Act like I never turned you on.
And like I've never even mattered, I've been all but erased from his life.
For now, I think I've finally decided that I have had enough of Josh's childish games. He's been ignoring my simple pleas for a civil adult conversation and he's gone to such incredible lengths to distance himself from me.
Last post was inspired by a panic attack. While I admit that it was partially because he was on my mind, the fact that is that I never feel good after being alone with my thoughts. Having too much time to myself, the voices of doubt and despair soon have me in their sway.
All I wanted was to keep things friendly between us, to re-shape the once beautiful thing we had into something we can both live with. If nothing else, I would've liked to end our relationship on good terms.
Instead, he is the world's biggest liar and coward who is being castrated by his short-sighted, self-imposed slavery to his work and whatever free time he has he surrenders to his scores of friends. I can't hope to compete with that, and you know, I'm happy to say now that I don't want to. Let him be the fucking child he's been, because even an 18-year-old would attempt to own up to his mistakes. I tried owning up to mine, and we all know what fat lot of good that did.
I purposely posted my blog's link on my MySpace... if I can't talk to him directly, then this'll be my medium.
But bitterness aside, I am very happy for the great times we had together. They showed me that I can be loved and I can have somebody that I truly find beautiful (inside and out) to love in return.
And now that I think about it, I sense now that Josh has a lot of internal anguish and feels like he can't deal with them or have anybody help him with it. I would've loved to have been the person to help him through with it, but as all youths his age tend to be, he probably felt like no one could reach out to him. Tragic, really.
Josh, if you're reading this, have a nice life... no hard feelings. You have my number.
In the spirit of all things that cause intense feelings, I have compiled a break-up mix to help me through my healing process.
1. Replaceable//The Killers
("But you've got inside this naive head of mine")
2. Cease2xist//Ladytron
("Do they cease to exist when you stop being missed?")
3. Erase To Again//Sparta
("You can't go on this way")
4. I Always Thought I'd See You Again//Tiffany
("Now there's no reason to run for the phone")
5. Will I?//RENT Original Broadway Cast
("Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?")
6. Another Day//RENT Original Broadway Cast
("Give in to love or live in fear")
7. Without You//RENT Original Broadway Cast
("Life goes on, but I'm gone")
8. My Sweet Prince//Placebo
("Never thought you'd fuck with my brain")
9. With or Without You//U2
("Nothing to win and nothing left to lose")
10. You Made It//DJ Shadow (featuring Chris James)
("I never said that you were falling to pieces")
11. You//LASGO
("All my pain was gone for a while")
12. Ever Fallen in Love//Pete Yorn
("We won't be together much longer unless we realize that we are the same")
13. The Promise//When in Rome
("If you wait around a while I'll make you fall for me")
14. Don't Speak//No Doubt
("I really feel like I'm losing my best friend")
15. 23//Jimmy Eat World
("You'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time")
16. Go or Go Ahead//Rufus Wainwright
("What have you shown to other eyes")
17. Feel//Robbie Williams
("I just wanna feel real love in a life ever after")
18. Supe Perder//Los Caminantes
("Ya ves, hoy que te has marchado no niego que he sufridoy aunque mucho, mucho te he querido te he sabido hoy perder. Pero solo me resta decirte adios. si, adios y buena suerte que dispuesto estoy a perderte... y a olvidarme.... de ti" Translation: "You see, now that you've left, I don't deny that I have suffered. And though I have loved you so much, I have learned today how to lose. But all that's left for me to say is goodbye. Yes, Goodbye and good luck. I am prepared to lose you and to forget about you")
For now, I think I've finally decided that I have had enough of Josh's childish games. He's been ignoring my simple pleas for a civil adult conversation and he's gone to such incredible lengths to distance himself from me.
Last post was inspired by a panic attack. While I admit that it was partially because he was on my mind, the fact that is that I never feel good after being alone with my thoughts. Having too much time to myself, the voices of doubt and despair soon have me in their sway.
All I wanted was to keep things friendly between us, to re-shape the once beautiful thing we had into something we can both live with. If nothing else, I would've liked to end our relationship on good terms.
Instead, he is the world's biggest liar and coward who is being castrated by his short-sighted, self-imposed slavery to his work and whatever free time he has he surrenders to his scores of friends. I can't hope to compete with that, and you know, I'm happy to say now that I don't want to. Let him be the fucking child he's been, because even an 18-year-old would attempt to own up to his mistakes. I tried owning up to mine, and we all know what fat lot of good that did.
I purposely posted my blog's link on my MySpace... if I can't talk to him directly, then this'll be my medium.
But bitterness aside, I am very happy for the great times we had together. They showed me that I can be loved and I can have somebody that I truly find beautiful (inside and out) to love in return.
And now that I think about it, I sense now that Josh has a lot of internal anguish and feels like he can't deal with them or have anybody help him with it. I would've loved to have been the person to help him through with it, but as all youths his age tend to be, he probably felt like no one could reach out to him. Tragic, really.
Josh, if you're reading this, have a nice life... no hard feelings. You have my number.
In the spirit of all things that cause intense feelings, I have compiled a break-up mix to help me through my healing process.
1. Replaceable//The Killers
("But you've got inside this naive head of mine")
2. Cease2xist//Ladytron
("Do they cease to exist when you stop being missed?")
3. Erase To Again//Sparta
("You can't go on this way")
4. I Always Thought I'd See You Again//Tiffany
("Now there's no reason to run for the phone")
5. Will I?//RENT Original Broadway Cast
("Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?")
6. Another Day//RENT Original Broadway Cast
("Give in to love or live in fear")
7. Without You//RENT Original Broadway Cast
("Life goes on, but I'm gone")
8. My Sweet Prince//Placebo
("Never thought you'd fuck with my brain")
9. With or Without You//U2
("Nothing to win and nothing left to lose")
10. You Made It//DJ Shadow (featuring Chris James)
("I never said that you were falling to pieces")
11. You//LASGO
("All my pain was gone for a while")
12. Ever Fallen in Love//Pete Yorn
("We won't be together much longer unless we realize that we are the same")
13. The Promise//When in Rome
("If you wait around a while I'll make you fall for me")
14. Don't Speak//No Doubt
("I really feel like I'm losing my best friend")
15. 23//Jimmy Eat World
("You'll sit alone forever if you wait for the right time")
16. Go or Go Ahead//Rufus Wainwright
("What have you shown to other eyes")
17. Feel//Robbie Williams
("I just wanna feel real love in a life ever after")
18. Supe Perder//Los Caminantes
("Ya ves, hoy que te has marchado no niego que he sufridoy aunque mucho, mucho te he querido te he sabido hoy perder. Pero solo me resta decirte adios. si, adios y buena suerte que dispuesto estoy a perderte... y a olvidarme.... de ti" Translation: "You see, now that you've left, I don't deny that I have suffered. And though I have loved you so much, I have learned today how to lose. But all that's left for me to say is goodbye. Yes, Goodbye and good luck. I am prepared to lose you and to forget about you")