My Head is an Awful Place to Be [S/A]
Title: My Head is an Awful Place to Be
Fandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Rating: NC-17
Summary: “Because I dream about you, Gee,” Frank moved his hands up to cup Gerard's jaw, looking him in his glassy eyes and hoping that this would make it all stop - make all of the hurt and dreams and addictions go away. “So you should dream about me too.”
Warnings: Talk of sex, gore, abuse, and swearing.
Author's Note: Yeah, kind of similar to my other Stand Alone, mainly because I got stuck on this one a tried a different direction with the other one. But now I've written this one, and I sound a little redundant with the whole nightmare plot, but whatever, I still like it, yeah. Not too keen on the ending, but whatever, it'll be alright.
Had to break it up in 2 parts, so, yeah.
Part 2
The first time Frank met Gerard, he thought he was weird and smelled like he had been living in his own piss and vomit for the past few weeks. Which, in all reality, could have very well been the case - he was drunk off his ass, and the beer bottles of various ages littering his bedroom floor indicated that this was probably not the first time he spent the night alone in his alcohol-induced stupor.
It was back when he and Mikey were still in high school - probably Sophomore year, though Frank wasn't positive if that was right. They had a project to do for English that required actually putting in a substantial amount of effort, a large piece of cardboard, and paints. They were supposed to make some sort of protest sign based on the current book that they were reading in class, but Frank wasn't sure, because he hadn't really listened to the teacher whilst she explained the project, and he hadn't really bothered to read the book either.
That's kind of why he buddied up with Mikey. That kid was a genius and had read the book in one night, passing all of the quizzes and essays with flying colors. Surely, he would know what to do.
Plus, Mrs. Way made the best cookies ever, and she always felt the need to make some whenever Frank spent a good amount of time at their house.
So, he had the perfect partner and they had the plan drawn out on the back of one of Frank's old math assignments that he ripped out of his notebook - now, they needed the supplies.
“My older brother is an art major,” Mikey explained when he started leading Frank to the basement, pushing his glasses up his nose - even though they would eventually find themselves at the edge of his nose after a few minutes or so - and smiling his half smile. “He should have some paints in his room somewhere.”
Frank had heard of his older brother before, but had never actually seen him. He'd been over to Mikey's house plenty of times, had spent the night on many occasions - but he had yet to see the older Way.
There's always a first time for everything, he supposed.
So, he followed Mikey down into this dingy little basement that smelled like shit and was about as dark as the backs of his eyelids. He reached out blindly and grabbed a hold of Mikey's shoulders, hearing the other boy chuckle and hoping that the two of them wouldn't roll down the stairs from their lack of sight and die.
Mikey stopped suddenly and the treacherous stairs were behind them, something Frank was glad of. He felt Mikey fumble around on the wall beside them, probably looking for the light switch. “Gee? Hey, can I turn the light on?”
There was a groan coming from the opposite side of the room, and Frank pictured one of those monsters hiding out in some cave that he saw in his old horror movies, eyes crusty and weak against the sun. “I'm going to turn the light on, okay? So take cover if you need to.”
And then the room was illuminated and Frank felt his upper lip curl slightly. He wasn't some sort of neat freak - in fact, his room was pretty messy too - but this was just ridiculous.
Old food and beer bottles were all over the floor, along with dirty clothes and crumpled pieces of paper. The trash can was pulled up next to the bed, and from the smell, Frank assumed that he had already thrown up at least once. The mirror was covered over with a blanket that should have been on his bed, things lying knocked over on their sides on top of his dresser.
And there, sitting in the middle of the bed with a cigarette dangling from his lips and the neck of a beer bottle in his hand, was the Queen of Filth himself.
His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with red - not like he'd been crying, but like he'd been rubbing at his eyes so insistently, that he irritated them and the skin surrounding it. His hair was a mess of oily black locks upon his head that fell into his face unceremoniously, looking like he hadn't showered in months. He was wearing rumpled clothes that he must have worn for at least several days, the front of his shirt stained with what looked like ketchup or quite possibly blood.
“Hey, Gee, you got any paint? Me and Frank have a project to do,” Mikey spoke like he was talking to an actual person instead of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. “Black and red - you got any left?”
The black haired boy took in a long drag of his cigarette, staring at Mikey blankly like he hadn't even said anything. His shoulders moved up slightly in a sad attempt at a shrug before his face turned in the general direction of his closet. Mikey nodded and went over to it, opening the double doors and pulling out a box without a lid, art supplies sticking out from the top.
Mikey rummaged through the box as he said, “Oh, yeah, Gee, this is my friend, Frank. Frank, this is my older brother, Gerard.”
Frank looked back from Mikey to Gerard to find that the older boy was already staring at him, his pupils blown up and his lips slightly parted. The left side of his lips lifted slightly, trying to pass a smile to Frank and only managing to come off as someone who had just gotten their wisdom teeth removed, the Novocaine still making his mouth slack.
Mikey looked at Frank over his shoulder, laughing, “Dude, say hi. He's not going to bite or anything.”
Frank, feeling mildly embarrassed and obligated to say something, stepped further into the room and closer to Gerard's bed, making a point of not looking down into the trash can that more than likely held things he wouldn't want to see.
“Hey, Gerard,” Frank nodded slightly, forcing a tiny smile on his lips. “Nice to finally meet you.”
But Gerard just stared at him, looking at his face like he wasn't even sure what a human was anymore. His eyes were glassy but penetrating, and it made Frank feel fidgety and awkward. Sure, he'd been stared at before, whether because they thought he was a freak or thought he was hot - but never had someone looked at him with such scrutiny before.
And then Gerard was smiling that droopy smile again, slurring, “You have a nice face.”
And, wow, what exactly was Frank supposed to say back to that? “Uh, thanks?”
“Would make a nice painting,” he laughed and took another drag of his cigarette, blowing out a puff of smoke directly at Frank's chin. “Should let me draw it sometime.”
“Found 'em!” Mikey stood and held the paints above his head successfully, grinning at his friend and brother. He cocked his head towards the door and Frank was never happier to follow his lead.
“We'll see about the drawing,” Frank tried to come off as friendly, when all he really wanted to do was get away from the guy. However, he was Mikey's older brother, and Mikey was his best friend, so he would be kind and gracious to him. “It was nice meeting you, Gerard.”
Gerard slipped the cigarette between his lips and smirked, pulling the cancer stick away to breathe out in a puff of smoke, “Likewise.” Frank was reminded of the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. He briefly wondered if Gerard was as mad as all the characters in that story were.
Mikey led Frank back up the stairs, calling back to his brother, “There's pizza in the kitchen. Get something to eat.”
This earned him a childish reply of, “You get something to eat,” to which Mikey laughed.
“I swear to god, Gee, if I have to come down there and drag your starved corpse from your bat cave, I'm not going to be happy!” Mikey joked as he opened the basement door and slammed it shut on the putrid smell behind them.
And that was how he first met Gerard Way.
The second time he met him, Frank was a Senior who was going to graduate in a month. Gerard had gotten Mikey and himself some tickets to go to some concert, along with an extra ticket for Mikey to bring a friend along. Frank couldn't even remember what concert it was, but it was loud and piercing, the music making him feel angry and pumped like someone had given him a shot of adrenaline.
Originally, he hadn't known that Gerard was coming with them. He found out when he grabbed the handle of the passenger seat door of Mikey's car, only to find that the seat was already inhabited by a much more presentable, cleaner, sober Gerard. He scooted into the back seat awkwardly, wondering if he remembered the first time they met, or if he had been too drunk to file it away.
Gerard turned in his seat to look back at Frank and smiled shyly, waving a little bit in a silent greeting. Frank decided that he liked Gerard better like this - he wasn't zoned out or filthy or making awkward comments. Frank waved back, beginning to feel better about the situation as everyone melted back into their seats and hummed along to the CD playing through the speakers.
So, Frank had seen Gerard drunk and out of it, and he had seen Gerard shy and quiet. And when they got to the concert, he witnessed for the first time Gerard going wild.
He wasn't crazy or acting like a lunatic - Frank would discover that side of his personality later. But he was still wild. He thrashed about with the rest of the crowd, chanting along with the lyrics and letting the music grab hold of him like a lover. He was unashamed and unembarrassed, releasing himself and becoming one with the wave of the crowd. Frank let himself lose it too, swaying along with the bodies around him and lifting his arms high above his head as his eyes slipped closed.
Frank remembered looking over at Gerard when one of the songs ended, remembered how messed up his hair was and how wide his eyes were and how his lips were parted to let out his raging breaths. He looked wild and happy and Frank decided that he liked Gerard better like this too.
It was a Gerard that he definitely wouldn't mind getting to know, should the chance present itself.
The third time he met Gerard, Frank had already graduated, but was still living at home with his parents. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life yet, hadn't even picked out a college to go to. And in all honesty, he wasn't even sure if college was for him - he just wasn't into textbooks and essays.
Mikey had already gone to college to become something big and successful, just like Frank always knew he would. Frank, however, was working at a coffee shop near the center of town, a job with a calm atmosphere and half-off employee discounts.
Frank almost didn't recognize him. His hair was shorter and he looked thinner, a jean jacket hugging his shoulders and black skinny jeans clinging to his legs. He ordered a strong cup of coffee and a muffin from the girl working the counter, sitting down in a booth at the corner of the shop and pulling a sketch book out of the messenger bag at his side.
Usually, when Frank went to serve someone their order, he just set it down and glanced at them briefly, enough to come off as polite but reserved. However, when he glanced at Gerard, he couldn't help but feel a pang of familiarity and looked again to get a better look. But Gerard was looking down at his sketchbook and Frank could hardly see his face from where he was standing.
“Pardon me, sir, but have we met before?” Frank screwed his eyebrows together as Gerard looked up at him. He recognized the hazel eyes quickly and snapped his fingers, smiling and pointing to him, “Gerard, man, I didn't even recognize you.”
Gerard grinned, showing off all of his little crooked teeth and pink gums, and Frank wasn't sure if he gave that smile to everyone, but he liked to think that it was special. “Frank, it's nice to see you again.”
“Likewise,” Frank imitated the first time they met. Gerard didn't laugh or react much, leading Frank to assume that he didn't remember it or he was trying hard to forget.
“Can you sit with me, or do you have to get back to work?” Gerard asked, nodding to the empty seat across from him. Frank peeked down at his watch and frowned - he had at least another hour before the work load would calm down enough for him to sit down for a few minutes, and the morning rush was beginning to flow in.
“I gotta work,” Frank shrugged. “But if you stick around, we can talk for a little bit.”
Gerard smiled that wide smile again, and Frank felt happy just from the sight of it. “I've got plenty of time.”
So Frank went back to work, serving people their orders and stealing a few quick glances in Gerard's direction every now and then. He was hunched over his sketchbook, scribbling furiously as he bit his lip and took sips of his coffee every so often. The hour seemed to stretch on forever as the constant orders came his way - this was probably his least favorite part of the day, right when everyone was going to work and trying to get their coffee fix before they had to go to their own shitty job.
At the strike of the hour, he was tossing his standard apron under the counter and grabbing himself a cup of coffee with a cookie to accompany it. He slid into the booth opposite of Gerard, surprising the boy unintentionally and laughing when he sat up straight with wide eyes.
“You must've been pretty deep in that world of yours,” Frank laughed as Gerard smiled kindly, closing his sketchbook and putting his pencils away. “Can I see?”
He pointed towards the sketchbook and Gerard rested his hand protectively over the cover, almost like he expected Frank to steal it or flip it open without his consent.
“Nah, that wouldn't be a good way to start off your morning,” Gerard laughed a little bit uncomfortably, obviously not too keen on letting the younger boy inside his head.
“Aw, c'mon, I can take it,” Frank whined and made two of his fingers walk closer to the sketchbook, smirking playfully.
Again, that uncomfortable laugh. Gerard shoved the sketchbook into his bag and shook his head with a small, sad smile, “No, my head is an awful place to be, and I wouldn't want you to get a first hand account of that. Besides, it's not a good way to start a companionship.”
Frank decided to drop the subject, more for Gerard's sake than his own. Instead, he asked about Mikey, how college has been treating him, when's he coming back home, I miss that little fucker and he hasn't been returning most of my calls lately, would you happen to know why?
And then it veered off to Gerard and his schooling - just graduated and now living with a roommate instead of in his parent's basement, working on a project that he hoped to shoot at someone that could actually make it a reality. And then it got to Frank and what he was doing - more so, what he wasn't doing, like college and a real job - and how he just didn't know what to do with his life.
Gerard smiled, “You'll figure it out someday. Asking a teenager at the ripe age of 18 what he wants to do with his life is borderline insane; how can you expect some kid to know what he wants to do when he can hardly even figure out who he is? Trust me, when the time comes, you'll find your passions and set yourself a goal - and that's what you'll do with your life, try and reach that goal you set.”
And that was about the time that Sara told him to get his ass back to work, they had customers coming and the coffee sure as hell wasn't going to serve itself. Frank groaned and asked Gerard if he would stay, making sure to be very suave and not sound like some desperate teenager - “Hey, you, uh, wanna stay here until I get my lunch break? I mean, you totally don't have to, if you don't want to. I'd understand if you left or something. Just - yeah, if you wanna talk some more, you should stay until my lunch break.”
Very suave indeed.
All throughout the day, he kept looking over to the booth in the corner, always surprised to see that Gerard was still there, drawing and ordering a new cup of coffee whenever he ran out. Frank would make sure to use his half-off employee discount on Gerard's bill, since he was the reason that the older boy was staying for so long.
That thought made him smile.
When it was time for his lunch break, he tried not to let on how excited he was to finally have some company around. Gerard probably already saw him as the dorky kid that hung out with his little brother, and he didn't want to make himself look like a nervous teenager in front of him. He ran his hand through his hair in a futile attempt to make it look better and threw off his apron before heading back to the booth - where Gerard was still waiting for him, his head lost in the clouds as he sketched. From where Frank was standing, he could see the picture of a girl by a lake, looking down into her reflection that wasn't there. Frank wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, if Gerard had meant for her to not have a reflection or if he simply hadn't gotten around to making it yet, but he liked it either way.
“Gerard?” the older boy drew his attention away from the paper and instead to Frank, smiling softly and closing his sketchbook when he noticed the absence of Frank's apron. Frank grinned and tapped the back of Gerard's pale hand, asking nervously, “How about we go somewhere else for lunch? I'm a little sick of being in here, to be honest.”
Frank honestly thought that Gerard would turn him down, because it sounded an awful lot like a date to him. But Gerard just smiled and nodded, standing up from the booth and slinging his bag over his shoulder.
So Frank took him to a nice little diner nearby, holding the door open for him and getting a couple's booth by the window. Gerard just got fries and a Diet Coke, saying that he wasn't really hungry - after all, he had been eating muffins and cookies and other little snacks periodically throughout the day.
They got to talking and it was like they just couldn't stop, like there wasn't enough time to get out everything they wanted to say to each other. Frank was always asking Gerard questions, because he was just so interesting, and everything he said was so brilliant and thoughtful, and he wondered how the older boy was able to do it - Frank could never have come up with that sort of stuff at the top of his head, yet Gerard was saying it like he had had all the time in the world to come up with such a response.
They talked about music and what was in the news recently. They talked about old horror movies - something they had in common - and comic books. They talked about things that happened in their childhood or things that were popular when they were kids. They talked about Mikey and high school.
Frank noticed the way that Gerard would talk out of the side of his mouth. He kind of thought it was really cute.
And that third time that they met turned into a fourth time, and then a fifth time, and then a sixth time, until Frank lost count of how many times they saw each other. He was used to Gerard's smile that showed all his teeth and gums, was used to his laugh and the way his eyes would wrinkle at the corners when the sound erupted from his throat, was used to him saying, “Fuck off” whenever he couldn't think of a good comeback to one of Frank's playful insults.
But then he started to like Gerard a little too much. He started to think about him in ways that he shouldn't, started having all too vivid dreams that left him hot and sweaty in the middle of the night. And that wasn't good at all, because Gerard was his best friend's older brother, and he wasn't about to go put both of his friendships on the line due to hormones.
He pushed it to the back of his mind. After all, Gerard was a very attractive person and Frank would have been surprised if he didn't have a wet dream about him now and again. And with Gerard always being so affectionate - giving hugs and kisses on the cheek and sitting in his lap - it was hard not to let his thoughts get carried away. Did that mean that he loved Gerard or that he wanted him as more than a friend?
Not necessarily, no.
So the thoughts got tucked away in their little corner in the back of Frank's head and stayed there.
Mikey came home for the summer and Frank practically imploded from excitement. He sat with Gerard in the living room, both of them tapping their feet in anticipation and tensing up every time they heard the roar of an engine on the road.
When the door finally opened and Mikey called out over dramatically, “Oh, Lucy! I'm home!” Frank practically launched himself at him and toppled them over. Gerard laughed and hugged his brother tightly, clamping a hand around his neck and bringing him to the kitchen so that they could all catch up over a bottle of beer.
They had only been talking for about an hour when Mikey sprung the idea of going clubbing on them. Mikey himself wanted to take no part in the dancing, but found much enjoyment in watching other drunk people dance while in the presence of good company. Gerard was up for it immediately - “As long as there's alcohol involved, I don't give a fuck what we do.” - and Frank soon followed his lead. He smiled at the thought of going to some club and making fun of the drunk inhabitants with his two closest friends.
However, things don't ever really go as planned.
Gerard had never mentioned Bert in conversation, so seeing him in the passenger seat of the older boy's car with his hand on his thigh came as a slight surprise to Frank. He wasn't hurt, so to speak, that Gerard hadn't told him that he was taken, he was just...well, surprised.
He sat in the backseat with Mikey, looking at the way Bert kept moving his hand higher and higher up Gerard's thigh, uncaring of the fact that he was driving and needed to concentrate. The scruffy looking man leaned towards Gerard and whispered something in his ear, and based on the way his shoulders hunched and his cheeks turned red, Frank assumed that it was something dirty.
“Ugh, guys,” Mikey groaned, covering his eyes. “Don't act like that in front of me, it's nasty.”
Bert threw his head back and laughed, a loud, booming sound that made Frank's ears hurt.
Gerard parked his car next to the curb and they all piled out, Bert's arm moving to wrap around his boyfriend's waist immediately. Frank noticed the possessive way he slipped a few of his fingers under the band of Gerard's jeans, looking out with a mean glare at anyone who dared to roam their eyes over his toy. Frank simply put his arm over Mikey's shoulders in friendly manner and led them into the club, trying to ignore the urge to roll his eyes.
Gerard and Bert ended up ditching them an hour into the night, leaving Mikey and Frank to nurse their drinks at the bar and make fun of their fellow clubbers on their own. Frank was beginning to get a little buzz when a brunette with nice breasts and smooth lips asked Mikey if he wanted to dance with her. And while Mikey had never been one for clubbing, he wasn't about to deny the request of a goddess.
So then it was just Frank sitting there, looking lonely as fuck and feeling that way too. He looked around the room and tried to find his friends after several songs of simply doing nothing; Mikey was dancing with the girl from before awkwardly, and she seemed to love how nerdy and pathetic he was. Frank laughed inwardly, thinking, “About time Mikey got some action.” He scanned around for Gerard and Bert, wondering if they had left the club entirely or if they had locked themselves in some closet.
But then his eyes locked on to his face, Gerard's eyes closed and his mouth hanging open, a drink in one hand while the other held on to Bert's shoulder. He was drunk - that much was obvious, even from that distance - and sitting in Bert's lap on a sofa chair with his knees on either side his boyfriend's thighs. They were grinding into each other, Gerard shamelessly giving him a lap dance in front of god knows how many people.
Frank ignored the thoughts that sprung out from hiding in the back of his head, thoughts of being in Bert's place and looking up into Gerard's face as he ground down on him. If it were him, he thought, he wouldn't let Gerard do something like that in a public place - no, he would want it to be special and between only them.
But those weren't good thoughts to have of his friend. Instead, he sharply looked away and set down his drink, beginning to munch on the complimentary pretzels on the bar table so that he wouldn't be completely trashed at work tomorrow.
Fandom: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Rating: NC-17
Summary: “Because I dream about you, Gee,” Frank moved his hands up to cup Gerard's jaw, looking him in his glassy eyes and hoping that this would make it all stop - make all of the hurt and dreams and addictions go away. “So you should dream about me too.”
Warnings: Talk of sex, gore, abuse, and swearing.
Author's Note: Yeah, kind of similar to my other Stand Alone, mainly because I got stuck on this one a tried a different direction with the other one. But now I've written this one, and I sound a little redundant with the whole nightmare plot, but whatever, I still like it, yeah. Not too keen on the ending, but whatever, it'll be alright.
Had to break it up in 2 parts, so, yeah.
Part 2
The first time Frank met Gerard, he thought he was weird and smelled like he had been living in his own piss and vomit for the past few weeks. Which, in all reality, could have very well been the case - he was drunk off his ass, and the beer bottles of various ages littering his bedroom floor indicated that this was probably not the first time he spent the night alone in his alcohol-induced stupor.
It was back when he and Mikey were still in high school - probably Sophomore year, though Frank wasn't positive if that was right. They had a project to do for English that required actually putting in a substantial amount of effort, a large piece of cardboard, and paints. They were supposed to make some sort of protest sign based on the current book that they were reading in class, but Frank wasn't sure, because he hadn't really listened to the teacher whilst she explained the project, and he hadn't really bothered to read the book either.
That's kind of why he buddied up with Mikey. That kid was a genius and had read the book in one night, passing all of the quizzes and essays with flying colors. Surely, he would know what to do.
Plus, Mrs. Way made the best cookies ever, and she always felt the need to make some whenever Frank spent a good amount of time at their house.
So, he had the perfect partner and they had the plan drawn out on the back of one of Frank's old math assignments that he ripped out of his notebook - now, they needed the supplies.
“My older brother is an art major,” Mikey explained when he started leading Frank to the basement, pushing his glasses up his nose - even though they would eventually find themselves at the edge of his nose after a few minutes or so - and smiling his half smile. “He should have some paints in his room somewhere.”
Frank had heard of his older brother before, but had never actually seen him. He'd been over to Mikey's house plenty of times, had spent the night on many occasions - but he had yet to see the older Way.
There's always a first time for everything, he supposed.
So, he followed Mikey down into this dingy little basement that smelled like shit and was about as dark as the backs of his eyelids. He reached out blindly and grabbed a hold of Mikey's shoulders, hearing the other boy chuckle and hoping that the two of them wouldn't roll down the stairs from their lack of sight and die.
Mikey stopped suddenly and the treacherous stairs were behind them, something Frank was glad of. He felt Mikey fumble around on the wall beside them, probably looking for the light switch. “Gee? Hey, can I turn the light on?”
There was a groan coming from the opposite side of the room, and Frank pictured one of those monsters hiding out in some cave that he saw in his old horror movies, eyes crusty and weak against the sun. “I'm going to turn the light on, okay? So take cover if you need to.”
And then the room was illuminated and Frank felt his upper lip curl slightly. He wasn't some sort of neat freak - in fact, his room was pretty messy too - but this was just ridiculous.
Old food and beer bottles were all over the floor, along with dirty clothes and crumpled pieces of paper. The trash can was pulled up next to the bed, and from the smell, Frank assumed that he had already thrown up at least once. The mirror was covered over with a blanket that should have been on his bed, things lying knocked over on their sides on top of his dresser.
And there, sitting in the middle of the bed with a cigarette dangling from his lips and the neck of a beer bottle in his hand, was the Queen of Filth himself.
His eyes were bloodshot and rimmed with red - not like he'd been crying, but like he'd been rubbing at his eyes so insistently, that he irritated them and the skin surrounding it. His hair was a mess of oily black locks upon his head that fell into his face unceremoniously, looking like he hadn't showered in months. He was wearing rumpled clothes that he must have worn for at least several days, the front of his shirt stained with what looked like ketchup or quite possibly blood.
“Hey, Gee, you got any paint? Me and Frank have a project to do,” Mikey spoke like he was talking to an actual person instead of the Creature from the Black Lagoon. “Black and red - you got any left?”
The black haired boy took in a long drag of his cigarette, staring at Mikey blankly like he hadn't even said anything. His shoulders moved up slightly in a sad attempt at a shrug before his face turned in the general direction of his closet. Mikey nodded and went over to it, opening the double doors and pulling out a box without a lid, art supplies sticking out from the top.
Mikey rummaged through the box as he said, “Oh, yeah, Gee, this is my friend, Frank. Frank, this is my older brother, Gerard.”
Frank looked back from Mikey to Gerard to find that the older boy was already staring at him, his pupils blown up and his lips slightly parted. The left side of his lips lifted slightly, trying to pass a smile to Frank and only managing to come off as someone who had just gotten their wisdom teeth removed, the Novocaine still making his mouth slack.
Mikey looked at Frank over his shoulder, laughing, “Dude, say hi. He's not going to bite or anything.”
Frank, feeling mildly embarrassed and obligated to say something, stepped further into the room and closer to Gerard's bed, making a point of not looking down into the trash can that more than likely held things he wouldn't want to see.
“Hey, Gerard,” Frank nodded slightly, forcing a tiny smile on his lips. “Nice to finally meet you.”
But Gerard just stared at him, looking at his face like he wasn't even sure what a human was anymore. His eyes were glassy but penetrating, and it made Frank feel fidgety and awkward. Sure, he'd been stared at before, whether because they thought he was a freak or thought he was hot - but never had someone looked at him with such scrutiny before.
And then Gerard was smiling that droopy smile again, slurring, “You have a nice face.”
And, wow, what exactly was Frank supposed to say back to that? “Uh, thanks?”
“Would make a nice painting,” he laughed and took another drag of his cigarette, blowing out a puff of smoke directly at Frank's chin. “Should let me draw it sometime.”
“Found 'em!” Mikey stood and held the paints above his head successfully, grinning at his friend and brother. He cocked his head towards the door and Frank was never happier to follow his lead.
“We'll see about the drawing,” Frank tried to come off as friendly, when all he really wanted to do was get away from the guy. However, he was Mikey's older brother, and Mikey was his best friend, so he would be kind and gracious to him. “It was nice meeting you, Gerard.”
Gerard slipped the cigarette between his lips and smirked, pulling the cancer stick away to breathe out in a puff of smoke, “Likewise.” Frank was reminded of the caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland. He briefly wondered if Gerard was as mad as all the characters in that story were.
Mikey led Frank back up the stairs, calling back to his brother, “There's pizza in the kitchen. Get something to eat.”
This earned him a childish reply of, “You get something to eat,” to which Mikey laughed.
“I swear to god, Gee, if I have to come down there and drag your starved corpse from your bat cave, I'm not going to be happy!” Mikey joked as he opened the basement door and slammed it shut on the putrid smell behind them.
And that was how he first met Gerard Way.
The second time he met him, Frank was a Senior who was going to graduate in a month. Gerard had gotten Mikey and himself some tickets to go to some concert, along with an extra ticket for Mikey to bring a friend along. Frank couldn't even remember what concert it was, but it was loud and piercing, the music making him feel angry and pumped like someone had given him a shot of adrenaline.
Originally, he hadn't known that Gerard was coming with them. He found out when he grabbed the handle of the passenger seat door of Mikey's car, only to find that the seat was already inhabited by a much more presentable, cleaner, sober Gerard. He scooted into the back seat awkwardly, wondering if he remembered the first time they met, or if he had been too drunk to file it away.
Gerard turned in his seat to look back at Frank and smiled shyly, waving a little bit in a silent greeting. Frank decided that he liked Gerard better like this - he wasn't zoned out or filthy or making awkward comments. Frank waved back, beginning to feel better about the situation as everyone melted back into their seats and hummed along to the CD playing through the speakers.
So, Frank had seen Gerard drunk and out of it, and he had seen Gerard shy and quiet. And when they got to the concert, he witnessed for the first time Gerard going wild.
He wasn't crazy or acting like a lunatic - Frank would discover that side of his personality later. But he was still wild. He thrashed about with the rest of the crowd, chanting along with the lyrics and letting the music grab hold of him like a lover. He was unashamed and unembarrassed, releasing himself and becoming one with the wave of the crowd. Frank let himself lose it too, swaying along with the bodies around him and lifting his arms high above his head as his eyes slipped closed.
Frank remembered looking over at Gerard when one of the songs ended, remembered how messed up his hair was and how wide his eyes were and how his lips were parted to let out his raging breaths. He looked wild and happy and Frank decided that he liked Gerard better like this too.
It was a Gerard that he definitely wouldn't mind getting to know, should the chance present itself.
The third time he met Gerard, Frank had already graduated, but was still living at home with his parents. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with his life yet, hadn't even picked out a college to go to. And in all honesty, he wasn't even sure if college was for him - he just wasn't into textbooks and essays.
Mikey had already gone to college to become something big and successful, just like Frank always knew he would. Frank, however, was working at a coffee shop near the center of town, a job with a calm atmosphere and half-off employee discounts.
Frank almost didn't recognize him. His hair was shorter and he looked thinner, a jean jacket hugging his shoulders and black skinny jeans clinging to his legs. He ordered a strong cup of coffee and a muffin from the girl working the counter, sitting down in a booth at the corner of the shop and pulling a sketch book out of the messenger bag at his side.
Usually, when Frank went to serve someone their order, he just set it down and glanced at them briefly, enough to come off as polite but reserved. However, when he glanced at Gerard, he couldn't help but feel a pang of familiarity and looked again to get a better look. But Gerard was looking down at his sketchbook and Frank could hardly see his face from where he was standing.
“Pardon me, sir, but have we met before?” Frank screwed his eyebrows together as Gerard looked up at him. He recognized the hazel eyes quickly and snapped his fingers, smiling and pointing to him, “Gerard, man, I didn't even recognize you.”
Gerard grinned, showing off all of his little crooked teeth and pink gums, and Frank wasn't sure if he gave that smile to everyone, but he liked to think that it was special. “Frank, it's nice to see you again.”
“Likewise,” Frank imitated the first time they met. Gerard didn't laugh or react much, leading Frank to assume that he didn't remember it or he was trying hard to forget.
“Can you sit with me, or do you have to get back to work?” Gerard asked, nodding to the empty seat across from him. Frank peeked down at his watch and frowned - he had at least another hour before the work load would calm down enough for him to sit down for a few minutes, and the morning rush was beginning to flow in.
“I gotta work,” Frank shrugged. “But if you stick around, we can talk for a little bit.”
Gerard smiled that wide smile again, and Frank felt happy just from the sight of it. “I've got plenty of time.”
So Frank went back to work, serving people their orders and stealing a few quick glances in Gerard's direction every now and then. He was hunched over his sketchbook, scribbling furiously as he bit his lip and took sips of his coffee every so often. The hour seemed to stretch on forever as the constant orders came his way - this was probably his least favorite part of the day, right when everyone was going to work and trying to get their coffee fix before they had to go to their own shitty job.
At the strike of the hour, he was tossing his standard apron under the counter and grabbing himself a cup of coffee with a cookie to accompany it. He slid into the booth opposite of Gerard, surprising the boy unintentionally and laughing when he sat up straight with wide eyes.
“You must've been pretty deep in that world of yours,” Frank laughed as Gerard smiled kindly, closing his sketchbook and putting his pencils away. “Can I see?”
He pointed towards the sketchbook and Gerard rested his hand protectively over the cover, almost like he expected Frank to steal it or flip it open without his consent.
“Nah, that wouldn't be a good way to start off your morning,” Gerard laughed a little bit uncomfortably, obviously not too keen on letting the younger boy inside his head.
“Aw, c'mon, I can take it,” Frank whined and made two of his fingers walk closer to the sketchbook, smirking playfully.
Again, that uncomfortable laugh. Gerard shoved the sketchbook into his bag and shook his head with a small, sad smile, “No, my head is an awful place to be, and I wouldn't want you to get a first hand account of that. Besides, it's not a good way to start a companionship.”
Frank decided to drop the subject, more for Gerard's sake than his own. Instead, he asked about Mikey, how college has been treating him, when's he coming back home, I miss that little fucker and he hasn't been returning most of my calls lately, would you happen to know why?
And then it veered off to Gerard and his schooling - just graduated and now living with a roommate instead of in his parent's basement, working on a project that he hoped to shoot at someone that could actually make it a reality. And then it got to Frank and what he was doing - more so, what he wasn't doing, like college and a real job - and how he just didn't know what to do with his life.
Gerard smiled, “You'll figure it out someday. Asking a teenager at the ripe age of 18 what he wants to do with his life is borderline insane; how can you expect some kid to know what he wants to do when he can hardly even figure out who he is? Trust me, when the time comes, you'll find your passions and set yourself a goal - and that's what you'll do with your life, try and reach that goal you set.”
And that was about the time that Sara told him to get his ass back to work, they had customers coming and the coffee sure as hell wasn't going to serve itself. Frank groaned and asked Gerard if he would stay, making sure to be very suave and not sound like some desperate teenager - “Hey, you, uh, wanna stay here until I get my lunch break? I mean, you totally don't have to, if you don't want to. I'd understand if you left or something. Just - yeah, if you wanna talk some more, you should stay until my lunch break.”
Very suave indeed.
All throughout the day, he kept looking over to the booth in the corner, always surprised to see that Gerard was still there, drawing and ordering a new cup of coffee whenever he ran out. Frank would make sure to use his half-off employee discount on Gerard's bill, since he was the reason that the older boy was staying for so long.
That thought made him smile.
When it was time for his lunch break, he tried not to let on how excited he was to finally have some company around. Gerard probably already saw him as the dorky kid that hung out with his little brother, and he didn't want to make himself look like a nervous teenager in front of him. He ran his hand through his hair in a futile attempt to make it look better and threw off his apron before heading back to the booth - where Gerard was still waiting for him, his head lost in the clouds as he sketched. From where Frank was standing, he could see the picture of a girl by a lake, looking down into her reflection that wasn't there. Frank wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, if Gerard had meant for her to not have a reflection or if he simply hadn't gotten around to making it yet, but he liked it either way.
“Gerard?” the older boy drew his attention away from the paper and instead to Frank, smiling softly and closing his sketchbook when he noticed the absence of Frank's apron. Frank grinned and tapped the back of Gerard's pale hand, asking nervously, “How about we go somewhere else for lunch? I'm a little sick of being in here, to be honest.”
Frank honestly thought that Gerard would turn him down, because it sounded an awful lot like a date to him. But Gerard just smiled and nodded, standing up from the booth and slinging his bag over his shoulder.
So Frank took him to a nice little diner nearby, holding the door open for him and getting a couple's booth by the window. Gerard just got fries and a Diet Coke, saying that he wasn't really hungry - after all, he had been eating muffins and cookies and other little snacks periodically throughout the day.
They got to talking and it was like they just couldn't stop, like there wasn't enough time to get out everything they wanted to say to each other. Frank was always asking Gerard questions, because he was just so interesting, and everything he said was so brilliant and thoughtful, and he wondered how the older boy was able to do it - Frank could never have come up with that sort of stuff at the top of his head, yet Gerard was saying it like he had had all the time in the world to come up with such a response.
They talked about music and what was in the news recently. They talked about old horror movies - something they had in common - and comic books. They talked about things that happened in their childhood or things that were popular when they were kids. They talked about Mikey and high school.
Frank noticed the way that Gerard would talk out of the side of his mouth. He kind of thought it was really cute.
And that third time that they met turned into a fourth time, and then a fifth time, and then a sixth time, until Frank lost count of how many times they saw each other. He was used to Gerard's smile that showed all his teeth and gums, was used to his laugh and the way his eyes would wrinkle at the corners when the sound erupted from his throat, was used to him saying, “Fuck off” whenever he couldn't think of a good comeback to one of Frank's playful insults.
But then he started to like Gerard a little too much. He started to think about him in ways that he shouldn't, started having all too vivid dreams that left him hot and sweaty in the middle of the night. And that wasn't good at all, because Gerard was his best friend's older brother, and he wasn't about to go put both of his friendships on the line due to hormones.
He pushed it to the back of his mind. After all, Gerard was a very attractive person and Frank would have been surprised if he didn't have a wet dream about him now and again. And with Gerard always being so affectionate - giving hugs and kisses on the cheek and sitting in his lap - it was hard not to let his thoughts get carried away. Did that mean that he loved Gerard or that he wanted him as more than a friend?
Not necessarily, no.
So the thoughts got tucked away in their little corner in the back of Frank's head and stayed there.
Mikey came home for the summer and Frank practically imploded from excitement. He sat with Gerard in the living room, both of them tapping their feet in anticipation and tensing up every time they heard the roar of an engine on the road.
When the door finally opened and Mikey called out over dramatically, “Oh, Lucy! I'm home!” Frank practically launched himself at him and toppled them over. Gerard laughed and hugged his brother tightly, clamping a hand around his neck and bringing him to the kitchen so that they could all catch up over a bottle of beer.
They had only been talking for about an hour when Mikey sprung the idea of going clubbing on them. Mikey himself wanted to take no part in the dancing, but found much enjoyment in watching other drunk people dance while in the presence of good company. Gerard was up for it immediately - “As long as there's alcohol involved, I don't give a fuck what we do.” - and Frank soon followed his lead. He smiled at the thought of going to some club and making fun of the drunk inhabitants with his two closest friends.
However, things don't ever really go as planned.
Gerard had never mentioned Bert in conversation, so seeing him in the passenger seat of the older boy's car with his hand on his thigh came as a slight surprise to Frank. He wasn't hurt, so to speak, that Gerard hadn't told him that he was taken, he was just...well, surprised.
He sat in the backseat with Mikey, looking at the way Bert kept moving his hand higher and higher up Gerard's thigh, uncaring of the fact that he was driving and needed to concentrate. The scruffy looking man leaned towards Gerard and whispered something in his ear, and based on the way his shoulders hunched and his cheeks turned red, Frank assumed that it was something dirty.
“Ugh, guys,” Mikey groaned, covering his eyes. “Don't act like that in front of me, it's nasty.”
Bert threw his head back and laughed, a loud, booming sound that made Frank's ears hurt.
Gerard parked his car next to the curb and they all piled out, Bert's arm moving to wrap around his boyfriend's waist immediately. Frank noticed the possessive way he slipped a few of his fingers under the band of Gerard's jeans, looking out with a mean glare at anyone who dared to roam their eyes over his toy. Frank simply put his arm over Mikey's shoulders in friendly manner and led them into the club, trying to ignore the urge to roll his eyes.
Gerard and Bert ended up ditching them an hour into the night, leaving Mikey and Frank to nurse their drinks at the bar and make fun of their fellow clubbers on their own. Frank was beginning to get a little buzz when a brunette with nice breasts and smooth lips asked Mikey if he wanted to dance with her. And while Mikey had never been one for clubbing, he wasn't about to deny the request of a goddess.
So then it was just Frank sitting there, looking lonely as fuck and feeling that way too. He looked around the room and tried to find his friends after several songs of simply doing nothing; Mikey was dancing with the girl from before awkwardly, and she seemed to love how nerdy and pathetic he was. Frank laughed inwardly, thinking, “About time Mikey got some action.” He scanned around for Gerard and Bert, wondering if they had left the club entirely or if they had locked themselves in some closet.
But then his eyes locked on to his face, Gerard's eyes closed and his mouth hanging open, a drink in one hand while the other held on to Bert's shoulder. He was drunk - that much was obvious, even from that distance - and sitting in Bert's lap on a sofa chair with his knees on either side his boyfriend's thighs. They were grinding into each other, Gerard shamelessly giving him a lap dance in front of god knows how many people.
Frank ignored the thoughts that sprung out from hiding in the back of his head, thoughts of being in Bert's place and looking up into Gerard's face as he ground down on him. If it were him, he thought, he wouldn't let Gerard do something like that in a public place - no, he would want it to be special and between only them.
But those weren't good thoughts to have of his friend. Instead, he sharply looked away and set down his drink, beginning to munch on the complimentary pretzels on the bar table so that he wouldn't be completely trashed at work tomorrow.