Will I wake tomorrow from this nightmare?
Week one of being Josh-less. Synopsis? Good, I am tempted to say. It's completely a stroke of irony however, that I've seen/spoken him more often since the break-up than during our last 2 weeks together. :/
He said at the time of break-up that we weren't going to be out of each other's lives, and he's held damn fast to that. I just wonder if he finds it as hard as I do to deny the urge to want to hold or kiss each other. To be perfectly honest, I can hardly hold eye contact with him. My passive-agressive way of wanting him to take me back is both pathetic and probably ineffective.
Though the boy has been on a break-up roll this week. His band just split too and they just played their last show this evening - which he expressed to me how much it meant to him that I came to see them - and though I know he's hurting, I can't help but feel a bit of tinge of vindictive satisfaction in knowing that there is a pain of separation. But I'm not in a vidictive state right now; I want him back. I know he needs so much space and I really want to give it to him, but I just want him to take me back.
There's that pathetic thing again.
On the bright side, I've become rather friendly with his ex-girlfriend Andrinna, who is not a nasty bitch like I previously thought. It's really nice to commiserate with someone and we joked that she can hold Josh from behind while I give him a punch in the gut or a kick in the balls. But again, I don't want to be vindictive.
You know, now that I think of it, this has all the earmarks of an abusive relationship.
PS: I'm also gonna be doing a cull of my friends list. I have way too many people that I just don't read anymore and a lot of people who don't even have me on their friends list anymore - and probabaly rightly so, I haven't updated in a milennia. Anyway, if anyone really cares, comment to be spared.
He said at the time of break-up that we weren't going to be out of each other's lives, and he's held damn fast to that. I just wonder if he finds it as hard as I do to deny the urge to want to hold or kiss each other. To be perfectly honest, I can hardly hold eye contact with him. My passive-agressive way of wanting him to take me back is both pathetic and probably ineffective.
Though the boy has been on a break-up roll this week. His band just split too and they just played their last show this evening - which he expressed to me how much it meant to him that I came to see them - and though I know he's hurting, I can't help but feel a bit of tinge of vindictive satisfaction in knowing that there is a pain of separation. But I'm not in a vidictive state right now; I want him back. I know he needs so much space and I really want to give it to him, but I just want him to take me back.
There's that pathetic thing again.
On the bright side, I've become rather friendly with his ex-girlfriend Andrinna, who is not a nasty bitch like I previously thought. It's really nice to commiserate with someone and we joked that she can hold Josh from behind while I give him a punch in the gut or a kick in the balls. But again, I don't want to be vindictive.
You know, now that I think of it, this has all the earmarks of an abusive relationship.
PS: I'm also gonna be doing a cull of my friends list. I have way too many people that I just don't read anymore and a lot of people who don't even have me on their friends list anymore - and probabaly rightly so, I haven't updated in a milennia. Anyway, if anyone really cares, comment to be spared.