I somehow find, you and I collide
i don't feel good. actually i feel really really sick. Maybe it's because all I've eaten today has been crap: a bagel and cheese its. i have been in the effin library for too effin long. 6 hours and 20 minutes. only 40 more minutes. i may perhaps die. i was supposed to use this no talking time to let things go naturally and see how i feel at the end of the time, but i can't help but analyze and try to figure it out. i don't know why i expect to figure anything out because i have been trying to for the last i don't know like 3 or 4 months and i can't. so frusterating especially because hesays he understand, but i know he doesn't. if he did he wouldn't be acting like this. well, maybe he would, because i know he's hurting too. but still... ahh i don't know.
i'm so fucking sad.
i cannot wait to get out of school. may 12 or 13 or 14...haven't decided yet, but regardless it is still hella soon. if only i can get through next monday. i have a pretty full weekend, kinda, so it sucks i don't know when i'm going to be able to do all my work that's due monday. i could be doing it here at work while i do nothing and i did for a little while but gave up because my brain will not allow me to do anything other than mindless internet surfing etc because it is too preoccupied thinking about things it's thought about 3873984723 times before. it won't let me sleep because it won't stop turning the same things around and over again for the upteenth time. i don't think upteenth is a word. oh well, i like it.
besides all that shit to think about i still have to figure out what i'm doing next year. it's so hard planning for classes and trying to get good ones and preparing for finals when i really don't give a shit anymore. there is a huge chance i won't even be here next year, so it's like, what's the point? but if i end up here and didnt take the time to get good classes then i'd be screwed and if i don't do well on my finals, well i have to because even if i transfer my grades still count. ugh. still in on that plan for quitting life, lauren? sounds good to me.
30 more minutes.
i'm applying for a shitload of jobs for the summer, nothing definite. my aunt wants me to go out to idaho and spend the summer with her and my uncle and chelsea. she says the jobs are better out there and it'd be fun to spend time with her and be out west since i haven't seen her or been out there in so long, like..10 years or something crazy like that. she's right, that would be tons of fun. i love idaho.
i'm writing in spurts now becaue my nail is suddenly wicked thin and driving me nuts so i keep writing a few words then continuing to nibble at it. i never bite my nails. it's odd.
21 minutes left...
i'm worried about so many things it's making me sick to my stomach...
1. summer
2. a summer job
3. next year
4. college
5. my life
6. you
7. another you
8. my dad
9 my mom
... and i think i could probably go on for just about ever. my mom says i worry to much. i tend to agree. i'm surprised i don't have an ulcer by now. yuck.
18 minutes...
<3
i'm so fucking sad.
i cannot wait to get out of school. may 12 or 13 or 14...haven't decided yet, but regardless it is still hella soon. if only i can get through next monday. i have a pretty full weekend, kinda, so it sucks i don't know when i'm going to be able to do all my work that's due monday. i could be doing it here at work while i do nothing and i did for a little while but gave up because my brain will not allow me to do anything other than mindless internet surfing etc because it is too preoccupied thinking about things it's thought about 3873984723 times before. it won't let me sleep because it won't stop turning the same things around and over again for the upteenth time. i don't think upteenth is a word. oh well, i like it.
besides all that shit to think about i still have to figure out what i'm doing next year. it's so hard planning for classes and trying to get good ones and preparing for finals when i really don't give a shit anymore. there is a huge chance i won't even be here next year, so it's like, what's the point? but if i end up here and didnt take the time to get good classes then i'd be screwed and if i don't do well on my finals, well i have to because even if i transfer my grades still count. ugh. still in on that plan for quitting life, lauren? sounds good to me.
30 more minutes.
i'm applying for a shitload of jobs for the summer, nothing definite. my aunt wants me to go out to idaho and spend the summer with her and my uncle and chelsea. she says the jobs are better out there and it'd be fun to spend time with her and be out west since i haven't seen her or been out there in so long, like..10 years or something crazy like that. she's right, that would be tons of fun. i love idaho.
i'm writing in spurts now becaue my nail is suddenly wicked thin and driving me nuts so i keep writing a few words then continuing to nibble at it. i never bite my nails. it's odd.
21 minutes left...
i'm worried about so many things it's making me sick to my stomach...
1. summer
2. a summer job
3. next year
4. college
5. my life
6. you
7. another you
8. my dad
9 my mom
... and i think i could probably go on for just about ever. my mom says i worry to much. i tend to agree. i'm surprised i don't have an ulcer by now. yuck.
18 minutes...
<3