(no subject)
oh yeah....forgot i had made an entry, but it was my eyes only.
so i went to the white stripes concert on friday(?)...i didnt actually go tho, it was at the greek, and daria invited me to sit with her and some other jchs ppl on that ledge behind the stadium. it was so cool. i had never done that before. i also never even tried to listen to the white stripes before. they were actually pretty good. we joked about meg not doing anything....she really doesn't!! [in my opinion]
it was fun.
so i basically hung out with daria this weekend. my mom and i went to their house on saturday for a bbq. she's such fun to chill with. no pretension, mostly all laughs. and music. ahh. :) its so good that we are reconnecting. i really missed our friendship over the past few years. of course, i always knew that we would always be friends, considering we grew up together and everything, but it is still nice to actually have the friendship, instead of just sort of passing in the wind. she's also helping me feel me grounded and reassured about school--which i need! jess is also kind of doing that, except its more out of the fact that we are both a little anxiety ridden right now. but its good nonetheless.
i am less anxious about school right now, however, because i am thinking about the backpacking trip next week. i am sooo nervous about it. do i have everything????, is it all good enough?, will i survive ? the people, the pack?????
oy. and no music! hurumph.
i am looking forward to it tho, but underneath, i am shaking.
i just want to feel safe and comfortable. ? i'm lost.
oh, ok....not getting into another phase. i have been having these bouts of feeling endless falling and failing. infinite feelings of being lost. and confused. and out of control. i don't know what it is. i think it starts when i think about my failures (obviously) and myself, and school, and the future. i feel disappointing. i feel like there is so much i want to achieve but that i won't be able to do it all, then i start feeling like i wont be able to do anything and then, before i have even done anything, i have given up and told myself to just settle and be normal and go to school and do one thing that might make me happy.
and i constantly feel like i dont make any sense and confused.
anyways...on a happier note...?
i am trying to get to the gym every day this week, so i can feel a little more prepared for this big mo-fo 10 day backpacking trip....with people i dont know. oh god.
so i went to the white stripes concert on friday(?)...i didnt actually go tho, it was at the greek, and daria invited me to sit with her and some other jchs ppl on that ledge behind the stadium. it was so cool. i had never done that before. i also never even tried to listen to the white stripes before. they were actually pretty good. we joked about meg not doing anything....she really doesn't!! [in my opinion]
it was fun.
so i basically hung out with daria this weekend. my mom and i went to their house on saturday for a bbq. she's such fun to chill with. no pretension, mostly all laughs. and music. ahh. :) its so good that we are reconnecting. i really missed our friendship over the past few years. of course, i always knew that we would always be friends, considering we grew up together and everything, but it is still nice to actually have the friendship, instead of just sort of passing in the wind. she's also helping me feel me grounded and reassured about school--which i need! jess is also kind of doing that, except its more out of the fact that we are both a little anxiety ridden right now. but its good nonetheless.
i am less anxious about school right now, however, because i am thinking about the backpacking trip next week. i am sooo nervous about it. do i have everything????, is it all good enough?, will i survive ? the people, the pack?????
oy. and no music! hurumph.
i am looking forward to it tho, but underneath, i am shaking.
i just want to feel safe and comfortable. ? i'm lost.
oh, ok....not getting into another phase. i have been having these bouts of feeling endless falling and failing. infinite feelings of being lost. and confused. and out of control. i don't know what it is. i think it starts when i think about my failures (obviously) and myself, and school, and the future. i feel disappointing. i feel like there is so much i want to achieve but that i won't be able to do it all, then i start feeling like i wont be able to do anything and then, before i have even done anything, i have given up and told myself to just settle and be normal and go to school and do one thing that might make me happy.
and i constantly feel like i dont make any sense and confused.
anyways...on a happier note...?
i am trying to get to the gym every day this week, so i can feel a little more prepared for this big mo-fo 10 day backpacking trip....with people i dont know. oh god.