an update...
damn i havent updated on here in forever.. it seems that being at home alone and procrastinating from writing an essay in an already clean house is a good time to do so.
life has been pretty intense the last few months so ive been pretty awol from life online and offline but im slowly resurfacing.
ill try and give a lil recap of the last few months:
1. my aunty passed away at the end of august, this continues to be really really hard for everyone in my family as she went into hospital one night after being unable to breath with what was thought to be an asthma attack and then spent the next six weeks on life support in a coma until it got to the point that there was nothing the docs could do and we still dont know what actually happened. hopefully autopsy reports will shed some light. its been hard as we are a really small (my mum only had one sister) and close family so its been horrible, really horrible for everyone. im not sure how my uncle, nan, cousins or mum will go... everyone is really struggling. so lots of time with my family dealing with grief and loss stuff. my mum is on a verge of a breakdown dealing with the loss of her best friend and sister. i was really close to my aunty too, she was the only one i had contact with when i told my parents to deal with their shit and not contact me when i came out as queer in 98. she was the one that always stuck up for me. my aunt was so special to me, to everyone. shes left the biggest hole in our lives.
2. on top of this we had four or five days after the recent earthquake in padang (indo) where we hadnt heard from my brother so it was really really hard. we have had word that he is ok but are yet to hear from him in person as where he lives (he spilts his time between padang and a tiny island off the padang coast) there is no electricity or phones or computers etc at the best of time but we had word from another surf charter that him and his wife are ok - they lost their flat in padang but not too much damage on the island (there arent really any buildings and stuff to fall so not many people were hurt on the islands as much as on the main land). i was totally freaked out about the prospect of loosing my brother as well so it was a huge relief to get word that he is ok.
3. my health is slowly getting better but still dealing with bad stomach ulcers but they are slowly getting better. still have this weird jaw thing that makes me have constant headaches/tinitis/dizziness/ear pain but it has finally been diagnosed after almost 9 months - im about to have this funny mouthguard thing that i have to wear all day every day so thats going to be hilarious! and if it doesnt fix it they will rebreak my jaw so hopefully it wont come to that.
4. work has been incredibly stressful and busy and ive been super exhausted as ive been doing all the case work by myself as my boss has been doing accreditation stuff and the part timer we employed to cover her left a couple of months ago but we have a new part timer for the next six months starting at the end of the month so im super excited about this!
5. amongst all the hard stuff with E is continuing to grow into the most amazing and beautiful thing... im feeling incredibly good about gender and identity and desire and sex etc. better than i ever have. its been amazing totally amazing. i wont go into detail here but yeh lots of fun and adventures and laughter and creativity and good stuff. we've also been doing some erotica stuff together and separately which has been amazingly fun and exciting to feel like i can put myself out there in that way these days. its been amazing that we have been able to get through all this other stuff (E has had a heap of stuff going on too that i wont post about here) and still be just totally in love and happy and excited about us has been really amazing, totally incredible. we have both been dealing with a stack of stuff and our energy levels have been shot so we spend most nights sitting on the couch staring at each other in amazement about how incredibly amazing it is that we met the most perfect person in the world. i know that sounds corny as fuck but its truly so amazing how we connect on so many different levels, ive never honestly felt like this before. shes so fucking beautiful.
6. still studying heaps to do in the next few weeks as we are nearing the end of semester but im getting there and its all managable. im currently writing an essay about the rising HIV rates in victoria the last few years so thats interesting and engaging and isnt stressing me out as much as writing about something that im not totally passionate about. next semester is epidemiolgy and biostatistics though so that will do my head in completely.
7. E and i are heading to the gold coast in a couple of weeks on a road trip which is super exciting and so needed. her parents won some competition for five nights at some fancy resort and cant use it so we are going instead! we are getting some amazing goldie outfits together! hahah cant wait!
anyways yeh things are slowly getting better and im starting to feel a bit more engaged with the world than i have in a while so thats a good thing. its still fuckin hard trying to do anything or see anyone or go to anything but i feel like things are slowly shifing, slowly.
ok must get back to my essay. hope yas are all swell.
over and out.
x
life has been pretty intense the last few months so ive been pretty awol from life online and offline but im slowly resurfacing.
ill try and give a lil recap of the last few months:
1. my aunty passed away at the end of august, this continues to be really really hard for everyone in my family as she went into hospital one night after being unable to breath with what was thought to be an asthma attack and then spent the next six weeks on life support in a coma until it got to the point that there was nothing the docs could do and we still dont know what actually happened. hopefully autopsy reports will shed some light. its been hard as we are a really small (my mum only had one sister) and close family so its been horrible, really horrible for everyone. im not sure how my uncle, nan, cousins or mum will go... everyone is really struggling. so lots of time with my family dealing with grief and loss stuff. my mum is on a verge of a breakdown dealing with the loss of her best friend and sister. i was really close to my aunty too, she was the only one i had contact with when i told my parents to deal with their shit and not contact me when i came out as queer in 98. she was the one that always stuck up for me. my aunt was so special to me, to everyone. shes left the biggest hole in our lives.
2. on top of this we had four or five days after the recent earthquake in padang (indo) where we hadnt heard from my brother so it was really really hard. we have had word that he is ok but are yet to hear from him in person as where he lives (he spilts his time between padang and a tiny island off the padang coast) there is no electricity or phones or computers etc at the best of time but we had word from another surf charter that him and his wife are ok - they lost their flat in padang but not too much damage on the island (there arent really any buildings and stuff to fall so not many people were hurt on the islands as much as on the main land). i was totally freaked out about the prospect of loosing my brother as well so it was a huge relief to get word that he is ok.
3. my health is slowly getting better but still dealing with bad stomach ulcers but they are slowly getting better. still have this weird jaw thing that makes me have constant headaches/tinitis/dizziness/ear pain but it has finally been diagnosed after almost 9 months - im about to have this funny mouthguard thing that i have to wear all day every day so thats going to be hilarious! and if it doesnt fix it they will rebreak my jaw so hopefully it wont come to that.
4. work has been incredibly stressful and busy and ive been super exhausted as ive been doing all the case work by myself as my boss has been doing accreditation stuff and the part timer we employed to cover her left a couple of months ago but we have a new part timer for the next six months starting at the end of the month so im super excited about this!
5. amongst all the hard stuff with E is continuing to grow into the most amazing and beautiful thing... im feeling incredibly good about gender and identity and desire and sex etc. better than i ever have. its been amazing totally amazing. i wont go into detail here but yeh lots of fun and adventures and laughter and creativity and good stuff. we've also been doing some erotica stuff together and separately which has been amazingly fun and exciting to feel like i can put myself out there in that way these days. its been amazing that we have been able to get through all this other stuff (E has had a heap of stuff going on too that i wont post about here) and still be just totally in love and happy and excited about us has been really amazing, totally incredible. we have both been dealing with a stack of stuff and our energy levels have been shot so we spend most nights sitting on the couch staring at each other in amazement about how incredibly amazing it is that we met the most perfect person in the world. i know that sounds corny as fuck but its truly so amazing how we connect on so many different levels, ive never honestly felt like this before. shes so fucking beautiful.
6. still studying heaps to do in the next few weeks as we are nearing the end of semester but im getting there and its all managable. im currently writing an essay about the rising HIV rates in victoria the last few years so thats interesting and engaging and isnt stressing me out as much as writing about something that im not totally passionate about. next semester is epidemiolgy and biostatistics though so that will do my head in completely.
7. E and i are heading to the gold coast in a couple of weeks on a road trip which is super exciting and so needed. her parents won some competition for five nights at some fancy resort and cant use it so we are going instead! we are getting some amazing goldie outfits together! hahah cant wait!
anyways yeh things are slowly getting better and im starting to feel a bit more engaged with the world than i have in a while so thats a good thing. its still fuckin hard trying to do anything or see anyone or go to anything but i feel like things are slowly shifing, slowly.
ok must get back to my essay. hope yas are all swell.
over and out.
x