(no subject)

[imustdecide]

i should be studying bones.
not ... posting to no one for the second time today.
not thinking about your stupid sleepy face or the way im aching as loud as possible
but its like...what? i dont know probably pretty late
and here i am again
up late and wishing wishing wishing.

Click to view

if youre reading this you should probably just set aside 4 minutes and 28 seconds and just listen.
i dont know. close your eyes.
whatever.
just listen.

so i have a whole lot of chest pains.
um i went to the dr and they hooked me up to wires and said i was okay
but to come back in two weeks
that was two weeks ago and apparently i forgot my appointment
i used to eat long john silvers for every meal and mcdonalds in between
somehow i weighed about 98 lbs but im not sure how much of that you can do without problems
not sure if thats why my chest tingles constantly
or if thats why i get sharp pains that force me to sit down

people say its stress...but lets be serious now.

i wish i knew how to become stressed.

id probably get shit done.

i probably should be stressed out.

but...steady hands.

things on my mind lately?

-not sucking at woodshop.
-grad school
-bones
-nature vs nurture
-how long i can listen to the same song on repeat and not lose my mind ((when i found out you had cancer of the bone))
-how much longer til the crack in my windshield becomes a big shattered problem
-when i will buy wire tomorrow
-orchids

and a secret...

ever since i can remember i have made wishes on stars
who doesnt?
but not any old star
um usually just on orions belt.
i wish i could remember why that began
or if there was any real reason for it
knowing me as a kid probably not.
so
orions belt .
and every 11:11 i come across...
its the same wish.
every single time.
years now.  and dare i say im still holding out. waiting for it to happen.
blind faith. naivety. stupidity. craziness. who gives a shit?

i better go study some damn bones.
my day tomorrow?
class from 8-4 work from 6-9

words words words.