Jokes that make you think!!
Crime:
I wonder if somewhere there's a gangster who's owned by a syndicate of singers?
Love:
Make love, not war, or do both--get married.
Initiative:
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Life:
I believe you whould live each day of your life as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to was clothes on the last day of their life?
Luck:
Why are builders afraid to have a thirteenth floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a chapter eleven?
Sports:
A football fan is a guy who'll yell at a quarterback for not spotting an open reciever forty-five yards away, then head for the parking lot and not be able to find his own car!
Success:
Behind every seccessful man, stands an amazed woman!
Aging:
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and the sex was dirty.
Animals:
The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. "Okay boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?"
"I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy.
"Very good Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?"
"That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy
"Right, again. And what about this animal?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
Silence fell over the class. After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint, children...it's something that your mother calls your father."
"I know, I know," screamed Eddie. "It's a horny bastard!"
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How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?
I wonder if somewhere there's a gangster who's owned by a syndicate of singers?
Love:
Make love, not war, or do both--get married.
Initiative:
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Life:
I believe you whould live each day of your life as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to was clothes on the last day of their life?
Luck:
Why are builders afraid to have a thirteenth floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a chapter eleven?
Sports:
A football fan is a guy who'll yell at a quarterback for not spotting an open reciever forty-five yards away, then head for the parking lot and not be able to find his own car!
Success:
Behind every seccessful man, stands an amazed woman!
Aging:
It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and the sex was dirty.
Animals:
The first grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of "Guess the Animal." The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. "Okay boys and girls," she said brightly, "can anyone tell me what this is?"
"I know, I know, it's a cat!" yelled a little boy.
"Very good Eddie. Now, who knows what this animal is called?"
"That's a dog!" piped up the same little boy
"Right, again. And what about this animal?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
Silence fell over the class. After a minute or two, the teacher said, "I'll give you a hint, children...it's something that your mother calls your father."
"I know, I know," screamed Eddie. "It's a horny bastard!"
-----------------------------------------------------------
How many of those dead animals you see on the highway are suicides?