you love love love..
when you know I can't love..
well not entirely. I do love. you. <3
I feel like my head is gonna explode. all this fucking snow. and then more this weekend. and then more next week. before you know it, it will be hot as balls out. ahhh. enough to make me mental. I wanna get away for a long, long time. I'm so sick of ppl. I like quietness. and I'm picky as hell over everything when I'm around someone lol namely Jen. I'm so used to having things one way and when "my territory" is invaded I need it to continue to stay that way. I feel like when I'm alone I can't get mad, or yell or be mean. I'm very irrational. I don't know why. Jen calmed me down today lol. she got sent home early. understandably. but it made my blood boil, I was in the middle of my routine and she comes upstairs and I'm doing my face and not dressed and that's when I feel the most exposed and vulnerable. I felt my blood pressure rising. I like to be around ppl when I'm completely done and ready. then I go downstairs and since she is home she obviously has the t.v. on a dumb ass show, with food etc etc and although that is normal lol it just bothered me. I like things left how I left them and when too much is going on I get into cunt mode. but she made me do a 360 when she got off her phone and sat next to me and showed me attention lol then I was fine. I went from crazy bitch to being just so cute me. lol. it really happens that quick. isn't that sad? sick? insane? lmao. I usually just talk out of impulse and say mean things, the only way to calm me down is to baby me lol. when she did that it diffused the time bomb. then we just watched t.v.. she took a nap, I cooked dinner...we had sex..lol good times haha. I just want complete attention. quality time to me is sitting next to the person, holding hands and watching t.v. not being on your phone or bothering the dog. if she turned that around I'd feel better. anyway, I have work tomorrow. goodnight.
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