These are my friends, this is who they have been
I was walking around Walmart at odd hours of the night a couple days ago and i spotted an old friend from highschool and it was like a scene out of a seinfeld episode. i totally dove behind a rack of clothes and tip-toed from aisle to aisle avoiding any sort of eye contact. Im so strange. Its not that i dislike her or anything, we just grew apart (this happens a lot to me). and I've been thinking about this off and on ever since i got home that night. It was bugging me to think that ive pushed away so many people through out my life. Wondering what goes wrong. but im not a mean person, and the fact that we're not friends anymore doesnt mean you're a bad person either. it just means i never wanted to be your friend to begin with. and i know that sounds really really really aweful. but hold on i have an explanation! . i found a pattern. you're usually the kind of girl i would never in my life imagine being close to. youre completely different from me. totally different opinions on music, art (if you even have one), morals, school, LIFE. but for some reason you approach me, and youre so freakin nice to me eventhough im standoffish your first couple attempts at human contact with me. Im NOT trying to say that theres something wrong with people not sharing my same views, that's honkey-dory. Thing is, as time progresses and i start to let you in, you start becoming what you think is my ideal friend. you do things i like to do, talk about what i want, listen to my music, let me dress you, do your makeup, etc. But thats not who you are. and im sure youd probably deny it until the day you die, but you all changed yourselves to fit in with me. and as time continues, i start seeing the real person under the "Lorena's Bestest Friend" costume. And im sorry but trust me im doing you a favor when i fade away and you start being yourselves again.
i can be myself too.
because during that time i make changes for you as well. i try to do things you think are fun, like keg parties or getting my nails done lol. But thats just not me, and i know you know that. And some people completely understand, but i know theres others who probably still hate me to this day because they thought we were soul sisters or something and i walked out on them. but dont hate me, i dont hate you for who you are. this is me. im not changing , and i dont want you to change for me either.
theres probably people who think im a total loser because ive only kept one female friend for a long period of time (my nicole <3, yes its you!). But honestly i'd rather have one of her, with her own firm opinions and unwaivering sense of self, than 1000 lorena clones. Shes never forgotten who she is, and at the same time she respects who I am entirely. this is why i will never forget you baby cheeks hehe
On a less "i know the meaning of life" note: I changed my journal layout. please look at it because it took me forever to learn all those codes and edit things on photoshop. and dont leave me nasty comments because you think its ugly. I know where most of you live, or i know someone who knows someone who knows.
i can be myself too.
because during that time i make changes for you as well. i try to do things you think are fun, like keg parties or getting my nails done lol. But thats just not me, and i know you know that. And some people completely understand, but i know theres others who probably still hate me to this day because they thought we were soul sisters or something and i walked out on them. but dont hate me, i dont hate you for who you are. this is me. im not changing , and i dont want you to change for me either.
theres probably people who think im a total loser because ive only kept one female friend for a long period of time (my nicole <3, yes its you!). But honestly i'd rather have one of her, with her own firm opinions and unwaivering sense of self, than 1000 lorena clones. Shes never forgotten who she is, and at the same time she respects who I am entirely. this is why i will never forget you baby cheeks hehe
On a less "i know the meaning of life" note: I changed my journal layout. please look at it because it took me forever to learn all those codes and edit things on photoshop. and dont leave me nasty comments because you think its ugly. I know where most of you live, or i know someone who knows someone who knows.