(no subject)
So for the past couple of hours or maybe even days have probably been the most hardest days in my life.
I never really understand why things happen, or why should they happen, but I guess things happen for a reason.For reasons that arent ever explained well.Which pretty much tells me, tis the way life is meant to be.But it isnt always going to be that way.I'm pretty much stuck on someone and have been for the past 2 years.People must think damn time to let it go.But I refuse and I wont.He keeps himself closed up from opening up to others due to things that have happened in the past.He's treated those girls in the past like the way girls should be treated, but they always seem to do things to fuck him over and make him close up more.I'm not like those girls, I know how he feels.It's happened to me before.He shouldnt be distant from me because of stupid bitches in the past.I shouldnt just get a little of him, I should get ALL of him.He shouldnt be so damn closed up inside with me, he opened up to me a little bit and that was fuckin fantastic and unbelieveable but why cant he open up completely?In my opinion if it means any, it's really not fair for others in the future that come into your life, to stay so distant and closed up, its not a healthy way to go through life like that.Its a shitty thing to do with those people who will learn to love and care for you like the way you should be treated.If you keep distanting and closing up and never open up to others you'll never be happy yourself or comfortable for that matter.He wants space, I respect that.And I'll give him space.Yeah, it hurts, but you can't always be selfish and demand their attention and serve your needs.They have needs to.I'm realizing all of this after talking to a few people.I think it's time for me to grow up and react to things in a more mature way.And definitely stop depending on people to make me happy.That's not a good way to live life either.I have to learn to be somewhat independent of myself.Maybe that'll let him know I'm growing up and ready for whatevers next in life.Wether it be graduating from HS, moving up to the eastcoast for college.And maybe someday more things such as marrige and families, but im not ready to rush into that.Take one thing at a time step by step.And things will turn out perfect in the end and everyone will soon see what I've done and accomplished to prove them wrong.Mark my words, I will prove you wrong.I will become more independent of myself, and less clingy.And learn to look at things on the brighter side of the situation and make myself or teach myself to be happy for things I have.Soon, he will see what I'm doing and maybe he'll realize this.Not only him, but family and friends.They'll realize how much change I plan on doing and how much work I'm going to put into this.Because all of this means that much to me.Not only my plans to change and the work I AM going to do, even if i have to force myself to do it.But he means that much to me.He will finally believe me soon, once he sees its all going in progress.
I never really understand why things happen, or why should they happen, but I guess things happen for a reason.For reasons that arent ever explained well.Which pretty much tells me, tis the way life is meant to be.But it isnt always going to be that way.I'm pretty much stuck on someone and have been for the past 2 years.People must think damn time to let it go.But I refuse and I wont.He keeps himself closed up from opening up to others due to things that have happened in the past.He's treated those girls in the past like the way girls should be treated, but they always seem to do things to fuck him over and make him close up more.I'm not like those girls, I know how he feels.It's happened to me before.He shouldnt be distant from me because of stupid bitches in the past.I shouldnt just get a little of him, I should get ALL of him.He shouldnt be so damn closed up inside with me, he opened up to me a little bit and that was fuckin fantastic and unbelieveable but why cant he open up completely?In my opinion if it means any, it's really not fair for others in the future that come into your life, to stay so distant and closed up, its not a healthy way to go through life like that.Its a shitty thing to do with those people who will learn to love and care for you like the way you should be treated.If you keep distanting and closing up and never open up to others you'll never be happy yourself or comfortable for that matter.He wants space, I respect that.And I'll give him space.Yeah, it hurts, but you can't always be selfish and demand their attention and serve your needs.They have needs to.I'm realizing all of this after talking to a few people.I think it's time for me to grow up and react to things in a more mature way.And definitely stop depending on people to make me happy.That's not a good way to live life either.I have to learn to be somewhat independent of myself.Maybe that'll let him know I'm growing up and ready for whatevers next in life.Wether it be graduating from HS, moving up to the eastcoast for college.And maybe someday more things such as marrige and families, but im not ready to rush into that.Take one thing at a time step by step.And things will turn out perfect in the end and everyone will soon see what I've done and accomplished to prove them wrong.Mark my words, I will prove you wrong.I will become more independent of myself, and less clingy.And learn to look at things on the brighter side of the situation and make myself or teach myself to be happy for things I have.Soon, he will see what I'm doing and maybe he'll realize this.Not only him, but family and friends.They'll realize how much change I plan on doing and how much work I'm going to put into this.Because all of this means that much to me.Not only my plans to change and the work I AM going to do, even if i have to force myself to do it.But he means that much to me.He will finally believe me soon, once he sees its all going in progress.