(no subject)
It's late I should be sleeping, I imagine.
Ok, so totally emotional entry coming, if you are sick of emo lj entries (and who isn't)skip it.
I'm frustrated with myself. I've realized for the past year, I've put this huge gigantic wall up between me and others. I feel so different than how I used to be. Before, I think I let my guard down too much. I over trusted and depended on people, I sort of expected and believed those I loved would defend me or help me fight my battles, or at least support me. Within a few incidents I realized that wasn't the case, and sort of closed my heart up so I wouldn't be hurt or disappointed by those closest to me. Well now I can't thaw it, I have a hard time depending on anyone or actually opening up. When I try to, I feel as though I'm continuously being told, "Don't bother." I feel very withdrawn into myself. It's kind of lonely.
Ok so enough of that, (changing subject because that's what I do best). I got a sweet 95.5/100 in my stat class. I lost my notebook that contains everything from every class, but it was found. In Hapkido I was paired up with a guy who thought he was too cool to fight a girl (fight=practice hapkido) and so was at first patronizing (not putting in any effort) and then when I told him he didn't have to block/lock/punch so softly, he went into some other mode and I have bruises on my wrists. He also got into this weird male macho thing and was role playing or something. He tried to act tough and talk crap and I think he called me a bitch or bi-atch a couple times but not really in an offensive way as it was more to the person he was pretending to fight then me, ...I think. (I think my expectations have lowered so much, that I just didn't care). Umm, I ran into Thom and need to call him to set up a time to catch up with him. Also need to see Kitty, her beautiful baby (Amelia?), and also I need to see Crissy, I really miss her.
Ok, so totally emotional entry coming, if you are sick of emo lj entries (and who isn't)skip it.
I'm frustrated with myself. I've realized for the past year, I've put this huge gigantic wall up between me and others. I feel so different than how I used to be. Before, I think I let my guard down too much. I over trusted and depended on people, I sort of expected and believed those I loved would defend me or help me fight my battles, or at least support me. Within a few incidents I realized that wasn't the case, and sort of closed my heart up so I wouldn't be hurt or disappointed by those closest to me. Well now I can't thaw it, I have a hard time depending on anyone or actually opening up. When I try to, I feel as though I'm continuously being told, "Don't bother." I feel very withdrawn into myself. It's kind of lonely.
Ok so enough of that, (changing subject because that's what I do best). I got a sweet 95.5/100 in my stat class. I lost my notebook that contains everything from every class, but it was found. In Hapkido I was paired up with a guy who thought he was too cool to fight a girl (fight=practice hapkido) and so was at first patronizing (not putting in any effort) and then when I told him he didn't have to block/lock/punch so softly, he went into some other mode and I have bruises on my wrists. He also got into this weird male macho thing and was role playing or something. He tried to act tough and talk crap and I think he called me a bitch or bi-atch a couple times but not really in an offensive way as it was more to the person he was pretending to fight then me, ...I think. (I think my expectations have lowered so much, that I just didn't care). Umm, I ran into Thom and need to call him to set up a time to catch up with him. Also need to see Kitty, her beautiful baby (Amelia?), and also I need to see Crissy, I really miss her.