Pros and Cons of Various Super Powers
Invisibility
pro: Girls locker rooms, duh. And it's easy to steal shit and hide from cops.
con: You'll die on a street crossing. Plus, ghosts will think you're one of them and start giving you the heebie jeebies, when you have the munchies because you just smoked pot that you stole from the cops... and did I mention that every time you smoke pot you look like a walking green cloud? Even your buddy Scooby will be scared of you.
X-Ray Vision
pro: If you practice enough, you’d eventually get to see under people’s clothing, when all you really need is some tequila and a good pick-up line, such as “Hi, I’m Tom Cruise. You look very career-advancing today.”
con: You’d give a lot of people cancer, and it’d be scary when you see a bunch of skeletons walking around. Besides, you don’t deserve Katie Holmes in the first place, you asshole. By the way, she’s doing a Minority Report. On me. So fuck off.
Ability to attract everyone you talk to
pro: You could join any Greek-sanctioned mating community of your choice, and if you’re lucky you could skip the hazing ritual of tying you up to a wheel and spinning you in circles really fast... during the bukkake.
con: Visits to the grandparents would get a lot more awkward. Actually, visits to anywhere with people you don't want on your nuts would be tricky.
Super strength
pro: You can help that milf across the street move her furniture when her husband's at a job that requires actual brainpower. Or, you can go around to biker bars and win money from arm wrestling. Eventually you can either become Governor of California or a trucker who tries to instill an over the top attitude onto his scrawny son, depending on whether you have a funny accent or straight up speech impediment, respectively.
con: After enough bikers get pissed and try to kick your ass and lose, someone's going to pull out a gun and kill you. RIP, bitch.
Ability to morph into anybody
pro: You can turn into powerful world leaders and conduct a long-term plan to finally bring peace to various warring countries, saving millions of innocent lives.
con: Actually, you’d just morph into a hot person of the opposite sex and masturbate all day. And by you, I mean me.
Invincibility
pro: You could be a huge asshole to everyone and not even give a fuck.
con: After you get fired from your job and everyone you know ends up hating you, there'd be no way to kill yourself.
Amazing looks
pro: You can go through life without ever really having to work for anything
con: You'll slowly lose your ability to think, which would come in handy once you're in your 40's and saggy.
Psychic abilities
pro: You'll finally know if that cute girl in your history class likes you, which you could've found out by throwing down 4 bucks for a happy meal and 10 bucks for a movie ticket. Or I could've just told you she doesn't, because your head is HUGE, MAN!
con: You'll become disillusioned by how much people hate you and how fake they are. Well, it'll happen earlier for you than it does for everyone else.
pro: Girls locker rooms, duh. And it's easy to steal shit and hide from cops.
con: You'll die on a street crossing. Plus, ghosts will think you're one of them and start giving you the heebie jeebies, when you have the munchies because you just smoked pot that you stole from the cops... and did I mention that every time you smoke pot you look like a walking green cloud? Even your buddy Scooby will be scared of you.
X-Ray Vision
pro: If you practice enough, you’d eventually get to see under people’s clothing, when all you really need is some tequila and a good pick-up line, such as “Hi, I’m Tom Cruise. You look very career-advancing today.”
con: You’d give a lot of people cancer, and it’d be scary when you see a bunch of skeletons walking around. Besides, you don’t deserve Katie Holmes in the first place, you asshole. By the way, she’s doing a Minority Report. On me. So fuck off.
Ability to attract everyone you talk to
pro: You could join any Greek-sanctioned mating community of your choice, and if you’re lucky you could skip the hazing ritual of tying you up to a wheel and spinning you in circles really fast... during the bukkake.
con: Visits to the grandparents would get a lot more awkward. Actually, visits to anywhere with people you don't want on your nuts would be tricky.
Super strength
pro: You can help that milf across the street move her furniture when her husband's at a job that requires actual brainpower. Or, you can go around to biker bars and win money from arm wrestling. Eventually you can either become Governor of California or a trucker who tries to instill an over the top attitude onto his scrawny son, depending on whether you have a funny accent or straight up speech impediment, respectively.
con: After enough bikers get pissed and try to kick your ass and lose, someone's going to pull out a gun and kill you. RIP, bitch.
Ability to morph into anybody
pro: You can turn into powerful world leaders and conduct a long-term plan to finally bring peace to various warring countries, saving millions of innocent lives.
con: Actually, you’d just morph into a hot person of the opposite sex and masturbate all day. And by you, I mean me.
Invincibility
pro: You could be a huge asshole to everyone and not even give a fuck.
con: After you get fired from your job and everyone you know ends up hating you, there'd be no way to kill yourself.
Amazing looks
pro: You can go through life without ever really having to work for anything
con: You'll slowly lose your ability to think, which would come in handy once you're in your 40's and saggy.
Psychic abilities
pro: You'll finally know if that cute girl in your history class likes you, which you could've found out by throwing down 4 bucks for a happy meal and 10 bucks for a movie ticket. Or I could've just told you she doesn't, because your head is HUGE, MAN!
con: You'll become disillusioned by how much people hate you and how fake they are. Well, it'll happen earlier for you than it does for everyone else.