And everything you're chasing, it seems to leave you empty.
There's a horse show tomorrow at school, and I'll be participating. I'm really excited because my mom is coming to watch me. I asked my dad, but he said he couldn't just come up for a few hours and drive all the way back to Hilton Head in one night. I told him mom was staying the night in the hotel, and he just blew it off. Whatever. I'm more excited to show my mom around than the show. It should be fun. After tomorrow, I only have two weeks of class left. It's crazy. The summer that I was planning however, has kind of disappeared in front of my eyes. I'm so happy that I have the same babysitting job, and I still am really excited about riding Sporty and getting her back into shape. Taking lessons from Dawn will be good too.
But Erika's not coming home for the summer.
She's really the only person I've kept in touch with from high school. I guess I'll just have to stay busy. The house looks pretty good, but we still have a long way to go before it's ready to show. I should be really excited for the summer and France and all the exciting things that I have to look forward to. But I'm really not. Plus I've given up on that other thing. I should have known better, and it was so ridiculous for me to believe that it would happen for me. Bah Humbug.
My birthday is in a couple of months, and I'll be twenty years old. Is it crazy that the only thing I can think about when someone mentions how old I'm getting or what I want for my birthday? The only thing that goes through my mind is: "Oh my god, I can't believe I'm going to be 21 in a little over a year, and I'm still a virgin." I know it's ridiculous, but that's really not the whole of it I guess. I'm almost 20, and I've only kissed one guy - in high school - and there are NO prospects for a relationship in the near future. So it's not so much that I'm still a virgin, it's really all the things that I want to come with it. I really feel like I'm ready.
The whole thing makes me want to vomit. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I focus on the positive?
But Erika's not coming home for the summer.
She's really the only person I've kept in touch with from high school. I guess I'll just have to stay busy. The house looks pretty good, but we still have a long way to go before it's ready to show. I should be really excited for the summer and France and all the exciting things that I have to look forward to. But I'm really not. Plus I've given up on that other thing. I should have known better, and it was so ridiculous for me to believe that it would happen for me. Bah Humbug.
My birthday is in a couple of months, and I'll be twenty years old. Is it crazy that the only thing I can think about when someone mentions how old I'm getting or what I want for my birthday? The only thing that goes through my mind is: "Oh my god, I can't believe I'm going to be 21 in a little over a year, and I'm still a virgin." I know it's ridiculous, but that's really not the whole of it I guess. I'm almost 20, and I've only kissed one guy - in high school - and there are NO prospects for a relationship in the near future. So it's not so much that I'm still a virgin, it's really all the things that I want to come with it. I really feel like I'm ready.
The whole thing makes me want to vomit. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why can't I focus on the positive?