cut me up and swallow me down...

[in_3rd_person]

i just don't care
all this bullshit doesn't matter
it is a pattern sewn to my life
i've looked for reasons
excuses
my weight
my looks
my actions
things i do
things i don't do
my personality
weird things
like
not forwarding a chain letter
taking notice of all the little things
ignoring myself
making all my wishes for other people..
..not for myself
i say i will change
but will i?
doubt it
i'm not even upset
that's not even the weird thing
the weird thing is
not realizing why i'm not upset
it's more of a friendly competition
with myself
and me competition out does me
all i can say is
"good job, you pulled one over on me"
a real genuine compliment
maybe i'm putting to much blame on myself
maybe like this life pattern
there is another pattern
not fait
but a weird design
that somehow everthing will come together
but how can i think like that
when all you hear
on the news, movies, tv, songs
are tragic stories
maybe like a lot of patterns
with colors
some colors are left out
you can't possibly use every color
soon you will run out of names for these colors
without a name you can't possibly have a story
so possibly
most of us are discarded colors
but still roaming through the design
trying to leave our mark
but erased at every chance