A Proper Update (a.k.a, Slab O' Text)
So.
I have not really been particularly prolific with my Journal posting. I'm going to, for the next little while at least attempt to put my thoughts somewhere, and this seems as good a medium as any. Goodness knows my penmanship is not up to the task.
We'll start here.
Last night I went to Golgotha. Clubbing is hurting my head a lot nowadays. I don't think that I have ever really enjoyed it, but it seems to fill the desperate need I feel to be noticed. Working the door for a goth/fetish club (albeit a failing, poor excuse for one) caters for this even more than just going out, so regular nightclubbing is becoming increasingly painful and increasingly less worthwhile since I began that job.
I went out with a friend of mine, which was good. It was very good to catch up as she's killer company, but kind of left me with a bit of a wounded ego at the end of the night. Seeing her always does that to me though, which is nobodies fault but my own. Overall I spent more time outside the club getting rained on (which was well needed) than I did inside. She took a photo of me, This is what I looked like, though I was probably less blurry in the flesh:
I'm going to Italy with school in September for about 2 months, possibly longer if I don't want to come home which, considering what I'm coming back to, is likely. I'll be staying in a town called Prato, it is about 2 hours south of Florence. The best part about this, is the airfares and university related expenses are able to be commonwealth supported, so essentially its free travel. In fact, the university subsidises me, so I am practically being paid to go.
I'm worried I won't have a job when I come back.
I'm worried that I will come back.
I want to run away.
My romantic life has effectively stagnated, and I don't even see a desire in myself to change how it is, let alone other people looking to drag me out of the stagnation. I seem to have grown apathetic even to the possibility of companionship, which with my current living situation is an asset but which I am quite sure is going to effect some pretty pronounced emotional retardation somewhere down the line.
My brother is getting married.
I don't want to be there either.
It is difficult to be around my brother.
If you read all that, Kudos to you.
I have not really been particularly prolific with my Journal posting. I'm going to, for the next little while at least attempt to put my thoughts somewhere, and this seems as good a medium as any. Goodness knows my penmanship is not up to the task.
We'll start here.
Last night I went to Golgotha. Clubbing is hurting my head a lot nowadays. I don't think that I have ever really enjoyed it, but it seems to fill the desperate need I feel to be noticed. Working the door for a goth/fetish club (albeit a failing, poor excuse for one) caters for this even more than just going out, so regular nightclubbing is becoming increasingly painful and increasingly less worthwhile since I began that job.
I went out with a friend of mine, which was good. It was very good to catch up as she's killer company, but kind of left me with a bit of a wounded ego at the end of the night. Seeing her always does that to me though, which is nobodies fault but my own. Overall I spent more time outside the club getting rained on (which was well needed) than I did inside. She took a photo of me, This is what I looked like, though I was probably less blurry in the flesh:
I'm going to Italy with school in September for about 2 months, possibly longer if I don't want to come home which, considering what I'm coming back to, is likely. I'll be staying in a town called Prato, it is about 2 hours south of Florence. The best part about this, is the airfares and university related expenses are able to be commonwealth supported, so essentially its free travel. In fact, the university subsidises me, so I am practically being paid to go.
I'm worried I won't have a job when I come back.
I'm worried that I will come back.
I want to run away.
My romantic life has effectively stagnated, and I don't even see a desire in myself to change how it is, let alone other people looking to drag me out of the stagnation. I seem to have grown apathetic even to the possibility of companionship, which with my current living situation is an asset but which I am quite sure is going to effect some pretty pronounced emotional retardation somewhere down the line.
My brother is getting married.
I don't want to be there either.
It is difficult to be around my brother.
If you read all that, Kudos to you.