Fic: My Peace of Mind 1/1
Title: My Peace of Mind
Author: Me aka in_the_bottle
Fandom: MCU (Thor, Iron Man, Avengers)
Rating:PG
Pairing: Loki/Tony
Summary: Two short scenes from Fandral's and Steve's POVs set during Erase Me And Paint Me Black. Probably last of the Can't Go Back series.
Notes: This was written a while ago, RL got into the way of getting it edited. Many thanks to lefaym again for beta!
Fandral
When Fandral had agreed to be Stark's 'tour guide' around Asgard, he had expected to be pelted with questions about the advanced technology and maybe about some of Asgard's social customs. What Fandral hadn't expected from the amnesic Stark were the endless questions about Loki.
Fandral had never known what to make of Anthony Stark of Midgard. Ever since Loki had introduced them, Fandral had been conflicted. A part of him was glad that Loki was happy, but Fandral was ashamed to admit that another part of him was jealous of Stark and had hoped that the All-father was right to distrust the mortal's intentions towards Loki.
"So, Loki used to come out here with you guys often?" Stark asked as they stepped into a tavern at the edge of the city.
"When we were able to pry him from his books, yes," Fandral answered, raising his voice to be heard over the band of musicians playing an unfamiliar but jovial tune.
"Huh." Stark looked around the tavern. "Didn't think he'd be a loud music and party type of guy," Stark commented.
Fandral was struck by how accurately Stark had assessed Loki, despite his lack of memories. It had taken Fandral years to realise how little Loki actually enjoyed the 'loud music and party', as Stark had put it. Yet Stark, who for all intents and purposes had only known Loki for weeks, possessed such insight to Loki's character.
When Loki had finally returned from Alfheim with a possible counter curse, he had looked hopeful, but as the days passed, the sadness that had plagued him for the previous months returned. It was not a natural look on Loki, the mischievous Prince who had been easy with his smiles, even if most of them were masks. Now Loki did not even bother with the masks. That was when Fandral realised that no matter how much the selfish part of him wanted to do nothing, he loved Loki enough that he could not in good conscious watch him suffer so.
Seeing Loki distraught over Stark's condition only brought further shame to Fandral. He had at one time imagined the relationship between Loki and Stark falling apart as the All-father had predicted. Fandral would then sweep in to console his Prince, and to once again claim Loki as his.
"Fandral the Dashing, you have requested an audience?"
"Yes, your Majesty," Fandral bowed before Odin All-father. He was well aware of the half a dozen curious pairs of eyes of the Court falling on him.
"Speak then."
"I wish to submit a plea on behalf of Prince Loki for Anthony Stark to be officially granted the status of Prince Consort," Fandral said, head still bowed low.
The silence that followed Fandral's declaration was deafening. Fandral chanced a look at the King, but he couldn't decipher Odin's expression.
"Leave us." The various members of the court and the guards were quick to obey Odin's command. "I would think you would be the last one of my son's friends to submit such a plea on his behalf," Odin finally said when they were alone in the throne room.
And two days ago, Odin would have been correct. But as with all things relating to love and relationships, the All-mother's insights were far keener than that of Odin's.
"What changed your mind?" Odin asked.
"Anthony Stark," Fandral answered honestly. "I have spent the last two days with him, your Majesty and I believe his intentions towards Prince Loki are honourable."
"I was not aware that the mortal has regained his memories."
"He has not."
"Then how is it you are able to discern his intentions?"
"Your Majesty, I believe that while he is without his memories, Stark's actions are the purest reflections of his heart." Fandral knew he had to chose his words carefully. "The last two days I have spent with him, from dawn to dusk, have shown me that his love for Loki is true. Despite his lack of memories, Stark is quite obviously drawn to Loki and he seem to possess an intuitive understanding of Loki's character that not even those of us who grew up with Loki can say to possess. I truly believe that he loves Loki, and the only motivation he has is his desire to be with Loki."
Odin appeared thoughtful after Fandral's little speech, though Fandral could not tell whether he had swayed the All-father's opinion. The silence seemed to stretch for years.
"For some time, I had thought you, Fandral, would bear the title of Prince Consort," Odin finally said.
Fandral had no idea how to respond to Odin's revelation, so he remained silent even as he felt a pain in his chest, regret, at Odin's words.
"You are the son of a noble and honourable family, it would have been a good match," Odin continued. "Perhaps that should have been an obvious warning, as I have never known Loki to do what's expected."
"The opposite is perhaps truer," Fandral couldn't help but add.
"Tell me, Fandral, what do your actions here today gain you?"
"Nothing, except to see Loki happy once more," Fandral answered honestly. "It... it pains me greatly to see him as he is now. The heartache that torments him as Stark's condition worsens."
"Has it not crossed your mind that this is what Loki intended when he requested you to accompany the mortal? For you to plead his case?"
"Loki has not asked me to do this, and I am before you today of my own volition. In all honesty, I do not think Loki is capable of such level of subtlety right now." Not when Fandral could tell he was barely hanging onto his control and all his focus was on finding a cure for Stark.
Odin nodded. "I will consider your plea."
With that, Fandral knew that he was dismissed. He bowed once more to Odin and left, hoping that his words had made a difference.
It was too late now for Fandral. He had lost his chance years ago and it was time that he accepted it. But perhaps, it is not yet too late for Loki to find his happiness.
Steve Rogers
It was just as they stepped out of the shawarma place that Steve remembered.
"Edward Smith!" he blurted.
"Who?" Clint asked, confused.
The rest of the team - other than Tony and Loki - looked equally confused by Steve's sudden exclamation. The pair of them actually looked rather amused.
"Finally!" Tony said, walking back to clap Steve on his shoulder. "Loki and I were starting to think you'd lost more than the last 70 years on ice."
"How... " Steve look helplessly between Tony and Loki. "Mrs Smith?"
"Magic," Loki said simply and continued walking in the direction of Stark Tower, with Thor shrugging and following his brother.
"Uh, what's going on?" Bruce asked.
"And who's Mrs Smith?" Clint asked, looking between Tony and Loki's retreating back.
"Loki," Tony answered. "Long story," he added when everyone looked at him, befuddled. "Let's head back to my tower, clean up a bit, and we'll fill you in."
By the time they arrived at Stark Tower, Steve was still trying to get his head around how it was possible that Edward Smith and Tony Stark were the same person. Loki as Lucile was easier to accept given the whole gods and magic thing he and Thor had going on.
It also helped convince the others (and himself) that he wasn't crazy when Loki switched into the form of the woman Steve had literally run into as a child.
Bruce looked curious about the process of transformation, while Natasha was oddly contemplative. Thor was nonchalant, which made sense if he already knew about his brother's shape-shifting abilities.
"Stark, you lucky dog," was apparently the extend of Clint's opinion on the subject of a gender switching trickster god.
"I know." Tony smirked.
Having gotten their explanation, the rest of the team had retired to the guest floor. Except for the damage on the roof and the living area of Tony's penthouse, the tower had remained largely untouched. After the day they'd had, everyone was more than ready to pass out from exhaustion after having their curiosity sated. Even Thor looked a little worse for wear.
Steve though, he was still stuck sitting at the kitchen counter, wondering how it was possible that this was now his life.
"But... Howard, he talked about you! And you... weren't even born yet?" Steve was really starting to wonder if he wasn't still stuck frozen in ice and this was just some vivid dream.
"The joys of time travel, mon Capitan," Tony drawled, then he let out a sigh. "I'm going to be straight with you, the Howard you knew was nothing like the Howard Stark I grew up with. The version you knew was probably a lot more like the Howard I met in the 30s. It might be hard for you to get your head around this, but while he was still a genius, he was also a drunk who cared more about his work than he did his family."
Steve was so lost in this thoughts that he actually found himself startled when Loki appeared behind Tony, hair wet from his shower. Loki didn't say anything as he rested his chin on Tony's shoulder, his arms coming around to wrap Tony in his embrace. Tony closed his eyes for a moment and leaned back into Loki. Something in that act was very similar to the kiss between Edward and Lucile that Steve remembered witnessing as a child in their kitchen.
"I am glad to see that your spirit has remained unchanged from when we first met," Loki finally said, looking at Steve over Tony's shoulder. "I was afraid that your time in the military had turned you into a good, obedient little soldier."
"He's still charging into situations without an exit strategy though," Tony said.
"I didn't fly a nuclear warhead into an unknown alien portal on a one way ticket," Steve retorted.
"He's right," Loki said. "You really can't lecture him on that point, Anthony." Steve could see Loki's grip on Tony tighten, and he realised that the couple might actually want some time alone after Tony's near death experience. Steve could do his thinking as easily in the room Tony had set aside for him on the guest floor.
"I should go and hit the showers." Steve got up as he made his excuse.
"A wise choice, Steve Rogers. I believe Tony would also benefit from one." Without warning, Loki lifted Tony off his feet.
"Hey! Let me down!" Tony protested, but even Steve could tell it was half-hearted. He let out a squeak when Loki did some quick manoeuvring that somehow ended up with Tony in Loki's arms, bridal style. "Not cool! That was totally not cool!"
"I wouldn't have dropped you," Loki replied. He turned towards Steve. "I believe you know your way out?"
"Yeah," Steve replied, laughing at their antics. "I'll see myself out."
"Rogers!" Tony called out. "If you tell anyone about this, I'm going to get Jarvis to reproduce an image of you as a pimply 12 year old and have that published on the front page of the New York Times!"
Steve was still laughing when the elevator door slid shut. There were still people in this time who remembered him as he had been when he was a child; it was a surprisingly comforting and grounding thought.
End
Author: Me aka in_the_bottle
Fandom: MCU (Thor, Iron Man, Avengers)
Rating:PG
Pairing: Loki/Tony
Summary: Two short scenes from Fandral's and Steve's POVs set during Erase Me And Paint Me Black. Probably last of the Can't Go Back series.
Notes: This was written a while ago, RL got into the way of getting it edited. Many thanks to lefaym again for beta!
Fandral
When Fandral had agreed to be Stark's 'tour guide' around Asgard, he had expected to be pelted with questions about the advanced technology and maybe about some of Asgard's social customs. What Fandral hadn't expected from the amnesic Stark were the endless questions about Loki.
Fandral had never known what to make of Anthony Stark of Midgard. Ever since Loki had introduced them, Fandral had been conflicted. A part of him was glad that Loki was happy, but Fandral was ashamed to admit that another part of him was jealous of Stark and had hoped that the All-father was right to distrust the mortal's intentions towards Loki.
"So, Loki used to come out here with you guys often?" Stark asked as they stepped into a tavern at the edge of the city.
"When we were able to pry him from his books, yes," Fandral answered, raising his voice to be heard over the band of musicians playing an unfamiliar but jovial tune.
"Huh." Stark looked around the tavern. "Didn't think he'd be a loud music and party type of guy," Stark commented.
Fandral was struck by how accurately Stark had assessed Loki, despite his lack of memories. It had taken Fandral years to realise how little Loki actually enjoyed the 'loud music and party', as Stark had put it. Yet Stark, who for all intents and purposes had only known Loki for weeks, possessed such insight to Loki's character.
When Loki had finally returned from Alfheim with a possible counter curse, he had looked hopeful, but as the days passed, the sadness that had plagued him for the previous months returned. It was not a natural look on Loki, the mischievous Prince who had been easy with his smiles, even if most of them were masks. Now Loki did not even bother with the masks. That was when Fandral realised that no matter how much the selfish part of him wanted to do nothing, he loved Loki enough that he could not in good conscious watch him suffer so.
Seeing Loki distraught over Stark's condition only brought further shame to Fandral. He had at one time imagined the relationship between Loki and Stark falling apart as the All-father had predicted. Fandral would then sweep in to console his Prince, and to once again claim Loki as his.
"Fandral the Dashing, you have requested an audience?"
"Yes, your Majesty," Fandral bowed before Odin All-father. He was well aware of the half a dozen curious pairs of eyes of the Court falling on him.
"Speak then."
"I wish to submit a plea on behalf of Prince Loki for Anthony Stark to be officially granted the status of Prince Consort," Fandral said, head still bowed low.
The silence that followed Fandral's declaration was deafening. Fandral chanced a look at the King, but he couldn't decipher Odin's expression.
"Leave us." The various members of the court and the guards were quick to obey Odin's command. "I would think you would be the last one of my son's friends to submit such a plea on his behalf," Odin finally said when they were alone in the throne room.
And two days ago, Odin would have been correct. But as with all things relating to love and relationships, the All-mother's insights were far keener than that of Odin's.
"What changed your mind?" Odin asked.
"Anthony Stark," Fandral answered honestly. "I have spent the last two days with him, your Majesty and I believe his intentions towards Prince Loki are honourable."
"I was not aware that the mortal has regained his memories."
"He has not."
"Then how is it you are able to discern his intentions?"
"Your Majesty, I believe that while he is without his memories, Stark's actions are the purest reflections of his heart." Fandral knew he had to chose his words carefully. "The last two days I have spent with him, from dawn to dusk, have shown me that his love for Loki is true. Despite his lack of memories, Stark is quite obviously drawn to Loki and he seem to possess an intuitive understanding of Loki's character that not even those of us who grew up with Loki can say to possess. I truly believe that he loves Loki, and the only motivation he has is his desire to be with Loki."
Odin appeared thoughtful after Fandral's little speech, though Fandral could not tell whether he had swayed the All-father's opinion. The silence seemed to stretch for years.
"For some time, I had thought you, Fandral, would bear the title of Prince Consort," Odin finally said.
Fandral had no idea how to respond to Odin's revelation, so he remained silent even as he felt a pain in his chest, regret, at Odin's words.
"You are the son of a noble and honourable family, it would have been a good match," Odin continued. "Perhaps that should have been an obvious warning, as I have never known Loki to do what's expected."
"The opposite is perhaps truer," Fandral couldn't help but add.
"Tell me, Fandral, what do your actions here today gain you?"
"Nothing, except to see Loki happy once more," Fandral answered honestly. "It... it pains me greatly to see him as he is now. The heartache that torments him as Stark's condition worsens."
"Has it not crossed your mind that this is what Loki intended when he requested you to accompany the mortal? For you to plead his case?"
"Loki has not asked me to do this, and I am before you today of my own volition. In all honesty, I do not think Loki is capable of such level of subtlety right now." Not when Fandral could tell he was barely hanging onto his control and all his focus was on finding a cure for Stark.
Odin nodded. "I will consider your plea."
With that, Fandral knew that he was dismissed. He bowed once more to Odin and left, hoping that his words had made a difference.
It was too late now for Fandral. He had lost his chance years ago and it was time that he accepted it. But perhaps, it is not yet too late for Loki to find his happiness.
Steve Rogers
It was just as they stepped out of the shawarma place that Steve remembered.
"Edward Smith!" he blurted.
"Who?" Clint asked, confused.
The rest of the team - other than Tony and Loki - looked equally confused by Steve's sudden exclamation. The pair of them actually looked rather amused.
"Finally!" Tony said, walking back to clap Steve on his shoulder. "Loki and I were starting to think you'd lost more than the last 70 years on ice."
"How... " Steve look helplessly between Tony and Loki. "Mrs Smith?"
"Magic," Loki said simply and continued walking in the direction of Stark Tower, with Thor shrugging and following his brother.
"Uh, what's going on?" Bruce asked.
"And who's Mrs Smith?" Clint asked, looking between Tony and Loki's retreating back.
"Loki," Tony answered. "Long story," he added when everyone looked at him, befuddled. "Let's head back to my tower, clean up a bit, and we'll fill you in."
By the time they arrived at Stark Tower, Steve was still trying to get his head around how it was possible that Edward Smith and Tony Stark were the same person. Loki as Lucile was easier to accept given the whole gods and magic thing he and Thor had going on.
It also helped convince the others (and himself) that he wasn't crazy when Loki switched into the form of the woman Steve had literally run into as a child.
Bruce looked curious about the process of transformation, while Natasha was oddly contemplative. Thor was nonchalant, which made sense if he already knew about his brother's shape-shifting abilities.
"Stark, you lucky dog," was apparently the extend of Clint's opinion on the subject of a gender switching trickster god.
"I know." Tony smirked.
Having gotten their explanation, the rest of the team had retired to the guest floor. Except for the damage on the roof and the living area of Tony's penthouse, the tower had remained largely untouched. After the day they'd had, everyone was more than ready to pass out from exhaustion after having their curiosity sated. Even Thor looked a little worse for wear.
Steve though, he was still stuck sitting at the kitchen counter, wondering how it was possible that this was now his life.
"But... Howard, he talked about you! And you... weren't even born yet?" Steve was really starting to wonder if he wasn't still stuck frozen in ice and this was just some vivid dream.
"The joys of time travel, mon Capitan," Tony drawled, then he let out a sigh. "I'm going to be straight with you, the Howard you knew was nothing like the Howard Stark I grew up with. The version you knew was probably a lot more like the Howard I met in the 30s. It might be hard for you to get your head around this, but while he was still a genius, he was also a drunk who cared more about his work than he did his family."
Steve was so lost in this thoughts that he actually found himself startled when Loki appeared behind Tony, hair wet from his shower. Loki didn't say anything as he rested his chin on Tony's shoulder, his arms coming around to wrap Tony in his embrace. Tony closed his eyes for a moment and leaned back into Loki. Something in that act was very similar to the kiss between Edward and Lucile that Steve remembered witnessing as a child in their kitchen.
"I am glad to see that your spirit has remained unchanged from when we first met," Loki finally said, looking at Steve over Tony's shoulder. "I was afraid that your time in the military had turned you into a good, obedient little soldier."
"He's still charging into situations without an exit strategy though," Tony said.
"I didn't fly a nuclear warhead into an unknown alien portal on a one way ticket," Steve retorted.
"He's right," Loki said. "You really can't lecture him on that point, Anthony." Steve could see Loki's grip on Tony tighten, and he realised that the couple might actually want some time alone after Tony's near death experience. Steve could do his thinking as easily in the room Tony had set aside for him on the guest floor.
"I should go and hit the showers." Steve got up as he made his excuse.
"A wise choice, Steve Rogers. I believe Tony would also benefit from one." Without warning, Loki lifted Tony off his feet.
"Hey! Let me down!" Tony protested, but even Steve could tell it was half-hearted. He let out a squeak when Loki did some quick manoeuvring that somehow ended up with Tony in Loki's arms, bridal style. "Not cool! That was totally not cool!"
"I wouldn't have dropped you," Loki replied. He turned towards Steve. "I believe you know your way out?"
"Yeah," Steve replied, laughing at their antics. "I'll see myself out."
"Rogers!" Tony called out. "If you tell anyone about this, I'm going to get Jarvis to reproduce an image of you as a pimply 12 year old and have that published on the front page of the New York Times!"
Steve was still laughing when the elevator door slid shut. There were still people in this time who remembered him as he had been when he was a child; it was a surprisingly comforting and grounding thought.
End