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I just got back from 2 back to back 2 day trips. You might as well say I went on a 4 day trip. I hate working 14 hours a day for 4 days straight, but I had the best crews. I thought I would write some of our little jokes here so whenever I have a bad day I can come back to this post and re-read these things to make me laugh. This stuff probably won't be interesting to anyone besides me, so here is
Sunday and Monday I flew with Hugh and Dan. I've talked about Hugh on this journal before, he's one of the only pilots I talk to outside of work, so I won't bore you with those details. I just met Dan. He seemed pretty shy but he fit in with me and Hugh quite well.
Sunday morning I walk in and see Hugh at the computer:
Me: Hi Hugh..
Hugh: Oh God, is your last name Anderson?
m: yes! aren't you excited?
h: I'm going to get fired today, you're going to get me fired!
after one of our flights:
Me: So I have to tell you, I hit this guy with the cart (meaning my beverage cart) really hard while he was sleeping, so I was talking to him and kind of joking around and being nice to him. I thought I cheered him up. Well obviously I did because when I got to the row behind him, he grabbed my ass.
Hugh: HE WHAT? I hope you yelled at him.
M: yep. He grabbed it. I gave him one freebie since I hit him really hard with the cart, but if he would have tried it again I would have ripped his head off.
H: so tell me more about this ass touching, was it like a slap? A caress? I need to know these things.
M: no, it was more like a pat. Like a slow little pat.
Dan: So you would say it was more like a 'grab and go', not like a 'touch and stay'?
H: the little pats are the best, you feel more that way.
m: You guys are wrong, in so many ways.
The next flight a really drunk man gets on the plane and hits on me the ENTIRE time.
M: You guys will never guess what, that drunk guy gave me his phone number!
D: What did you do with it?
M: I threw it out...
H: I will kill him, and everyone he knows.
When we get to the hotel:
Hotel lady pulls my suitcase out of the van: Wow, this is really light!
Hugh: mine would be too if it only had thongs in it!
Later Hugh left and me and Dan got stuck with some really perverted captain. I know it sounds like Hugh is pretty gross, but we just joke around with each other. This other guy was just disgusting. Dan told me that he was worried about flying with me and Hugh because he said we had a history but I assured him we made quite the group.
Yesterday and today I flew with Ronnie and Jarrod. Ronnie is based in MEM so I probably won't fly with him again very soon which makes me really sad because he was HILARIOUS. Jarrod is DTW based so we will see if we fly together again any time soon. I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did the last two days in a very long time. Ronnie is my hero. At first I thought he was kind of weird because he just would randomly yell and stuff, but then after I joined in with him, we became pretty annoyingly inseparable. Here's some random things that made me laugh really hard throughout the 2 days.
I opened up the flight deck door and Ronnie yelled "NO SCHOOL ON SATURDAY!" so we started saying it all day. Extra laughs were had if you yelled it followed by "I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!" While kicking and or dragging your feet.
We have this little tiny wheelchair thing we use to put people on planes with. We all were standing in the jet bridge in it trying to get cool in between flights, where it sits. Ronnie sat in the chair so I started pushing it while running down the jet bridge. He was making really weird noises and I was just going "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" until the gate agent came down and made us stop. hahaha.
Jarrod bought some cookies up in one of the outstations for a dollar. He kept talking about how good they were and asked me to have one.
M: I don't want one. I don't really like chocolate.
J: Eat one anyway, they are good.
M: I don't want one! I don't want to get fat.
J: So what are you trying to say, I'm fat?
M: no.. I'm just saying you have different metabolism and... I lied I don't really care about my weight I just really don't want one and thought I could change the subject if I said that.
J: Yeah right, now I have to go throw these cookies up.
R: I'm going to be throwing up all day now thanks to you!
M: Forget I said that you have a beautiful figure! Plus it's not good for your body to make yourself throw up!
J: So what I'm going to die anyway.
R: yeah and this way I'll look good. I'll fit in the thinner coffin.
The guys were teasing me the whole two days any time they wanted something they would say "Well if you were a good flight attendant, you would have already done it." and a lot of the trip turned into "A good flight attendant would...." I laughed about it until I had a really bad flight to Ottawa with some REALLY annoying people. When everyone got off the plane our conversation went like this
M: I want one leg where you guys are super nice to me! I just had a really bad flight. (followed by and explanation)
R: It's because they were Canadians.
J: Ok just one leg my favorite flight attendant.
so on the leg home I get a call mid flight:
J: did you notice that we left the seat belt sign on?
M: oh, you did! Thank you, you can turn it off now if you want, I'm done with my beverage service.
R: No we are leaving it on so you don't have to deal with them. We are boycotting Canadians! Take that Canada!
J: we were going to freeze them out, but then we realized you were back there too, so no.
M: wow, you guys really thought about this, thank you!
R: Anything for the worlds best flight attendant!
of course the next flight turned into much more teasing
On the bus to the hotel:
R: So, is this one of those haunted hotels?
I know it doesn't sound that funny, but I almost peed my pants and I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe when he said that. I think the bus driver thought we were all on crack. So then Ronnie and Jarrod start telling me that apparently we used to stay in some hotel (I forgot which city it was) that was haunted and crews couldn't sleep because they got too scared. I guess some pilot was so scared he slept in the lobby. So the company switched the hotel. Anyway back to the hotel ride to the hotel after I've stopped laughing.
J: Look, a man ridding a bike with a cape, I'll bet hes coming to the hotel. To haunt it.
I was talking to my dad on the phone and I said "no I get off at 8"
R: and then I get off at 8:05 HA!
M (after hanging up): that was my dad.
R: OH SHIT. I will be meeting him tomorrow won't I?
M: nah, he's on vacation
R: Oh God I'm going to die, to Fort Wayne?
M: Yes, 'Tonight's haunting provided by Frank Anderson.'
This morning when I come down to the lobby Ronnie is sitting there in his uniform. He sees me get out of the elevator and sprawls out.
R: Oh good morning! Do you like my bed? It's very comfortable.
M: Did you get haunted?
R: Yeah, I saw a vision in the TV and my sheets got pulled off so I couldn't sleep. Did anything happen to you?
M: no
R: Did you see the naked man running down the hallway?
M: no..
R: Good because that was me.
I told the guys about the guy who touched my behind and then we had this conversation a few hours later:
M: Can I come up there? I want to tell you guys something.
they let me up
M: there is a guy with a prosthetic arm back there! It's so crazy because it looks really real!
R: Did he touch your butt with it?
M: no!
R: Did you want him to?
M: ...maybe a little
R: YOU'RE SICK!
M: YOU SAID IT!
R: YEAH BUT YOU AGREED!
M: but think about it, how many times in your life will you have a chance to be touched in the ass by a fake arm? I wonder what it feels like, just a little bit.
R: Imagine what you could do with a fake arm. Like, you know when you go to sleep and you fall asleep on your arm so when you wake up it feels like it's someone else so you can...
M: Ok now YOU'RE being sick, I'm leaving.
Later in the day we were talking about something and Ronnie starts talking about oral sex
M: You're dirty. Don't talk like that to me!
R: I'm sorry, spank me!
M: I'm going to find a prosthetic arm, and then spank you with it. How would you like that?
R: A lot. Then I'm going to rip your arms off and beat you with those.
Ronnie and I went out to breakfast at Einsteins Bagels. Ronnie was going to pay for ours so he asks what I want
M: I'll have a cinnamon rasin bagel with regular cream cheese.
R: Smear (Which he pronounced like "schmere")
M: What? No regular cream cheese.
R: It's called smear here, so you have to say it that way so they understand! It's like when you go to Mc Donalds and get Chicken nuggets, you have to call them Chicken McNuggets.
later when we are at our table eating I'm laughing at something random he said I'm sure
R: What are you laughing at? My pink Smear? I'll have you know I'm very comfortable in my sexuality. ok? OKAY!
Also they both thought it was really funny to call me Pam (a la Pamela Anderson, since my last name is Anderson as well har har) for EVERYTHING. They called me Pamela over the PA MANY MANY times which I'm sure confused the passengers. Whenever the door was open they would yell "PAM! PAM! PAMELA!" just to get my attention. It was also used to help fix ties, get coffee, to tell me they were hot, to share cookies with me and for all kinds of crazy stuff. Imagine the episode of the office where Michael is yelling for Pam to rub country crock on his burned foot. That's what it felt like.
I'll probably add more later. I'm very tired.
Sunday and Monday I flew with Hugh and Dan. I've talked about Hugh on this journal before, he's one of the only pilots I talk to outside of work, so I won't bore you with those details. I just met Dan. He seemed pretty shy but he fit in with me and Hugh quite well.
Sunday morning I walk in and see Hugh at the computer:
Me: Hi Hugh..
Hugh: Oh God, is your last name Anderson?
m: yes! aren't you excited?
h: I'm going to get fired today, you're going to get me fired!
after one of our flights:
Me: So I have to tell you, I hit this guy with the cart (meaning my beverage cart) really hard while he was sleeping, so I was talking to him and kind of joking around and being nice to him. I thought I cheered him up. Well obviously I did because when I got to the row behind him, he grabbed my ass.
Hugh: HE WHAT? I hope you yelled at him.
M: yep. He grabbed it. I gave him one freebie since I hit him really hard with the cart, but if he would have tried it again I would have ripped his head off.
H: so tell me more about this ass touching, was it like a slap? A caress? I need to know these things.
M: no, it was more like a pat. Like a slow little pat.
Dan: So you would say it was more like a 'grab and go', not like a 'touch and stay'?
H: the little pats are the best, you feel more that way.
m: You guys are wrong, in so many ways.
The next flight a really drunk man gets on the plane and hits on me the ENTIRE time.
M: You guys will never guess what, that drunk guy gave me his phone number!
D: What did you do with it?
M: I threw it out...
H: I will kill him, and everyone he knows.
When we get to the hotel:
Hotel lady pulls my suitcase out of the van: Wow, this is really light!
Hugh: mine would be too if it only had thongs in it!
Later Hugh left and me and Dan got stuck with some really perverted captain. I know it sounds like Hugh is pretty gross, but we just joke around with each other. This other guy was just disgusting. Dan told me that he was worried about flying with me and Hugh because he said we had a history but I assured him we made quite the group.
Yesterday and today I flew with Ronnie and Jarrod. Ronnie is based in MEM so I probably won't fly with him again very soon which makes me really sad because he was HILARIOUS. Jarrod is DTW based so we will see if we fly together again any time soon. I don't think I've laughed as hard as I did the last two days in a very long time. Ronnie is my hero. At first I thought he was kind of weird because he just would randomly yell and stuff, but then after I joined in with him, we became pretty annoyingly inseparable. Here's some random things that made me laugh really hard throughout the 2 days.
I opened up the flight deck door and Ronnie yelled "NO SCHOOL ON SATURDAY!" so we started saying it all day. Extra laughs were had if you yelled it followed by "I DON'T WANT TO GO!!!" While kicking and or dragging your feet.
We have this little tiny wheelchair thing we use to put people on planes with. We all were standing in the jet bridge in it trying to get cool in between flights, where it sits. Ronnie sat in the chair so I started pushing it while running down the jet bridge. He was making really weird noises and I was just going "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!" until the gate agent came down and made us stop. hahaha.
Jarrod bought some cookies up in one of the outstations for a dollar. He kept talking about how good they were and asked me to have one.
M: I don't want one. I don't really like chocolate.
J: Eat one anyway, they are good.
M: I don't want one! I don't want to get fat.
J: So what are you trying to say, I'm fat?
M: no.. I'm just saying you have different metabolism and... I lied I don't really care about my weight I just really don't want one and thought I could change the subject if I said that.
J: Yeah right, now I have to go throw these cookies up.
R: I'm going to be throwing up all day now thanks to you!
M: Forget I said that you have a beautiful figure! Plus it's not good for your body to make yourself throw up!
J: So what I'm going to die anyway.
R: yeah and this way I'll look good. I'll fit in the thinner coffin.
The guys were teasing me the whole two days any time they wanted something they would say "Well if you were a good flight attendant, you would have already done it." and a lot of the trip turned into "A good flight attendant would...." I laughed about it until I had a really bad flight to Ottawa with some REALLY annoying people. When everyone got off the plane our conversation went like this
M: I want one leg where you guys are super nice to me! I just had a really bad flight. (followed by and explanation)
R: It's because they were Canadians.
J: Ok just one leg my favorite flight attendant.
so on the leg home I get a call mid flight:
J: did you notice that we left the seat belt sign on?
M: oh, you did! Thank you, you can turn it off now if you want, I'm done with my beverage service.
R: No we are leaving it on so you don't have to deal with them. We are boycotting Canadians! Take that Canada!
J: we were going to freeze them out, but then we realized you were back there too, so no.
M: wow, you guys really thought about this, thank you!
R: Anything for the worlds best flight attendant!
of course the next flight turned into much more teasing
On the bus to the hotel:
R: So, is this one of those haunted hotels?
I know it doesn't sound that funny, but I almost peed my pants and I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe when he said that. I think the bus driver thought we were all on crack. So then Ronnie and Jarrod start telling me that apparently we used to stay in some hotel (I forgot which city it was) that was haunted and crews couldn't sleep because they got too scared. I guess some pilot was so scared he slept in the lobby. So the company switched the hotel. Anyway back to the hotel ride to the hotel after I've stopped laughing.
J: Look, a man ridding a bike with a cape, I'll bet hes coming to the hotel. To haunt it.
I was talking to my dad on the phone and I said "no I get off at 8"
R: and then I get off at 8:05 HA!
M (after hanging up): that was my dad.
R: OH SHIT. I will be meeting him tomorrow won't I?
M: nah, he's on vacation
R: Oh God I'm going to die, to Fort Wayne?
M: Yes, 'Tonight's haunting provided by Frank Anderson.'
This morning when I come down to the lobby Ronnie is sitting there in his uniform. He sees me get out of the elevator and sprawls out.
R: Oh good morning! Do you like my bed? It's very comfortable.
M: Did you get haunted?
R: Yeah, I saw a vision in the TV and my sheets got pulled off so I couldn't sleep. Did anything happen to you?
M: no
R: Did you see the naked man running down the hallway?
M: no..
R: Good because that was me.
I told the guys about the guy who touched my behind and then we had this conversation a few hours later:
M: Can I come up there? I want to tell you guys something.
they let me up
M: there is a guy with a prosthetic arm back there! It's so crazy because it looks really real!
R: Did he touch your butt with it?
M: no!
R: Did you want him to?
M: ...maybe a little
R: YOU'RE SICK!
M: YOU SAID IT!
R: YEAH BUT YOU AGREED!
M: but think about it, how many times in your life will you have a chance to be touched in the ass by a fake arm? I wonder what it feels like, just a little bit.
R: Imagine what you could do with a fake arm. Like, you know when you go to sleep and you fall asleep on your arm so when you wake up it feels like it's someone else so you can...
M: Ok now YOU'RE being sick, I'm leaving.
Later in the day we were talking about something and Ronnie starts talking about oral sex
M: You're dirty. Don't talk like that to me!
R: I'm sorry, spank me!
M: I'm going to find a prosthetic arm, and then spank you with it. How would you like that?
R: A lot. Then I'm going to rip your arms off and beat you with those.
Ronnie and I went out to breakfast at Einsteins Bagels. Ronnie was going to pay for ours so he asks what I want
M: I'll have a cinnamon rasin bagel with regular cream cheese.
R: Smear (Which he pronounced like "schmere")
M: What? No regular cream cheese.
R: It's called smear here, so you have to say it that way so they understand! It's like when you go to Mc Donalds and get Chicken nuggets, you have to call them Chicken McNuggets.
later when we are at our table eating I'm laughing at something random he said I'm sure
R: What are you laughing at? My pink Smear? I'll have you know I'm very comfortable in my sexuality. ok? OKAY!
Also they both thought it was really funny to call me Pam (a la Pamela Anderson, since my last name is Anderson as well har har) for EVERYTHING. They called me Pamela over the PA MANY MANY times which I'm sure confused the passengers. Whenever the door was open they would yell "PAM! PAM! PAMELA!" just to get my attention. It was also used to help fix ties, get coffee, to tell me they were hot, to share cookies with me and for all kinds of crazy stuff. Imagine the episode of the office where Michael is yelling for Pam to rub country crock on his burned foot. That's what it felt like.
I'll probably add more later. I'm very tired.