like Myrene. She's always nice and cordial. But not being part of the scene anymore, and not really caring for it, it seems as if we lost what we had in common. And there wasn't much to talk about. Perhaps we weren't really friends after all.
We didn't even finish the Sugarfree set. I asked to leave at around 12:30 because the driver still had to bring Ninin home to FARview, and then me to Makati and then he himself had to go home to Taguig. I didn't want to be inconsiderate. In truth, we could have stayed if I wanted to. But I asked myself where I would rather be, in Bistro, or at home with my baby and husband? Too sure! We up and left.
It is strange how something that used to be so important is now so mundane. These people whom I used to look up to have long since been exposed to me for what they are. Flawed, vain, stuck. Some of them manage to grow and mature. Many are trapped in a world of facades and deception. Lies and escape. They are extremely talented and widely adored. But also some of the most insecure people I know.
But some things survived from the time I was into the scene. And those are the friends that I met and have maintained a friendship with. They didn't forget me when I disappeared to Mindanao, they have taken the time to see me and be a part of the different events in my life outside bands and such. They were at my bridal and baby showers, at my wedding. We wouldn't see each other for months and months, but when we do find the time, it's like we never lost contact. It's a little strange when people ask me, where did you meet these people, why are they your friends? Oh, we met in mailing lists and at band gigs. Huh? Blank stares. Not many people make friends this way. But I am fortunate. I've made friendships that have withstood the test of time.
Last night, Kathy and I had a date. I haven't seen her since Lia's baby shower. She hasn't even seen Lia yet. But inevitably, as we filled each other in on the latests in our lives, we reminisced about the old days, and wondered at how much we've grown. How much has changed. And how glad we are that some things don't.
O kay tagal din kitang mamahalin...
(In English: I will always love you. Deep inside this heart of mine, I do. Love you.)
Ina and Kathy, day off in Hong Kong