Suits Fic: Break Me With Ice 1/1
Title:Break Me With Ice (Part 5 of Fate's Decree series)
Author: in_the_bottle
Fandom: Suits
Rating: PG (~9,500 words)
Summary: The one where Harvey has a mid-life crisis and fucks up big time. Set a few years after From the Ashes and reference some stuff that were revealed in that fic, so best read that beforehand.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.
Notes: Many thanks again to slashybits for beta. And Dr Google and Dr Wikipedia are responsible for all the medical info. Was going to post this last night, but LJ konked out on me.
Feedback: Yes! Yes! YES!!! Please?
Or at AO3
Bang! Bang! Bang!
The insistent banging sounded like it was coming from far away, which was followed by a voice yelling his name. He turned around, trying to see through the thick fog where the noise was coming from, who was there with him. "Harvey?" he called out, but there was no one.
"Michael Ross, open this door right now!"
Mike startled awake, almost falling out of the bed, tangled up in the sheets as he was.
"I swear to God, Mike, if you don't open the door, you will regret it!" even muffled, the voice of Donna Paulsen was unmistakable.
Untangling himself, Mike stumbled out of bed and yanked the door to the hotel room open before Donna could create more of a racket, and probably drawing the attention of security.
"There you are," said Donna, brushing pass Mike and into the room without waiting for an invitation.
"Donna? What the hell?" Mike blinked sleepily at Donna, closing the door behind him. Then his brain woke up a bit more. "He's sending you to do his dirty work for him now?"
"He doesn't know I'm here. As a matter of fact, he doesn't know you're here either."
"You do realise that's not helping his case at all?"
"You look like hell," Donna said, completely bypassing Mike's question. "And just so you know, he looks even worse."
"Not my problem," Mike replied, sitting down on the bed. He had to resist the urge to crawl back under the covers and go right back to sleep. It's been less than two hours since he went to bed, and after an eighteen-hour night shift, that was nowhere near enough.
"I don't know what happened between the two of you - "
"That's right, you don't. So just go back to the office and pretend you never saw me."
"But whatever it is," Donna continued as though Mike hadn't spoken at all. "Fix it!"
"Donna, it's really - "
"If the next words out of your mouth are 'none of your business', I'd reconsider," Donna snapped. "Because when it starts affecting my work and my life, whatever this is, becomes my business. Do you have any idea how miserable it has been at the office for the last two weeks? He's been utterly unpredictable. One day he'd be completely non-communicative, the next he'd be biting everyone heads off for saying hello, and even though he's there, he might as well not be.
"It's got to the point where Harold is picking up on mistakes he's making. He hasn't been sleeping, and have I mentioned? He looks worse than hell."
Donna's words painted a vivid picture for Mike. While a part of him wanted nothing more than to give in and see Harvey again, a larger part was still felt betrayed and unbelievably pissed off at him. "Again, not my problem."
Donna was quiet for a moment, then she let out a sigh and sat down next to Mike. "What did he do to screw things up this badly with you?"
"Why don't you ask him?"
"Don't you think I've tried? And looking at the state you're in now, you're probably not far behind him in your race to hit rock bottom."
"Donna," Mike said tiredly, rubbing his face in his hands. "Just leave it."
"Just like you and Harvey are doing right now? I can see that's going remarkably well," Donna replied sarcastically.
"Look, I'm going to take a day off work in a couple of days and move out. Then it'll all be over and he can get over it."
"Move out?! What do you mean move out?!" Donna sounded shocked.
To be honest, Mike hadn't even known he had made up his mind to move out until now. As the weeks stretched on, Mike had been contemplating the possibility, and the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.
"Mike, what did Harvey do?"
* * *
It was close to two in the morning by the time Mike got home. He was somewhat surprised that the lights were still on and was puzzled when he found Harvey sitting in the living room with the TV on but muted. The expected files and paperwork were nowhere in sight, and as far as Mike could tell Harvey didn't have his laptop with him either.
"You're up late," Mike said, wondering what was going on with Harvey when he didn't acknowledge Mike.
They had barely seen each other for the last few months. Mike's research for his PhD thesis had took a turn at the crazy intersection and he winded up with a whole load of unexpected data he had to shift through on top of his normal work at the ER. With the first draft due in a few weeks, it didn't leave him with much time to do anything else beside eat and sleep. The only time Mike even saw Harvey was the occasional morning in the kitchen when they were both half awake, or when Mike was on his way out to do a night shift with Harvey just coming home from work.
"Seems like the only way I get to see you nowadays," Harvey replied. Even in Mike's exhausted state, he could tell something wasn't right. Harvey sounded cold and distant, something Mike had never had directed at him before.
"Harvey, you knew there were going to be days like this," Mike said, half collapsing into the chair next to the couch Harvey was sitting in. All he really wanted to do was change, and crawl into bed and sleep for a week, but it seemed like Harvey had other ideas.
"Days? Try months, Mike," Harvey finally looked away from the television screen to Mike, his 'asshole attorney' mask firmly in place.
"God, I don't have the energy to deal with this right now," Mike groaned, knowing he was probably adding fuel to the fire, yet too tired to control himself, he should've just gone straight to bed.
"I wonder why," came Harvey's cutting reply.
"Harvey, we've been through this. I told you things were going to get crazy for a while, and you were fine with it, so what's really bugging you? I have another few weeks to get this done and a whole load of work to do," Mike explained.
"So that's what you're calling it?"
Mike was utterly confused. "Just what the hell are you talking about?"
"Mike, just be straight with me. Are you having an affair?"
"What?" Just what the fuck was Harvey talking about? "Harvey, where the hell is this coming from?!" His exhaustion forgotten, Mike stood up, looking disbelievingly at Harvey.
"Are you?" Harvey demanded, looking up from where he was still sitting. It looked as though it physically pained Harvey to ask that question, but Mike was too dumfounded from the completely unexpected question to pay too much attention.
"No! I barely have time to eat, sleep and go to the toilet on most days, when do you think I have time to have an affair?" Mike denied, still completely clueless as to how Harvey had jumped to this conclusion. Had he been taking Harvey for granted for so long that he hadn't noticed Harvey's growing unhappiness in the last few months?
"All the early mornings and late nights, months worth of it, Mike. Do you really have that much work at the hospital and the lab?"
"Yes!"
"Work that goes on till the middle of the night and have you coming home with your clothes smelling of perfume? Do you really work that closely with Amanda?" Harvey's voice was getting louder as he spoke, and in the end, he was almost yelling, his hands gripping his knees, as though he was trying to stop himself from physically lashing out. "What did you expect me to think?!"
"She's my thesis supervisor! Sometimes we'd have a working lunch or dinner, it's not as though you aren't familiar with that concept! Hell, you practically invented it!" Mike yelled back. "Trusting me would be a good first step, and just because you think she's hot doesn't mean I'm sleeping with her!"
"So you admit that you think she's hot."
"What?" The word seemed like it had turned into Mike's catchphrase for the night. "Don't twist my words, Harvey! I'm not one of your witnesses, and you know that's not what I said. How could you even think that I'd do something like that?"
"Oh, I don't know, prior history, maybe?"
Mike froze; feeling as though someone had stabbed him through his heart with a blade made of ice. The only time Mike had done something remotely like that was when he slept with Trevor while Trevor was dating Jenny, and Harvey knew that. Harvey also knew exactly what happened between Mike and Trevor that ended their lifelong friendship.
"Mike - " Harvey started, standing up, his eyes wide as though he couldn't quite believe what he'd said.
"Don't," Mike snapped, interrupting Harvey. "Not one more word," his voice gone quiet. Mike's earlier confusion gave way to anger and an overwhelming sense of betrayal, the sudden change left his head reeling.
Snatching up the messenger bag he left by the chair with shaking hands, Mike practically rushed out the door, not caring where exactly he was going. He vaguely heard Harvey calling out to him, but Harvey was the last person Mike wanted to be around right then.
Flagging down a cab, Mike got in and told the driver to just drive, for the first time feeling uncertain about his life with Harvey.
* * *
"Fix it." Harvey looked up to find Jessica standing in front of him. Donna was nowhere to be seen.
"Jessica - "
Jessica didn't let Harvey finish. "Whatever it is you've managed to screw up with Mike, fix it," she demanded. "It's been three weeks. While Louis and I can handle the prep work that you've been neglecting, I need you back 100% for the Nakamura negotiations in two weeks."
Harvey wasn't even going to ask how Jessica knew about his situation with Mike. It was obvious that Donna had finally given up and called for backup. No wonder she wasn't at her desk; she didn't want to be around for Harvey to yell at her to stay out of his business.
"What makes you so sure that I'm the one who has to fix things?" he asked Jessica.
Jessica cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at him. It was a reminder that she was the managing partner and thus knows everything.
Harvey hated that look; he also hated the fact that he seemed to be surrounded by women who knew everything.
"I'm trying!" Harvey said, giving in. There really wasn't much point in resisting when Jessica was on a mission. "He's not answering my calls or my texts."
"Have you even tried talking to him in person? You know where he works."
"I got the hint that he wants to be left alone when he had security escort me out of the hospital last week," Harvey replied with a sigh, slumping in his chair.
"What happened?" Jessica asked, sitting down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, her tone told Harvey that she was asking as a friend, and not his boss.
"I screwed up. Crossed a line I never should've been anywhere near in the first place. Simple as that," Harvey let out a humourless laugh. "I'm not even sure what I'd been thinking. I accused him of cheating on me."
Jessica's eyes widened in surprise. "Harvey," the disapproval in her voice was clear. "I may not know Mike that well, but even I can tell he's not the cheating type. He's absolutely crazy about you," Jessica said, then she added sardonically. "He has to be to have put up with you for the last five years."
"It gets worse," Harvey confessed, in for a penny and all that crap. "Mike told me something very personal early on in our relationship. In the heat of the moment I..." Harvey trailed off.
"You used it against him," Jessica completed the sentence for Harvey. "That's a pretty big screw up."
"I know. I knew it the moment I said it, but the damage was done."
"Fix it."
"Don't you think I haven't been trying? I have no precedents to go on here, and he's rebutted every move I've made so far."
"Then try harder."
"Because you'll lose him soon if you don't do anything," Harvey looked up to see Donna standing by his office door. "He said he was going to move out in the next few days."
"What?" Harvey got to his feet. "You saw him? What do you mean he's moving out?! Where is he?!" Harvey demanded, not caring that he's probably sounding a bit hysterical, because Mike moving out was not an option. Harvey hadn't even considered that a possibility. Had he really miscalculated by giving Mike the space he thought he needed instead of hounding him like a stalker and risk having Mike put a restraining order out on him?
Donna walked into the office and handed Harvey a business card. It was for a three star hotel not too far from the hospital with a room number written on it in Donna's handwriting.
"If you'd bothered to check your joint credit card statement, you could've found him yourself," Donna said, her tone accusational, clearly Mike had told her at least the basics of what happened. Harvey wasn't even sure when Donna got to be so protective of Mike, not that he blamed her, Harvey usually shared the same instinct. Of course, he wondered where those instincts went on that stupid night when his own insecurities got the better of him.
"I thought he wanted some space!" Harvey protested. "I know I screwed up, just tell me how to fix it because I'm all out of ideas."
"Beg," Donna suggested.
"And get on your knees if necessary," Jessica added. "Go!"
Harvey went.
* * *
It was the third event in four months that Harvey had turned up without Mike by his side. Ever since they first got together, it had been rare for Harvey to attend charity and firm events by himself. With sufficient notice, Mike had usually been able to organise his schedule at the hospital to make sure he could at least make an appearance with Harvey.
While the clients didn't know any better, other attendees from Pearson Hardman were starting to notice Mike's absence. To be honest, Harvey himself hadn't really seen or spoken to Mike for more than a week after Mike cancelled on their dinner and then lunch plans via text a few days ago. Harvey could've sworn he and Mike saw more of each other in the first few months they knew each other than they did in the last five months. If Harvey hadn't occasionally woken up in the middle of the night to find Mike in bed with him, he would've wondered whether Mike was still living in their apartment at all.
By the time Harvey thought it was appropriate to make an exit, it was already close to midnight. A text from Mike told him that Mike was still stuck in the lab, analysing data or some such, and Harvey was resigned to another night alone at home.
"Do you think they broke up? I mean, I haven't seen Dr Ross in the last few functions and he always turns up whenever Harvey does."
The mention of Mike's name made Harvey paused in his tracks. He was around the corner from the elevators, so whomever it was that had spoken hadn't seen him.
"He does work in the ER, maybe he hasn't been able to get away?" This time a female voice said, and Harvey recognised it as belonging to one of the third year associates.
"Come on, he's what? Ten years younger than Harvey? Dating an older man must have its downside, there's a reason why guys tend to go for younger chicks."
"Oh, that's classy Kyle, real classy," the second voice replied, sounding slightly disgusted. Harvey didn't blame her. "And you wonder why you kept being pass over for senior associate."
"Laura, listen to me, my uncle married an older woman. She was like, three or four years older or something, she was totally controlling him. At first everything was fine, but within a few years, he was having an affair with some other chick a couple years younger than him that he met at the tennis club."
"So what? You think Harvey's too controlling and Dr Ross is having an affair?" Laura scoffed. "God, what's taking the elevator so long?" She added, but Harvey wasn't really paying any attention at that point.
The words "Dr Ross is having an affair" were stuck on repeat in Harvey's mind like a damaged record until he felt like he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen.
This was Mike they were talking about, he would've told Harvey if he was unhappy, he wouldn't cheat on Harvey behind his back. Besides, Mike looked utterly exhausted every time Harvey had managed to see him, his work clearly taking a toll.
Trying to hide the fact that he's sleeping with someone else would take a toll, too, Harvey's traitorous mind supplied. And you've met his supervisor, she's hotter than the last model you dated, any man would be tempted.
The late nights, cancelled dates, the fact that they had barely seen or even talked to each other in the last month; it all looked more sinister under the light of those words.
It wasn't possible. Harvey trusted Mike, he trusted Mike more than anyone else, and his faith in his partner had never been misplaced.
Harvey trusted Mike, and that was it.
That is until two weeks later when Mike came home smelling like Christine Dior's J'Adore perfume.
* * *
Mike couldn't remember ever feeling as exhausted as he felt after Donna finally left, yet no matter what he did, he could not fall back asleep, his mind kept replaying what Donna told him.
Was he making the wrong decision to move out? Donna seemed to think so, but how was he supposed to trust Harvey again after what happened? The first person Mike had told the entire sordid story to, and Harvey had turned it into a weapon against him.
The more Mike replayed the incident in his mind, the angrier he became. How dare Harvey accused Mike of cheating on him while Harvey was the one who still flirted with anyone remotely attractive even after they'd been together for five years. Mike had never made a big deal out of it because he knew Harvey wasn't interested, it was just old habits that were often amusing to watch. The fact that Harvey always tossed out the telephone numbers he was given was good enough for Mike.
Yet Harvey had the nerve to accuse Mike of cheating on him after a few months of late nights and a handful of cancelled meals. It wasn't as though Mike hadn't warned Harvey that this was going to happen when the research project he was involved in turned into more than Mike had bargained for, and it wasn't as though they hadn't discussed the possibility of this happening when Mike was first considering pursuing the PhD in the first place. Harvey have had plenty of warnings as far as Mike was concerned, and Mike didn't even want to know what the hell made Harvey think that Mike was capable of cheating on him. If Harvey didn't trust Mike, then why should Mike trust him?
But despite Mike's newfound doubt in Harvey, he couldn't ignore all that they've been through in the last five years as a couple. It couldn't have all been a mistake, because mistakes weren't supposed to make him feel as happy and content as he'd been. If it had been a big mistake, he wouldn't be feeling the sense of emptiness like he had for the last few weeks, he wouldn't be feeling so confused and lost, and he definitely shouldn't be missing Harvey. One doesn't miss one's mistakes, but every part of him ached from missing Harvey even though Mike was still pissed off at him and wasn't sure if he could bring himself to ever forgive Harvey and trust him again.
Before Mike could work himself up even more, there was a knock on his door.
"What now?" he muttered, getting out of bed once more. It was just an hour after Donna left, and Mike was sure he still had the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob, so it couldn't be the hotel staff. "Who is it?" Mike called out, but his only reply was another knock.
Opening the door, Mike was greeted by the sight of Harvey Specter himself. Obviously Donna had gone back to the office and spilled the beans. Mike really should've expected that, Donna's loyalties have always been with Harvey.
"Mike, listen - " Harvey started.
But Mike really wasn't ready to listen to anything Harvey might have to say, and he wasn't anywhere near ready to talk to Harvey either. Instead, he slammed the door shut in Harvey's face.
Or at least, that was what was meant to happen if Harvey hadn't decided to stop the door closing by using his left arm as a doorstopper.
There was a sickening crack that Mike recognised as the sound of bones breaking, followed by a barely held back scream and loud swearing by Harvey.
"Fuck!" Mike swore. Heart racing, he swung the door back open to find Harvey leaning against the wall and cradling his left arm and clearly in pain. "Let me see," he said, already knowing what he'd find. "How could you be stupid enough to do that?" Mike said, feelings simultaneously concerned and guilty.
"I wasn't really thinking," Harvey grunted.
Pushing guilt aside, Mike concentrated on the problem at hand and rolled back Harvey's sleeve as gently as he could, but even that was enough to make Harvey squeeze his eyes shut and bite his lips in an attempt to not scream. A large area around the forearm at the point of impact was already starting to bruise and it looked like it was already swelling up as well.
"Can you wriggle your fingers?" Mike asked while gently feeling around the trauma area.
There was a hiss of pain but the fingers moved, a little. "I think I'd rather not move them if you don't mind," Harvey said. "And just FYI, all that poking you're doing hurts."
"Is everything all right?" a hotel porter was coming towards them. "We've got several calls of some disturbance on this floor."
"Can you get me a first aid kit, some ice and call an ambulance?" Mike asked.
"What happened?"
"Had an argument with a door and lost," Harvey replied, probably trying to distract himself from the pain.
"I'll um... I'll go get my manager."
"Get a first aid kit and call an ambulance!" Mike snapped at the porter's retreating back, his patience running short in light of his worry. "Never mind, the hospital's three blocks away. I'll find something to stabilise the arm and we'll get a cab."
"We will?" Harvey asked, surprised.
"Yes," Mike said, ducking into the bathroom to grab one of the towels. He quickly turned it into a makeshift sling, securing Harvey's arm against his chest. "Think you can make it downstairs?"
"As long as I don't need to use my arm, sure," Harvey tone was cocky, but Mike knew it was a front to hide how much pain he was in. Beads of sweat were already forming on his brow, and Mike unconsciously reached out and wiped them away with the edge of his sleeve. Harvey reached out with his right hand to grasp Mike's hand. "Mike - "
"Later, Harvey," Mike interrupted; his resolve to ignore Harvey was rapidly weakening by the circumstances and the sight of Harvey in distress. "We need to get you to the hospital first."
* * *
Harvey's second visit to the ER as a patient was nowhere near as fun or interesting as his first. He was in a considerable amount of pain for one thing, and still has no idea whether Mike was going to continue to ignore him and move out while Harvey was in the hospital. Every attempt by Harvey to talk to Mike in the short cab ride have either been deflected or met by a curt "Later".
Whatever pain medication it was Harvey was given at the hospital wasn't strong enough to knock him out, but it was enough to fog up his brain. Mike had disappeared from Harvey's sight when they sent him upstairs for some x-rays and Harvey had honestly thought that he was never going to see Mike again.
While Harvey was coherent enough to realise he was making a fool of himself and causing a scene, he was also high enough not to care. He eventually made enough of a fuss that the radiologist gave up and paged for Mike.
"Harvey," Mike sighed, looking tired and sad. "You need to get the x-rays done. The longer this takes, the higher the risk of complications."
"Don't go," Harvey said, not really giving a damn about what Mike was saying. It was only his left arm, Harvey still has his right arm, but there was only one Mike Ross. "Please, Mike, don't go."
"Okay, okay. I'm not going anywhere," Mike replied, grabbing a radiation protective apron and putting it on. "God, what the hell did Julie gave you? You're completely out of your head."
Harvey thought he detected a hint of fondness in Mike's tone, but he couldn't be sure. At least Mike was not going home and moving out, so he considered that a win. Once the x-ray was done, Mike wheeled him back to the ER. Harvey didn't know why they insisted that he sat in the wheelchair since it was his arm that broken, not his legs. His legs were fine, they were more than fine, they were shapely and muscular and -
"Its just hospital policy," Mike answered.
"Did I say that out loud? All of that?"
"Yes."
"Huh," Harvey knew ordinarily, he'd feel completely mortified, but right then he really didn't give a fuck. As long as Mike was there, everything was fine. "Julie gave me the good shit," Harvey said with a smile.
There was a surprised chortle from Mike, which was a good sign. Harvey lost track of time about then because the next thing he remembered was the orthopedic surgeon talking at him about god knows what and he was lying in one of the beds in the ER. Harvey's brain was still too foggy to make sense of anything.
"Wouldn't surgery delay the recovery process?" Mike asked. Harvey found his voice reassuring.
"Slightly, but given the nature of the fracture, you'll be risking misalignment even with a full cast on."
"Harvey? What do you want to do?"
"Hmm? What?"
"Two options, Harvey. Surgery or just a cast? You've been listening, right?"
Harvey blinked at Mike. Mike was supposed to take care of all the medical stuff, like Harvey was supposed to take care of all the legal stuff. Harvey really should've gotten Mike to marry him years ago. "Whatever you think is best. I trust you, Mike." Mike has to know that, right? He has to know that Harvey was just being completely idiotic like Donna and Jessica seemed to think so, and Donna was always right. "I really do trust you."
"Harvey," Mike sounded exasperated, not good. "We'll talk about that later, when you're not high as a kite."
"I mean it, Mike. I was being an insecure idiot and crossed the line. I know that."
"I think that's my cue to give you two a minute," the surgeon said. "Just page me when you reach a decision."
"Harvey," Mike started as soon as the other guy left. "I think you should consider - "
"Whatever you think is best."
"Harvey, you really should - "
"I mean it, Mike," Harvey interrupted again. "Like you said, I'm high as a kite. Didn't even catch half of whatever the hell the other guy was saying. There's a reason I listed you as my medical proxy, so just go be my proxy. Prooooxy." Harvey grinned. "I like that word."
Mike stared at him as though Harvey had lost his mind. Frankly, Harvey wasn't sure if he was that far off, because life without Mike had been driving him crazy for the last few weeks.
"I missed you." Harvey said when Mike remained silent.
"I'm sorry for breaking your arm."
"Accident. Forgot that it wasn't the elevator door," even doped up, Harvey could feel the air heavy between them. "Come home?" It was a plea and a question requiring an answer rolled into two simple words.
"I... I think you should opt for the surgery. It'll be less risky over the long term."
Harvey's heart sank.
"Whatever you say," it wasn't as though anything else mattered anymore; he's already lost the most important thing in his life.
* * *
Harvey was ushered into the bedroom the moment he stepped foot into their apartment. "Come on, Harvey. Get changed. We're going to be late," Mike said, already dressed, bar the tie, which Mike had never got the hang of tying no matter how many times Harvey had tried to teach him.
"Sorry. That meeting just went on and on and on. Just when I thought we were done, he'd have another stupid question," Harvey replied, undoing his tie and cufflinks even as he spoke. He tossed the tie onto the bed and pocketed the cufflinks. His tux was already hanging on the hook of the closet door. "You know there will be a day when I won't be around to tie your tie for you."
"Give it up, Harvey. I just can't be a genius at everything, and fashion just happens to be one of those things I'm not good at," Mike called out from the living room, sounding like he was rummaging through god knows what.
"That's putting it mildly," Harvey muttered to himself.
"I heard that!"
"No you didn't!"
"Have you seen my notebook?" Mike called out again as Harvey was tucking his shirt into his pants.
"Why do you even need it?" Harvey asked. They were attending a fund raising function co-hosted by the hospital and research unit that Mike was attached to for his PhD, so of course the Director of the program had thought Mike, being the young and good looking genius that he was, would be the perfect candidate to talk about what they do and attempt to woo the high profile attendees into parting with their cash. Harvey couldn't fault that logic, but Mike had been fretting over the speech for the last couple of weeks and had resorted to actually writing things down in a paper notebook he dug out from somewhere.
"Because it makes me feel better," Mike said, coming up behind Harvey just as he was almost done with his tie. "Found it, by the way. And now that you're done, you can do me," Mike handed his tie to Harvey.
Harvey smirked. "I'd love to, but as you've previously mentioned, we're running behind schedule as it is."
"You're really not as funny as you think you are."
In the end, while they didn't arrive on time, they weren't exactly late either. Harvey snagged a couple flutes of champaign from a passing waiter and handed one to Mike. "Have a drink and just chill."
"Chill? I can't believe you just used that word," Mike said, accepting the flute and downing half of its content in one gulp.
Mike had grown increasingly nervous while they were on their way over much to Harvey's amusement. "Go easy on it will you? It's supposed to help you relax, not get you completely trashed. And you'll be fine," Harvey really wasn't sure why Mike was so nervous given that he was a brilliant teacher, which means he wasn't really afraid of public speaking, and knew his materials backwards.
"Right. Okay," Mike said, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a huff. "Oh, there's Amanda. Come on, I'll introduce you."
Dr Amanda Cooper, MD, PhD and a series of other letters behind her name, was Mike's primary supervisor for his PhD. Harvey had heard Mike talked about her ever since he started his project. What Harvey hadn't expected was how young Dr Cooper was. She was probably in her late 30s, no more than early 40s, with long dark straight hair that Morticia Adams would be proud of, and cheekbones that could probably cut diamonds. To say that the ruby red floor length gown she was wearing was striking was like saying Bill Gates had a bit of money.
"You never mentioned that she was hot," Harvey said as they made their way towards Dr Cooper who was talking to an older silver-haired woman Harvey was surprised to recognise.
"Harvey Specter!" Mrs Evelyn Parker greeted with her usual enthusiasm. "I had no idea Pearson Hardman was part of this event."
"Evelyn, good too see you, too," Harvey greeted the older woman. "And I'm not here on firm business. I'm his plus one," Harvey pointed at Mike. "Dr Mike Ross, Mrs Evelyn Parker of Parker Industries, Evelyn's a long time client."
"You're Amanda's protégé! She's been telling me all about you and I see that you're one of the speakers tonight. Oh, and Amanda, this is Harvey Specter, he's a senior partner at Pearson Hardman, one of the best law firms in New York. And Harvey, I'm sure your young man has told you about Amanda," Evelyn made the introductions.
"Evelyn, you wound me. After all we went through with the Hutchinson acquisition and all I get is 'one of the best'? And Dr Cooper, nice to finally be able to put a face to a name, Mike's told me a lot about you."
"Likewise. And please, call me Amanda. Dr Cooper has always been grandad." Amanda said, shaking Harvey's hand. "Mike mentioned you're here for moral support?"
"So he claims. Though I have no idea what he's so nervous about since he seemed to have taken lecturing in stride," Harvey replied.
"I don't have to make sure I don't put anyone to sleep when I'm lecturing, this is completely different," Mike said, taking another drink from his champaign flute. "I think I need another one of this. Or something stronger."
"You'll be fine, Mike. Just be yourself. They'll love you and they'll happily part with large amounts of their hard earned cash."
"Great, now I'm feeling like a hooker. Nice pep-talk, Amanda."
"It's all for the greater good, Michael," Amanda teased, winking playfully at Mike, and making Evelyn laugh.
"So tell me young man," Evelyn turned her attention to Mike. "How did you manage the impossible and get him to settle down?" she pointed at Harvey.
Mike smirked. "Well, he was concussed the first time we met."
"Ah, that explains it. Hit them while they're down. Good tactic."
"I'm still standing here!" Harvey protested, but he was laughing. Mike was finally looking a bit more relaxed than he'd been. Spotting another oncoming waitress, Harvey surreptitiously swapped out Mike's almost empty champaign flute with a glass of fruit punch.
Amanda noticed Harvey's action and gave him an approving smile. While Harvey couldn't fault the fact that Amanda was looking out for Mike, he wasn't sure how he felt about Amanda seemingly thinking that Mike needed protection against Harvey.
* * *
"Jo said I would find you here."
Mike looked up to find Amanda standing by the door to Harvey's private room.
"Do you need something?" Mike asked tiredly. Harvey was still out cold, even though the nurse on duty mentioned that he'd woken up briefly not long after he was out of surgery.
"Just wanted to let you know that Jason's finished looking through your first draft," Amanda said, referring to Mike's secondary supervisor.
"Yeah?"
"You'd be glad to know that there won't be too many changes."
"You could've told me that over the phone."
They kept their voice low, so as not to wake Harvey.
"I wanted to see how you were doing," Amanda admitted. Mike was about to reply when she held up her hand and continued. "If you say you're fine, I'm going to hit you with my handbag."
Mike sighed, looking at the unconscious figure on the bed. The room was silent while Amanda waited for Mike to continue.
"I was going to move out," he finally admitted. "I blurted it out to Donna, who of course told Harvey. He turned up at the hotel and instead of talking to him, I slammed the door in his arm."
"And you're feeling guilty now and having second thoughts?"
"I don't know what to think!" Mike replied, his voice still low but frustrated. "For weeks he acted like nothing was wrong, then out of the blue, he accused me of having an affair. You know how that argument turned out."
"Mike, don't you think it's because he's afraid of losing you?" Amanda stepped into the room and settled herself down into the second visitor's chair next to Mike.
"Sure has a strange way of showing it."
"Think about it Mike. What do men usually do when they're going through a midlife crisis?"
"Buy a Ferrari, divorce their wives and date a younger woman. Or at least that's what everyone tells me. Are you telling me that Harvey's going through a midlife crisis?" Mike asked, incredulous.
"He's what? 45? That's within the age range, and you told me he bought himself a Harley a few months ago. Since he's already dating a younger man..." Amanda trailed off, leaving Mike to fill in the blank.
"He gets paranoid instead and accused me of dating someone younger than him?" Mike asked in disbelief.
Amanda shrugged. "More insecurity and less paranoia. It's the male version of menopause. Or PMS, research still isn't too clear about that. Either way, he's just afraid of losing you. But that's just my take on things. How did you guys get over your last fight? Same approach might help?" Amanda suggested.
"That would only work if we've had any previous fights."
"You've never had a fight?" Amanda asked, clearly shocked. "In the entire time you've been together?"
"We've had arguments and disagreements, but nothing close to this scale," Mike replied, thinking that most of the time, the disagreements he had with Harvey were more like a debate than 'go for the jugular' type fights like their current one seemed to be.
"Right," Amanda said, obviously still trying to get her head around Mike's revelation. She turned thoughtful and then asked, "He's been calling you since you walked out that night?"
Mike nodded.
"If you haven't deleted them already, listen to the voicemails he left you. You might be surprised," Amanda said as she stood up. "I'll email you Jason's and my comments on your draft. Take your time with it."
"Yeah, thanks," Mike replied, his mind going in ten different directions, not even really registering the fact that Amanda had left.
Amanda's reaction made Mike step back and remember his previous long-term relationships before he met Harvey. If what Mike went through and what he remembered of his parents' relationship were any indication, what he and Harvey have was rare.
Could Amanda be right? Though the idea of Harvey feeling insecure sounded preposterous, on the other hand, given how little they saw each other in the few months before that, even with them living under the same roof, was it really that unbelievable that Harvey would feel uncertain? Especially since Harvey's not exactly experienced with the whole long-term relationship thing.
Mike was tired, not just due to the lack of sleep, but tired of feeling angry and betrayed, tired of staying in a hotel, and tired of trying and failing at convincing himself that he didn't miss Harvey.
Watching Harvey in a drug induced sleep, Mike took out his cell phone. He knew there were over a dozen unchecked messages from Harvey on it. After the first week, Mike had stopped deleting them the moment he got them, and since then Harvey had left at least one message per day.
Mike, I'm sorry, just... call me back.
...
It's me. I'm sorry. I'm not sure how many times you need me to say it, but I'm sorry. I never should've said that and I know I screwed up. Just... call me. Or text, or something, Mike. Please.
...
Mike, please. I just need... just, I'm sorry. Please, just at least let me know you're all right.
...
I miss you. Call me.
...
I screwed up, I know that. Harvey sounded drunk. I don't do that often, but it seems like when I do, like everything else, I do it spectacularly. Please Mike, call me. You know I don't beg, but that's what I'm doing now. Begging you. If you need me to get on my knees, I will. I swear I will. There was pause; Mike could hear Harvey taking deep breath, as though trying not to cry. Mike, he finally continued, voice softer than it was before. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Please tell me I haven't screwed things up beyond repair. Please.
The last 'please' was said so softly that Mike had to strain to hear it. Closing his eyes, Mike felt his heart ached at the pain he could hear in Harvey's voice, even in the crappy voicemail playback.
I miss you. I'm sorry.
The last message from the previous night was simply: I love you, Mike. Always will. Harvey sounded so utterly lost and heart-broken that Mike found himself muttering, "Love you, too," in return before he could think about it.
He hit the command to save the message.
One thing was clear to Mike; Harvey was hurting from this as much as Mike was. It was time for Mike to put an end to both their miseries.
* * *
"You know, if you've been thinking about it for this long, it probably means you're just going to go ahead and do it," Harvey said, settling down next to Mike on the couch. "Would the PhD mean I can call you Doctor Doctor?"
Mike laughed. "Breakfast for dinner?" he asked instead, eyeing the bowl of cereal with milk in Harvey's hand. "I thought you had a dinner meeting, didn't your client feed you?"
"It was at one of those places where the size of the serving is inversely proportional to the price," Harvey replied.
"They usually taste pretty good though," Mike replied as Harvey ate.
"Taste means nothing if it doesn't fill you up," Harvey said, peering at Mike's laptop screen. "So, you're doing it."
"I am?" Mike asked, amused.
"You've been looking at the proposal for weeks and you're probably halfway through the literature review already. Besides, it's only an extension of your fellowship anyway. Of course you're doing it."
Mike shut the laptop and placed it on the coffee table. "It's a lot more work," he said. "I mean, yes, I'm already doing quite a bit of it as part of my fellowship, but I'll need a whole load more research for the PhD."
"You can handle it," Harvey shrugged, finishing the last bit of his cereal.
"Yeah, but can we handle it? I don't want to go back to seeing each other once a month like when I was finishing my residency," Mike explained. He had seen plenty of friends and colleagues from the hospital whose relationships crumble under the pressure of their career and working hours. Mike wasn't sure whether three more alphabets behind his name were worth it.
"Mike, you want this. You've wanted this for a while. You put it off when Grammy's health deteriorated, but now that she's passed, there's nothing stopping you from going after it," Harvey said, encouraging. "Even if you haven't already got the scholarship, funding the damn thing would barely make a dent in our savings, and you know it."
"I'm not worried about the money."
"I know you're not."
"We barely see each other as it is, if I do this, its just going to get crazier," Mike said, trying to get Harvey to see his point.
"I know, but it's only for another two years. We can deal with two years," Harvey replied, reaching out to draw Mike into a half embrace on the couch. "That brain of yours has an addictive personality, and unfortunately, it's hooked on pediatric medicine," Harvey let out a put upon sigh.
Mike chuckled, twisting around so to end up half sitting on Harvey's lap facing him. "Even crack addicts need oxygen to survive," he said, leaning in to kiss Harvey.
"And I'm oxygen?" Harvey asked, sounding pleased.
"Yep. Absolutely essential."
* * *
It was the first time in months that Harvey had woken up feeling warm and content. Trying to blink away the drug induced haze, he looked down to discover the reason; Mike was somehow sprawled across his chest, Harvey's right arm resting at the small of his back, and he was sound asleep.
He's here, was Harvey's first thought.
Harvey wasn't sure how long he spent staring at the top of Mike's head, his brain was still fuzzy from the painkillers, though he was sure he was nowhere near as high as he'd been earlier. Harvey thought he must have moved or something because Mike started to stir, and within moments, Harvey was looking into familiar blue eyes.
"Hey," Mike said, blinking sleepily at Harvey.
"Hey," Harvey echoed, tightening his hold on Mike even as he laid his head back down onto Harvey's chest and didn't say anything else. His throat felt dry, but as long as he wasn't talking, it was fine.
"I'm sorry," Mike eventually said, looking up at Harvey again.
What Harvey wanted to say was "I'm sorry, too," but it came out sounding more like a frog's croak than actual words.
"I'll get you some water," Mike twisted around and somehow managed to wriggle off the bed without jostling Harvey's immobilised left arm.
The water was cool and soothing, though Harvey was getting a little apprehensive over what Mike was going to say. The fact that Mike was in bed with him was a positive sign, but Harvey couldn't ignore what happened in the last few weeks. It was obvious that Mike felt guilty about the accident, and under normal circumstances Harvey would not have hesitated to take advantage of that, but he was too emotionally exhausted to be playing games. Besides, he wasn't sure he'd trust his rather frazzled brain to be able to be subtle about it, and it was likely that Mike would be able to see right through him; Harvey was not going to take that risk.
Mike sat down in one of the visitor's chair in the room and rub tiredly at his face. The clock on the wall facing his bed showed that it was just past 5am.
"I took the rest of the week off," Mike said, as though reading Harvey's mind. Some of the anxiety Harvey was feeling at that statement must've shown on his expression because Mike added. "I'm not going to move out."
"You told Donna - "
"I know what I told Donna. I was still pissed at you."
"And now you're not?"
"Still is," Mike glared at Harvey. "But I realised I haven't been totally blameless either. I've been taking you for granted, and hadn't even realised you were unhappy with how things were," Mike let out a humourless laugh. "That is exactly why I was apprehensive about doing this stupid PhD."
"I should've dealt with it better."
"Yes, you should have."
Harvey winced at Mike's sharp tone, but he knew he deserved that, and probably whatever Mike was going to dish out to him. The important thing is Mike was finally talking to Harvey, and he wasn't moving out. "I'm sorry."
"So you say," Mike replied, pausing for a moment before continuing. "I listened to your messages. Well, at least those that I hadn't deleted in a fit of rage."
"I meant every word."
"I know."
"Mike, I didn't mean to hurt you."
Mike scoffed. "Of course you did. And so did I when I ignored you for the last three weeks. You felt betrayed and lashed out, and I did the same, though the whole door slamming thing really was an accident," Mike paused and took a deep breath. "As Donna would say, we are both idiots."
"Tell me about it. She's been..." Harvey trailed off, at a lost as to how to best describe how Donna had been acting the last few weeks.
"Donna?" Mike suggested with a small grin.
"Yeah. Pretty much."
The silence that followed felt awkward, but Harvey's mind, dulled from the painkillers, couldn't come up with anything to break it. He wanted to ask 'now what?' but he was afraid of the answer, and it had been drilled into him since his first advocacy course that the first rule of witness examination was never to ask a question you don't know the answer to.
After a couple of minutes, Mike stood up and started pacing. Harvey didn't know what Mike was thinking, but the fact that he was running a hand through his hair was enough of a tell for Harvey.
"I was up half the night thinking," Mike eventually said.
"About?"
"You, me, this whole mess, us,"
"Guess I should be glad that the end result of that was you in bed with me." There was an unexpected laugh from Mike. "Okay, maybe I'm more out of it than I'd thought. I don't think I meant to say that out loud."
Mike gave Harvey a look, one that Harvey wasn't sure he had ever seen. It was part exasperation, part residual anger, and something else Harvey couldn't quite put his fingers on.
"I love you," Harvey blurted.
"I know," Mike replied, repeating his earlier words. "Harvey?"
"Yeah?"
There was a pause, as though Mike was trying to find the right words for whatever he was going to say next. Then, "Let's get married?"
If Harvey's brain had been a speeding car, it would've left a trail of smoke and skid marks, and probably fried the tires as well given how fast it came to a stop. "So, any minute they'll be waking me up and telling me this is nothing but a dream. Like Sam Tyler in Life of Mars, only hopefully, I'm not in a coma."
"Harvey," this time the look and the tone of voice were more than familiar: straight out exasperation.
"Seriously, Mike? You went from moving out to marriage proposal in the equivalent of 2.46 seconds?"
"Oh my god, did you just compare me to a Bugatti Veyron?! And you haven't answered the question."
Harvey held out his right hand to Mike who took it without thought. Tugging Mike closer, he brought Mike's hand to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of Mike's hand. "Ask me again when I'm not doped up on painkillers and think I'm hallucinating?"
* * *
Epilogue
"Can we go to the zoo, Uncle Mike? Please?" While the eight-year-old girl didn't whine, the puppy dog eyes Alison Specter turned against Mike were probably more effective. Alison had her mother's brown hair, but her facial features resembled Charlie, and as a result Harvey. Mike always did have a weakness for the Specter brand of puppy dog eyes.
"Weren't we there just a few weeks ago?"
"No, that was months ago!" Alison declared. "It was still winter then, its summer now, and they have the baby polar bears. I read about them in the flyers they were giving out at school before the holidays."
It was the last weekend of the school summer holidays. Harvey and Mike had volunteered to take Alison for the weekend, allowing Charlie and Janice to have some time for themselves. Both of them had anticipated Alison's demand for a trip to the zoo, one of the downsides of living in Central Park West, easy access to the zoo, and Alison was well aware of that seeing as that was where they tend to end up over the years whenever Mike and Harvey had to babysit.
"And of course, we have to see the baby polar bears, don't we, Uncle Mike?" Harvey asked, turning his own puppy dog eyes at Mike. With his chin gently resting on top of Alison's, who was sitting on his lap, there was no way Mike could've resisted the double fronted assault even if he wanted to.
"Fine," Mike let out an exaggerated sigh. "We can go after breakfast tomorrow."
"Awesome!" Alison hopped off Harvey's lap, bounded over to Mike who was sitting on the edge of the chair next to the couch and gave him a hug.
"Hey, what about me?" Harvey protested.
"You don't count," Alison replied.
"I don't?"
"Nope. You were going to take me there anyway."
Mike let out a small laugh at Harvey's incredulous look. "Doesn't that make me the better uncle?"
"Yeah," Alison said, the 'D'uh' was left unsaid, but Mike was sure Harvey heard it as clearly as he did. "That's why you get to have some of my ice cream tomorrow."
"Ice cream that I'll be buying?" Harvey asked.
"No, Uncle Mike's buying, silly!"
"Why am I buying you and your Uncle Harvey ice cream?" Mike asked.
"Because you were being mean," Alison said reasonably.
"Mean? That wasn't being mean, now this is being mean!" Mike declared, scooping Alison up into his arms and proceeding to tickle her.
The shrieks were ear splitting, and it took a minute of squirming before Mike allowed Alison to escape back to Harvey, breathless and still giggling.
"Did you know mummy and daddy met at the zoo?" Alison asked after she finally stopped giggling and caught her breath. She was sprawled bonelessly on the couch next to Harvey as though she was utterly exhausted.
"What? Central Park Zoo?" Harvey asked, looking at the small figure next to him, puzzled.
"No, the zoo near their college, when they were in college a long time ago. Daddy was doing a project there," it was obvious to Mike the way she said the word 'project' she was clearly emulating someone. "And mummy was showing Poppy and Nana around," Alison explained, referring to her maternal grandparents.
"Did you mum and dad tell you this?" Mike asked, curious. He knew Charlie and Janice met in college, but he had always assumed it was at a party or in one of their classes.
"Yep! They said I was old enough to understand," Alison declared proudly. "Uncle Harvey, did you and Uncle Mike met in a zoo?" Alison asked, all wide-eyed and innocent.
"Well, in a manner of speaking," Mike replied, chuckling. The ER had been compared to many things over the years, a zoo just happened to be one of them.
"No," Harvey said, glaring at Mike. "We didn't meet in a zoo." Alison frowned and pursed her lips, clearly confused by the conflicting answers. Mike wished he had his camera or phone with him so he could take a picture, she was too adorable. "We met at Mike's work, at the hospital."
"At the hospital?"
"Yep," Harvey confirmed.
"Actually, it was just around the corner from where you were born," Mike added.
"Really?" Alison's eyes grew impossibly larger in excitement. "Why was Uncle Harvey at the hospital? Was he there to sue someone?"
Mike bit his lips to stop himself from laughing.
"I wasn't there to sue anyone," Harvey protested before proceeding to tell his niece an abridged version of how he and Mike met.
Mike sat back in his chair, interceding only when it was necessary to defend his honour against the clearly outrageous lies Harvey was spinning. Fiddling with the simple gold band on his left ring finger, Mike couldn't help but wonder where the last 10 years had gone.
They have had their shares of good and bad times, though Mike was fairly confident that they were probably the only couple in the world outside of a Hollywood movie to have ended an argument over alleged infidelity with a marriage proposal. No one did ever say that their relationship wasn't unique.
"And the lesson of that story is?" Harvey asked, concluding his tale.
"Uh..." Alison floundered, clearly having not expecting that question.
"Always put on your seat belt when you're in a car," Mike replied.
"But you wouldn't have met Uncle Harvey then if he'd had his seatbelt on," Alison argued, his eight-year-old logic infallible.
"Actually, we probably still would've met," Harvey said, a small private smile on his face as he looked at Mike. "And it's now half an hour pass your bedtime, young lady. You need your sleep if you want to see the baby polar bears tomorrow."
Watching Harvey hustling Alison into the guestroom, Mike knew that there wasn't a single thing he'd change in his life. Everything Mike had been through had led him to this moment with Harvey and Alison, and there was no way Mike could regret any of it.
The End
Author: in_the_bottle
Fandom: Suits
Rating: PG (~9,500 words)
Summary: The one where Harvey has a mid-life crisis and fucks up big time. Set a few years after From the Ashes and reference some stuff that were revealed in that fic, so best read that beforehand.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.
Notes: Many thanks again to slashybits for beta. And Dr Google and Dr Wikipedia are responsible for all the medical info. Was going to post this last night, but LJ konked out on me.
Feedback: Yes! Yes! YES!!! Please?
Or at AO3
Bang! Bang! Bang!
The insistent banging sounded like it was coming from far away, which was followed by a voice yelling his name. He turned around, trying to see through the thick fog where the noise was coming from, who was there with him. "Harvey?" he called out, but there was no one.
"Michael Ross, open this door right now!"
Mike startled awake, almost falling out of the bed, tangled up in the sheets as he was.
"I swear to God, Mike, if you don't open the door, you will regret it!" even muffled, the voice of Donna Paulsen was unmistakable.
Untangling himself, Mike stumbled out of bed and yanked the door to the hotel room open before Donna could create more of a racket, and probably drawing the attention of security.
"There you are," said Donna, brushing pass Mike and into the room without waiting for an invitation.
"Donna? What the hell?" Mike blinked sleepily at Donna, closing the door behind him. Then his brain woke up a bit more. "He's sending you to do his dirty work for him now?"
"He doesn't know I'm here. As a matter of fact, he doesn't know you're here either."
"You do realise that's not helping his case at all?"
"You look like hell," Donna said, completely bypassing Mike's question. "And just so you know, he looks even worse."
"Not my problem," Mike replied, sitting down on the bed. He had to resist the urge to crawl back under the covers and go right back to sleep. It's been less than two hours since he went to bed, and after an eighteen-hour night shift, that was nowhere near enough.
"I don't know what happened between the two of you - "
"That's right, you don't. So just go back to the office and pretend you never saw me."
"But whatever it is," Donna continued as though Mike hadn't spoken at all. "Fix it!"
"Donna, it's really - "
"If the next words out of your mouth are 'none of your business', I'd reconsider," Donna snapped. "Because when it starts affecting my work and my life, whatever this is, becomes my business. Do you have any idea how miserable it has been at the office for the last two weeks? He's been utterly unpredictable. One day he'd be completely non-communicative, the next he'd be biting everyone heads off for saying hello, and even though he's there, he might as well not be.
"It's got to the point where Harold is picking up on mistakes he's making. He hasn't been sleeping, and have I mentioned? He looks worse than hell."
Donna's words painted a vivid picture for Mike. While a part of him wanted nothing more than to give in and see Harvey again, a larger part was still felt betrayed and unbelievably pissed off at him. "Again, not my problem."
Donna was quiet for a moment, then she let out a sigh and sat down next to Mike. "What did he do to screw things up this badly with you?"
"Why don't you ask him?"
"Don't you think I've tried? And looking at the state you're in now, you're probably not far behind him in your race to hit rock bottom."
"Donna," Mike said tiredly, rubbing his face in his hands. "Just leave it."
"Just like you and Harvey are doing right now? I can see that's going remarkably well," Donna replied sarcastically.
"Look, I'm going to take a day off work in a couple of days and move out. Then it'll all be over and he can get over it."
"Move out?! What do you mean move out?!" Donna sounded shocked.
To be honest, Mike hadn't even known he had made up his mind to move out until now. As the weeks stretched on, Mike had been contemplating the possibility, and the more he thought about it, the more it made sense.
"Mike, what did Harvey do?"
* * *
It was close to two in the morning by the time Mike got home. He was somewhat surprised that the lights were still on and was puzzled when he found Harvey sitting in the living room with the TV on but muted. The expected files and paperwork were nowhere in sight, and as far as Mike could tell Harvey didn't have his laptop with him either.
"You're up late," Mike said, wondering what was going on with Harvey when he didn't acknowledge Mike.
They had barely seen each other for the last few months. Mike's research for his PhD thesis had took a turn at the crazy intersection and he winded up with a whole load of unexpected data he had to shift through on top of his normal work at the ER. With the first draft due in a few weeks, it didn't leave him with much time to do anything else beside eat and sleep. The only time Mike even saw Harvey was the occasional morning in the kitchen when they were both half awake, or when Mike was on his way out to do a night shift with Harvey just coming home from work.
"Seems like the only way I get to see you nowadays," Harvey replied. Even in Mike's exhausted state, he could tell something wasn't right. Harvey sounded cold and distant, something Mike had never had directed at him before.
"Harvey, you knew there were going to be days like this," Mike said, half collapsing into the chair next to the couch Harvey was sitting in. All he really wanted to do was change, and crawl into bed and sleep for a week, but it seemed like Harvey had other ideas.
"Days? Try months, Mike," Harvey finally looked away from the television screen to Mike, his 'asshole attorney' mask firmly in place.
"God, I don't have the energy to deal with this right now," Mike groaned, knowing he was probably adding fuel to the fire, yet too tired to control himself, he should've just gone straight to bed.
"I wonder why," came Harvey's cutting reply.
"Harvey, we've been through this. I told you things were going to get crazy for a while, and you were fine with it, so what's really bugging you? I have another few weeks to get this done and a whole load of work to do," Mike explained.
"So that's what you're calling it?"
Mike was utterly confused. "Just what the hell are you talking about?"
"Mike, just be straight with me. Are you having an affair?"
"What?" Just what the fuck was Harvey talking about? "Harvey, where the hell is this coming from?!" His exhaustion forgotten, Mike stood up, looking disbelievingly at Harvey.
"Are you?" Harvey demanded, looking up from where he was still sitting. It looked as though it physically pained Harvey to ask that question, but Mike was too dumfounded from the completely unexpected question to pay too much attention.
"No! I barely have time to eat, sleep and go to the toilet on most days, when do you think I have time to have an affair?" Mike denied, still completely clueless as to how Harvey had jumped to this conclusion. Had he been taking Harvey for granted for so long that he hadn't noticed Harvey's growing unhappiness in the last few months?
"All the early mornings and late nights, months worth of it, Mike. Do you really have that much work at the hospital and the lab?"
"Yes!"
"Work that goes on till the middle of the night and have you coming home with your clothes smelling of perfume? Do you really work that closely with Amanda?" Harvey's voice was getting louder as he spoke, and in the end, he was almost yelling, his hands gripping his knees, as though he was trying to stop himself from physically lashing out. "What did you expect me to think?!"
"She's my thesis supervisor! Sometimes we'd have a working lunch or dinner, it's not as though you aren't familiar with that concept! Hell, you practically invented it!" Mike yelled back. "Trusting me would be a good first step, and just because you think she's hot doesn't mean I'm sleeping with her!"
"So you admit that you think she's hot."
"What?" The word seemed like it had turned into Mike's catchphrase for the night. "Don't twist my words, Harvey! I'm not one of your witnesses, and you know that's not what I said. How could you even think that I'd do something like that?"
"Oh, I don't know, prior history, maybe?"
Mike froze; feeling as though someone had stabbed him through his heart with a blade made of ice. The only time Mike had done something remotely like that was when he slept with Trevor while Trevor was dating Jenny, and Harvey knew that. Harvey also knew exactly what happened between Mike and Trevor that ended their lifelong friendship.
"Mike - " Harvey started, standing up, his eyes wide as though he couldn't quite believe what he'd said.
"Don't," Mike snapped, interrupting Harvey. "Not one more word," his voice gone quiet. Mike's earlier confusion gave way to anger and an overwhelming sense of betrayal, the sudden change left his head reeling.
Snatching up the messenger bag he left by the chair with shaking hands, Mike practically rushed out the door, not caring where exactly he was going. He vaguely heard Harvey calling out to him, but Harvey was the last person Mike wanted to be around right then.
Flagging down a cab, Mike got in and told the driver to just drive, for the first time feeling uncertain about his life with Harvey.
* * *
"Fix it." Harvey looked up to find Jessica standing in front of him. Donna was nowhere to be seen.
"Jessica - "
Jessica didn't let Harvey finish. "Whatever it is you've managed to screw up with Mike, fix it," she demanded. "It's been three weeks. While Louis and I can handle the prep work that you've been neglecting, I need you back 100% for the Nakamura negotiations in two weeks."
Harvey wasn't even going to ask how Jessica knew about his situation with Mike. It was obvious that Donna had finally given up and called for backup. No wonder she wasn't at her desk; she didn't want to be around for Harvey to yell at her to stay out of his business.
"What makes you so sure that I'm the one who has to fix things?" he asked Jessica.
Jessica cocked her head and narrowed her eyes at him. It was a reminder that she was the managing partner and thus knows everything.
Harvey hated that look; he also hated the fact that he seemed to be surrounded by women who knew everything.
"I'm trying!" Harvey said, giving in. There really wasn't much point in resisting when Jessica was on a mission. "He's not answering my calls or my texts."
"Have you even tried talking to him in person? You know where he works."
"I got the hint that he wants to be left alone when he had security escort me out of the hospital last week," Harvey replied with a sigh, slumping in his chair.
"What happened?" Jessica asked, sitting down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, her tone told Harvey that she was asking as a friend, and not his boss.
"I screwed up. Crossed a line I never should've been anywhere near in the first place. Simple as that," Harvey let out a humourless laugh. "I'm not even sure what I'd been thinking. I accused him of cheating on me."
Jessica's eyes widened in surprise. "Harvey," the disapproval in her voice was clear. "I may not know Mike that well, but even I can tell he's not the cheating type. He's absolutely crazy about you," Jessica said, then she added sardonically. "He has to be to have put up with you for the last five years."
"It gets worse," Harvey confessed, in for a penny and all that crap. "Mike told me something very personal early on in our relationship. In the heat of the moment I..." Harvey trailed off.
"You used it against him," Jessica completed the sentence for Harvey. "That's a pretty big screw up."
"I know. I knew it the moment I said it, but the damage was done."
"Fix it."
"Don't you think I haven't been trying? I have no precedents to go on here, and he's rebutted every move I've made so far."
"Then try harder."
"Because you'll lose him soon if you don't do anything," Harvey looked up to see Donna standing by his office door. "He said he was going to move out in the next few days."
"What?" Harvey got to his feet. "You saw him? What do you mean he's moving out?! Where is he?!" Harvey demanded, not caring that he's probably sounding a bit hysterical, because Mike moving out was not an option. Harvey hadn't even considered that a possibility. Had he really miscalculated by giving Mike the space he thought he needed instead of hounding him like a stalker and risk having Mike put a restraining order out on him?
Donna walked into the office and handed Harvey a business card. It was for a three star hotel not too far from the hospital with a room number written on it in Donna's handwriting.
"If you'd bothered to check your joint credit card statement, you could've found him yourself," Donna said, her tone accusational, clearly Mike had told her at least the basics of what happened. Harvey wasn't even sure when Donna got to be so protective of Mike, not that he blamed her, Harvey usually shared the same instinct. Of course, he wondered where those instincts went on that stupid night when his own insecurities got the better of him.
"I thought he wanted some space!" Harvey protested. "I know I screwed up, just tell me how to fix it because I'm all out of ideas."
"Beg," Donna suggested.
"And get on your knees if necessary," Jessica added. "Go!"
Harvey went.
* * *
It was the third event in four months that Harvey had turned up without Mike by his side. Ever since they first got together, it had been rare for Harvey to attend charity and firm events by himself. With sufficient notice, Mike had usually been able to organise his schedule at the hospital to make sure he could at least make an appearance with Harvey.
While the clients didn't know any better, other attendees from Pearson Hardman were starting to notice Mike's absence. To be honest, Harvey himself hadn't really seen or spoken to Mike for more than a week after Mike cancelled on their dinner and then lunch plans via text a few days ago. Harvey could've sworn he and Mike saw more of each other in the first few months they knew each other than they did in the last five months. If Harvey hadn't occasionally woken up in the middle of the night to find Mike in bed with him, he would've wondered whether Mike was still living in their apartment at all.
By the time Harvey thought it was appropriate to make an exit, it was already close to midnight. A text from Mike told him that Mike was still stuck in the lab, analysing data or some such, and Harvey was resigned to another night alone at home.
"Do you think they broke up? I mean, I haven't seen Dr Ross in the last few functions and he always turns up whenever Harvey does."
The mention of Mike's name made Harvey paused in his tracks. He was around the corner from the elevators, so whomever it was that had spoken hadn't seen him.
"He does work in the ER, maybe he hasn't been able to get away?" This time a female voice said, and Harvey recognised it as belonging to one of the third year associates.
"Come on, he's what? Ten years younger than Harvey? Dating an older man must have its downside, there's a reason why guys tend to go for younger chicks."
"Oh, that's classy Kyle, real classy," the second voice replied, sounding slightly disgusted. Harvey didn't blame her. "And you wonder why you kept being pass over for senior associate."
"Laura, listen to me, my uncle married an older woman. She was like, three or four years older or something, she was totally controlling him. At first everything was fine, but within a few years, he was having an affair with some other chick a couple years younger than him that he met at the tennis club."
"So what? You think Harvey's too controlling and Dr Ross is having an affair?" Laura scoffed. "God, what's taking the elevator so long?" She added, but Harvey wasn't really paying any attention at that point.
The words "Dr Ross is having an affair" were stuck on repeat in Harvey's mind like a damaged record until he felt like he was going to pass out from lack of oxygen.
This was Mike they were talking about, he would've told Harvey if he was unhappy, he wouldn't cheat on Harvey behind his back. Besides, Mike looked utterly exhausted every time Harvey had managed to see him, his work clearly taking a toll.
Trying to hide the fact that he's sleeping with someone else would take a toll, too, Harvey's traitorous mind supplied. And you've met his supervisor, she's hotter than the last model you dated, any man would be tempted.
The late nights, cancelled dates, the fact that they had barely seen or even talked to each other in the last month; it all looked more sinister under the light of those words.
It wasn't possible. Harvey trusted Mike, he trusted Mike more than anyone else, and his faith in his partner had never been misplaced.
Harvey trusted Mike, and that was it.
That is until two weeks later when Mike came home smelling like Christine Dior's J'Adore perfume.
* * *
Mike couldn't remember ever feeling as exhausted as he felt after Donna finally left, yet no matter what he did, he could not fall back asleep, his mind kept replaying what Donna told him.
Was he making the wrong decision to move out? Donna seemed to think so, but how was he supposed to trust Harvey again after what happened? The first person Mike had told the entire sordid story to, and Harvey had turned it into a weapon against him.
The more Mike replayed the incident in his mind, the angrier he became. How dare Harvey accused Mike of cheating on him while Harvey was the one who still flirted with anyone remotely attractive even after they'd been together for five years. Mike had never made a big deal out of it because he knew Harvey wasn't interested, it was just old habits that were often amusing to watch. The fact that Harvey always tossed out the telephone numbers he was given was good enough for Mike.
Yet Harvey had the nerve to accuse Mike of cheating on him after a few months of late nights and a handful of cancelled meals. It wasn't as though Mike hadn't warned Harvey that this was going to happen when the research project he was involved in turned into more than Mike had bargained for, and it wasn't as though they hadn't discussed the possibility of this happening when Mike was first considering pursuing the PhD in the first place. Harvey have had plenty of warnings as far as Mike was concerned, and Mike didn't even want to know what the hell made Harvey think that Mike was capable of cheating on him. If Harvey didn't trust Mike, then why should Mike trust him?
But despite Mike's newfound doubt in Harvey, he couldn't ignore all that they've been through in the last five years as a couple. It couldn't have all been a mistake, because mistakes weren't supposed to make him feel as happy and content as he'd been. If it had been a big mistake, he wouldn't be feeling the sense of emptiness like he had for the last few weeks, he wouldn't be feeling so confused and lost, and he definitely shouldn't be missing Harvey. One doesn't miss one's mistakes, but every part of him ached from missing Harvey even though Mike was still pissed off at him and wasn't sure if he could bring himself to ever forgive Harvey and trust him again.
Before Mike could work himself up even more, there was a knock on his door.
"What now?" he muttered, getting out of bed once more. It was just an hour after Donna left, and Mike was sure he still had the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the doorknob, so it couldn't be the hotel staff. "Who is it?" Mike called out, but his only reply was another knock.
Opening the door, Mike was greeted by the sight of Harvey Specter himself. Obviously Donna had gone back to the office and spilled the beans. Mike really should've expected that, Donna's loyalties have always been with Harvey.
"Mike, listen - " Harvey started.
But Mike really wasn't ready to listen to anything Harvey might have to say, and he wasn't anywhere near ready to talk to Harvey either. Instead, he slammed the door shut in Harvey's face.
Or at least, that was what was meant to happen if Harvey hadn't decided to stop the door closing by using his left arm as a doorstopper.
There was a sickening crack that Mike recognised as the sound of bones breaking, followed by a barely held back scream and loud swearing by Harvey.
"Fuck!" Mike swore. Heart racing, he swung the door back open to find Harvey leaning against the wall and cradling his left arm and clearly in pain. "Let me see," he said, already knowing what he'd find. "How could you be stupid enough to do that?" Mike said, feelings simultaneously concerned and guilty.
"I wasn't really thinking," Harvey grunted.
Pushing guilt aside, Mike concentrated on the problem at hand and rolled back Harvey's sleeve as gently as he could, but even that was enough to make Harvey squeeze his eyes shut and bite his lips in an attempt to not scream. A large area around the forearm at the point of impact was already starting to bruise and it looked like it was already swelling up as well.
"Can you wriggle your fingers?" Mike asked while gently feeling around the trauma area.
There was a hiss of pain but the fingers moved, a little. "I think I'd rather not move them if you don't mind," Harvey said. "And just FYI, all that poking you're doing hurts."
"Is everything all right?" a hotel porter was coming towards them. "We've got several calls of some disturbance on this floor."
"Can you get me a first aid kit, some ice and call an ambulance?" Mike asked.
"What happened?"
"Had an argument with a door and lost," Harvey replied, probably trying to distract himself from the pain.
"I'll um... I'll go get my manager."
"Get a first aid kit and call an ambulance!" Mike snapped at the porter's retreating back, his patience running short in light of his worry. "Never mind, the hospital's three blocks away. I'll find something to stabilise the arm and we'll get a cab."
"We will?" Harvey asked, surprised.
"Yes," Mike said, ducking into the bathroom to grab one of the towels. He quickly turned it into a makeshift sling, securing Harvey's arm against his chest. "Think you can make it downstairs?"
"As long as I don't need to use my arm, sure," Harvey tone was cocky, but Mike knew it was a front to hide how much pain he was in. Beads of sweat were already forming on his brow, and Mike unconsciously reached out and wiped them away with the edge of his sleeve. Harvey reached out with his right hand to grasp Mike's hand. "Mike - "
"Later, Harvey," Mike interrupted; his resolve to ignore Harvey was rapidly weakening by the circumstances and the sight of Harvey in distress. "We need to get you to the hospital first."
* * *
Harvey's second visit to the ER as a patient was nowhere near as fun or interesting as his first. He was in a considerable amount of pain for one thing, and still has no idea whether Mike was going to continue to ignore him and move out while Harvey was in the hospital. Every attempt by Harvey to talk to Mike in the short cab ride have either been deflected or met by a curt "Later".
Whatever pain medication it was Harvey was given at the hospital wasn't strong enough to knock him out, but it was enough to fog up his brain. Mike had disappeared from Harvey's sight when they sent him upstairs for some x-rays and Harvey had honestly thought that he was never going to see Mike again.
While Harvey was coherent enough to realise he was making a fool of himself and causing a scene, he was also high enough not to care. He eventually made enough of a fuss that the radiologist gave up and paged for Mike.
"Harvey," Mike sighed, looking tired and sad. "You need to get the x-rays done. The longer this takes, the higher the risk of complications."
"Don't go," Harvey said, not really giving a damn about what Mike was saying. It was only his left arm, Harvey still has his right arm, but there was only one Mike Ross. "Please, Mike, don't go."
"Okay, okay. I'm not going anywhere," Mike replied, grabbing a radiation protective apron and putting it on. "God, what the hell did Julie gave you? You're completely out of your head."
Harvey thought he detected a hint of fondness in Mike's tone, but he couldn't be sure. At least Mike was not going home and moving out, so he considered that a win. Once the x-ray was done, Mike wheeled him back to the ER. Harvey didn't know why they insisted that he sat in the wheelchair since it was his arm that broken, not his legs. His legs were fine, they were more than fine, they were shapely and muscular and -
"Its just hospital policy," Mike answered.
"Did I say that out loud? All of that?"
"Yes."
"Huh," Harvey knew ordinarily, he'd feel completely mortified, but right then he really didn't give a fuck. As long as Mike was there, everything was fine. "Julie gave me the good shit," Harvey said with a smile.
There was a surprised chortle from Mike, which was a good sign. Harvey lost track of time about then because the next thing he remembered was the orthopedic surgeon talking at him about god knows what and he was lying in one of the beds in the ER. Harvey's brain was still too foggy to make sense of anything.
"Wouldn't surgery delay the recovery process?" Mike asked. Harvey found his voice reassuring.
"Slightly, but given the nature of the fracture, you'll be risking misalignment even with a full cast on."
"Harvey? What do you want to do?"
"Hmm? What?"
"Two options, Harvey. Surgery or just a cast? You've been listening, right?"
Harvey blinked at Mike. Mike was supposed to take care of all the medical stuff, like Harvey was supposed to take care of all the legal stuff. Harvey really should've gotten Mike to marry him years ago. "Whatever you think is best. I trust you, Mike." Mike has to know that, right? He has to know that Harvey was just being completely idiotic like Donna and Jessica seemed to think so, and Donna was always right. "I really do trust you."
"Harvey," Mike sounded exasperated, not good. "We'll talk about that later, when you're not high as a kite."
"I mean it, Mike. I was being an insecure idiot and crossed the line. I know that."
"I think that's my cue to give you two a minute," the surgeon said. "Just page me when you reach a decision."
"Harvey," Mike started as soon as the other guy left. "I think you should consider - "
"Whatever you think is best."
"Harvey, you really should - "
"I mean it, Mike," Harvey interrupted again. "Like you said, I'm high as a kite. Didn't even catch half of whatever the hell the other guy was saying. There's a reason I listed you as my medical proxy, so just go be my proxy. Prooooxy." Harvey grinned. "I like that word."
Mike stared at him as though Harvey had lost his mind. Frankly, Harvey wasn't sure if he was that far off, because life without Mike had been driving him crazy for the last few weeks.
"I missed you." Harvey said when Mike remained silent.
"I'm sorry for breaking your arm."
"Accident. Forgot that it wasn't the elevator door," even doped up, Harvey could feel the air heavy between them. "Come home?" It was a plea and a question requiring an answer rolled into two simple words.
"I... I think you should opt for the surgery. It'll be less risky over the long term."
Harvey's heart sank.
"Whatever you say," it wasn't as though anything else mattered anymore; he's already lost the most important thing in his life.
* * *
Harvey was ushered into the bedroom the moment he stepped foot into their apartment. "Come on, Harvey. Get changed. We're going to be late," Mike said, already dressed, bar the tie, which Mike had never got the hang of tying no matter how many times Harvey had tried to teach him.
"Sorry. That meeting just went on and on and on. Just when I thought we were done, he'd have another stupid question," Harvey replied, undoing his tie and cufflinks even as he spoke. He tossed the tie onto the bed and pocketed the cufflinks. His tux was already hanging on the hook of the closet door. "You know there will be a day when I won't be around to tie your tie for you."
"Give it up, Harvey. I just can't be a genius at everything, and fashion just happens to be one of those things I'm not good at," Mike called out from the living room, sounding like he was rummaging through god knows what.
"That's putting it mildly," Harvey muttered to himself.
"I heard that!"
"No you didn't!"
"Have you seen my notebook?" Mike called out again as Harvey was tucking his shirt into his pants.
"Why do you even need it?" Harvey asked. They were attending a fund raising function co-hosted by the hospital and research unit that Mike was attached to for his PhD, so of course the Director of the program had thought Mike, being the young and good looking genius that he was, would be the perfect candidate to talk about what they do and attempt to woo the high profile attendees into parting with their cash. Harvey couldn't fault that logic, but Mike had been fretting over the speech for the last couple of weeks and had resorted to actually writing things down in a paper notebook he dug out from somewhere.
"Because it makes me feel better," Mike said, coming up behind Harvey just as he was almost done with his tie. "Found it, by the way. And now that you're done, you can do me," Mike handed his tie to Harvey.
Harvey smirked. "I'd love to, but as you've previously mentioned, we're running behind schedule as it is."
"You're really not as funny as you think you are."
In the end, while they didn't arrive on time, they weren't exactly late either. Harvey snagged a couple flutes of champaign from a passing waiter and handed one to Mike. "Have a drink and just chill."
"Chill? I can't believe you just used that word," Mike said, accepting the flute and downing half of its content in one gulp.
Mike had grown increasingly nervous while they were on their way over much to Harvey's amusement. "Go easy on it will you? It's supposed to help you relax, not get you completely trashed. And you'll be fine," Harvey really wasn't sure why Mike was so nervous given that he was a brilliant teacher, which means he wasn't really afraid of public speaking, and knew his materials backwards.
"Right. Okay," Mike said, taking a deep breath and letting it out in a huff. "Oh, there's Amanda. Come on, I'll introduce you."
Dr Amanda Cooper, MD, PhD and a series of other letters behind her name, was Mike's primary supervisor for his PhD. Harvey had heard Mike talked about her ever since he started his project. What Harvey hadn't expected was how young Dr Cooper was. She was probably in her late 30s, no more than early 40s, with long dark straight hair that Morticia Adams would be proud of, and cheekbones that could probably cut diamonds. To say that the ruby red floor length gown she was wearing was striking was like saying Bill Gates had a bit of money.
"You never mentioned that she was hot," Harvey said as they made their way towards Dr Cooper who was talking to an older silver-haired woman Harvey was surprised to recognise.
"Harvey Specter!" Mrs Evelyn Parker greeted with her usual enthusiasm. "I had no idea Pearson Hardman was part of this event."
"Evelyn, good too see you, too," Harvey greeted the older woman. "And I'm not here on firm business. I'm his plus one," Harvey pointed at Mike. "Dr Mike Ross, Mrs Evelyn Parker of Parker Industries, Evelyn's a long time client."
"You're Amanda's protégé! She's been telling me all about you and I see that you're one of the speakers tonight. Oh, and Amanda, this is Harvey Specter, he's a senior partner at Pearson Hardman, one of the best law firms in New York. And Harvey, I'm sure your young man has told you about Amanda," Evelyn made the introductions.
"Evelyn, you wound me. After all we went through with the Hutchinson acquisition and all I get is 'one of the best'? And Dr Cooper, nice to finally be able to put a face to a name, Mike's told me a lot about you."
"Likewise. And please, call me Amanda. Dr Cooper has always been grandad." Amanda said, shaking Harvey's hand. "Mike mentioned you're here for moral support?"
"So he claims. Though I have no idea what he's so nervous about since he seemed to have taken lecturing in stride," Harvey replied.
"I don't have to make sure I don't put anyone to sleep when I'm lecturing, this is completely different," Mike said, taking another drink from his champaign flute. "I think I need another one of this. Or something stronger."
"You'll be fine, Mike. Just be yourself. They'll love you and they'll happily part with large amounts of their hard earned cash."
"Great, now I'm feeling like a hooker. Nice pep-talk, Amanda."
"It's all for the greater good, Michael," Amanda teased, winking playfully at Mike, and making Evelyn laugh.
"So tell me young man," Evelyn turned her attention to Mike. "How did you manage the impossible and get him to settle down?" she pointed at Harvey.
Mike smirked. "Well, he was concussed the first time we met."
"Ah, that explains it. Hit them while they're down. Good tactic."
"I'm still standing here!" Harvey protested, but he was laughing. Mike was finally looking a bit more relaxed than he'd been. Spotting another oncoming waitress, Harvey surreptitiously swapped out Mike's almost empty champaign flute with a glass of fruit punch.
Amanda noticed Harvey's action and gave him an approving smile. While Harvey couldn't fault the fact that Amanda was looking out for Mike, he wasn't sure how he felt about Amanda seemingly thinking that Mike needed protection against Harvey.
* * *
"Jo said I would find you here."
Mike looked up to find Amanda standing by the door to Harvey's private room.
"Do you need something?" Mike asked tiredly. Harvey was still out cold, even though the nurse on duty mentioned that he'd woken up briefly not long after he was out of surgery.
"Just wanted to let you know that Jason's finished looking through your first draft," Amanda said, referring to Mike's secondary supervisor.
"Yeah?"
"You'd be glad to know that there won't be too many changes."
"You could've told me that over the phone."
They kept their voice low, so as not to wake Harvey.
"I wanted to see how you were doing," Amanda admitted. Mike was about to reply when she held up her hand and continued. "If you say you're fine, I'm going to hit you with my handbag."
Mike sighed, looking at the unconscious figure on the bed. The room was silent while Amanda waited for Mike to continue.
"I was going to move out," he finally admitted. "I blurted it out to Donna, who of course told Harvey. He turned up at the hotel and instead of talking to him, I slammed the door in his arm."
"And you're feeling guilty now and having second thoughts?"
"I don't know what to think!" Mike replied, his voice still low but frustrated. "For weeks he acted like nothing was wrong, then out of the blue, he accused me of having an affair. You know how that argument turned out."
"Mike, don't you think it's because he's afraid of losing you?" Amanda stepped into the room and settled herself down into the second visitor's chair next to Mike.
"Sure has a strange way of showing it."
"Think about it Mike. What do men usually do when they're going through a midlife crisis?"
"Buy a Ferrari, divorce their wives and date a younger woman. Or at least that's what everyone tells me. Are you telling me that Harvey's going through a midlife crisis?" Mike asked, incredulous.
"He's what? 45? That's within the age range, and you told me he bought himself a Harley a few months ago. Since he's already dating a younger man..." Amanda trailed off, leaving Mike to fill in the blank.
"He gets paranoid instead and accused me of dating someone younger than him?" Mike asked in disbelief.
Amanda shrugged. "More insecurity and less paranoia. It's the male version of menopause. Or PMS, research still isn't too clear about that. Either way, he's just afraid of losing you. But that's just my take on things. How did you guys get over your last fight? Same approach might help?" Amanda suggested.
"That would only work if we've had any previous fights."
"You've never had a fight?" Amanda asked, clearly shocked. "In the entire time you've been together?"
"We've had arguments and disagreements, but nothing close to this scale," Mike replied, thinking that most of the time, the disagreements he had with Harvey were more like a debate than 'go for the jugular' type fights like their current one seemed to be.
"Right," Amanda said, obviously still trying to get her head around Mike's revelation. She turned thoughtful and then asked, "He's been calling you since you walked out that night?"
Mike nodded.
"If you haven't deleted them already, listen to the voicemails he left you. You might be surprised," Amanda said as she stood up. "I'll email you Jason's and my comments on your draft. Take your time with it."
"Yeah, thanks," Mike replied, his mind going in ten different directions, not even really registering the fact that Amanda had left.
Amanda's reaction made Mike step back and remember his previous long-term relationships before he met Harvey. If what Mike went through and what he remembered of his parents' relationship were any indication, what he and Harvey have was rare.
Could Amanda be right? Though the idea of Harvey feeling insecure sounded preposterous, on the other hand, given how little they saw each other in the few months before that, even with them living under the same roof, was it really that unbelievable that Harvey would feel uncertain? Especially since Harvey's not exactly experienced with the whole long-term relationship thing.
Mike was tired, not just due to the lack of sleep, but tired of feeling angry and betrayed, tired of staying in a hotel, and tired of trying and failing at convincing himself that he didn't miss Harvey.
Watching Harvey in a drug induced sleep, Mike took out his cell phone. He knew there were over a dozen unchecked messages from Harvey on it. After the first week, Mike had stopped deleting them the moment he got them, and since then Harvey had left at least one message per day.
Mike, I'm sorry, just... call me back.
...
It's me. I'm sorry. I'm not sure how many times you need me to say it, but I'm sorry. I never should've said that and I know I screwed up. Just... call me. Or text, or something, Mike. Please.
...
Mike, please. I just need... just, I'm sorry. Please, just at least let me know you're all right.
...
I miss you. Call me.
...
I screwed up, I know that. Harvey sounded drunk. I don't do that often, but it seems like when I do, like everything else, I do it spectacularly. Please Mike, call me. You know I don't beg, but that's what I'm doing now. Begging you. If you need me to get on my knees, I will. I swear I will. There was pause; Mike could hear Harvey taking deep breath, as though trying not to cry. Mike, he finally continued, voice softer than it was before. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Please tell me I haven't screwed things up beyond repair. Please.
The last 'please' was said so softly that Mike had to strain to hear it. Closing his eyes, Mike felt his heart ached at the pain he could hear in Harvey's voice, even in the crappy voicemail playback.
I miss you. I'm sorry.
The last message from the previous night was simply: I love you, Mike. Always will. Harvey sounded so utterly lost and heart-broken that Mike found himself muttering, "Love you, too," in return before he could think about it.
He hit the command to save the message.
One thing was clear to Mike; Harvey was hurting from this as much as Mike was. It was time for Mike to put an end to both their miseries.
* * *
"You know, if you've been thinking about it for this long, it probably means you're just going to go ahead and do it," Harvey said, settling down next to Mike on the couch. "Would the PhD mean I can call you Doctor Doctor?"
Mike laughed. "Breakfast for dinner?" he asked instead, eyeing the bowl of cereal with milk in Harvey's hand. "I thought you had a dinner meeting, didn't your client feed you?"
"It was at one of those places where the size of the serving is inversely proportional to the price," Harvey replied.
"They usually taste pretty good though," Mike replied as Harvey ate.
"Taste means nothing if it doesn't fill you up," Harvey said, peering at Mike's laptop screen. "So, you're doing it."
"I am?" Mike asked, amused.
"You've been looking at the proposal for weeks and you're probably halfway through the literature review already. Besides, it's only an extension of your fellowship anyway. Of course you're doing it."
Mike shut the laptop and placed it on the coffee table. "It's a lot more work," he said. "I mean, yes, I'm already doing quite a bit of it as part of my fellowship, but I'll need a whole load more research for the PhD."
"You can handle it," Harvey shrugged, finishing the last bit of his cereal.
"Yeah, but can we handle it? I don't want to go back to seeing each other once a month like when I was finishing my residency," Mike explained. He had seen plenty of friends and colleagues from the hospital whose relationships crumble under the pressure of their career and working hours. Mike wasn't sure whether three more alphabets behind his name were worth it.
"Mike, you want this. You've wanted this for a while. You put it off when Grammy's health deteriorated, but now that she's passed, there's nothing stopping you from going after it," Harvey said, encouraging. "Even if you haven't already got the scholarship, funding the damn thing would barely make a dent in our savings, and you know it."
"I'm not worried about the money."
"I know you're not."
"We barely see each other as it is, if I do this, its just going to get crazier," Mike said, trying to get Harvey to see his point.
"I know, but it's only for another two years. We can deal with two years," Harvey replied, reaching out to draw Mike into a half embrace on the couch. "That brain of yours has an addictive personality, and unfortunately, it's hooked on pediatric medicine," Harvey let out a put upon sigh.
Mike chuckled, twisting around so to end up half sitting on Harvey's lap facing him. "Even crack addicts need oxygen to survive," he said, leaning in to kiss Harvey.
"And I'm oxygen?" Harvey asked, sounding pleased.
"Yep. Absolutely essential."
* * *
It was the first time in months that Harvey had woken up feeling warm and content. Trying to blink away the drug induced haze, he looked down to discover the reason; Mike was somehow sprawled across his chest, Harvey's right arm resting at the small of his back, and he was sound asleep.
He's here, was Harvey's first thought.
Harvey wasn't sure how long he spent staring at the top of Mike's head, his brain was still fuzzy from the painkillers, though he was sure he was nowhere near as high as he'd been earlier. Harvey thought he must have moved or something because Mike started to stir, and within moments, Harvey was looking into familiar blue eyes.
"Hey," Mike said, blinking sleepily at Harvey.
"Hey," Harvey echoed, tightening his hold on Mike even as he laid his head back down onto Harvey's chest and didn't say anything else. His throat felt dry, but as long as he wasn't talking, it was fine.
"I'm sorry," Mike eventually said, looking up at Harvey again.
What Harvey wanted to say was "I'm sorry, too," but it came out sounding more like a frog's croak than actual words.
"I'll get you some water," Mike twisted around and somehow managed to wriggle off the bed without jostling Harvey's immobilised left arm.
The water was cool and soothing, though Harvey was getting a little apprehensive over what Mike was going to say. The fact that Mike was in bed with him was a positive sign, but Harvey couldn't ignore what happened in the last few weeks. It was obvious that Mike felt guilty about the accident, and under normal circumstances Harvey would not have hesitated to take advantage of that, but he was too emotionally exhausted to be playing games. Besides, he wasn't sure he'd trust his rather frazzled brain to be able to be subtle about it, and it was likely that Mike would be able to see right through him; Harvey was not going to take that risk.
Mike sat down in one of the visitor's chair in the room and rub tiredly at his face. The clock on the wall facing his bed showed that it was just past 5am.
"I took the rest of the week off," Mike said, as though reading Harvey's mind. Some of the anxiety Harvey was feeling at that statement must've shown on his expression because Mike added. "I'm not going to move out."
"You told Donna - "
"I know what I told Donna. I was still pissed at you."
"And now you're not?"
"Still is," Mike glared at Harvey. "But I realised I haven't been totally blameless either. I've been taking you for granted, and hadn't even realised you were unhappy with how things were," Mike let out a humourless laugh. "That is exactly why I was apprehensive about doing this stupid PhD."
"I should've dealt with it better."
"Yes, you should have."
Harvey winced at Mike's sharp tone, but he knew he deserved that, and probably whatever Mike was going to dish out to him. The important thing is Mike was finally talking to Harvey, and he wasn't moving out. "I'm sorry."
"So you say," Mike replied, pausing for a moment before continuing. "I listened to your messages. Well, at least those that I hadn't deleted in a fit of rage."
"I meant every word."
"I know."
"Mike, I didn't mean to hurt you."
Mike scoffed. "Of course you did. And so did I when I ignored you for the last three weeks. You felt betrayed and lashed out, and I did the same, though the whole door slamming thing really was an accident," Mike paused and took a deep breath. "As Donna would say, we are both idiots."
"Tell me about it. She's been..." Harvey trailed off, at a lost as to how to best describe how Donna had been acting the last few weeks.
"Donna?" Mike suggested with a small grin.
"Yeah. Pretty much."
The silence that followed felt awkward, but Harvey's mind, dulled from the painkillers, couldn't come up with anything to break it. He wanted to ask 'now what?' but he was afraid of the answer, and it had been drilled into him since his first advocacy course that the first rule of witness examination was never to ask a question you don't know the answer to.
After a couple of minutes, Mike stood up and started pacing. Harvey didn't know what Mike was thinking, but the fact that he was running a hand through his hair was enough of a tell for Harvey.
"I was up half the night thinking," Mike eventually said.
"About?"
"You, me, this whole mess, us,"
"Guess I should be glad that the end result of that was you in bed with me." There was an unexpected laugh from Mike. "Okay, maybe I'm more out of it than I'd thought. I don't think I meant to say that out loud."
Mike gave Harvey a look, one that Harvey wasn't sure he had ever seen. It was part exasperation, part residual anger, and something else Harvey couldn't quite put his fingers on.
"I love you," Harvey blurted.
"I know," Mike replied, repeating his earlier words. "Harvey?"
"Yeah?"
There was a pause, as though Mike was trying to find the right words for whatever he was going to say next. Then, "Let's get married?"
If Harvey's brain had been a speeding car, it would've left a trail of smoke and skid marks, and probably fried the tires as well given how fast it came to a stop. "So, any minute they'll be waking me up and telling me this is nothing but a dream. Like Sam Tyler in Life of Mars, only hopefully, I'm not in a coma."
"Harvey," this time the look and the tone of voice were more than familiar: straight out exasperation.
"Seriously, Mike? You went from moving out to marriage proposal in the equivalent of 2.46 seconds?"
"Oh my god, did you just compare me to a Bugatti Veyron?! And you haven't answered the question."
Harvey held out his right hand to Mike who took it without thought. Tugging Mike closer, he brought Mike's hand to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of Mike's hand. "Ask me again when I'm not doped up on painkillers and think I'm hallucinating?"
* * *
Epilogue
"Can we go to the zoo, Uncle Mike? Please?" While the eight-year-old girl didn't whine, the puppy dog eyes Alison Specter turned against Mike were probably more effective. Alison had her mother's brown hair, but her facial features resembled Charlie, and as a result Harvey. Mike always did have a weakness for the Specter brand of puppy dog eyes.
"Weren't we there just a few weeks ago?"
"No, that was months ago!" Alison declared. "It was still winter then, its summer now, and they have the baby polar bears. I read about them in the flyers they were giving out at school before the holidays."
It was the last weekend of the school summer holidays. Harvey and Mike had volunteered to take Alison for the weekend, allowing Charlie and Janice to have some time for themselves. Both of them had anticipated Alison's demand for a trip to the zoo, one of the downsides of living in Central Park West, easy access to the zoo, and Alison was well aware of that seeing as that was where they tend to end up over the years whenever Mike and Harvey had to babysit.
"And of course, we have to see the baby polar bears, don't we, Uncle Mike?" Harvey asked, turning his own puppy dog eyes at Mike. With his chin gently resting on top of Alison's, who was sitting on his lap, there was no way Mike could've resisted the double fronted assault even if he wanted to.
"Fine," Mike let out an exaggerated sigh. "We can go after breakfast tomorrow."
"Awesome!" Alison hopped off Harvey's lap, bounded over to Mike who was sitting on the edge of the chair next to the couch and gave him a hug.
"Hey, what about me?" Harvey protested.
"You don't count," Alison replied.
"I don't?"
"Nope. You were going to take me there anyway."
Mike let out a small laugh at Harvey's incredulous look. "Doesn't that make me the better uncle?"
"Yeah," Alison said, the 'D'uh' was left unsaid, but Mike was sure Harvey heard it as clearly as he did. "That's why you get to have some of my ice cream tomorrow."
"Ice cream that I'll be buying?" Harvey asked.
"No, Uncle Mike's buying, silly!"
"Why am I buying you and your Uncle Harvey ice cream?" Mike asked.
"Because you were being mean," Alison said reasonably.
"Mean? That wasn't being mean, now this is being mean!" Mike declared, scooping Alison up into his arms and proceeding to tickle her.
The shrieks were ear splitting, and it took a minute of squirming before Mike allowed Alison to escape back to Harvey, breathless and still giggling.
"Did you know mummy and daddy met at the zoo?" Alison asked after she finally stopped giggling and caught her breath. She was sprawled bonelessly on the couch next to Harvey as though she was utterly exhausted.
"What? Central Park Zoo?" Harvey asked, looking at the small figure next to him, puzzled.
"No, the zoo near their college, when they were in college a long time ago. Daddy was doing a project there," it was obvious to Mike the way she said the word 'project' she was clearly emulating someone. "And mummy was showing Poppy and Nana around," Alison explained, referring to her maternal grandparents.
"Did you mum and dad tell you this?" Mike asked, curious. He knew Charlie and Janice met in college, but he had always assumed it was at a party or in one of their classes.
"Yep! They said I was old enough to understand," Alison declared proudly. "Uncle Harvey, did you and Uncle Mike met in a zoo?" Alison asked, all wide-eyed and innocent.
"Well, in a manner of speaking," Mike replied, chuckling. The ER had been compared to many things over the years, a zoo just happened to be one of them.
"No," Harvey said, glaring at Mike. "We didn't meet in a zoo." Alison frowned and pursed her lips, clearly confused by the conflicting answers. Mike wished he had his camera or phone with him so he could take a picture, she was too adorable. "We met at Mike's work, at the hospital."
"At the hospital?"
"Yep," Harvey confirmed.
"Actually, it was just around the corner from where you were born," Mike added.
"Really?" Alison's eyes grew impossibly larger in excitement. "Why was Uncle Harvey at the hospital? Was he there to sue someone?"
Mike bit his lips to stop himself from laughing.
"I wasn't there to sue anyone," Harvey protested before proceeding to tell his niece an abridged version of how he and Mike met.
Mike sat back in his chair, interceding only when it was necessary to defend his honour against the clearly outrageous lies Harvey was spinning. Fiddling with the simple gold band on his left ring finger, Mike couldn't help but wonder where the last 10 years had gone.
They have had their shares of good and bad times, though Mike was fairly confident that they were probably the only couple in the world outside of a Hollywood movie to have ended an argument over alleged infidelity with a marriage proposal. No one did ever say that their relationship wasn't unique.
"And the lesson of that story is?" Harvey asked, concluding his tale.
"Uh..." Alison floundered, clearly having not expecting that question.
"Always put on your seat belt when you're in a car," Mike replied.
"But you wouldn't have met Uncle Harvey then if he'd had his seatbelt on," Alison argued, his eight-year-old logic infallible.
"Actually, we probably still would've met," Harvey said, a small private smile on his face as he looked at Mike. "And it's now half an hour pass your bedtime, young lady. You need your sleep if you want to see the baby polar bears tomorrow."
Watching Harvey hustling Alison into the guestroom, Mike knew that there wasn't a single thing he'd change in his life. Everything Mike had been through had led him to this moment with Harvey and Alison, and there was no way Mike could regret any of it.
The End