(no subject)
last night was by far one of the shittiest nights of all time. i woke up at 12 then went to my aunts house at 2. it was kind of a goodbye thing cuz hes leaving for iraq and i was sitting next to him and my lower back was showing and he like, tickled it by slowly running his finger along it so i felt like sick to my stomach. then i got home around and six and decided to talk to Kassie. i seriously dont think were going to be friends anymore cuz i dont know wat else to do. here, u guys should read this cuz its kinda sad:
Me (6:31:59 PM): so how do u like ur new group
Kass (6:32:42 PM): every1s nice
Kass (6:33:17 PM): y
ME (6:33:23 PM): jw
Kass (6:33:52 PM): k
Me (6:34:24 PM): there was really no reason for you to leave
Me (6:35:10 PM): ur not letting urself "fit in" thats why u dont feel like it
Kass (6:35:28 PM): well when i told u how i felt...u didnt even try and talk 2 meeh
Kass (6:36:05 PM): i cant help that i wasnt here last year, but if our really are my "friends" you would at least try to include me
Me (6:36:06 PM): u walked away
Kass (6:36:21 PM): cuz u weren even saying n e thing
Me (6:36:24 PM): u said "i dont fit in and i wanted u to kno that" and walked away
Kass (6:36:30 PM): also my sister had 2 go 2 practice
Me (6:36:37 PM): and u did all the talking so how i was supposed to say anything
Kass (6:36:55 PM): u juss looked @ meeh
Kass (6:37:11 PM): u could have said something
Me (6:37:48 PM): i didnt even kno wat to say to u. u left me kinda speechless. like everyone from our group doesnt get it and i really dont get it
Me (6:38:04 PM): it was just kinda like "i dont fit in, bye”
Kass (6:38:17 PM): well no1 else has said n e hting 2 meeh
Kass (6:38:41 PM): i waited 4 u 2 say something but u didnt so i juss walked away
Me (6:39:04 PM): well we all pretty much think that if u wanted to leave our group then thats ur business
Me (6:39:23 PM): like were not gonna chase u. if u dont wanna sit with us then fine
Me (6:40:02 PM): like weve been really good friends for the past 3 years and now...its just like falling apart
Kass (6:40:33 PM): bcuz u ignore meeh
Kass (6:40:36 PM): its not my fault
Me (6:40:49 PM): its not mine
Me (6:41:20 PM): and like i saw u on friday just sitting with ur new ppl and u had the same look on ur face that u did with us
Kass (6:41:28 PM): no i didnt
Me (6:41:31 PM): ya
Me (6:41:44 PM): ur face is serious and u play with ur ear
Me (6:41:48 PM): and look at everyone
Kass (6:41:52 PM): no i dont
Me (6:42:09 PM): alright
Me (6:42:22 PM): im just stupid and dont kno wat im talking about
Kass (6:42:25 PM): i dont juss listen
Kass (6:43:02 PM): wutever
Me (6:44:04 PM): well we did the best we could and u excluded urself and called it our fault
Kass (6:44:12 PM): is this just u talking or is this how every1 else feels?
Kass (6:44:25 PM): fuck u
Kass (6:44:40 PM): y dont u say this 2 meeh in person? y do u always do it on the internet?
Me (6:45:38 PM): fine. if u want ill say this all in person
Me (6:45:53 PM): and dont say fuck u to me cuz i havent cussed at u and theres no need for it
Kass (6:46:21 PM): fine i wont "cuss" @ u
Me (6:46:31 PM): thx
Kass (6:46:37 PM): is this how every1 feels?
Me (6:47:02 PM): right now this is u and me
Kass (6:48:16 PM): obviously u told them wut we talked about last time so yur probably guna tell them wut we talked about now
Me (6:48:52 PM): well ya why wouldnt i tell them? were all a group, we all dont understand. of course im gonna explain wats been said
Kass (6:49:05 PM): thye can sak meeeh themself
Kass (6:49:13 PM): *they ask
Me (6:49:44 PM): if they want to, they will. no ones afraid of it
Me (6:49:51 PM): we would all talk to u
Kass (6:49:52 PM): then y dont thye?
Kass (6:50:00 PM): they dont need u 2 ask meh stuff 4 them
Me (6:50:10 PM): im not doing it for them
Me (6:50:20 PM): im doing it cuz i wanna kno
Me (6:50:28 PM): and if they wanna kno wat was said ill tell em
Kass (6:50:56 PM): okay fine
Me(6:55:05 PM): i just kinda feel like one day u might regret leaving the group. i wish u felt welcome but obviously for some reason u don’t
Kass (6:59:50 PM): u want 2 say all this stuff so that it makes meeh like like im over dramatic or wutever
Me (7:00:09 PM): ya exactly
Me (7:00:29 PM): thats exactly wat im aiming for
Kass (7:01:33 PM): fine but u dont ahve 2 b sarcastic
Kass (7:01:39 PM): *have
Me (7:01:55 PM): well u kno its not true
Me (7:08:16 PM): i think u might think its true that u might look back and regret it tho. cuz we used to have good times at break and lunch before u left the school. u would laugh at busicos jokes, join in on conversation without having to feel invited to do so....and when u came back, everyone was planning on having the group be the same way. everyone was excited when they found out u were coming back. We all thought it was gonna be like old times, back to the original group. and i was really excited too. i thought we were gonna have fun planning out all this prom stuff, going to fashion like we used to, talking about guys. Everyone is the same way they are from the time u left. i dont like how u say WE have been doing this and that to you cuz ur part of it too. u know that were all good friends and we wouldnt do anything on purpose to hurt ur feelings
Kass (7:10:12 PM): of course things have changed since frosh year
Kass (7:10:39 PM): i never even really talked 2 n e of them except u and nerea mostly
Kass(7:10:49 PM): so every1 else we were never really close
Kass (7:11:43 PM): the thing that hurts the most is that u dont c how i feel..like even if u dont agree u still have no clue about how i feel
mE (7:15:23 PM): well kassie but im also not a mind reader. if ur quiet all the time and walk away, im not gonna kno. and i cant just know wat u mean by "u guys ignore me" cuz we dont. so wat else is there? wat else is bugging u
Kass (7:16:28 PM): close friends should kno
Me (7:18:53 PM): alright fine. just dont tell me then. but im not gonna chase u. if ur happy with ur new friends then good. im glad u found a few who dont "ignore u" but wat u just told me, "close friends should know" is a bunch of crap. i cant crawl in your head and know your every thought and feeling. if u want me to know wat ur feeling say more than one setence (u guys ignore me)
Me(7:19:36 PM): if ur just indifferent about our friendship then thats how it will stay
Kass (7:20:00 PM): fine
Me (7:20:19 PM): so u dont have anything else to tell me?
Kass (7:21:04 PM): we juss keep saying the samestuff over and over
Kass (7:21:14 PM): were not getitng n e where
Me(7:22:18 PM): ok. i guess its over then. im hurt by all this, that u cant and wont even give me any other feedback. do u even care anymore
Me (7:22:25 PM): ill leave u alone
Me (7:22:29 PM): good luck kassie
Me(7:22:36 PM): have a great year
so ya..... that was that. so to continue my story, i went to coldstone with my sister cuz i thought maybe my friends would be there and it would help me feel better, well i was wrong. all my friends were there: Q, Brenda, Will and Andy but ya...Andy made me feel like shit and hes never hurt my feelings before. i was just hanging out with everyone and stuff cuz they didnt have much business cuz it was pouring and he was like "in case u havent noticed, u dont work tonight so why dont u hit the road?" He said it in his joking face but ya i felt like i wanted to cry right then. Q and Brenda were like "geez that was really mean Andy" and i was really gonna leave. i told my sister to get her things but he told me not to go, so i stayed but im still mad at him. like theres a little truth in some "jokes" ya kno? like if someone u really liked told u to leave wouldnt u feel like shit? YES. So i came home extremely shitty feeling and then talked to Miken about the concert he went to, threw him some pics and then fell asleep. it was shit. :(