Dec 17, 2008 00:43
k, so for about 4 years now, people have asked me what i saw in Jeremy, and why i stayed with him for so long... im not sure WHAT i saw in him, he was just, like a puppy with no home... and he was so unwanted... even by me, but i fealt bad. We hated eachother, it was a mutual thing... we NEVER got along... ever... always argued... the sex sucked... i was just a miserable person... but he had a car... which kept me around so much longer... i could GO places... he was my bitch... i said take me here, he said ok honey... and we went... than i got pregnant, which was planned, he told me it would make our relationship better, mmmmkay, didnt happen but what ever... It made sense in a 17 year olds mind... I got pregnant ((as if no one knows)) and my mother was excited... she was happy, called my whole family and told people... I was excited to, i had a BABY in my stomach... i was GROWING a human... than as time went on he started to hit me, and rape me, and verbally abuse me, and i stayed with him, cause he had a fuggin car... a lil materialistic?? yupp... i was 17 damnit... we broke up... i moved in with Liz and her mommy and Kate... it was a good time i guess, but back to Jeremy and stuff... we were broken up, I dated around, still saw him, just not in a "relationship" with him... I dated around a lil bit, not MUCH... *counts people* 4 people i think... for a few months... the same 4 people... but i ended back up with him cause we had a baby together and i just had an attachment... than i moved outta lizs and moved to Westfield with my father, i dated a lil while i was still with Jeremy... ((oops, sorry bout that)) and still stayed with him... he got me outta my fathers house once a day for a few hours, til my father offered him beer, than i turned invisible... it was like magic... POOF... stephs gone... and than we moved back to Chicopee with my mom... Jeremy was living with my mom while all of this was happening, but w/e... I got a job at McDonalds, cause the lil boy who got me pregnant couldnt do what he thought he could... he could NOT take care of me and a child... not even close to it... i used to go into work crying with bruises all over my face, and arms... all over my body... I was abused... Michael saw this and watched me hurt all the time. I talked to him, he became my bestfriend... I fell inlove with our friendship, i loved being with him more than anything in the world... I had only seen him AT work... i called him on the phone and vice versa... but never hung out outside of work... He kept telling me to leave Jeremy, that other people liked me, and would treat me much better... I finally took his advice, took my ring off from Jeremy, told him i wasnt engaged to him anymore, i couldnt deal with the abuse... than one weekend i was going to saras for a party and invited him... knowing he doesnt drink, he never has and never will... I got a lil drunkish and molested Michael... *heh* he wouldnt have sex with me, said he had to much respect than to take advantage of me... what ever... i went back to saras a week or 2 later and he came again... this time i practically raped him, than we went back to his house at like... 2am... and yeah... we had sex... all the while Jeremy was still living with me... we were broken up but my mom wouldnt kick him out... he had no where to go... ((his parents didnt like me, and they told him if he stayed with me he had to leave *when Christopher was born*, so he did...)) so I got kicked out of my moms house cause i was dating Michael... my mother would NOT see to that being done in her home... I moved in with Michaels parents... and than back to my moms with her and Jeremy... Michaels parents were straight up psychos... oh my gosh... Jeremy and I got an apartment... still not in a relationship... but we needed eachother... DSS came in one day to the apartment... and met with me, they spoke to me, i told them what happened... they told me to leave, now... so i did... Michael had moved outta his parents house a few days after me... he moved in with his friends mom... well I moved in there too... her landlord FLIPPED... so we went back to his parents house... i went back to school in hopes of getting my GED and he was still at walmart... i messed up... i met a guy online... and almost fucked it all up... Michael almost flew to MI to kill the guy... but he didnt.. i stopped talking to him all together... ((the guy, not Michael)) I got a job at wal-mart in march... and than in april we got our own place... no one to tell us what we can eat, or buy... no one to make more of a mess than us... its all US here... me Michael and Christophers home... no one elses... oh... and the cats... but they dont complain much... I have been doing so good with no Jeremy... and i didnt think i would EVER do good with out him... it was such a scary thought being with OUT Jeremy... but its good, Michael took me away and changed my life i guess...
mmkay, yes i realize there is NO point to this blog... but... i had to write it... cause its snowing and im excited... heh...