(no subject)
as josh woke me up on his way to work, he kissed my forehead, and I said "josh, i was dreaming about contamination and high altitudes."
something about this statement makes me excited and optimistic! that moment this morning, and this moment tonight, as I blare springsteen in my empty apartment, these moments are mental markers for me.
I'm looking forward to coming home. actually, I can't wait. i'm excited to see everyone, and although I'll be working for most of the summer and occasionally taking some small trips, it's going to be a maryland summer like I know it. i look forward to the smell of the summer evenings and I'm hopeful about the late night drives we will all take. I say this as if I know everyone is still the way they were two summers ago. as if the time between these months of being away has only been a pause and things will resume as I left them. time will tell,
every time i get in one of these moods to write, i log into livejournal, and a draft is restored from the last occurrence of one of these moods. I never publish them, and I'm not exactly sure why, and so it seems I have not updated in forever. Before, when I first went away to school, and even when I came home for the breaks, I had wished you guys would have been more curious about my life here, I think only because I was eager to tell someone about the changes I had experienced. Now, I'm sure it is impossible to verbalize those changes. The feelings I've had for the relationships I have here, and the events, and social exchanges I've had are inexplicable. As I'm cleaning out my overly full drawers I rummage through almost every receipt, every atm ticket, every train pass, every post card or note, every to do lists, and every trinket i find on the street or at some location I visited; i remember moments I had forgotten about and I am taken to distant places buried in the depths of my memory. i am a pack rat.
this year has been progressive. backwards, forwards. it always amounts to being forward. I have learned from mistakes, intent, and oblivion.
i found a post-it in my drawer yesterday from mrs. shuman. it reads, "don't forget where you came from!". what a nice reminder. and although I hardly forget where I came from, it's a phrase I needed. i am around so many talented people, so many interesting minds, as well as so many pretentious art dicks. i can't wait to come home as far as my photo is concerned. being in this environment is crippling in a sense. i see good things coming from this summer. [yikes!]
i come back to the phrase, i was dreaming about contamination and high altitudes. I had discovered a cure for a type of bacteria that could be isolated in high altitudes.
I was a scientist.
something about this statement makes me excited and optimistic! that moment this morning, and this moment tonight, as I blare springsteen in my empty apartment, these moments are mental markers for me.
I'm looking forward to coming home. actually, I can't wait. i'm excited to see everyone, and although I'll be working for most of the summer and occasionally taking some small trips, it's going to be a maryland summer like I know it. i look forward to the smell of the summer evenings and I'm hopeful about the late night drives we will all take. I say this as if I know everyone is still the way they were two summers ago. as if the time between these months of being away has only been a pause and things will resume as I left them. time will tell,
every time i get in one of these moods to write, i log into livejournal, and a draft is restored from the last occurrence of one of these moods. I never publish them, and I'm not exactly sure why, and so it seems I have not updated in forever. Before, when I first went away to school, and even when I came home for the breaks, I had wished you guys would have been more curious about my life here, I think only because I was eager to tell someone about the changes I had experienced. Now, I'm sure it is impossible to verbalize those changes. The feelings I've had for the relationships I have here, and the events, and social exchanges I've had are inexplicable. As I'm cleaning out my overly full drawers I rummage through almost every receipt, every atm ticket, every train pass, every post card or note, every to do lists, and every trinket i find on the street or at some location I visited; i remember moments I had forgotten about and I am taken to distant places buried in the depths of my memory. i am a pack rat.
this year has been progressive. backwards, forwards. it always amounts to being forward. I have learned from mistakes, intent, and oblivion.
i found a post-it in my drawer yesterday from mrs. shuman. it reads, "don't forget where you came from!". what a nice reminder. and although I hardly forget where I came from, it's a phrase I needed. i am around so many talented people, so many interesting minds, as well as so many pretentious art dicks. i can't wait to come home as far as my photo is concerned. being in this environment is crippling in a sense. i see good things coming from this summer. [yikes!]
i come back to the phrase, i was dreaming about contamination and high altitudes. I had discovered a cure for a type of bacteria that could be isolated in high altitudes.
I was a scientist.