pease porridge hot, pease porridge cold

[in_stride_voice]

if there is one thing that is harder to achieve above all, it is balance. admit it; even you've thought about it (bds reference lol). but above all, it is the most important key to achieving success and happiness. This struggle wages daily wars with my underlying need to be right and proving myself. Oh, duh. That's what he meant. Irene, you have thwarted my abilitly to be completely satisfied once again. Not that I place the blame entirely on her, just many of the innate qualities instilled in me from the day i came home to her. Constantly feeling like I was not good enough and that I was passing under her judgement made me crave and strive to be accomplished at anything i tried and scared to death to ever fail.  
I've known these things all my life yet, somehow i've never come to grips with how it could affect my personal relationships, both positively and negatively. I still feel like; though my past has influenced the person i am today, i can still find so many reasons to be thankful and productive and energetic for the important things in life. ie. Addison, my son and my husband, Adam.

i'll finsh this later....