because i'm her child.
As you are washing the dishes from your home in one day that you woke up wanting to do something for your mother, you begin to wonder ........
Because when you least expect, that powerful feeling that she used to make you feel, or rather, that woman you used to see with admiration for her ability to be the source of your protection, time will make sure to reverse this role.
When you heard she crying (almost silently) in the kitchen and pretended not to hear ....Not out of indifference, but because you thought it would be better if she had a time to herself (because in your case you expect people to do it for you). Mothers may not realize it, but their children know almost everything they think they can hide.
And seeing her structure now, you begin to realize that those wrinkles were not part of her physical body. And if you look even more closely, you realize that your way of walking and white hair are more in evidence.
You do not sleep holding her hands anymore.
The screams that still make you lose your temper starts to be understood. When she screams your full name, she wants a little attention of your part because you stay almost all time of the day in your computer. When she tells you to stop wasting time it’s because she wants you to live your life, you notice that she is giving "her time" to you ... When she tells you to call her when you're hanging out, it’s not because she does not trust you, but because she wants to alleviate the concern that it will stay in her heart forever, this love of mother.
In countless times in which you said words that might hurt her, it was also reciprocal. However, you forgive because you’re her child but she will never forget because she is your mom ...
Then, you start trying to mince words, to protect her from possible injury.
You try to help with household tasks, even if this results in a screaming battle after, because you have this habit of forgetting where you put her things.
You occasionally gives her a hug and you notice how her body is fragile, and when she asks you what has happened to you with that firm voice ........ You realize that she is still strong.
And you hope that she understands you…. that your hug is an attempt to comfort her loneliness, or erase any uncertainty or concern that afflicts her heart (because your heart is so conflicted). You don’t answer and the question stays in the air ... because you know that if you open your mouth, your initial attitude to gives her strength, turns out to be your weakness. So .... you decide that the silence is the best choice.
You keep your love in secret. Even if those words don't leave your mouth... you hope she knows that you love her very much. Someday…just someday I’ll be able to tell her those words. Because for now, I’m just her child.
This stubborn child grateful for her being my mom.