life
is taking a break so i can update my journal.
i am officially without a job. but i have rent and my car payment managed through this month.
(excluding other expenses, although i did receive a grovery gift card- rock!)
i'm applying like crazy to all sorts of places.
i think i might have obtained a super part time personal assistant position. i'd be good at that. it'd even be fun.
applied (against my poor soul) to starbucks, peets, and the gap.
could you see me at the gap?
that makes me laugh... oh man.
i guess i can't bartend with jordan anymore? or something? people shouldn't lie.
i don't really believe in carma, but in these cases, i wish i did.
i also believe that america is all about "not enough"...
never being satisfied. maybe it's humankind in general, but america is all i know. i won't overgeneralize, for the moment.
i am torn between believing this is good, because it drives towards progress, toward... growth,
and believing it is really, really self-deprecating.
you will never be happy if you have demands you will never meet. and if what you demand is to always strive for more more more, you will never, ever, ever be content.
i don't want everything.
i just want to be happy.
so i am trying to avoid "enough" and to focus on being grateful.
without a job, there are still a lot of things i have.
i have great, great, great friends.
i have enough money to live comfortably. (i even have my own savings now, which is miniscule, but again "enough" and it is there, and MINE.)
i have a mom, who is friend. my mom is my friend. read: huge.
i have music, which restructures my brain, and sometimes even provides the map.
speaking of maps, what if one had the ability to draw them, and in the process of drawing them, thus created a landscape as such? what if this is how the world was formed. (it wasn't. but...what if?) i love maps.
back to what i have.
amazing roommates that i can never wait to come home.
a pretty girl to go out on dates with, exercise with, and absorb sun with. and kiss.
i think about kissing sometimes. it's really weird to me, despite it being amazing. two mouths, spit swapped, somehow indirectly linking genitals without them ever touching. sometimes providing more sensation than when they actually do touch. are we the only species that kisses? why do we kiss? who were the first kissers? i guess i could research it, but i like just thinking about things sometimes.
it's a beautiful day outside.
i am inside, but i am by an open window.
and i am at my school, where i feel like i "belong" more than i have ever felt anywhere else. i feel at peace, and happy, and sunny. as if sunny is a feeling.
it is to me.
so, things are crazy.
and sometimes i get really sad thinking about all the things.
but not right now. right now, i am content, working toward achieving more, and not because i am not satisfied, but just because it is what i want to do.
that...is a pretty good feeling.
i am officially without a job. but i have rent and my car payment managed through this month.
(excluding other expenses, although i did receive a grovery gift card- rock!)
i'm applying like crazy to all sorts of places.
i think i might have obtained a super part time personal assistant position. i'd be good at that. it'd even be fun.
applied (against my poor soul) to starbucks, peets, and the gap.
could you see me at the gap?
that makes me laugh... oh man.
i guess i can't bartend with jordan anymore? or something? people shouldn't lie.
i don't really believe in carma, but in these cases, i wish i did.
i also believe that america is all about "not enough"...
never being satisfied. maybe it's humankind in general, but america is all i know. i won't overgeneralize, for the moment.
i am torn between believing this is good, because it drives towards progress, toward... growth,
and believing it is really, really self-deprecating.
you will never be happy if you have demands you will never meet. and if what you demand is to always strive for more more more, you will never, ever, ever be content.
i don't want everything.
i just want to be happy.
so i am trying to avoid "enough" and to focus on being grateful.
without a job, there are still a lot of things i have.
i have great, great, great friends.
i have enough money to live comfortably. (i even have my own savings now, which is miniscule, but again "enough" and it is there, and MINE.)
i have a mom, who is friend. my mom is my friend. read: huge.
i have music, which restructures my brain, and sometimes even provides the map.
speaking of maps, what if one had the ability to draw them, and in the process of drawing them, thus created a landscape as such? what if this is how the world was formed. (it wasn't. but...what if?) i love maps.
back to what i have.
amazing roommates that i can never wait to come home.
a pretty girl to go out on dates with, exercise with, and absorb sun with. and kiss.
i think about kissing sometimes. it's really weird to me, despite it being amazing. two mouths, spit swapped, somehow indirectly linking genitals without them ever touching. sometimes providing more sensation than when they actually do touch. are we the only species that kisses? why do we kiss? who were the first kissers? i guess i could research it, but i like just thinking about things sometimes.
it's a beautiful day outside.
i am inside, but i am by an open window.
and i am at my school, where i feel like i "belong" more than i have ever felt anywhere else. i feel at peace, and happy, and sunny. as if sunny is a feeling.
it is to me.
so, things are crazy.
and sometimes i get really sad thinking about all the things.
but not right now. right now, i am content, working toward achieving more, and not because i am not satisfied, but just because it is what i want to do.
that...is a pretty good feeling.