(no subject)
It's definitely been an interesting week.
Seems like I spent every waking hour with Winry since lunch on Monday. Except, you know, when she was working or I was taking a walk. Asphalt feels so strange when it's cold and wet - sometimes like there's sand where there wasn't when it was dry.
After seeing her off on Thursday, I slept for a couple more hours. Ash has spent a lot of time locked in my room - whether he wanted to or not. I asked Lust to dinner in the evening. I'll never understand a person that can eat -just- a salad, but to each their own I guess. We'll have to go again, sometime - and she should certainly try something else to eat. Despite having only a few chances to sit and socialize, really get to know each other... I have missed talking to her on occasion. Another thing to add to my list of things to do. I won't get into what we talked about here... we covered so many topics, it would be hard to accomplish. Things seem to be looking up for her, though - and that's what matters, right? That things are starting to look up for the people that I care about.
I've spent the last few days reading and walking. The two things that make time fly the fastest for me. Nothing like getting comfortable on the sofa, Ash curled up next to me and Den at my feet. I could read forever, without interruption. I spent all day Friday reading. Checking old journal entries, too - some things have occured to me, looking over the past few months and I know I shouldn't dwell on any of it...
Maybe the dreams will never go away, but that doesn't change the fact that I've put everything behind me as best I can. It took recapping the past year to really understand it - all of it.
I've noticed a pattern. Sometimes, in the morning I wake up on some tail end of a memory - without realizing, sometimes, that whatever's being said or done isn't reoccuring. It can be pretty uncomfortable... Kind of makes it a relief that I've had the past few days to myself.
I've felt pretty withdrawn, actually. It came out of nowhere, for whatever reason. Just not up to... Posting, talking, doing much but reading and walking. Maybe I exhausted myself the first half of the week. Even before the dinner with Lust, I hadn't really been up to much else - and since then I've been lounging around the house, preventing fights, mostly.
The little bastard likes to hide under the kitchen table, or the couch and just -wait- for Den to walk by. All you see is a paw swipe out in a blur of movement. Actually- I think he's just playing with him. He hides, and waits... plans it ahead of time, and I never really see his claws out. Hm... I still don't trust them, alone.
Aside from that, Ash spent most of his time stretched out on me. I think he's under the impression that it keeps him safe from the dog. Den doesn't really pay much attention to him.
I stayed up until - sometime after four reading, last night. Woke up around seven. Should have kept closer watch on the time, really...
Went right back to bed, after realizing how early it was.
Guess I messed up, after having a schedule that involved getting up early - waking up around 2:00 on Thursday....
but that didn't seem to be a problem.
She said it so bluntly, so matter-of-fact; almost snapping it at me... Is it really that obvious? Well, I guess it is. Unless- she's just assuming, also a possibility.
The house seems... so big and- empty with her gone.
This place will never be home.
I slept in again, today. Maybe I'll make a habit of that. I rolled out of bed around noon. Literally, onto the floor. I think it was the -sound- that woke me up more than anything. The muffled thud of sheet entangled metal hitting the wooden surface -
I can't remember the dream I had been having, but something tells me that's a good thing.
I've begun collecting quotes again. Actually, forgot that I'd started doing that.
I don't want people to feel bad, or guilty - or worry - about me anymore. I just want to do the right thing for once... and sometimes doing the right thing means doing nothing at all.
The heart has a way of healing on it's own...
I've just- been resisting it until now.
I've been selfish, I'm always being selfish.
It just... wasn't supposed to happen this way.
I hope I'm not like this when I'm supposed to meet Winry at the station.
I need something to eat.
Seems like I spent every waking hour with Winry since lunch on Monday. Except, you know, when she was working or I was taking a walk. Asphalt feels so strange when it's cold and wet - sometimes like there's sand where there wasn't when it was dry.
After seeing her off on Thursday, I slept for a couple more hours. Ash has spent a lot of time locked in my room - whether he wanted to or not. I asked Lust to dinner in the evening. I'll never understand a person that can eat -just- a salad, but to each their own I guess. We'll have to go again, sometime - and she should certainly try something else to eat. Despite having only a few chances to sit and socialize, really get to know each other... I have missed talking to her on occasion. Another thing to add to my list of things to do. I won't get into what we talked about here... we covered so many topics, it would be hard to accomplish. Things seem to be looking up for her, though - and that's what matters, right? That things are starting to look up for the people that I care about.
I've spent the last few days reading and walking. The two things that make time fly the fastest for me. Nothing like getting comfortable on the sofa, Ash curled up next to me and Den at my feet. I could read forever, without interruption. I spent all day Friday reading. Checking old journal entries, too - some things have occured to me, looking over the past few months and I know I shouldn't dwell on any of it...
Maybe the dreams will never go away, but that doesn't change the fact that I've put everything behind me as best I can. It took recapping the past year to really understand it - all of it.
I've noticed a pattern. Sometimes, in the morning I wake up on some tail end of a memory - without realizing, sometimes, that whatever's being said or done isn't reoccuring. It can be pretty uncomfortable... Kind of makes it a relief that I've had the past few days to myself.
I've felt pretty withdrawn, actually. It came out of nowhere, for whatever reason. Just not up to... Posting, talking, doing much but reading and walking. Maybe I exhausted myself the first half of the week. Even before the dinner with Lust, I hadn't really been up to much else - and since then I've been lounging around the house, preventing fights, mostly.
The little bastard likes to hide under the kitchen table, or the couch and just -wait- for Den to walk by. All you see is a paw swipe out in a blur of movement. Actually- I think he's just playing with him. He hides, and waits... plans it ahead of time, and I never really see his claws out. Hm... I still don't trust them, alone.
Aside from that, Ash spent most of his time stretched out on me. I think he's under the impression that it keeps him safe from the dog. Den doesn't really pay much attention to him.
I stayed up until - sometime after four reading, last night. Woke up around seven. Should have kept closer watch on the time, really...
Went right back to bed, after realizing how early it was.
Guess I messed up, after having a schedule that involved getting up early - waking up around 2:00 on Thursday....
but that didn't seem to be a problem.
She said it so bluntly, so matter-of-fact; almost snapping it at me... Is it really that obvious? Well, I guess it is. Unless- she's just assuming, also a possibility.
The house seems... so big and- empty with her gone.
This place will never be home.
I slept in again, today. Maybe I'll make a habit of that. I rolled out of bed around noon. Literally, onto the floor. I think it was the -sound- that woke me up more than anything. The muffled thud of sheet entangled metal hitting the wooden surface -
I can't remember the dream I had been having, but something tells me that's a good thing.
I've begun collecting quotes again. Actually, forgot that I'd started doing that.
I don't want people to feel bad, or guilty - or worry - about me anymore. I just want to do the right thing for once... and sometimes doing the right thing means doing nothing at all.
The heart has a way of healing on it's own...
I've just- been resisting it until now.
I've been selfish, I'm always being selfish.
It just... wasn't supposed to happen this way.
I hope I'm not like this when I'm supposed to meet Winry at the station.
I need something to eat.