[fic] Weights and Measures
canon: amatomnes
timeline: After her network post, specifically, this thread with Jane
Grace turned off her device, taking the long way back to the apartment so she could think. As she crossed near the beach, she slipped the device into her pocket and pulled her shoes off so she could walk through the sand. Several people had given her their thoughts on how best to handle the collar, and Grace really knew before she'd posted the question what she'd choose. Maybe she just needed to hear it from other people.
She didn't like the idea of counting time in Atia as a free pass to sleep around, and wasn't that kind of person anyway. Grace really wished she were single so this wouldn't be an issue (or as much of one). But since she was romantically involved with someone back home, she had to take that into account. So what if Rigsby would never know about her activities here-he may or may not show up one day-the bottom line was that sexual partners needed to be limited. Most responders to her network post had been in agreement about that.
So then it was just a matter of deciding the criteria, which would probably be the easiest part of the process. One, she had to have already slept with them; two, she needed to trust them. There wasn't even a third criterion that she could conceive of. And really, trust was the most important part of that. She didn't give hers away easily. Sure, she was friendly by nature and maybe a bit on the naive side, but it would still take a while before even the people she counted as budding friends would earn a place behind her many emotional walls.
Sand slipped between her toes as she walked, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore a familiar and soothing noise. Grace tucked her hair behind her ear, a creature of habit. She almost always came to the beach to do her serious thinking. It was time to go through the list and do some sifting.
First there was Brennan- Eliminated because Grace wasn't into girls and that whole thing during the gender-swap curse was a fluke.
Next was Prussia- cute, a little full of himself, but friendly. He'd always be up for a collar-loosening if asked. But despite wanting to get to know him a bit better, Grace found she wouldn't be able to really trust him, not the way she wanted to. He had a big mouth, and that was a deal-killer. Prussia was close to his brother, and would likely share things unwittingly with Germany that Grace would rather keep between them (if he hadn't blurted out stuff already). She actually envied the fact that Prussia had such a good relationship to his brother, but now was not the time to dwell on her own sororal shortcomings. This nation was tentatively going into the Friend Zone.
Then there was Dean Winchester- attractive, charming, and open to ideas about the supernatural. All definite pluses. He seemed a good candidate, actually. Dean was her age, knew his way around a gun, and had a dry sense of humor that managed to cheer her on more than one occasion. And he was pretty damn good in bed. Grace blushed as she thought on that, and then chided herself because she shouldn't be reveling in that sort of thing when she was going through this whole process because of her boyfriend back home.
Could she trust Dean? That was an interesting question. She hadn't done so yet, not with anything past collars (and the first two times she'd had to get piss drunk to even bring the topic up). She could probably trust him with a bit of intimate knowledge, but it scared her to take that leap with anyone else since she'd had to do it twice. The first time had been with Rigsby when they'd kicked off their relationship, and the second time was here in Atia, due to the whims of their captor by the same name.
Which brought her to Jane. He'd made a living off of being attractive and charming (it still made Grace's cheeks hot to think of him in those terms). She'd gotten to know him on a much more personal level in the last three months. True, their times of openness had been more or less forced in nearly every instance, but Grace found that at the end of the day, she wouldn't trade any of it except for the circumstances. He was so much more than a pretty face and sharp brain. And she'd helped him with his collar once (kink curse: decidedly ignored).
Trust was something that had come at a high price for the two of them, and there had been missteps along the way. She didn't want to trust him with some things, because he was still the same Jane that judged first and asked questions later. But he held some of her most precious secrets, and that tipped the scales somewhat. So far he'd proved himself trustworthy, in that he hadn't used what he knew about her for his own purposes (again, kink curse: discounted). All things considered, Grace actually trusted Jane more than anyone else. And that went a very long way.
But could she ask this of him? They'd already discussed it twice, but things were so much more complex now. Grace understood that he'd rather not mix in collar issues with what could be the beginning of a friendship, but it had taken a very trying curse to get her to that point of understanding. Plus, someone else had requested the arrangement from him after that curse (most likely because of it, if her hunch was right), and Grace didn't want to put an undue burden on him. However, he'd offered twice now to be there for her if she found it too disagreeable to solicit collar help from other people. So it basically came down to whose preference would win out; hers for familiar people, or his for not conflating friendships with sex. A thought dawned on her then, one that made her feel more at ease and less like she'd be choosing selfishly. Any intimacy Jane shared with her-be it physical or emotional-would be safe for him, since she wouldn't remember any of it when she went home. Grace considered that a double-edged sword, but figured it would be a point in her corner if he felt uncomfortable.
Grace stopped to look out at the ocean one more time before the beach ran out. The wind blew her hair into her face and she pushed it behind her ear again. She'd given her word that he would have a decision from her one way or the other when she arrived back at the apartment. She dusted the sand from her feet and put on her shoes, and knew this was the kind of thing that would require more than a simple afternoon's worth of thought. Grace needed some breathing room, and the only way she was going to get it was by loosening the damn collar.
Grace stepped back onto the pathway that would lead to the apartment, and made a decision. She would ask Jane this once for assistance, and see how it turned out. If things were just too unbearably awkward, or if it affected their relationship adversely, she would go to Dean and ask a regular collar arrangement of him. She'd have nearly two full weeks to sort her thoughts out more, and to see what kind of effect this had on Jane. What they had so far was too dear to ruin over something like this; if things went South, she'd figure out a way to try and overcome her trust issues.
The rest of the walk seemed to go faster once Grace made her mind up, and she came to the threshold of the apartment within a few short minutes. She shook the remaining dirt and sand from her shoes, put her key into the lock, and took a deep breath.
Twist and pull.
timeline: After her network post, specifically, this thread with Jane
Grace turned off her device, taking the long way back to the apartment so she could think. As she crossed near the beach, she slipped the device into her pocket and pulled her shoes off so she could walk through the sand. Several people had given her their thoughts on how best to handle the collar, and Grace really knew before she'd posted the question what she'd choose. Maybe she just needed to hear it from other people.
She didn't like the idea of counting time in Atia as a free pass to sleep around, and wasn't that kind of person anyway. Grace really wished she were single so this wouldn't be an issue (or as much of one). But since she was romantically involved with someone back home, she had to take that into account. So what if Rigsby would never know about her activities here-he may or may not show up one day-the bottom line was that sexual partners needed to be limited. Most responders to her network post had been in agreement about that.
So then it was just a matter of deciding the criteria, which would probably be the easiest part of the process. One, she had to have already slept with them; two, she needed to trust them. There wasn't even a third criterion that she could conceive of. And really, trust was the most important part of that. She didn't give hers away easily. Sure, she was friendly by nature and maybe a bit on the naive side, but it would still take a while before even the people she counted as budding friends would earn a place behind her many emotional walls.
Sand slipped between her toes as she walked, the sound of the waves crashing against the shore a familiar and soothing noise. Grace tucked her hair behind her ear, a creature of habit. She almost always came to the beach to do her serious thinking. It was time to go through the list and do some sifting.
First there was Brennan- Eliminated because Grace wasn't into girls and that whole thing during the gender-swap curse was a fluke.
Next was Prussia- cute, a little full of himself, but friendly. He'd always be up for a collar-loosening if asked. But despite wanting to get to know him a bit better, Grace found she wouldn't be able to really trust him, not the way she wanted to. He had a big mouth, and that was a deal-killer. Prussia was close to his brother, and would likely share things unwittingly with Germany that Grace would rather keep between them (if he hadn't blurted out stuff already). She actually envied the fact that Prussia had such a good relationship to his brother, but now was not the time to dwell on her own sororal shortcomings. This nation was tentatively going into the Friend Zone.
Then there was Dean Winchester- attractive, charming, and open to ideas about the supernatural. All definite pluses. He seemed a good candidate, actually. Dean was her age, knew his way around a gun, and had a dry sense of humor that managed to cheer her on more than one occasion. And he was pretty damn good in bed. Grace blushed as she thought on that, and then chided herself because she shouldn't be reveling in that sort of thing when she was going through this whole process because of her boyfriend back home.
Could she trust Dean? That was an interesting question. She hadn't done so yet, not with anything past collars (and the first two times she'd had to get piss drunk to even bring the topic up). She could probably trust him with a bit of intimate knowledge, but it scared her to take that leap with anyone else since she'd had to do it twice. The first time had been with Rigsby when they'd kicked off their relationship, and the second time was here in Atia, due to the whims of their captor by the same name.
Which brought her to Jane. He'd made a living off of being attractive and charming (it still made Grace's cheeks hot to think of him in those terms). She'd gotten to know him on a much more personal level in the last three months. True, their times of openness had been more or less forced in nearly every instance, but Grace found that at the end of the day, she wouldn't trade any of it except for the circumstances. He was so much more than a pretty face and sharp brain. And she'd helped him with his collar once (kink curse: decidedly ignored).
Trust was something that had come at a high price for the two of them, and there had been missteps along the way. She didn't want to trust him with some things, because he was still the same Jane that judged first and asked questions later. But he held some of her most precious secrets, and that tipped the scales somewhat. So far he'd proved himself trustworthy, in that he hadn't used what he knew about her for his own purposes (again, kink curse: discounted). All things considered, Grace actually trusted Jane more than anyone else. And that went a very long way.
But could she ask this of him? They'd already discussed it twice, but things were so much more complex now. Grace understood that he'd rather not mix in collar issues with what could be the beginning of a friendship, but it had taken a very trying curse to get her to that point of understanding. Plus, someone else had requested the arrangement from him after that curse (most likely because of it, if her hunch was right), and Grace didn't want to put an undue burden on him. However, he'd offered twice now to be there for her if she found it too disagreeable to solicit collar help from other people. So it basically came down to whose preference would win out; hers for familiar people, or his for not conflating friendships with sex. A thought dawned on her then, one that made her feel more at ease and less like she'd be choosing selfishly. Any intimacy Jane shared with her-be it physical or emotional-would be safe for him, since she wouldn't remember any of it when she went home. Grace considered that a double-edged sword, but figured it would be a point in her corner if he felt uncomfortable.
Grace stopped to look out at the ocean one more time before the beach ran out. The wind blew her hair into her face and she pushed it behind her ear again. She'd given her word that he would have a decision from her one way or the other when she arrived back at the apartment. She dusted the sand from her feet and put on her shoes, and knew this was the kind of thing that would require more than a simple afternoon's worth of thought. Grace needed some breathing room, and the only way she was going to get it was by loosening the damn collar.
Grace stepped back onto the pathway that would lead to the apartment, and made a decision. She would ask Jane this once for assistance, and see how it turned out. If things were just too unbearably awkward, or if it affected their relationship adversely, she would go to Dean and ask a regular collar arrangement of him. She'd have nearly two full weeks to sort her thoughts out more, and to see what kind of effect this had on Jane. What they had so far was too dear to ruin over something like this; if things went South, she'd figure out a way to try and overcome her trust issues.
The rest of the walk seemed to go faster once Grace made her mind up, and she came to the threshold of the apartment within a few short minutes. She shook the remaining dirt and sand from her shoes, put her key into the lock, and took a deep breath.
Twist and pull.