The Homosexual Experience Brigade, Guerilla Division
i was on Astor Place a coupla days ago, waiting for the luvly Kat, sitting by the big-black-spinny-cube sculpture.
plugged in to music, drawing, minding my own and having a good time.
guy comes up to me and starts a conversation, while my ears are dead to everyone except Thievery Corporation and i'm having none of the world.
i take the earphones out in a "what the fuck does this cunt want" kind of way.
he: hey, i just moved here from maryland, want a cigarette?
i: i don't smoke.
he: oh, so i guess if you don't smoke then you don't drink beer either.
i: nope, i'm a beer afficionado.
he: oh ... great then. so, you wanna get a beer?
i: actually, i'm waiting for MY GIRLFRIEND.
he: [not getting it] oh she won't mind, come have a beer with me.
i: no.
he: hey, don't get all mad. i'm just trying to connect with people and i saw you sitting there and thought "wow, what a beautiful lady".
i: [elongated pause] actually, i'm not a lady.
he: holy shit! you're a man??!!
i: yeah, i get mistaken a lot.
and he runs away.
comes barrelling back a few short ones later.
he: don't, like, y'know ... if anyone asks, don't tell them i asked you out on a date cause they'll make fun of me.
i: [to myself] not a single godforsaken chance in hell.
[out loud] whatever floats yours.
end scene.
plugged in to music, drawing, minding my own and having a good time.
guy comes up to me and starts a conversation, while my ears are dead to everyone except Thievery Corporation and i'm having none of the world.
i take the earphones out in a "what the fuck does this cunt want" kind of way.
he: hey, i just moved here from maryland, want a cigarette?
i: i don't smoke.
he: oh, so i guess if you don't smoke then you don't drink beer either.
i: nope, i'm a beer afficionado.
he: oh ... great then. so, you wanna get a beer?
i: actually, i'm waiting for MY GIRLFRIEND.
he: [not getting it] oh she won't mind, come have a beer with me.
i: no.
he: hey, don't get all mad. i'm just trying to connect with people and i saw you sitting there and thought "wow, what a beautiful lady".
i: [elongated pause] actually, i'm not a lady.
he: holy shit! you're a man??!!
i: yeah, i get mistaken a lot.
and he runs away.
comes barrelling back a few short ones later.
he: don't, like, y'know ... if anyone asks, don't tell them i asked you out on a date cause they'll make fun of me.
i: [to myself] not a single godforsaken chance in hell.
[out loud] whatever floats yours.
end scene.